I sip coffee,
black, no sugar, no cream,
and hope so badly that you see me
with my arms stiff,
my eyes burning violet,
my throat humming,
buzzing like a swarm of wasps
clearing the area;

I despise coffee
but not as much as I despise
the shame you walk with
or the silent stares
angled in another direction.
Look at me
with coffee that hurts
and twists my stomach;
it exists much like you,
a crutch to feel alive
but it only causes nausea.

Oh, I thought I’d have you close
Forever in my arms
A devil’s cheap disguise
To leave me alone at midnight.

How horrible it is
To sink into one’s fears
And let it eat you up
And drag out all the insides.

How does it feel
To run away?
How does it feel to never
See me once again?
Have you forgotten
My tastes?
How could you leave me?
After all that had been said?

Just run away
Take the breaths we shared
Just run away
Take away the loving stares
Just run away
And leave us here to rot.

Have you considered
All that you take
And have you wondered
What’s left of what I offered
And can you feel
The broken pieces
Trying to reconnect?

It seems too ill of you
To walk away again
When it’s so fresh and real
With every pulse and pang
And maybe you
Can’t seem to see
How much of this was worthy
Of existing.

But if you must
Then float away.

Remove all my senses
turn me a husk
leave all the remnants
into the dust
with the pebbles
before you
ask yourself this
was I all you wanted
or was there something else I missed?

Speak to me in numbers
Something tangible
Calculated
Equate your feelings with something
I can infer
Without asking you to
Work these problems over again.

My mouth is burned
By the acidic tastes
Of the orange rinds
And mistakes
Of the toxic paste
Driveled from my head
And out my throat
With haste,
And yet,
I never let go
Of the next bite.

Light me up
Burn my remains
Leave my memories to turn
To ash in the forest
Remind the others
To stay away.

Help me
I am scared
Of the men in my closet
Their skeletons wound
Like a jack in the box
So when I look for something
And the door just nearly cracks
for those I’d almost forgotten
They all come crashing down
Suffocating me with their cold bones.