I don’t know the names of your children and can’t recall your husband’s face outside of the fact that he has a square jaw and like me he is not classically beautiful
My tongue remembers the spaces between each of your teeth and the distance between your breast and navel is near that of your earlobe and collar bone
Please forgive me for never being able to imagine you conventional a woman who keeps house and walks a family dog before putting kids to bed
I remember the heat of your fingertips and your eyes unblinking wild that summer we jumped fences to explore the intimacy of our friendship
I saw your skin glistening under water moon-drenched and held the small of your back in my palm my heartbeat felt in every part of me
Lips stained mouthfuls of dirt cheap wine sediment on our tongues swirling toward the bottom as we pulled air from each other’s lungs

This morning your side of the bed was cold. I’m not used to this.

We had an Indian Summer and on mornings you left early
remnants of your body heat
warmed and lulled me to sleep.
It’s November and it feels like winter in my bones.
The seasons passed over Autumn with no regard and we will travel through 5 states to find her.
We will
****
in strange beds, connecting by way of mouths, hands and words.
I always love your words whispered against my neck.
We will wake in towns with names that sound like a childhood game where you kissed your best friend on a dare.
When we find Autumn you will photograph her, because she’s beautiful and one day we’ll look back and admire how her beauty never faded.
We always noticed when she didn’t come around and every November we searched together for her.
Every November my heart beat differently.

I swirl like wreckage in her swells
She fills my mouth
briny
brackish
on my tongue
tides pool
between my teeth
reflecting stars
other worlds

Surround yourself
with people who celebrate
your flaws
as your best qualities
dysphoria
a collective affliction
whiskey
the common cure
write of
dreams of grandeur
speak of
goals and intentions
concede to every hindrance
complicate each opportunity
commiserate
rationalize
recoil
undo
backslide
(repeat­)

I have no use for negative
e m o t i o n s
No time
No want
to feel hateful
I just don’t
because really, what’s the point?
it’s wasted energy
(as many things were)
And I was never the cynic
darling

When dyspathy surfaces
I try to remember
a past life
when your eyes held
Mysteries
not
S E C R E T S
When your lips smiled
coy, enamoring
before revealing
dangerous canines

When sentiment takes hold
I remember
Your naked thigh
HER
******* on the floor
next to the bed
like a scene from a movie
I didn't care to see
but watched all the way through

I bounce between these
counteractive ideas
until there’s a harmony
you’re not a wolf
she’s not a raven
you’re just two people
from a story
(faces)
obscured by time