I know my texts don't excite you anymore,
But you are polite enough to reply it anyway
And if I call you, you'll receive it too
But I know you cringe when you hear my voice
Just for the night , you needed me
Just for that one night
The night's already over
But I m not over you yet

I remember everything, so clearly in my head
How beautifully you sang, & I sang along with you
How you made me laugh, laugh & laugh so hard
How you held my hands & we tried to dance
How your lips blew life to my cold and dry spirit
How the butterflies in my stomach fluttered
How my cheeks turned crimson and I looked away
But you kept on staring at me
Like  you wanted to fall in love...

I did not undress my body that night,
I undressed my soul
I put it right in front you
Just in its purest form
I let you see me,
See all my imperfections
I told you all my fears,
The secrets I hid inside,
I thought this is it,
This is what I had been looking for,
My soul was happy
And thought it had found "THE ONE"

Little did I know, it was only for the night
Just for that one night
So tell me who do I blame?
Blame you for setting up my hopes high
Or blame me for believing the truth like lie
Or should I just blame the night?
The night for lasting just awhile.......

I fall asleep
to the sound of my own voice
murmuring twisted thoughts
into the spaces
in my brain

I woke up to my own face,
What was happening?
Then I felt heat and heard a pinging sound,
like a ball bouncing against glass...
Then I realized the bathroom mirror,
Old and stained,
Was taunting me... Ready to scratch...

you smell
of old cigarettes,
****,
*****,
and sadness.

you haven't been
sober
in at least
two
weeks.

yet
all
you
are
is
talk.

rolling eyes
meet your
sense of
complacency
with the power of
a small child
versus
a
large
animal.

going double the speed limit
isn't cute,
it'll **** you
and you don't care.

you live in
a chocolate cave
with lemon rind
edging,
but it's littered with
tobacco ash
and
wasted youth.

when the only contact i have
with you
is at 3 am
when the world is
dead
quiet,

and i appear to be online,

i become curious as to
what is really going on.

what is troubling
your mind
to make you
feel
so alone?

what
can
i
do?

you smell
of old cigarettes,
****,
*****,
and sadness.

especially the
sadness.

Can't sleep. Wakeful for days. The pain starts.
Thought I could beat it. Thought again, wrong as ever.
The consequences take form shortly after my mistakes.
Already too far behind me. Already flown through.
My frantic fingers tremble, trying to close.
Reliable depression.

Shuffle. Shuffle my feet. Long dark streets.
Pit stops in bars for drinks in smoke. Cigarettes. Cigars.
Like I'd ever find love tucked in such slow dives.
If stimulants may save me, I'll smoke some more ****.
Against the outside building, heart open.
I hear your quiet words.

Over the traffic. Over the clubs. Their lines.
For once I follow the feeling. Not shy away.
The music singing from hidden lips.
I must see them.