I crave friendship
Companionship
Love
Acceptance

I search for anyone who may reciprocate
I attempt to connect
I always fail

Once
Just once I hope to succeed
And find in someone the closest friend I could've ever hoped to make

I know I'll wait an eternity
No one ever steps up to the plate
Everyone is too scared to swing first
God forbid you miss
Take that ******* risk
What's there to lose?
Only something you never actually had
And if you win...

I have grown content with the notion that I will be the only one that will understand me
And even I don't fully accept myself
Tweaks here and there
Things I constantly want to fix or change or eliminate completely
Just give up and conform already

Never.

I'm not looking for tight hugs or long kisses or even loving eyes
I'm looking for a place, rather, a person to feel connected to
Is that person you?

Set the tone
Drop like a stone to the bottom of a warm glass
Empty bottle
Full of regrets
Water ring where the answer to all life's problems rests
Ring around the pole with a ****** lace waistband full of ones
Sliding
Falling
Sinking
Drinking
Never blinking
Or breathing
Just seething
Writhing and weeping
Creeping
Touches under the swinging light
Pendulum
Back and forth
Up and down
Forward and back
In
And out.
Breathe
Pulling in
Sneaking out
Stumbling in to the closest neon cathedral
The only reliable house of worship
The only tangible faith  
Slap a *** onto the wooden bar
Arms resting on the ledge, body held up by a ****** stool
Your constant crutch
Holds you up
Knees shake
Shoulders quiver
Back shivers
Hands steady
Cigarette in one hand
And a bible in the other
Pain in desperate eyes
Smoke invading
A prayer escaping chapped lips

"Oh Lord don't let my drink run low
Let it flow
Flow forever
Don't let me taste the last drop
If so
Let that last drop be a stone in my throat
And let me choke on my salvation
Save me from it all
Amen."

Rolex rendered
Role extended in a ****** up world
Upside down
Raise the roof
Rock the boat
Cause a scene, I'm begging you
Reverse the morals of moguls and the lessons on possessions
Preach the truth, not the gospel
Under God's spell
Teetering on the edge of ignorance and turning a blind eye
It's as if the world is drunk and is walking the line
The line
A fine line
A fine line and we're drunk on the cheap wine they've been pouring down our throats
Get us drunk and manipulate us
Intending to **** with our minds and coax us to their side
Their side of the line
That ******* line
Between the morally correct and the morally punishable
Go to Hell!
The line that's drawn in the sand and about to be stepped over
Be the one to step over
Erase the line
Create new ones and cross them too
Continue crossing lines until the world wakes up
Make noise
Wake up the sleeping, blinding, head-in-the-sand world
Make an impression
Leave your name written on every corner of the globe
Shake hands and kiss babies
Be the modern Jesus

Etched on your palms
Were thousands of my love letters
Traced along your line of heart
was the secret language of my soul

In your hands I found
the warmth that embraced my cold ones
The tender silence you offered
when the world was too busy to listen

And now,
As pieces of you start to fade away
Your hands remain….
The phantom limbs that hold me fast still.

"The Fault is not in the stars, The Fault is in me."
- Me.

I’m a monster*
   I do not hide under your bed
   I do not live inside your closet
   And I’m not real

I live across the street
And also in your thoughts
Crawling into your mind
And I even sleep next to you

I’m with you at school
I’m with you when you’re home
I’m with you while you read
But I’m mostly with you at 4am

When everyone else is sleeping
When all the demons are asleep
I take over you
I’m into you

And it’s funny
  It’s funny that I’m all in your mind
And that’s why you cut
And that’s why no one can see me
And that’s why you’re about to say goodbye.