I’m scared as f*ck
to want you.

But here
I am,

Still wanting you
anyway.

I want to rip my name
              out of your throat  
You are not allowed
                  to speak it anymore.

I still remember the last time I saw you
and I remember the day I realized
it was really over

but life goes on, as things do
however, I still find myself
thinking about you

I’ve seen other people,
I’m sure you have too
but still, I really, truly do
myss you

Why must the
S I M P L E S T
Things remind me of
Y O U

Why must the tiniest
S E X U A L
Reference send me
B A C K

Why can’t I be
S T R O N G
Not like how I am
N O W

W E A K

You were just a text
B U B B L E
And now you are ever present in my
R E A L I T Y

O N L I N E
R E L A T I O N S H I P
=
T R A U M A
I S  N O T
P O S S I B L E

Breaking me down with
M A N I P U L A T I O N
With your crafty
R O L E P L A Y S

They make me want to
E N D
Everything about
M Y S E L F

I am disgusted with what you
T U R N E D
Me into, but I’m getting
B E T T E R

S I L E N T
B U T
I M P R O V I N G

And one day,
Y O U
Will see the better version of
M E

The
M E
You could never
R E A C H

The
M E
You could never truly
T O U C H

I  A M
W O R K I N G
T O  G E T
P A S T
Y O U

I  A M
W O R K I N G
T O  F I N D
C O N T E N T M E N T

I  A M
W O R K I N G
T O  B E C O M E
H I G H E R
T H A N

Y O U
E V E R
C O U L D
C L I M B

Everyone tells me
that growth is a process.

And I believe them.
I do.

But I have been waiting,
pleading with whatever god exists
to help me bloom.


I am growing.
but not upwards.
I am twisted and
wretched and ugly.

I am not growing.

I am rotting.