One night
I had a dream in black and white
in my view
was the boy I once knew
he used to bring me so much joy
but I realized he treated me like a toy
just seeing him I became so blind
as in fantasy he acted so kind
but when I awoke I came to see
what truly has become of me
laying in silence with my heart
hollowed out and torn apart

Nicotine*

It was only supposed to be
a tiny, miniscule taste
but love had other ideas.
You are a cloudless sky
in my clouded mind,
In the end, I'm always
craving you.

You ever get that feeling that repeats,
like abstinence from nicotine?
You ever get that feeling of
wanting to be
numbed into bliss,
risking narrowed veins and arteries
for just one mind-silencing kiss?

I'll let passion sear my heart
and won't hear what my insecurities
love to whisper into my abused ears;
I can polarize what's blurred
and what's clear.

It wasn’t fast or loud
It didn’t happen with a bang, or a crack, or a crowd.

It was more like sleeping.
A slow slip a lovely creeping.

It wasn’t a fall or a trip
It was an aching rip

I just looked at you
And I knew

But I wasn't surprised
It had been there all along I realized

But it had just opened its eyes
Beautiful brown ones full of love and void of lies.

That is how my love for you came,
Slowly and without shame.

it’s a long way down
from here.
sometimes nothing is gentle,
sometimes everything burns,
and sometimes
you just have to let it.
watch the fire as it consumes you
and everything else.
it’s okay.
sometimes the burns remind you
that you’re alive.
if you feel the heat, don’t let it go -
try to catch the sunlight in your mouth
and feel the world move within you.

it’s a long way down from here
so remember to enjoy the view.
if you do fall, remember
to dive headfirst.
dive headfirst into everything
and don’t be afraid
of hitting the ground.
let the adrenaline remind you
that you’re breathing.
it’s not always easy to stay steady,
so let the wind shake you.
it’s alright.
no one is as strong as they believe.
so fall away into the world,
feel everything you can
at your own expense.

it’s a long way down from here
so take in this moment
and let it push you over the edge.

People cheat for many different reasons
But almost none of them involve you

Being enough is not a factor
Listing the things that could be done
Differently is a waste of precious time
Because it truly wasn't you, it was them

Some do it for power, some do it for control
Some do it in loneliness, some do it in emptiness

Whatever the reason, remember it isn't you.
It is a mental compulsion, a temptation
That some otherwise extraordinary people
Fail to overcome, inhibit or control.

This isn't a justification, nor is this an excuse
I just want you to know these things
Are not because of you.