What could have been,
What should have been,
Sometimes seem more appealing,
Than what is

The roads untravelled,
The dreams never sought,
The desires compromised,
Sometimes take their toll.

Who would I have been,
If what could have been,
Had been.

Would I still be writing this poem,
Wondering,
What would have happened,
If I had taken a different turn

Or, would I be just writing different lyrics,
And try to have them fit
On the same old music?

I guess,
There would always be A road untravelled,
Or a poem left abandoned, unfinished
Stories ending before they could begin,
The mystery behind the what could have beens.

So, this is a shout out,
To all the lives I'll never live,
And the people I'll never be,

But where I landed,
And who I'm,
It is up to me,
To make it worthwhile,

And I reckon,
It is still a feat
Worth celebrating

'Cause,
As appealing,
as the roads untravelled might be,
Nothing beats the experience
And the excitement,
That the roads we travelled have brought

A word i can't seem to remember
A feeling i can't evade
A home whose address i have forgotten
A grief that i always carry with myself
A sleep that forsakes me till late hours
A dawn that breaks a wink too soon
A flower that just won't bloom
A thorn that never falls
A sun with its light too dull
A moon too bright
A smile that never reaches eyes
A frozen tear that never melts
A melody of my mother long erased
A horrible selfdegrading voice that won't leave my head
A silence that keeps storming
A storm that silences all our hearts' pleads
A you i can't seem to stop writing about*
A me that never crosses your mind*

-A.K.

You.
Cause with every sun rise you blossom like a flower,
And inspire everyone around you to do the same

You.
Cause your kisses taste like laughter and warmth that can even get a wanderer to stay.

You.
Cause like salt in sea
Your thoughts have dissolved into my skin

You.
Cause I don't want any other way to be.

You.
Cause I love yous don't cut it anymore.

You.
Cause somehow you made a way in,
Not unlike the sunlight that peeps in through the curtains,
And stains my sheets and colours my skin.

You.
Cause you managed to did it without me noticing.

You.
Cause somehow your favourite song often dances on my lips.

You.
Cause I may be all these fancy metaphors, but you provide meaning to these words.

You.
Cause you left all these love notes on my finger tips that I translate into words.

You.
Cause who needs the stars anyway when we can set each other on fire with a look.

You.
Cause it's as easy as inhaling the scent the first rain brings.

You.
Cause it's effortless like gravity.


You.
As simple as breathing.
It's you.

They told me,
The curse of a functioning heart is,
You don't get to choose what fades,
And what stays
A couple years ago,
I believed the same

But now I know better,
I don't think there is anything passive about a survival.

You wake up, you look into the worn eyes of your reflection
Devoid of the shine, you used to be complimented at
You sigh and then force a smile,
For yourself.
there is no one else
Whom you owe a smile,
More.

And every minute is a battle;
A choice,
To succumb and be a victim of circumstances
Or,
Fight, to have what you deserve.

There is nothing passive about living, and that's how it should be maintained

It's just another night
I have slain all these stars
I would hang them from your ceilings
Just to light up the paths
In your darkest dreams

It's just another night
I could not fall asleep
Without the beat of his heart
Singing to me
Sweet lullabies
I know you miss her too

It's just another night
I wrap your words around me
To shield me from the echoes
Of the goodbyes I never got
Do you sometimes beg God
To give you more time w her
But the clock keeps ticking
Into an eternity without her

It's just another night
And we both are bleeding
For the love that was ours,
For the love our heart holds still
And for the love that will always be.

he likes to creep into her mind and possess every thoughts she has ,
before she could do anything , he is running in her veins ,
He is her sky , moon ,sun and the rain ..
the mere thought of losing him leaves tears on her pillow case

lost they used to be , in each other they found themselves
they fit in together like the missing pieces of the same puzzle (to be continued..)

the universe fell in love
with the sun in his hair,
the glimpse of winter moon in his smile,
the stars underneath his feet.

*And you were no different

She is brokenness
With a pretty cover
He is lost sighs
Of the star crossed lovers.

She is the familiar face
In a crowded street
He is the purest relation
Not obligatory, yet a need.

She is the grace
by which the leaves fall
He is the warm embrace
of sunlight on a winter morn.

She is the whimper
Of the lonely moon
He is the the lake
In which its reflection floats.

She is his past midnight drunken confessions
He is what she spills all over the blank paper.

My hands are missing something they have never held
A homely tone, a familiar face,
Or, a flower I have never smelt
I can not tell
Which one of them is it,
But my heart can't rest
I dream about skylines I have never seen
And all the places I have never been

I think about getting lost
More often than not
And lay on the wet grass
In the middle of nowhere

I want to go
To the depth of the ocean
Maybe there I'll find the peace
That, so far, has managed
To stay away from me

Oh look at that bird,
I wonder what it is saying,
Is it beckoning me?
How nice it must be
To say what you want
Not caring about what everyone thinks

Or, look at the shadow,
I wonder what would happen if It could talk
Always lurking around
In a cloak of mystery,
Some mornings,
I wish it would continue to embrace me

Can you hear the wind
Pass you by
Taking with it,
A thousand sighs
Of a thousand lovers,
If I could I would draw a face on it,
And hear it talk
About all the places it has travelled

Listen closely,
Can you hear the song
The moon sings
To its beloved earth?
I wonder what stars feel,
When they witness
This enchanting exchange
Is that why they flicker
So brightly,
They also want someone
To sing them lullaby every morning


I wonder about a lot of things,
The whys and how's of everything
All these questions,
I'm sure, would take me on a journey,
I might not know whereabouts and the time right now,
But I know one day, I'll be free.

It was so short,
I could not even tell
If it was really you,
Or a ray of light that showed me how love truly works,
Oh I wish it did not,
But would I still have these words
If I had not known what's it like to love and lose

It was ephemeral,
I could not even tell,
If it was really you,
Or the shower of my dreams,
I did not know I needed to be true
But I did
Oh I wish I did not,
But would I still wake up at night
Looking for warmth and security
You took with yourself.

The carousel stopped for a minute,
Right when we were at the top; lost In our world,
The story of our love
Lasted for moments,
And Now you have to go your way,
While my future keeps beckoning me to come

It was so surreal,
I could not even tell,
Were those your lips
Pressed against me
Or was it a new bloomed bud
A constant withering delight
Oh, I wish the wind did not carry it away
But would I ever taste
A longing so strong
If my path
Had not let me into yours

It was so mesmerizing
I could not even tell,
Was it really you
Or a trip to heaven
So absorbed in our little present then,
Now I live in that present, which is now my past,
Drowning my future in the moments we never got to make
I wish we did
But whose trance would I be submerged in
If it were not for you,
My ever lasting love.

The carousel stopped for a minute,
Right when we were at the top; lost In our world,
The story of our love
Lasted for moments,
And Now you have to go your way,
While my future keeps beckoning me to come

take me somewhere far way
without telling me
a place no one knows anything about
WHERE YOU SMILE, THAT'S WHERE I WANNA BE
that's my destiny

let us leave the time behind
and let the world fade into obscurity
everyone who knows us and everyone we know
will
become a small dot in
our-rear view mirror

let the walls of our home
be made of our own memories
let us lie next to each other
till eternity
your arms will be the shore of this river i.e me
where you smile, that's where my destination is

        to the lane of my heart, you came like shower
and drenched the caravans of my thoughts with your essence
         to the darkened alley of my mind, you came like sunlight
          enlightened the dreams of my soul

now that i have tasted the sweet feeling of love,
   i don't want to ever let go
i promise you darling, you'll be all that i ever need
without you, everything ain't enough,
with you, i'll make do, with anything
   a silent promise that my heart did to you
   the first day you held me tightly

so, dear darling,
won't you take me to that place
a place where my dream is reality
and reality seems to be the dream
A place where i wake up to the light in your eyes
or sleep to the beats of your heart as my goodnight lullaby

*Ro,
please take me to the place
where there's no You Or I
just us-
two lost souls who found themselves in each other;
free-falling
defying the law of gravity.
Free-falling..into each others arms, till the end of time

Be yourself, he said
But the problem is i dont know how to do that without having the world know how much i love him

Maybe we never stop loving secretly, those we once loved out loud

Be brave and let go,
But the problem is i am not sure
if my hands remember how to
Or my heart

Maybe we never get over, we just become everything that breaks us

Be wise and accept
You are not the first, and you sure as hell wont be the last

Maybe the best i can hope is that out of all the things you regret, I'm the one you loved most

Be grateful, and dont sulk
Make a blanket of stars and lie down in the Earth's arms

Maybe these cold nights are there to avenge me for the times i reached out to you to keep me warm

Be still and let yourself heal
But is there any cure for memories of you and me

**Maybe some pain never ceases to be, some loss you can never compensate

This beauty does not need a compliment to let her know she is pretty
You need no throne to be a royalty.

This house is standing fine without love being its occupant
This heart can go on just as a pumping *****..

This tree is flirting fine with the wind with all its leaves and flowers gone
And you can dance just well on your own

These hands work fine without a pretty stone,
You can make your journey a destination,
Or go astray once and for all

Come on, I'll let you in a secret,
We all are making this up,
As we goooo

It is your voice, it is your choice,
You can stay quiet or you can cry,
You can go left, you can go right,
You can also sit down here with me
And watch the time pass by.

We are different,
with different people.

With some, I talk in prose,
about sunsets and a world,
bigger than the one,
that I'm part of.

with some, I talk
about stilettos and matching shades,
always planning
a new escapade,
less thinking, more talk.

With some, I sit in silence
Speak only when I have something to say,
reveling in the prolonged silence

With some, I'm witty,
with some, I rap,
with some, I'm deep
With some, I act dense.

Which one of them is me?
Are these the masks that I wear?

Who am I?
and why around you,
I'm not any one of them?

Every worry
Settled on your brows
Let them be taken care of
By the breeze.

Yeah, let the memories of your yesterday
Remain In your past
Let it go,
Every string pulling you down.

Talking loud, palms curled into fists
Looking for approval now and then
All the desperate wants and twisted needs
All these delusions we get build around.

So every worry
Settled on your brow
Let them be taken care of
By the breeze


Come sit by me,
Watch the sun sink into horizon
Tell a tale or two
Oh you can be you for once
And I'll be me.

Let forever burn
And ashes fall and merge into soil
Flowers will bloom;
Sunflowers and roses of present.

Oh let it go,
Every thing gone wrong
Let it be,
All the untimely death of love.


So every worry
Settled on your brow
Let them be taken care of
By the breeze.

Yesterday,
I showed you my scars,
But you were too blinded,
To see beyond who you are.

And, I know,
It is not your fault at all,
It takes a broken person,
To realise when another is breaking apart.

And everyone who knows you
Know you did not mean me any harm,
And everyone whom I know knows,
You were never broken enough to fix me up

Then the heart asked my mind a question,
Or, well the softer part of me, to the more reasonable one
For how long, do you think, this one wound can bleed
My mind, unsure, haughtily said
You held on it, way longer than he did
The pieces of my heart cringed under
The voice holding the ultimate truth
As the frozen memories of him
Came rushing back
I know it is so,
But these hands never learnt to let go
The hands looked flustered,
Their voices timid with the brewing anger
Replied "neither did you, heart. Neither did you."
And stop pretending
You're the only who holds grievance,
At least you don't stay up
Writing about the lines on his palm,
All these poems,
He never bothered to throw a short glance

kiss me
as if you're dying
and I'm
your only way to salvation

If you bleed enough, maybe then you can make them feel your love
Love?
Love was never just a feeling to you but a certain someone
and maybe that is where it all went wrong

If you stop looking 
for the sun in his shadow
maybe then you can actually 
fix the rain falling inside your heart for so long
Long?
how long has it been 
since you started drowning
how long till you hit the bottom

If only you did not wait for him
to decorate the darkness 
laying by your side every night
then you could notice the shining star that you are
Star?
but did not the fire inside you consume you entirely
all you ever do is fade or die

If not every night
continued to dawned into another
Same old cycle
same self destruction 
with same old feelings
feelings?
yes, feelings that weigh me down
while you soar

Cruel are the Ayats
that show us the way to be
And still take my love away from me
Hypocrites are the maulvis who think they know what God wants or who He is

Cruel are the gospels that claim to set
All of us free
If we only follow their version of religion
Hypocrites are the white-robed priests
With dark stained hearts

Pardon my boldness
I'm just curious
And have always been
My moral compass stands intact
Better than most preachers
I have met

Now, Religion has always been
a shaky ground for me
With their ever present contradictions
And the fight over superiority
Are you the only one who has a copyright over Him?

I have found
And I have realised
Religion is a wittering fool's
Favorite jewel
You can fight over whose path
is more right

But still there are people
Who cry themselves to sleep
Children who have got nothing
To eat
You go on,
It is time to preach

But how can you claim
To love God
When you have never fed
A starving child
When never has someone's tears
Made you burn

So you can go, Tell your God
How you loved him With all of you
I'll go tell mine:
Though my faith faltered
But I never stopped serving
His people

Maybe my kisses
Were too soft to be felt
Or not hard enough for you to memorize them,
Maybe that is why I have seen you
Looking down that alley,
But lemme tell you,
You are looking for love
At all the wrong places.

Maybe the words I said
Were not enough
But you forgot my love is composed
Of a million feelings I can't name
Now all of them have reshaped
To beg you,
Please don't go chasing those two headlights

Maybe I should not have closed the door,
Right at your face
And still stood there
With my hand on the door ****,
But I guess I knew
I won't get too far
Without letting you know,
Love almost never lives
Where you lost it

So please before I am lost,
In the arms of someone
Who is mesmerized by starlight
I would like you to know,
When the headlights move away too fast
For you to follow
When you lay defeated and in the cold,
Remember these words of mine
That asked you not to go chasing those headlights.
They shine brilliantly
But they are just light,
Gone away in the blink of an eye.

Depression


It is different, for different people.  
For some, it is full of raging emotions,
Clashing against one another,
Till they are spent,
Too tired to battle against themselves,

A fused bulb,
The light in their eyes, forever gone.

For some, it's drifting away,
feeling so small in a world so cramped,
A little kid, lost among the towers too imposing,
Lying defeated, at the bottom of the sea.

And it's so peaceful in the dark,
The weight of the world no longer crushing,
No fear, no mask
They are now in too deep.

**Depression is not just drowning on the land,
Sometimes it's being okay even when you are buried underneath the ocean.

Can you feel it
The venom flowing in
Your blood
It's darker than
The darkest shade of nights,
You have seen.

Can you feel it
The guilt infiltrating your thoughts
Faster than
The snow dissipating
on a child's palm

Can you feel it,
A feeling of hopelessness
Taking over
Like a nausea
You could not fight

Can you feel yourself dying
A little more inside
And becoming the monster
Your mother always
Warned you about?

A drop of rain,
In an endless ocean
Another face,
In a crowd of strangers,
A fallen leaf,
When autumn has taken its toll,

Tell me, Darling,
What am I to you?

A potential
gone to waste,
an old building,
its walls adorned with cracks,
A broken flute,
that plays no tune,

Tell me, Darling,
What am I to you?

A brutal sun,
on a hot noon,
or a dull wintery
fading moon,
what do I remind you of,
when I'm gone,
If I do at all,

Tell me, Darling,
what am I to you

'cause you see,
I tore down these walls,
and showed you in
Let you hold my soul
it, now, carries your imprint,

it is another type of strong,
to allow yourself to be vulnerable

and for you,
I'll always find courage to do more,
and all my softness,
you have touched them all

So, darling, won't you tell me now,
what am I to you?

A passing trend,
a familiar name,
or an acquaintance,
in your long list of friends,
your favorite shade of blue,
or, a fuel you need
to carry on,


Tell me, Darling,
what am I to you

***** hands, mine
Always *****
Scrap and scratch,
Always nagging
Layer by layer,
Digging out the dirt
Layers gone, but dirt remains.

***** hands, mine
Ever so intrusive,
Clenched fist, jaws clamped shut,
Still they find a crack,
And in they barge, authoritatively,
To my heart
With blood, the dirt gets pumped out, everywhere,
Drop by drop, the blood falls,
While the dirt sits there, a vicious smirk,
"you can't get me till you have drained your life out "

***** hands mine,
A seductress, in her ripe age,
Traps, their hold growing stronger,
With each show of your resistance
Oh ***** hands of mine,
You play your cards so well
But let me go wash my hands
Before we begin again.

-Written by someone with a constant compulsive desire to wash her hands, and that too at most bizarre moments

All I wanted
Was to be held in your arms
Til the morning light,
All soaked by your skin,
Woke me up.

All I wanted,
Was for you to say it one more time,
Just how much you love me,
When I'm the most
unlovable sight.

All I wanted was,
For you to untie my hair,
And play with the locks
Till my worries melted And dissipated
in your palm

All I wanted
Was for you to know
That beneath all this,
I'm still reaching out,
And for you to show, that you know.

All I wanted,
Was just a sign,
A gesture that maybe,
Not everything is yet lost..

But your lack of response
told me
it already was

I say your name like it was the only reason I was given this ability to speak
I write about you as if the whole world is nothing but ashes and you are the burning passion I can't resist
I talk about you as if I was born with you as a language on my tongue
I search for you as if I am the feelings and you are the only one who can transform them into words
I long for you as if You are the first drop of rain after years and years of drought
I look at you as if you are the one star I need to complete my constellation

I remember when I was young
I wrote in my diary- Never to love
All in BLOCKS.
But
You were warm, And I was not
My mistake, I forgot.
You came in with a face
Of all I knew AND all I should not want.


I remember stolen breaths,
See through excuses,
The adrenaline.
I should have known better..
But
You were persistent, and so was i
Some nights, I consoled my heart
Some nights the beats would be lullabies
I dared to sleep upon.
(Some nights I consoled my heart
Some nights it was my heart's turn
To become lullabies, I'd lay my head upon)

I remember how it all changed
Small steps, uneasy, nothing to object
Till you were close enough
For so long..
I did not know where i was
When you would go..
If you should go.
But
Your reassurances that I'll never have to wonder.
Then why?
Do i go through my shelves
Wondering which book and whose story
Are you bringing colors into now?

I remember finding sunrise in your smile
Brightening to grey my blackest hours
That smirk upon your face,
those impish eyes
How could I have not fallen for?
But
I knew all along my story's end,
A light that bright burns way too soon
(I rather hoped it would not. Another mistake,
I just forget.)
I Hope, because you told me I must.

I remember when I was young,
I promised myself to never love
And how i forgot!
(You made me forget.)
But
Now I have a bag packed with essentials
Hidden under the bed, my visa renewed
And a courage overfed
You might guess, but you'd never know why.

My morning prayers become a chant
Reciting all the ways it would not last.

You should have heard the things i did not say
  - i read everything you omitted in your poem.
  - you only know as much as i give away.
I know the parts of you you don't  even acknowledge.

You should have held me when i was halfway out the door
  - i would have but i did not know how to.
  - for a moment, i thought i had lost you, too.
I may be lost right now but you know I'll find you.

(Both)
I might not love you right now,
But you know I'll be in love w you in all my tomorrows.
I might need to get away once in a while,
But you'll always be my way back home.

You cut me open, you sew me back
  - i keep running into the love i am trying to forget.
  - you look like autumn, you taste like dawn.
  You love me, and, then you don't.

Your eyes hold a grudge, your eyes hold warmth
  - the more i give, the less you care.
  - but i know you're in there somewhere.
  You only show your emotions when my eyes are closed.

(Both)
**I might not love you right now,
But you know I'll be in love with you in all my tomorrows.

I remember very vividly
The place where
a sweet smell lingered in the air
And though it must have
rained at times
The sky was never too grey
And the cold never too bitter

The sun liked to play hide and seek
From behind the banyan tree
From which dad had tied a swing
Not too big,
Not too Small,
It would take me
high enough to believe I had wings
But not too high
To make the crashing look painful.

I remember about a place
Where I lived
It was so long ago
It carries with itself
The sweet nostalgia
of a dream
that ended too soon.

Dreamy, but real enough
To not be mistaken
As a fabrication
Of one's imagination
Real but dreamy enough
To waste the entire galaxy wishing upon it.

I remember about
The labyrinth
I would walk with my Nana
What for
I can't seem to remember now
But all the things he said
Are the foundations on which I have built my life.

These concreted paths,
These dimly lit rooms,
The days blurring into the next ones
Till I can't distinguish one from another.

The faded memories,
The jagged longings,
The flame in my eyes
Has completely extinguished
The music in my heart
Is slowly ebbing.

The heart's longing
The mind Is seeking
These leisurely moments
Which are lost now,
To a place probably
Where my childhood went
Along with my Nana.

If someone finds a way to get those days to me,
Let me know,
Till then I'll be writing
Of those days
I had with my Nana.

The blue of his eyes is
Mesmerizing enough
to keep me captivated
But kind enough to let me float
And not drown
He is infinitely dreamy
And he is infinitely
Mine

I am found
Behind the cavity of his eyes
Between the beats of his heart
The deviousness lurking
Around the corner of his lips
He is infinitely fine
And he is infinitely
Mine

The touch of his
Is velvety enough
To soothe the chasms after a long day
But wild enough to awake
The wolf in me On a new moon night
He is infinitely wild
He is infinitely
Mine

I am found
On the tip of his tongue
In between the words,
And in his eloquence
He is infinitely artistic
He is infinitely
Mine

The voice of his
Magical enough to put my restlessness Into ease
But playful enough to make my
Heartbeats Flutter
Whenever and however he wishes
He is infinitely magical
He is infinitely
Mine

I'm found
In his memories and dreams
In his longings and reality
I'm the music he breathes
With his missing heartbeats
He is infinitely passionate
He is **infinitely
Mine

It is just when you have been sad for too long, you, at some point, make a home out of it. It is not intentional. It is that sometimes familiarity is as close as you get to calling something home. Like imagine it has been raining for months and You have learnt to sleep to the clatter of rains and to wake up to your window glasses being stained and one day you wake up and there is an icy sun In its full glory up in the sky. And you suddenly don't know how to react. But that is what you wanted once, right?  And now the brightness is just too cheery. Too much for you. And darkened clouds that followed you ever where and it seemed to you then that they were doing it out of pure spite,  were gone and You realise at that moment how much you miss them and how you wanted them to stay. And you try to write about it 'cause that is how you operate. Don't know what to make out of the mess? Just put it out on the page but lately you have realised that no matter what,  your pen won't move and when they do the words that come out are so blunt, so meaningless and devoid of emotions, you wonder if that is how your brain feels. Cause your writings were always a reflection of what you felt and could it be that without all those sadness to fill the empty spaces you're just hollow. Who said that numbness was a relief? for this numbness is driving you crazy and ******* you just need to feel.
When was the last time someone attempted to talk to you or vice versa? How did you start to feel so distant and how all of them have lost their distinct faces and blend into one another till you can't sense a difference. A various combination of expressions that showed concern but never understood. And it is funny how you were dying and they asked you which color of dress would look good on them and you said red. You hate red. And that is how it became too much. You grew exhausted. That is what small talks do to you. So you stopped. Then you stopped seeing point in any kind of talk. Cause they exhausted you. Pointless talk about things you don't care about. You stopped talking. Then you stopped caring. You still loved them but it did not matter. Very few thing did. That is when sadness found its root and spread its wings. You are not going to glorify it. It was bad. The crying into pillows for no reason , sitting still for minutes not doing anything, not thinking anything and then at the end of the night regretting it all over cause it was self inflected. Or so you felt. But then it got better. Less bothersome. It was always there draining your energy but at least you were not crying. You should have known then. It was a sign. That how it,  like a parasite, was draining your energy and once it was done it would leave you paralysed. And it did. And now you feel so lost and dumb. Is not it sad when you want to be sad just to feel something? You realise this. It almost makes you feel something. Almost.

Eyes like a forlorn yet lit pathway on a wintery night,
Leading to an unfamiliar place that unerringly felt like home
Alas, too bad i always kept dying at the doorway,
Every time I looked at my own reflection;
I felt like a stranger to my own self.


A laughter so soft yet carrying the echoes of a hundred distant temple bells,
Holding the murmurs of dying Gods and their fallen grace
Too bad that all of those listening
Lead to a map drawn so wrong
The tune of divine was lost on my mortal ears.

A face like sunlight filtering through the trees,
Playing hide and seek; a perfect escapist,
Her skin is a habitat of all the lost fireflies,
Her hair, a perfect tease daring the wind to stay still
Too bad the wind could not stay, so with itself it carried her away
Never have I wandered before, hoping to get lost so she could find me again.

(He will say)

In this defeat
Lies my greatest victory,
Only the bravest
Can surrender to this deed,
Blushing heart, and crimson cheeks


Till death do us part.



(I'll return with: )

Another sunrise
Comes to play peek-a-boo
Your eyes flutter open
and that's when my day begins
Time after time,
Together we'll venture

Till death do us part.

love is just an illusion;
                                               a parallax you may say

I had long realised that I like to make poems out of people I care about. I have loved words. I have loved how insignificant they're alone, how contradictory. How the same words can be framed and hung upon  someone's darkest sky like a thousand glittering stars or be burnt into the corners of our minds getting us to wonder if heaven and hell both exist inside us.

How words are the cage and how they can be the wings.

How they label you sometimes and sometimes let you free.

And how sometimes with all their infiniteness they are not enough.

I had long realised that loving rarely ever equalled to understanding. And I found it to be one of the saddest things. Like how we all have so much love to give, and we all keep giving it away the way we would want to receive it. But it does not work that way, does it? You can't explain to a tone dead person  how talking to them felt like finally being introduced to a melody they had heard so long ago it felt world's away, in another birth except the melody decided to stick with them.

And since then I have been trying to understand more, but sometimes I can't tell if I'm getting better at it or I just stop caring. Or if it's possible to try to walk in someone's shoe and still find a fault with him?

I had long realised that my poems one way or another turn out to be a goodbye to people I love. It's like my hands know they're going to have to wave good bye so they do the only thing they can. They write, as if to convey that they, my heart, will remember them long after they have been let go. I almost did not want to write this for you.

But.

You are the one who points at my wings when I make cage out of my words and get trapped in my mind.

You are the one I call at 2 am when I'm too tired to rebel against yet another label I earned for myself.

It's the mixed sound of our laughter echoing in my ribcage that makes me create my own spheres of infiniteness in few ephemeral minutes.

You understand that you don't always understand, and you accept.

I did not want to write this for you because all my poems turn into a eulogy no one stays long enough to hear.

But.

I think you'd listen.

I have loved you still,
When I could no longer turn you into poetry.
I have loved you from afar,
When you needed space to spread your wings and navigate.
I have loved you freely,
Because labeling things usually restrict their growth
I have loved you in silence,
And you still heard every confession I never uttered.

I have loved you, unabashedly,
Let my words rage on,
I have loved you gently,
The way moon sings lullabies to a kid.
I have loved you in hues,
Both crimson and blue,
And so when the winter comes,
And your hands are cold,
I'd still be holding you.

I have loved you when you were a poem,
I have loved you when you were spiteful words thrown away, casually.
I have loved you at your best,
I have loved you when you yourself could not.

Tick tock
the day passes too fast
but you never get rid
of the miseries of your past.

Tick tock,
you can feel time weighing you down,
it is forever flowing,
yet somehow you remain glued to a moment
long after, the moment has passed.

Abysses of time,
the hands keep moving,
but you're trapped inside the clock,
in a constant agony.

Tick tock
you feel time slipping,
like a dew drop rolls off the leaf,
like having to wave goodbye to a friend,
you wanted to go with

Tick tock,
the minutes have started to blur into one another
till I can't distinguish between days,
till time has started to show up in the  same dull shade.

Abysses of time,
the hands keep moving,
you wait for them to hang you up,
and show some mercy.

Stay for a minute
Let me catch my breath
Let me look at the crumbling pieces
Of the palace I had made.

When did it grow so dark
Why do my lips refuse to make a sound
It is like seasons come and off they go
While I wait for myself to come back around

And the wreck of the year,
Has found a new face
And the wreck of the year
Is my new name


Stay for a minute
Let me reassemble the memories face by face
All my friends were here a minute ago
But now I see no familiar face
Even the reflection in the mirror
Looks at me with eyes askance

When did it get so lonely
I swear I can sometimes hear the bottom of the ocean
Calling out my name
Maybe in its echoes I'll bury myself
And finally feel at home

And the wreck of the year,
Has found a new face
And the wreck of the year
Is my new name


Stay for a minute
I can no longer feel my heart break
And my eyes have grown so used to the darkness
All these ghouls have learnt my name

When did the world twist upside down
Should not it be the way around
Why does light hurt my eyes
When did my friends become ghosts of the past

And the wreck of the year,
Has found a new face
And the wreck of the year
Is my new name


Stay with me
In this dark abyss
We don't have to know each other's name
But I'll hold your hand
Till we are rolling down the same path.

I assembled this ship
Bits by bits
Only to watch it get wrecked
By you

And then it hurt so bad that, after that moment, it never hurt at all

I let you in
Inch by inch
only to have you
leave me abandoned again

And maybe it was my fault to chase the light that burnt for someone else and to hope it would stay

I fell
Slowly, carefully
Then all at once; recklessly
And hit the ground so hard

And maybe it is never the fall that hurts but it's the landing that makes us writhe in pain

I wrote you poems
Word by word
Only to have them
Classified under "stupid clichés"

And maybe you were right, there is nothing I can write that has not been written before without making it a cliché

I gave you a place
In my thoughts
Day after day
You became my (only) muse

*And maybe if they knew, I'm just a poet who always wanted to be woven in words and be someone's poem.

The demons of darkness
Found her again,
How could they?
When she was wearing a pretty and happy face

Oh silly girl,
We never really left,
In moment of darkness,
Everyone's pretense crack.

She screamed for help
The demons laughed,
When has screaming into a void
Ever gotten anyone anywhere?

Why do you follow my each step?
Why do you lurk in the shadows
And stab me in the back

Because you're our favorite prey,
The Harder you fight,
The stronger we get.

We have seen your desires,
They are what you'll never have,
You were right in thinking,
You'll always be inadequate.

Like an eclipsed sun,
like the delayed monsoon,
No matter how much you try,
You can never repair the damage you caused.
So what is the point?
I might just end it all.
With that, she drew her blade close

in those dark, bottomless, demonic eyes
The hunger was evident.

Maybe, left in me,
Is yet another fight,
the girl gave them a wink,
and took her flight.

She smiled and the sun broke through,
The delayed rain washed away,
All the Bloodshed of yesterday.

The war never stops,
Neither should you,
The world will keep conspiring,
But why should that stop you?

Will I ever make out of this city
Where nothing ever changes,
The extremes of weather
And all the stagnant minds,
have even influenced the birds,
To sing in the same tune,
To chirp without joy.

Will I ever make out of this city
Of unknown faces
Or will I lose myself
Trying to go against the crowd

Will I ever make out of this city
To a place where I can finally soar my wings
A place to rest my dreams,
A place where I can Just be?
Will I ever make out of this city to a place
where air is not filled
With suffocated dreams?


Will I ever make out of this city
Of unknown faces
Or will I lose myself
Trying to go against the crowd

will I ever make out of this city
where I was born but clearly,
never belonged

You don't look for me
In familiar faces all around you.
You don't think about me every time you see a sunset and wonder
How endings can be beautiful too
You don't look at the night sky and miss the constellations on my lips.

I wish you did
But then I know you don't.


You would not let me carve a cavity out of you
On a cold January night
And watch me leave in mid June,
When it's warm enough for me to fly
And you would not
Like the way I set fire on every home I have ever entered
Or how my touch would give you chills across your sweaty spine


And God, how I hoped you would,
But I know you don't.




You no longer walk that extra mile
To catch the sunrise in my smile
You  no longer stay up
Till the storm inside me subsides
You no longer want to end the day
By resting in the black of my eyes
You no longer name
The galaxies on my skin



And hence, I think it is time to make a change.


Because I hope you did but
I know you don't

And i know away from this pain,
A new horizon awaits.

Let our conversations
Morph themselves
Into the words of my poetry
Let our jagged breathing
Be the tune
To which people sing these words.

Let the glitter in your eyes
Shine right through
The abyss in my soul
Let the hope of this new found love
Give light to those who have lost
And will be found again.

Let our love
Transcend through all the boundaries
And heartbreaks of the past
Let this love be the grace
That provides buoyancy to the hearts
Heavy w scars

Let our shyness
Melt along with these burning stars
Till the sun dawns
And in your arms, the day starts.

It was when you held me
I realised i could feel
For that i bitterly thank you
For ever since, i have been craving for your love
Your touch

It was when you loved me
I saw the relevance of a the metaphors that I've been writing
For that i bitterly thank you
For ever since, i have been staying up late
Trying to find metaphors to describe how you make me feel

It was when you touched me
I made my home in your skin
For that i bitterly thank you
Since you left, the homeless people get up and offer me their seat
Every time i pass by that lonely street


It was when you ran your fingers on me
I, for once, felt complete
For thar i bitterly thank you
Since then i have been looking for myself
in the things that carry your imprint

It was only when you called me beautiful
I did not feel like the dust that settled on a beautiful thing
For that i bitterly thank you
since then not a single reflection of mine exists
that has not been cringed at

she is tired of crying for help into a void;
now between the sighs behind her commas & full-stops,
she communicates through her SILENT fingers
and as long as her pen bleeds on a blank paper
the turmoil in her mind rests
the sunless day feels more brighter
the moonless night a bit less darker
deadly stares from strangers does not bother that much
as long as she gets to read and write,
she knows things will be just fine