I don't believe in much due to many of my misfortunes
Monogamy, faith, soul mates, forever
Yet I always pray for him, for true happiness & love
But there's a part of me deep within my soul that is completely terrified
That he will find that true happiness and love, w someone other than me
And I will have to watch him fall madly in love w someone else

What is genuine happiness and how do I obtain it? I am in dire need of self peace. I want to put my mind at ease without substance abuse. I am tired of being a slave to my habits.

You consume me.
I taste you every time I lick my lips.
I hear your voice in the wind.
I smell you as soon as I get in my car.
I feel your hand in mine while I sleep.
I even see you in my ******* dreams.
Who was I before you?
Who am I now without you?
I hate that everything reminds me of you, and when something happens I still want to run to you & tell you. But I can't and that makes me sad.
Everything makes me sad.
How is it you broke my heart and yet it yearns for you?

Running, painting, smoking, ***, drinking, writing, reading, socializing... the fufillment these outlets give me are temporary. These dark thoughts within me are forever.

It took me so long to finally be okay with being alone. Then I met you and I didn't want to be alone anymore. Now you've left me and I am more alone than ever and I do not know how to cope.

To have finally found each other and now be unable to be together, how truly unfortunate we are.

I am so happy I took a chance, I risked what was left of my overused heart. I could feel the blood rushing through my lifeless body, never have I felt more alive than I did when I was with you. My corpse no longer deceased, I have been revived.