Everyone else,
Has theses “normal” kids,
They think they are special,
When mine really is,
You can’t compare or empathize,
For what I produced
From between my thighs,
Has haunted me since his diagnosis,
Believing I can help him,
But I’m foolish,
Every parent is going to need help,
I need to admit that,
I’m better than no one else.

You ever have so much to say,
And no one to listen to you?
Have you ever felt your thoughts rushing,
Sprinting, exasperating draining *** I have?
Do you feel alone at home or out and about,
Not a friend nor lover no one or nothing to do?
Boredom can cause destruction,
Creation can **** boredom.

Talk to myself til a story brews
I like stories and I like to talk.

Walk by myself night or noon,
I prefer the moon to guide my walk.

Alone? so what have a 3 hour call,
My mom and I talk cartoons for an hour alone!

Go ahead and quote me,
How’s the old saying go?
Idle hands are the devil’s workshop,
That seems unfair to use idle,
To insult a person with a title of sloth,
And to quote the Bible too!

Everyone doesn’t have a craft,
Artist make for everyone,
A gift to every patron,
Art pleases the big and small, near and far, Z-A.

I wanna hold’ ya hand,
Tell ya it won’t always feel this way,
I wanna tell ya tomorrow will be betta,
I wanna make ya believe in today.

All the promises will prevail,
All ya friends will come through,
That you’ll have a happy ending,
But my love it’s just not true.

So I’ll squeeze ya,
Hold  ya close,
Tell ya you’re important,
‘*** that’s what we need to hear most.

Lookin back I’d tell that girl,
“Everything is going to be ok”,
Lookin back at that girl,
Prayin she’d never become me.

Haunted by the memories,
That girl I used to be,
Tortured by reality,
That warped my identity.

Water ripples, wind blows,
Water drips, leaf tip,
Water quenches, gratefully sip,
Water’s evolved, fish, irrigation, canals, and cruise ships.
Water water, water!
Wat-er, wha-ter, is what her
Eyes drip?
Moist damp wet water,
She cleans the land feeds the soil
Water water water!
The water is in turmoil!
Homes, families, organisms unknown,
Water is home.
Dolphins and turtles,
Plastic bags and six pack strands,
Beautiful creatures,
Water martyrs.
No more are the shores pure.
The water is at war.
“We should do more”
We’ve done enough.

We come in different varieties,
Flavors and portions.

Flowers in nature,
Growing beautifully,
Free,
Wild!

None of us are too different,
None of us the same.

Gorgeous sun child!
My black never goes out of style.

The rose will die,
The thorns will ***** you,
A kiss from a rose
Love is

It’s hard to feel great,
When you know you should.
Broken by wishes, wants, and dreams,
You can have them all,
You know you could.
Pushing forward to the goal,
All the things you pine for are yours,
Soon you’ll reign victorious,
I knew you would.

Pen, paper,
I lose control,
Something bigger,
It takes hold,
Dare I,
Sit and wait,
Am I,
To simply negotiate,
These words,
Words I own,
Won’t form,
Nothing to say,
Try again,
Pen in hand,
Page blank,
You mock me,
Provoking me,
What’s at stake,
My sanity,
For goodness sakes!

Back broken, knees weak,
Catatonic and traumatized,
Cannot speak.
Life’s misfortunes keeping you down,
Stand on your head,
Turn that frown around.

I went on a walk,
Because I waned to run,
Away from everything binding me,
Instead I found myself,
Blinded and inebriated by the sun,
So I followed the rays,
The glare in my eyes,
It said,”Stay still my precious child,”
For the sun is food for the soul,
Rejuvenating young and old,
It’s worth more to me than diamonds and gold.

Was I born broken?
Was I whole,
Years of trauma,
Breaking me,
Crushing me,
Creating this hole?
This void,
This shallow empty pool,
Of blood and veins,
Where my heart used to be,
Now houses locks and chains.
That weigh me down,
They seal my eyes,
From seeing what I used to be,
Destroying who I am,
They conspire.
They recreate who I wanna be.
Will I?
Shall I,
Let them break me.
I can’t!
Can I,
Break free?
How do I live beyond misery,
The company I don’t wanna keep,
The person I don’t wanna be?
How do I let go of the reigns,
That control the strings,
Connected to the chains,
Housed within the blood and veins,
Where my heart used to be?
Is there a void, to void this void,
How do I unlock it without the key,
Am I just digging a deeper hole,
To escape this reality?
If I go deeper,
Will I be free?

Your feet will never outrun your heart,
Even with a head start.
You can make a home inside your head,
Making mistakes your bed.
You can triumph or fail,
Arrest or prevail.
You can shout at the moon,
Until it becomes the sun.
But you gotta move,
This is your life to run!

Silence is serenity.
I feel safe in silence.
I’ve always felt safe,
In silence with you.

My son can not communicate,
Like you or me.
Like nature he vibes without one word,
Like the wind spreading the trees’ seeds.
My son can communicate,
Like the earth and the sun,
The clouds and the sky,
Or the moon and the stars,
I can’t hear a word he’s saying,
Unless I listen with my heart.

Somewhere there's a mother,
Who couldn't keep her head up.
Somewhere there's a child,
Who's mom gave up.
Somewhere there's a boy,
Who's heart has stopped beating.
A sister who cries,
Over her brother's leaving.
A mom who lost herself,
A father left grieving.
A world of turmoil,
No room, for hope or believing.
A world full of perpetual saddnes,
Where the cycle never ends.
A world so cruel,
To take your only friend.

I've been losing sleep,
Lately I've pondered, where are the sheep?
Not to count,
Solely for the  company they will keep,
No longer alone,
As I drift off and sleep deep.

I wanna fight you,
I wanna protect you,
I wanna build you up,
I wanna perfect you,
Wanna ride,
Won't run and hide,
Wanna stand by your side
Won't neglect you,
Perpetuate you,
Integrate you,
Imitate the things you crave,
Lie down and be your equal,
For you I'll be a fool,
My heart and soul are cruel,
For you they burn until I don't know what to do,
My heart and soul are ice,
You melt me, warm me up, for a price.
Admission is admitting
The love you we in,
Or secede from this love treaty,
We'll both lose in the end.

I tried not to love you,
Since the day first day we met,
I try not to love you,
I try, but forget.
I can't figure out,
If we will or if we won't.
I try not to love you,
I try to forget you,
I try to hate you,
But I know I don't.

Everyone of you is me.
We all reach for that release.
The click of the keys,
The smell of loose leaf,
The drag of the pen.
Do you feel the hairs rising,
The goosebumps forming on your skin?
We are all one,
A never ending story,
Writing to draft further and further
Up, Up and away from reality,
Creative, fantastical,
Unique beings,
Yes, you are to me,
And everyone of you is me.

Dancing shadows of you,
Cloud my memory,
Silhouettes of a sad somber day,
Flood my heart,
I drown.
I'm free.

Don't let go of the pen.
Don't let go of the idea.
Don't let go of the spark.
Don't lose sight of the point.
Don't lose sight of the moral.
Don't lose sight of the plot.
Don't slow down.
Don't quit.
Don't take ONE hiatus.
Don't let that block weigh down your wrist.
Don't just type, WRITE and
Don't forget.
Don't ignore this.
Don't procrastinate.
Don't wait.
Don't not write.
Do it before Its too late.

I don't ask why,
Only when,
When will your kiss grace me?
When will you be mine again?
When will I be swept away in your wind?

My life is like waves,
My heart is like thunder,
My brain floats above me
It keeps me from going under.

My psyche is tired,
My soul is so old,
My body feels younger,
I've lost myself a million times,
But still I wonder...

My pen is my sword,
My stories my Knight,
I've long wrote this tale,
Before I could write.

I've been here once,
I'll be hear again,
I'll never get bored,
I'll never end.
C. Tyler

Your smile so pretty
You've hoodwinked me yet again
We're never over.

You called me an angel,
Then ripped off my wings,
Love is a beautiful, bitter,
Funny thing.
Not understanding a thing that you say,
Not hearing me cause your pride's in the way.
Fairytale, myths, and lies you string.
You snag and tug
The stitches of me,
Releasing my wrath
Depleting my pain.
I'm tired of loving and losing this game.

It's a shame,
We met failure,
Before we began.
C. Tyler

When I arrived,
You were gone,
Not a word,
I was torn,
My heart shattered,
The pieces awash,
My eyes storm.

I'm friendly
But I have a mean stigma about me.
I want to open myself up,
But the anecdotal fears haunt me.
I love,
But I'm never loved truly.
You see me,
You want me,
You fool me.
I'm to blame,
I'm clearly naive,
I'll show my wounds,
My heart on my sleeve.
I'm the guilty,
Of giving too much,
Draining my all into others,
Who don't give a ****.
Do I give up,
Or continue filling my flimsy cone shaped cup?
The thing about love is,
When you're giving it out,
There's always enough.
-Wordz

I broke my own heart,
And in a fit,
My assembly line threw up their hands,
And they all quit.
I need a custodian,
To come clean me up
Mop up my tears,
And sweep the dust.
Any repairman for hire,
I've broken my heart,
And the warranty has expired.

I bury myself in my poetry,
Or does this poetry bury me?
I review and edit and double check every line,
I dot every "i" and cross every "t".
I've lost the person, who knew how to speak,
I've found a new voice, in my poetry.
I build myself up for the most impossible things,
I get lost in the fear of the possibility of never being.
Never being seen,
Never being heard,
Shouting my poetry, to nothing but the birds.
I get lost in my poetry,
My poetry never lost me.
I'm perched high in the land of nevermore,
In my poet tree.

Please don't love me,
I can't reciprocate,
I've no heart left,
Please don't resuscitate.

Please don't love me,
I can't feel a thing,
My heart is stone,
My tears are acid they burn and sting.

Please don't love me
I can't comprehend,
The line between stranger,
The line beyond friends.

Please don't love me,
It hurts to feel so good,
Knowing you'll leave me,
Knowing you should.

Please don't love me,
Please do not try,
Please don't give me your shoulder,
Please let me cry,
Please just forget me,
You're so good at that,
Please don't love me,
Please don't give me my love back,
I'll never lose my love,
As long as I know the last place I left it at.

It hurts the most,
You were never mine.
I constantly think of you,
But you were never mine,
I wished I'd be the Apple of your eye,
But you've had all the girls,
And you were never mine.
I feel the pain of a million lifetimes,
Of me loving you and you dropping me like a dime.
I've cried ponds, into rivers,
Deep and blue like oceans and seas is how deeply I feel for you.
Knowing you were never mine and pretending to be yours.
Sadly hanging on your words like naive girls for boys.
I release you into the eternity to find the love of which you speak.
I release you into eternity, where you can love everyone but me.
It hurts the most when you were never mind.
I spent lifetimes blindly trying to open your eyes.

C.T. Wordz

All I want is for people to stop staring,
As if they can see beyond the beauty,
And feel my despair.
I'm not to be kept like a trophy,
High on a shelf,
Forgotten up on my pedestal,
Forgotten even by myself.
So don't dress me up and feed me lies,  
I'll swell like a Christmas sow.
Don't prep me for marriage or paint your fantasy,
Of taking me, way on horse drawn carriage.
I'm not for you to brag about,
I'm not a toy on the lot.
I speak and spell out my truth.
I know the goods are damaged,
But I'm worth the shot.

In the midst of life's lecture.
I began to daydream,
I looked out the window and gazed off into eternity.

I dropped my head,
I began to dream,
Life whispered, "be quiet" in my sleep.

I shut my mouth, and tried to wake,
Life kissed me,
And said "You need a break."

So I ran, real far,
Into a fork, the sign read,
"Life or death, the decisions yours"
I ran to "death", to end this nightmarish, dream,
Life grabbed me and said," Life is free, with death comes a cost, if you leave before your time, your life is forever lost.

When I came to,
Life bore no more words,
So I laid down my woes,
And left you unheard.
I was never really listening,
So I never really learned.
I'm still young,
Life, it's still "My turn"
C. Tyler