Ella Jan 8
You know that feeling when you can smile again and mean it?
It takes you over like a wave in motion
You get this feeling that everything is going to be alright

You feel that you can do anything now and that you're not limited by anyone

It's the best feeling of all, to finally feel a new
Like nothing has ever happened
And you're just about to start everything
You have complete control and nothing will stop you from completely starting a-new
Ella Nov 2017
I'm here standing at the edge of the cliff
Ready to jump and give in
I feel my hair flow in the wind
I'm no longer restless and I'm ready to end everything

I suddenly feel something inside me break
My heart was already broken so what is this feeling now?
I feel a pull from behind
It's taking me back
Farway from the end

To start new and fresh
I have been pulled away from the cliff but why?

A force that could stop me from giving up which I can't name
I didn't know a force like that could exist

A hope and a smile so great that could make me rethink everything
To make me think that I could still stay
Ella Nov 2017
What did I do to deserve a life like this?
I don't remember doing anything so wrong

Everyone around me is always so happy and cheerful but then I'm just left in the corner
Do I have to suffer in exchange of everyone's happiness?
Is that what's going on?

It would make more sense if it were that way
Ella Nov 2017
Why do I seem invisible to some people?
I'm right next to you so why am I not even minded?
I used to get stared at horribly but now I'm not even seen

I got these people that have known me for years behind me
What a relief? I wish.

They pretend they don't know me
I guess they feel I'm not needed
Which isn't really far from the truth

I'm useless
I'm hopeless
All my dreams have expired
All I have is a blank future to go towards
A dark blank future which will sooner or later be all filled with sadness to run into

These new "friends" that I have are not really "friends" are they? They all have their own plans, their friends that they have grown with

I'm just a stanger that gets told "hi" like once a day
Why ever would I mean anything to those people?

Im just here wasting some space that could be used another person that could be born and respected unlike me

If I have no values, no friends, and no people to go to then why don't I just leave?
I don't have anything to live for then I might as well give up

I gave up on my dreams along time ago, the sky will now forever be dark
I won't have anything to look forward to and forever my dream at finding someone that could be by my side will forever be buried and left from my mind
Can I die yet?!! -*
Ella Nov 2017
Where should I go now?
My feet can't move
But I'm not stuck
I'll make sure
To get out
Of this
This is really short! I've been really upset recently. -'
Ella Nov 2017
So when it did become right for someone to be the boss of everyone, cuz the way I see it, it's definitely not okay on any standards

Whatever I'm hopeless
But I bet if another person was there you wouldn't mind leaving me behind

I see the way you act towards other people

Treating them all special and me as a person who follows you who is miss royalty and I'm just the person who you think is always gonna be there for ya

Well guess what, I think not
I'm sick and tired of you're laziness
You always complain when something isn't right
I can't be myself at any level or you'll think I'm being rude and disrespect towards you

I have to smile all the time to make you think that I'm fine with my life

If I even tried to tell you what's wrong you would just look at me weirdly and not even listen

How did you even find me in the first place?
Can you like not, I'm tired and hate even being next to you but of course I can't say anything but oh well for now
Ella Nov 2017
How many times do I have to keep trying?
You've messed me up enough times already.
Ive tried telling you,
calling you,
looking at you for a new answer
But nothing works, I don't think it ever will.

I have the same words in my mind all the time.
I wish you could see how it's like to live under you
To be smashed to the ground
And not be able to get up

Whatever I'll stay like this a little longer
But you're going to regret the day that I snap and you're going to wonder what went wrong
Jisatsu shitaidesu       Jisatsu shitaidesu
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