when you get the courage to finally dream again and fall in love, it's always the stories and people who've you used to that come crawling back into your mind

let me be

I can't believe I ever attempted to love someone like you and when we parted ways you called me a liar and a cheat as if my memory meant nothing to you

I hope you see me as I am now

Hopeful but still learning how to better my mind

I'm sorry for the distraught state I left you in but it was for the better... you and I would have never won

I shouldn't
I don't want to say it
You've already put a ring on her finger
Her delicate soft hair tangled around you
But I still miss you
Despite the arms that hold me close
Your smile always drives me mad
I can't now
I really shouldn't
Part of me did love you once
Yet I'm surrendering my feelings to the clouds
I would be a fool to think you could love me

sparrows in the wintered hedge
early grey clouds
the cold biting at my ears
the glowing red of holidays gone
traded in for windy afternoons
noses pressed against the window
we can't touch but we can cry

i just wanted to write
but something got in the way

you were trying to send morse code
i was just trying to get lost

i know we weren't good enough
to survive the storms

but I'm back now...
this time without you

fighting
clawing
scratching
gasping
for whatever glimpse of clean air
when the apocalypse is over
when the bodies outnumber the grains of sand
for whatever rain storm befalls
the rain will take over in waves to
cleanse
dry
redeem
purify

today I have run out of words

maybe tomorrow I will find a few

I am nothing less than tired

quite possibly bored with what time I have

wandering aimlessly in my mind

maybe tomorrow I'll wake up feeling better

told myself love was a waiting game
I got dealt cards I didn't know what to do with
I tried to set them up but they fell down
my house of cards couldn't withstand the rain
people taking advantage of me
people trading cards under the table

told myself just to hold out a little longer
throwing dice at the wind and screaming at God
thought it was all over for me
till I decided to go all-in and win
betting my soul on an ace of hearts
looking at your from across the game of chance

I've spent
7,574 days
on this Earth
but it only
took me
1 day
to know
you were
the one

empty tables filling the silent
rows on rows taking up time
shadows making conversation
hallways telling gossip
between the rain and the clouds
taking sips from my coffee
wishing it never ended
haunted cracked window panes
spilling fragments of light
reminding me slowly
I'm all alone in this one

taking a photo of us
saving in my mind
waiting till this moment comes back

making a song about us
writing it down here
waiting till you're back with me

clearing off my bed
dusting the furniture
waiting till I can hold you close

time made sure we'd break
distance made sure I'd cry
but I'd never fall out of love with you

I don't wanna lose you to something I can't control
don't tell me that you're gonna leave me
don't you dare even walk out that door
I'm keeping you here close to me till death rings its bell
I'll lay with you here until our eyes no longer meet
Even when the world is ending we'll be safe
The winter winds blow in the spring air
We'll be cleansed of all the dark, hollow

the clouds like dark curtains drawn
trying to hide the warmth of the golden orb
the sky painting secrets like an ocean
tidal waves of emotion pulling me back and forth
praying the lightning strikes where my hands have been
taking deep breaths without thinking
the wind running through my fingers like thread
I am caught in the endless cycle of time
energy of the atmosphere holding me up
and I know you can't hear me anymore
but the air around me doesn't taste like roses
when you left the air began to taste like death

if i catch you in my dreams

would you stay long enough for me to kiss you?

if i happen to fall into your arms

would you hold me closely till i am healed?

if for a moment i can't find you

would you remind me again you're not far?

if i go blind and my heart fails

would you put me in a casket of roses?

if we happened to fall in love

would this daydream between me and you last forever?

shadows perform their sword dance playfully
his fingers wrapped in mine like a bow
lights passing on the twilight highway
busy wondering if they are all going home
music toning out the white noise
he puts his hand on my knee through the rips
as if to ground himself from floating away
the weight of the past 4 months slipping
all of it is drifting away when I'm here
caught staring up at the ceiling and wishing
he pulls my chin around to face him
a cool kiss planted on my forehead
here and now my pain is gone because of him
never wanting to leave and praying he stays

felt like this before
felt the waves crashing
footsteps following close behind

I know you're there
to catch me when
I fall more in love with you

you're swimming in my dreams
dancing in my thoughts
whenever I close my eyes,
yours are there to replace mine

taking off all your fears
dressing me up with soft words
laying next to me and casting down lies
your soul is mine forever

she was a first-class baby with a first-class *****

he was a first-class liar with a first-class game

put two a two together and you get something really messed up

there's no balance between
the fine line you made me walk
when you played me
high as a kite, we were just yelling
throwing shade and throwing dishes
she used to catch feelings
but now she's out there catching trains
I know you bought me those heels
but you can't ever get on my level
my head in the clouds
far above the smoke from this party
there's no going back once you're in it
that fine line I made you walk
I played my cards
now there's nothing left on the table

he saw what I couldn't

he loved what I didn't

loving me forever

finally found someone
to call my own
to call my home
to call my one

he finally found me
wishing he was whole
wishing he was himself
wishing he was there

finally found myself
knowing I grew up
knowing I glowed up
knowing I gained wisdom

and I'll never let you walk alone
and I'll always be your person baby
and there's no way I can't unlove you

laid back watching the stars
dreamt you were always here
sticking around longer than the rest
because even if I could forget you
your eyes would never let me go
baby, you don't see what I see
when you're looking so closely
hands tangled over the darkness
we're in this mess together now

when I was watching the moon
you only dreamt only of me
staying close by longer than them
because even when I forgot you
our eyes would never let go
baby, you don't know the half of it
when I'm staring so closely
lips locked over the white noise
we're always gonna be together

I wrote you a letter
It sounded like a love song
So I burnt it in the fireplace
And decided to buy a shotgun

You
(n.)
The one soul I can’t live without
and makes me smile endlessly

better is it to follow a path unknown
then to try and go back down one you know too well

better it is to say "I love you"
than to never say it at all and die alone

better is it that you left me broken
then for me to tear myself apart trying to love you

People would call me a fool for him
Yet nothing could take me away from my love
He, my painter and muse, who never waivered
Faithfully sipping red wine to the jazzy melodies
He'd sit there and say to me,

"Tell me another story my Rose
Sing to me something sweet and take off my clothes
And when it's all over, kiss me good bye and float to the moon
Don't come back down till the 4th of June"

there's not a lot I know for certain but I know this,
one day you'll end up at my door
one day you'll be standing right there
and I'll ask you six questions:

where have you been?
are you lonely?
where are you going now?
do you even miss me?
why did you choose me?
did you even love me at all?

self-absorbent in the ways
light flashes back on my iridescent skin
the breaking of moments
I'm dealing with indecency, I know
busy thinking of ways
to catch your attention again
the pulling of curtains in a show
we're both rather self-indulgent
creatures of mad habits
the breaking of windows
flames laps at me as I crawl low
whenever you're standing there
well, I'm rather insane
those unthinkable behaviours
rather selfish and cruel calypso
but I'm your favourite drug
like the light is mine

couldn't explain it then

sure as hell can't explain it now

the million reasons why

the thousand excuses why

I'm always coming back to you

and I heard from someone, who heard it from another
tha-...  no... I'm sick and tired of rumors

blocked, deleted, trashed, and gone

these are the things so far I've done

to take you out of my life for good

because God only knows just what you did

roses are sometimes red,

violets may occasionally be blue,

but I know that you were

always too good to be true

if feeling could write,

if emotions could paint,

we'd all be drowning

in acrylic and ink

did you know
when you look at me
the way you just did
it made my heart flutter
just to think
just to feel
that someone else
could have been me
lying here with your hands
breathing deeply
waiting for you to break
you may not know
but I do
and it's haunting

oh but her hallowed voice called me out into the waters
it was where I knew I couldn't stand that I saw him
so I said to my dear sailor, "did you ever hear such a voice?"
her lilac eyes like a jealous sea longing for the return of the Sun
the waves like ropes dragging me further till I see black
he replied with hands of rough,"nay, I see nothing but the stars"
it was then I knew it was a dream; an unsinkable feeling
my sailor's song coming through the fog to the water's edge beside

but he rattled the chains on the deck and hoisted me closer
it was when I heard it again that I dove into the murky waters below
his legs jolting after me while I found myself in her icy embrace
"I've never heard such a song" I replied to the depths
the voice spoke so softly like the grazing seaweed beneath
"come closer and we will show you" they called and so I did
she draped me in pale blue and wrapped her tentacles over me
with the sounds of a thousand crying souls, I became the sea

sweet smells of chardonnay whispering
and him waltzing in from the kitchen.
as if Jazz had legs and walked by you
I smiled and he danced towards me.
so I said,

"paint me up a storm Cassanova.
Tell me all your secrets and your lies.
And if you don't come back tomorrow,
least I'll know we had a chance to say goodbye"

I wanted you

before the lights dimmed

when I kissed you

garden lovers and dream breakers

he had me in goodbyes

she told you with a drunk call

we're only waiting

our whole lives are a trance

taking your sweet time

me letting things get out of hand

I needed you

before we pulled back the curtains

when you kissed me back

that part of me just knew

I wasn't good at hiding it

so last night when he was off tripping and kissing on some ex-girl

and while I was out sipping on a bottle of something unfamiliar

we still felt the darkness ******* us down when the morning sun rolled its eyes at us

ran into the wrong dude in the wrong situation

was gonna call you up but you weren't answering

so now I'm in the back of an uber with the lies you told me

when you're feeling better
when the scars have healed
let me know
when I should turn around
when things look brighter
tell me so
when you're done cheating
when the lies about her stop
say it to me
when the bullsh*t is over
when you wanna tell me the story
I'll be over here
when that times come
when we're finally back in reality
that's when we can finally be
honest with ourselves

do you know that moment when your heart is sitting in your throat

when your stomach is doing backflips and your breath is shallow

because you know he's hiding something and you know it's there

here we are
reading over other people's
heartache,
love,
misery,
wondering if it
ever gets any better
for us

with the way you were sitting there in

the moody lighting of that sunken bar

I could have sworn I felt cupid smack me in the face

and in a moment your lips were on mine

i've never had anyone kiss me the way you did

i've never fallen in love and fallen asleep

but you're one in a million and i wanna stay a while

it creeps up like black water lapping at my ankles

when the salty air runs its thin fingers over my shoulders

and I turn to find myself in the midst of the heavens

touching earth, breathlessly taking me down without a word