So you ask God for the “perfect woman.”
Specifically about her style, traits, personality, believes & well, her body.
Writing down every single detail.
Then it happens- God delivers the woman of your dreams.
It's everything you wanted.
An endless river stream of love poured down into the soul
as everything feels perfect.
Too perfect... or so it seems

Now, you’re worried
It’s uncommon for you to be treated by the “perfect woman.”
As your mind races, you began to panic.
Searching for flaws & hoping to find negative habits.
Yet, you come up with nothing...
So you convince yourself,“ No this can’t be real?!”
You advise the “perfect woman” to leave.
Due to denial, you canceled your dreams.
No trust in God’s plan, signs of guilt tripping.

Now you realized what you have done.
What a mess you made.
You knew you should've stayed.
Regretting your decision
You chase & beg the “perfect woman” to take you back.
She says "no"-which causes frustration.
Now you blew it, & what's worst? You knew it.
So you go back to square one
Where it all began,
Asking God for another "perfect woman" to come into your life again...

“But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light:”
‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭2:9‬ ‭KJV‬‬

Lord, tonight I’m on my hands & knees, so I hope that you’re Listenin’.
Getting difficult for me to avoid multiple temptations
I’m trying to stay discipline.
Unlike mankind, I’m choosing to be build different.
Changing the outcome of my actions, I’m being way more vigilant.
I want to keep our promise we made together through this covenant.
And, I take full responsibility. I know that I’m not innocent.
~
Man, last year I got into a fight with man who was ignorant.
Got upset over a call in basketball I made & he lost it.
Took his frustration out on me due to his emotions being bottled in.
He had it out for me for a long time, this was no coincidence.
I wanted to mark his face with a final blow that would be permanent.
I was ready to risk it all that day during this whole incident.
~
Okay, summer time comes, I was in class all day studyin’
Evening shifts, late nights, grinding hard, constantly hustlin’
After 5 long weeks I failed my finance class that I was in
Program dropped me out of it, GPA low, not proud of it
Tick off cause I felt like all that hard work was all for nothin &
Decided to switch up, pursue poetry that I’m passionate in
So I left school, never looked back at the lost accomplishment
~
2019 was the start of a beginning breakup.
A test-run to give me a taste of a nasty setup.
March 29th- the day lost everything due to a house fire.
Left a terrible sight in my eyes making feel bitter.
Homeless for 4 months with nothin attached to my name neither.
Life handing out frustration, gimme a minute, I need a breather.
~
But now I’ve grown more mature while learning how to stay pure.
Stuck in this grey area of love of feeling sure & sometimes insecure.
My girl-I know I’m good for her, but I’m also real to her.
Times are different with her, hopefully not like what they once were.
Learning how to not blind myself when I express love.
Searching for your voice, God, tell me if she’s the one?
Hoping for a yes so I know that I am enough.
Otherwise the 3 of us will have a lot to discuss, that’s real.
~
I deal with a lot of people situations beside me
People want to disrespect me vs try and protect me
Everyone wants to control me, but don’t know how to love me
Everyone say they miss me, but won’t come see me
Everyone likes to go ghost and do it so freely
Everyone choose to banned me rather than try to understand me

Issue #1

High criticism in opinions
Lack of support
Overthinking situations
Mental breakdowns inside my soul
Backlash after Backlash
Trying to find my voice in this world
Yet, I hold back my tongue

Issue #2

I quit dating because my heart was torn open so many times.
Distance myself from friends because I was being taken advantage of.
Stop writing because my poems won’t change lives.
Gave up on the promise land because it’s difficult to reach.

Issue#3
Bills due monthly
Large pay check here
Short pay check there
Long shifts = Long nights
Trying to save money
Tuition due soon.

Here goes FASFA calling again....
"~Excuse me, I have to take this call"

Mentally, i'm uncomfortable

Physically, i'm uncomfortable

Financially, i'm uncomfortable

I am an uncomfortable black man!
So yeah, i want to give up.

Until i remembered my sticky note on the mirror... "Have faith".
                                            So I keep walking