"Bah bah", said I.
"Chirp chirp", said you,
Perched on top my head.
"Chirp chirp", said all the others too.
Again I said, "Bah Bah."
This time, silence returned to me
As you lept away from your perch
and joined the murmur singing;
"chirp chirp, chirp chirp, chirp chirp."
Again, silence returned to me.
Bah.

if there’s no such thing as luck,
then how did I meet you at just the right time?

My bad decisions were supposed to doom me
I planned on dooming myself, if I’m honest
but something stopped me

and a month later
I met you

life is fun
until you're on the run

from the demons that make guns
out of the words

that once made you feel as light as a feather

on the birds
that he prefers



over you.

Perhaps it was meant to be this way because you’re smiling while my hands are covered in bruises from punching the wall and my eyes are red with tears
Perhaps it was meant to be this way, i’m too fast or too slow. Miles ahead or playing catch up and you’re tired of being left behind or waiting for me
Perhaps it was meant to be this way because even though my scars don’t bleed anymore, it’s all you see and I understand that it’s too much. I’m too much
Perhaps it was meant to be this way, boys like me don’t get to end up with girls like you. We tried as hard as we could but some things don’t change
Maybe this is how it was meant to be but it seems like you don’t care. Like you never cared
Maybe this is how it was meant to be but that doesn’t mean it hurts any less

Maybe this doesn't matter at all
Especially because the way I may have treated you,
and maybe you'll never even see this,
but if you do,
I think that you should know some things.
I beat myself up a lot.
Fully responsible for the pain that you endured.
I think about you
outside
in the rain
in the gutter.
I notice you. Constantly.
In the back of my mind.
Something completely beautiful.
There's something gorgeous about the way the rain hides your tears.
About the way you look with wet hair.
I constantly want to go outside
and bring you in
and make you soup
and cocoa
and tea.
I want to help you get undressed
and dry you off,
changing into something,
soft and warm.
Safe.
I'll wrap you in a towel
and wrap you in my arms.
Tracing your figure gently,
like the road going home.
We'll construct a blanket fort.
And it'll be our secret castle.
Away from the world.
I see you shrinking.
I know that you are.
But maybe we could shrink down together
and make our fort an entire estate;
where I can make a memory with you
in each achre.
And when it gets cold,
we can scrimp and save,
and rent a dollhouse
for our summer home.
You wont have to worry
about other people seeing you sweat.
We'll close the blinds and draw the curtains
and stay naked-
vulnerable.
A place of our own creation.
You and me.
I think about the things we shared.
The late nights.
The secrets.
I always wonder how you are.
I long for you.
I crave your words like I crave
the nicotine, or the alchohol, or the abuse
that I need in order to
keep my thoughts off of you.
Sometimes I still think about it
because I'm crazy
and unfair-
jumping on a plane, I mean-
to expect you to be waiting for me on the other side.
I think about you all the time. Whether you believe me or not.
Or whatever you choose.
I dwell on you. I haven't stopped.
Like a near death experience.
The only thing that's ever really made me feel alive.
Completely whole.
******* I think about  you all the time.
Forbidden fruit. Something I shouldn't be reaching out for.
I want to dress your wounds.
Take care of you when you fall.
Douse you in antiseptic
wrap your bandages
and seal each cut with a kiss.
I haven't stopped thinking about you at all.
There is something about the way your heart makes my heart flutter.
And the way your soul speaks beautiful perfect poetry to mine.
I'd also be a liar if I said I didn't think about staring into your eyes, or the way you smell like lilacs and honey, or the peaches and cream of your skin.
My favorite dessert.
Something that I indulge in.
I want to taste you.
Every last drop.
Warm saltwater
lemon juice,
birthday cake
life giving nectar.
I've held my lips against a rose petal,
unconsciously,
wishing it were you.
Dying for the real thing.
I miss your voice. A sweet song.
Deep lulliby.
The most humbling thing I've ever heard.
Thunder
the roar of the ocean
harsh winds
butterfly wings
bubbling brooks
gentle rains.
Perfection.
I long for you with my whole being,
and whether it means anything to you or not,
I still thought that you should know.