You can't retract words you've already spoke
Instead, you should take responsibility of what has been said
But if the responsibility is too burdensome
I guess an apology wouldn't harm

It will always hurt,
the pain will never go away.

But.
Knowing what is known now,
Knowing the hope given for the future,
replaces some of the hurt, with hope.

Memories are never to be forgotten,
yet the past is the past.

Dwelling on what can't be changed,
hinders the continuation of life.

Picking up the baggage will take some time.
Moving on all together will still be the hardest thing to accomplish.

But when the final bag is put on the truck,
and all that has to be done is to drive away,
I will smile, reach over to the dial, and turn on the car radio.

As I pull out of the driveway, the radio will be at its highest,
because looking back, I'll be able to say,
That the music had never faded away.

I had hoped
as I had many times before
that it would not come
but the night would eventually depart
like the thousand friends I believed I had
vanishing like the shine of new paint over the course of time
sleep is better spent in daylight as the machine rolls mercilessly
over the depleting consciousness of those lingering desperate souls
and when the machine rests
I awaken
to roam the silent scenes and landscapes of the unbound thought
the minds well
this holy realm of darkness

Embrace me through the night
And let me feel you sigh
I want to feel your heartbeat close to mine
as it sky-rocketed through the sky

Hold me tight
Keep me warm
Even just through this night
I don’t care if this won’t last
as forever never do really last

Lie to me if you must
But don’t tell me this isn’t real
for tomorrow may be gone
and this moment is enough.

Lie to me if you must
but make me believe
even just this once
that your heart beats only for me
and this is nothing else but real.

If i told you i needed help
would you listen?
Or would your silence
Echo off the walls.
See my life is like a car,
Sometimes moving fast
And other times so **** slow.
If i told you i feel hurt inside
would you not just hear
but listen
to what i said
I need someone to care.
Im tired of trying to fight alone.
Im tired of trying to survive at a table for one.
If i told you
I cry all over my body
And each tear is a knife
And they are leaving scars on my flesh,
Would you cut me a bandage,
Sop up my blood,
Or leave me to bleed out.
If i told you
I was alone and my demons are taunting me
would you get me out
Or would you keep walking
or keep scrolling...
Im not begging for attention,
But one cannot be expected to be alone and silent like a life long detention.
If i told you
I was ready to confess everything
Come clean from my secrets,
Strip myself naked so you could see my imperfections
would you care even the slightest bit
Or are you so selfish
And so ignorant
To walk on
And leave this person to die.
If i told you i was ready to die
would you blame it in cliche,
Or believe it and save me from damnation
Its time to think.
It could be up to you
This isnt just my world,
Its yours, too
and dont you want to be
somebody
To someone?
I need you.
Because all of these "if i told you's
Are becoming
**im telling you

Sometimes, surrounded by daily struggle
With no time to deep breath the air
Following some made up order
I stop myself and ask:

Am I lost in this madness?

Using all my forces to make things right
Running for something and still feeling
like: " I m waiting all my life!"
I m waiting to stop the imposed chaos
And make the chaos of living life.

Sometimes, surrounded by daily struggle
I feel my chest is ripping apart.
You know, the madness in my head
The trembling of my body,
I m just stuck in it
And it wont let me even scream.

Sometimes,
I wish I could just jump out of me
To release these chains from my heart
All those attachments
All those “ I think I need to do things.“

All those fake smiles and faces.
False concerns and supports
Running in the infinity of illusion
With no true goal and purpose.

So, sometimes,
I just let my madness rip me off
To let me cold, exposed and naked
To let me see my self inside
And make me reborn in a new day
With new strength, for new fights.

Oh, ocean
Take me away
Envelope me in your waves
Wash me away from the shore.

Freeze me
Numb my pain
Let me drown
In your vastness.

Let me sink
To the bottom of the ocean.

I guess I won that stupid fight of "I love you more."