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The girl of your dreams
is an insomniac
and you are losing
your voice
trying to sing
her to sleep.
I can't walk up to a stranger and introduce myself
without feeling out of my skin
I can't be surrounded by family
without feeling my world caving in
I can't text a person without feeling like I am bothering them
I can't open up to people
without worrying I am too weird for them
I am not putting on a show
or making up excuses
I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder
yes it is a real illness
WRITTEN BY: Mandie Michelle Sanders
WRITTEN ON: May. 9, 2016 Sunday 12:00 AM
I am torn galactic
evolution in your pocket
the fight for fight’s sake

born and we immediately
start to die
this piece of us
of the divine in us
is giving
the order to burn and change

giving colourfades
to cut clear our own path
but chained Andromeda
dear
they may never believe you
unless you can tell them
where
this would be embodied

if it were real
and ask the monster in the water
ask me
to rip apart everywhere I might touch
were we wrapped together
I would

the side of your ribs, your thigh, your shoulder

were we wrapped together in womb or in worship
Cigarettes aren’t hands to hold
And bottle mouths aren’t lips to kiss
But it’s much better lighting yourself on fire when you’re cold
Then giving someone else the power to burn your wrists
Because I’ve seen it all,
What love does to pathetic boys and girls who fall
It forces them to build castles in the clouds even though they've never believed in happy endings
And it makes them bleed out their organs and break their bones when they’re pretending
Love, it always comes. So sweet. So innocent. So delicate.
It tickles you pink and makes you believe that it’s all real, all definite
But it’s not. It’s just raw and confusing and most of all sappy
And if it’s all of that, it’s bound to be messy
And you can’t leave a mess, you have to clean it up and make things right
And when you do, Love will leave you.
Leave you standing alone on a rainy night,
Leave you crying on the bathroom floor,
Leave you chopping out your heart because it resides in your core,
Leave you wishing that you were dead instead of burning alight.
Love does that to you, it comes and you think its job is to save you
But all it does is destroy what you were, making you numb and blue
So I’d rather sit alone and hold my cigarette
And kiss my bottles of amnesia that let me forget
Because I know, I know they’re made to **** me
My demise is something that I can always clearly see

*~{Love’s a liar. And a cheat. But most of all, love’s a beautiful catastrophe that makes you fall for the pretty and forget about the mess”}
Umm, I think it's important to point out that I don't smoke, neither do I drink, I was simply inspired by the thoughts I have on these things
I will proclaim God to be The Almighty!
I will try to reach as many as I can.
And nothing will stop me, not even
This Satan who continually attacks man!
and when i hear your voice
it's colored in the most beautiful shade of pink
with a shimmer of a dark forest green
containing a few silver sparkles

and when i look at you
i see a wonderful shape of dark red dust
mixed with dark blue and purple fragments
and it's the kind of dust
that makes everybody looking at you
smile

and when i think of you
all these small parts become one
and it's a beautiful sky of stars
made of colors

and i realise that i really like the colors
just as i really like you
It was on a bleak afternoon
That Cancer came and abruptly announced
"I am going to be with you for ever
Follow me wherever I lead you
Fight back if you can, rather if you dare
But indomitable I am, you know"

Never had John been punched so hard
Shocked beyond even a sigh or silent moan
Dumb he stood so petrified
He saw his dreams fall apart
The sky high edifices crumbling down
The soil under his feet giving way
With a lovely family and an aspiring career

With life, he was passionately in love!

The remaining days were a Marathon race
From hospitals to labs and from oncologists to specialists
While passing through the ordeal of radiation and chemo
Bravely he fought back the pain and nausea
For hope had reigned supreme
And for his family, he must live!

"I will don my armor and brandish my steel
I will not yield! Oh! Never shall I give in
I shall make it through and come out victorious"

But soon he realized it to be a tough battle
And saw the chances of winning too bleak
The villain had almost taken his sway
And day by day his body grew frail
But his unconquerable spirit stood unperturbed
With grace he decided to accept his fate
After thirteen months of incessant struggle
His invincible life came to a peaceful halt!

At the end of his funeral rites, his best friend
Showed himself up before the congregation
In halting voice he said he was on a task
To read out a letter John had prepared
Long before his death but had kept sealed until then
Opening an envelope, with wavering hands
Like an envoy divinely ordained on a sacred mission
He took out the carefully folded sheets of paper

      The subdued murmur inside the spacious hall
Gave way to silent breathless anticipation
“My dearest family and friends” the words ran
“Long at last, I am at peace, absolutely at peace
With no emails to check, no bills to pay
No more deadlines to be worried over!
But unfortunately no charming females in sight’’

The words breathed his flamboyant humor
With his trade mark grace and copious dignity
He led the audience through his life under death sentence
He was thankful for the love and concern
His friends and family had so profusely lavished on
In his ailing days of agony and dejection
That exceeded far more than what an ordinary man
In the whole of his life time could accumulate!
The last part was a pronouncement of love
On his beloved wife and his wonderful child
Who stood by him in silent suffering by proxy
With a plea to all to keep peace with one’s soul
Despite life’s sham, drudgery and shattered dreams!

The congregation silently dispersed, walking away
Into a day of sunshine, greatly consoled and inspired!
This is the impressive story of a man who faced death in a nonchalant way which I heard from an oncologist.... !   Inspired by that account I wrote this poem which I fondly dedicate to Chris G Valliancourt.... who yielded to cancer in a similar way...! I feel sorry I didn’t read enough of his poems while he was alive... As I read many of the poems he wrote, especially towards the end, my appreciation for him grows more and more and I identify him with the character in this poem.
I hope that one day I will actually be able to do things right.
I hope that one day I don't have to hide my head.
I hope that one day I will be skinny enough for ballet.
I hope that one day I can look in the mirror and smile.
I hope that one day I graduate college and move to a cute town.
I hope that one day I fall in love.

I am running out of hope
It's drizzling out my eyes and falling on the floor at my toes
I can't pick it up and put it back in my system.
I am running out of options.
I want to succeed but my life doesn't seem to work like that
I am so exhausted.
I am so done
I'm in love with the world but not all of it,
Got a new job, and an old news summer *****.
Got a nice place to play all my pretty songs in,
Made some mistakes/changes, we all living in sin.
Want to Tom Ford on runway, jet plane,
Wondering why I'm for it, cuz my dreams ain't far away.
I be working on it, no joke, like all day,
I'd be dying for it but I want to stay healthy.
Smoking cigarettes, blunt wraps, filled with all ****,
Super duper dank, got my syntax off play.
Off broadway, bring a new style of the same old thing.
Wanna make love but she always choosay.
I wish
there was
a way

to know
you're in
the good
old days

before they
become the
good old
days.
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