what if
things were different and
time and circumstances allowed us to do be together?
maybe
I wouldn’t have been confused about how I felt
maybe
I wouldn’t have kept my guard up too high
maybe
I wouldn’t have been scared of getting into a relationship
...or maybe
I wouldn’t be hurting right now seeing you with her and wonder  
w h a t   i f
that was me instead?
.

...
if you would be willing
to lend me some of your time..

i can prove to you  
that i'm worth more than
just a spare second to say hello

i can show you
that i don't deserve the role
as an understudy for those who
can't be there for you

i will make it known to you
that i am not someone you can dispose of
after you've gotten what you needed from me

...but ***,
how will you know all these things if you won't
lend me
some
of your time
...

mom, when will the day come that you will learn to accept that there is a man that can love me too?

maybe
if i were a gymnast,
i could rub my hands with chalk
so that
everything that i once knew
and
all the memories that i held on to
...
won’t slip away from my hands