I'm a teenager so I stay up late
But I've found that late at night I get lonely
And I search the internet for someone to talk to
But it just makes me lonelier
The lonelier I am the harder I look
The harder I look the later it gets
This is upsetting
Copenhagen is a movie that greatly parallels my relationship
Yet the more I saw them thrive the lonelier I felt
The lonelier I felt the more space I seemed to occupy in my bed
Near the last quarter of the movie there was a scene
That made me think to myself
"Effy is the only woman that can slap a man then make him dance"
And I took up more of my bed
I'm a teenager
I'm a submissive
I'm an aspiring housewife
I'm someone's "girl"
I'm in love
I'm an Aquarius
I'm a daughter
I'm a human
I'm a spiritualist
I'm a gamer
And lastly, I want people to know me.
I don't know why, I just do.
I wonder what it'd be like to be in his bed
For his bed to be, our bed
For us to be partners
And to stand side by side, hand in hand
Facing the world as it comes
I just wonder what that'd be like sometimes
Okay so you know those depressed teen quotes that are everywhere?
"I spent way too much time thinking
about someone who didn't think about me."
"I let you in and you destroyed me"
You know we make those, and support those because,
we don't know what else with our emotions and thoughts.
And when you look back on them,
after getting out of that phase in your life that now seems stupid.
You may find yourself ashamed that you ever supported or took part in
such things because they are so pointless.
But I personally also find it funny.
I find it funny because I was so desperate for someone to see me and say;
"Hey you are right to feel depressed and I'm here to feel sorry for you."
Then I started going to therapy and I went through something that seemed harder than everything else at the time.
I became kinda cold after that but then I was lucky enough to meet my Master, who is also my guardian angel.
(I know this may sound stupid but it's what we believe)
He cared enough about me from the start to tell me
when I was doing something wrong.
And now here I am.
I work towards something when I want it.
I pay attention to my health more, because I realized I needed to.
I now know that blunt honesty is 99.9% of the time what fixes things.
I know that I need to learn to balance things in my life,
and I'm still working on it.
But that's the thing I'm working on my problems now.
By the way the 0.1% is when people ask if their dress makes their *** look big. Also, when it comes to that bit about my Master being my guardian angel this is something that has been proven to me personally multiple times because it's something my beliefs support and I can feel that it's true.
I am a teenage girl
I don't go outside much
But I workout
I teach myself in online courses
I spend a lot of time on World of Warcraft
I'm in love with someone much older than me
I feel like I've known him for a 3 lifetimes, not just 3 years
I believe the human spirit is a powerful thing made of light and darkness
I'm a submissive at heart
And I believe in true love
So that's me.
If you were to look into my heart
Or my mind
Or wherever it is emotions are harbored
You wouldn't find emotions just floating about
You'd find boxes of all types of material
Mainly cardboard but also boxes made of such things as steel
Or even dark mysterious matter that only exist in my mind
And those boxes are where my emotions reside
Where memories reside
Where very painful things reside
Things such as my childhood
Like raising myself because my parents were too high to get out of bed
And raising my sister from the age of 7 for the same reasons
Then living with my dying grandfather, whom I loved as a Father
I know these things because all boxes have labels in my world
And I could tell you these things without feeling anything
I can do this because to me they're just facts written on boxes
That's all I had to share