i can’t stand
all the do’s and dont’s
of your unfair judgments
because sometimes
i need to learn
from my mistakes too

I tried to hide how much it hurts.
The Disappointments.
The Insecurities.
The Failures.
But the pain crept up my throat.

I tried to hide how much it hurts,
tried to hide it from the world;
but the instant I turned the **** to my own chamber,
I couldn’t hold back the pain any longer.

maybe you once asked me:
"how are you?"
but
did you really mean it?
was it ever a genuine curiosity
or
was it just a meaningless question to avoid the oddity
of inane awkward silences?
maybe
it was just an appropriate thing for you to say at the moment
and it led me on to think
that you'll be there for me when i need it.
but at the end,
you were never
there.

SO

the next time you ask me:
"how are you?"
and i say:
"i'm okay"
and if you genuinely cared at all,
would you have noticed the silent screams in my eyes
that hold back the tears saying
i need you?