As much as I loathe my life
Hated it more without you
Pain inside I thought would go
Instead feeling grew

Days had become dark for us
I made the choice to leave
Tried and tried to make it work
You tried to deceive

I couldn't take more lies
Couldn't handle the hurt
Was so tired of being put second
I always put you first

So said goodbye to the greatest thing
Most amazing person I've ever known
For us to find felicity
Even if it meant being alone

It cut deeper than I thought possible
Every morning hated to wake
Pushed on by telling myself
Time would ease the ache

Months passed with no success
Stopped counting each "better" tomorrow
The agony did eventually start to fade
Not the emptiness
Exasperation
Sorrow

I did best to stay away
Not listen to alluring speech
Finally caved in realizing
Peace on own I wouldn't reach

Now you brighten each day
With texts and concerned calls
Every week continue to struggle
Around you the world isn't bad at all

I wish I would have understood
The first moment I held your body near
That my love for you couldn't be stopped
Though I attempted to make it disappear

The stars shine brighter now
Nearly lost love pure and strong
Don't know why I thought I'd be happier without
You in life cause I was so **** wrong

This is why I have trust issues
It's why I won't allow you in
Say you've changed for the better
Here I am disappointed again

You continue swearing oaths
Unlikely to keep
Then get dejected
When I do not believe

Relentlessly hoping you will come through
You succeed
Once in awhile
Even then there's always some catch
Typical "Paul Wilton" style

Don't tell me words I want to hear
You lack the means to back it up
Reassure me you've got my back
When not taken care of

I do not expect a lot from you
This is the explanation why
Proven to be unreliable
Uttering lie after lie

I was dumb to depend on you
Made that foolish mistake
Displayed time and time again
Your stories are all fake

Plans laid do not work out
Never the one to blame
Any amount of faith put in you
Forever ends the same

Your anticipation to please just pains
When your statements are put to the test
The paradise you promise
Ceases to manifest

Be up front
Open
About limitations
Don't offer lavish fantasies
They're only fabrications

This is why expectations are low
It's why I doubt your honesty
This is the reason we aren't together
Scared this is how you'll always be

No words explain just how you make me feel
Keeping me safe from danger
You are made of steel
The warmth rises up body to flush my tired face
Company would be impossible to replace
I cannot describe depths of my gratitude
Instead of affection display attitude
But without your presence house wouldn't be home
Painting world with color
Without it is monochrome
Only you have power to make heart beat fast
Do more for me than I ever could have asked
Attraction embedded in bone and cell
Crazy about you
Easy to tell
I adored you from the very start
Smile and eyes are a work of art
Up close melt into your skin
Fell into your being
You make my head spin
The second we touch
Surroundings fade out
When sad you steal away my pout
I have uncontrollable urge to rip off your clothes
Can't believe it's me you chose
You radiate light that shines from your soul
That brightens the darkness inside boring a hole
Where I am missing pieces you instead fill
Emptiness with butterflies that refuse to be still
You fufill deepest fantasies and desires
When lips brush neck it sets my nerves on fire
The chaos of universe may try to break us apart
It's not stronger than the bonds connecting our hearts
I hope emotions last forever
After time itself ends
Nothing I own as valuable as these precious hours we spend
This memory one I promise to always hold dear
Even if you leave someday you'll never fully disappear
I simply wish you to share the same enchantment I do
Every day I consider a gift because I get to wake up next to you

I listen to point of view
Eyelids opened so wide
I never see until too late
Thoughts moseying through your mind
I hear your message with ears
Try practicing what you preach
So I witness joy cover your face
Gentle ways you cannot seem to teach
When fingers lace together
Forget our friction for awhile
Avoiding conflict best as I can
Still fail to make you smile
Refuse to learn from mistakes
Present is clouded by dread
Human histories breed hesitation
Future is dangling from a thread
Tired of being the erroneous one
Doomed to displease from the start
Afraid of ruining intimacy
How easily I fall apart
When you're less than perfect
Stop treating you like the enemy
The truth is I don't deserve you
Swear I'll change and become a better me