Ayeshah

Ayeshah Aug 2016

Anymore.

Nearest
          Once
               Upon
                       a Time

                    when
I was yours
        and
you
were
      mine

You were
           "this"
                 and
        I was
"that"

NOW
      we're of
             other
thing's ;
so
this
&
   that
doesn't
         even
      make sense
               anymore...

© 2015-2077 by Ayeshah K.C.L.N.
All rights reserved.
No part of this may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means,without prior written permission of Ayeshah K.C.L.N

#lies #betrayal #shame #divorce #acceptance #affairs #breakups #bitterness

Aug 2016

Ashley

PTSD

Why go back
when you can move forward?
I face this question
each day I breathe.
It's not always so easy
to answer.
P
T
S
D
Post
Traumatic
Stress
Disorder
Keeps me looking back
to my past
behind my shoulder.
P
T
S
D
Post
Traumatic
Stress
Disorder
Usually associated
with our war heroes.
The ones who can't leave
the battlefield behind.
I am not one of them.
I am just
an anxious
a depressed
in pain
person.
But I can't help
that I have it.
P
T
S
D
Post
Traumatic
Stress
Disorder
My battlefield
was the school,
the classrooms,
the playground.
The babysitter,
the dark closets,
the dark rooms,
the basement.
P
T
S
D
Post
Traumatic
Stress
Disorder
The anxiety
the migraines
the depression
the fibro
no sleep.
All lead back
to square one.
The abuse
by my peers
by my teachers
by my babysitter.
P
T
S
D
Post
Traumatic
Stress
Disorder
Four easy letters
Four simple words
Lifetime in pain
from those simple things
from those not so simple things.
P
T
S
D
Post
Traumatic
Stress
Disorder.

I was recently diagnosed with PTSD. I wanted to get this out.

#depression #abuse #anxiety #ptsd #child #bullying

Ayeshah Aug 2016

FLY...

My mind edges closer to insanity's rim,

My hearts not in it; it'll never beat the same.

Laying lazily on the edge; I've felt the slight brush of tipped rough wings.

If I jump; could I fly with you?

© 2015-2077 by Ayeshah K.C.L.N.
All rights reserved.
No part of this may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means,without prior written permission of Ayeshah K.C.L.N

#love #depression #pain #death #loss #hurt #insanity #numb #misery

Ayeshah Jun 2016

I'm "HAPPY", Your "Happy".

Too hard
trying to
be friends with you is an emotional attachment that
I don't need

Especially since we were meant for something special

You told me oncr
You couldn't love me
the way you love me and go from
that  to just being my friend
I now agree

I didn't understand it then

because

I didn't love you the same way and now that
I've gotten to know you better

I got  to see what it's really about.

It's sad to say
I let you go
when
I should have
held on...

but I can relate to you now!

I can't love you
the way you need and or the way you do.
I can't
plus I refuse to be so close to you and turn from being lovers to only
  being your friend again!

After everything we've been through
the best thing for us to do
is just move on; move it along

Replace each other with the comforts of knowing-what could have been.

Pretend with someone else that they are who we are meant to have;  instead of it being you or it being me.

It's sad that you're gone and I miss you

but I thank you for all the greatness that you gave me;
all the mystery; all the adventures the losses and the lust-felt loving, touching and caressing ...

The education on how to treat somebody right ; on how to laugh when you want to cry; in how to to find joy and pleasure in all the little things that we normally take for granted!

I just want to say thank you

I appreciate everything you tried to do and have done for me.

It's been awhile since I wrote down anything;  because every time I do, it's always about my misery.

Today; I smile, and I have so much joy in my heart, because;  you're happy, therefore I'm happy;  because you're loved

I'm jouful, because somebody else can appreciate you the way I never really was able to.

I see the smile on your face and I see that light your eyes.

For today I'm content knowing someone else has made you completely and utterly happy!

I loved him enough to let him go!

© 2015-2077 by Ayeshah K.C.L.N.
All rights reserved.
No part of this may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means,without prior written permission of Ayeshah K.C.L.N

#love #pain #sadness #hope #joy #acceptance #understanding

Ayeshah Apr 2016

Hmmmmm...

I don't want to do this

I don't want to hear it

I can't even think

sometimes this big mind of mine
plays tricks on me

I don't want to face reality

I'd rather live in a delusional world
where everything just fits

I don't know how to express it
what I'm feeling at this moment

I can't contain it

It bubbles up inside of me and comes out
at the most unappropriate times

They tell me; find @ way to channel that energy

Somewhere else

They said take this pill cause that'll help

You shouldn't say that nor should I do this but what else can I do

Besides ball up my fist

I don't know anymore

I look at the world so completely different

I don't even know what I want
but I know one thing;
peace of mine will be great

It's hard to distinguish reality from fiction

I guess that's the type of world we live in