I never thought I could be this happy and full while being so sad and empty at the same time...

It’s been a long and painful few years
and I just can’t keep wasting all these tears
I’ve learned that nothing in life is forever
and everything will tear you down
you can only trust yourself & you can only give yourself the love you deserve
but that was something I was never strong enough to do
I never was strong enough to put my faith in God and just love myself
I always looked for love in the eyes of one night stand lovers
I never gave myself the love I truly deserved
now I’m stilling here writing this and all the people that has every touched my life in any way
and it hurts to say goodbye
but maybe this is the goodbye I need to set myself free
free from all the pain
free from all the stress
free from being hurt and abandoned
so good or not
this is the last one I’ll ever write

To death do us part
I will love you with all of my heart
any issue will be resolved with a kiss
and when you’re away you will be missed
Good bye I say with a kiss on your cheek
and a loving smile, I feel like a geek
I sit at home, awaiting your arrival
but temptations lurk and I cling for survival
My phone rings early in the morning
and the doctors tell you’re now an angel soaring
I cloak myself in black tears falling from my chin
and I walk up to your casket dark
and grim
I feel your small hands to innocent to be dead
sorry says people you were just newly weds
to death do us part
I loved you with all of my heart
and with one final heavy sigh
I tell you your last goodbye

My heart stings when I don’t write
yet it throbs when I do
What’s the right answer?
Do I start again?
Or do I continue to let my thought scream inside of me to be let out?
My mind tell me to continue to let the screams continue
But my heart tells me to let it out
Let them be heard
Let them shout from the rooftops to be free
To be heard
To be understood

Darling, why do you care what they think?
DON'T, they don't matter
if they did
they wouldn't mind

Losing you was the becoming of myself
r.h sin

do I truly have feelings for you or is it me just seeing your potential and wishing it was reality