Everything I write, everything I draw; delete

The things I create, I cannot complete

Is it being insecure or being lazy?                                                            ­                                                                 ­     

I don't know how to be a productive lady                    

I feel stupid                                                           ­                                                                 ­                                                  

Since I can't anything executed

My work lives in the recycling bin

It's close in resemblance to a din

The backspace key is faded

My soul is abraded

I hate that I can't articulate

Does anyone else relate?

At least this poem is finished but it has no real end                                                              ­                                

I hope it shows what I intend

.
Far and away,
above and beyond,
a lonely girl sings to herself in the dark.

Far and away,
above and beyond,
she is answered only by a black dogs bark.


© Pagan Paul (20/07/18)

Hollowed eyes look disdainfully on curdled blood
On crooked veins and twisted nerves

The clasp of hands might be enough,

But my skin feels fit to burst
Like a monster is knocking on my ribcage.

And what if I told you I had to keep away?

Locked lips sear doubts from my mind
But some vestige of yesterday is left behind
When they pull away
I've got such vivid scenes
Running through my mind
But why

These colors are not supposed to be
With gnarled nerves all spinning free
There is a monster inside of me
And I want to CUT
It out.

...
     "This isn't who you are."

    "You're not the girl I used to know."

   "I don't know who you've become."

He repeats these lines
So much these days
It annoys me more than
A broken record ever could
Ever should
Ever would
Cause I told him
I warned him thoroughly

     "I'm not nice."

    "You won't like the real me."

   "I'm not worth fighting for."

But he didn't listen
He filled my head with empty
Promises that he meant
He filled my heart with hollow
Vows that he could never fulfill

     "How can a person be so cold?"

    "How can a lady be so cruel?"

   "How can you change so fast?"

He looks hurt and
I hurt a little
But I shut down
Cause that's what I always do

     "I'm nefarious, lover."

    "Had my heart broken a few times."

   "Now it's made of stone."

You thought I'd be blinded -
By your charm,
And your smooth talk.
You thought you could deceive;
Little naïve me.

But what you don't know is that;
I am a poet,
A master of deception.
I hide behind words on a daily.
I can read between your;
Sweet words and;
Sugary sentences.
So please try your lines,
On someone else;
That will be easier to bewitch.
Bogus words,
Don't fool me,
Not anymore.

It's all just a waste.