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I sneak a peek through the bullet hole in my *****
      kitchen's window,
steel bars prevent escape.
I gaze upon piles of worthless junk thoughtlessly
     discarded on the asphalt lot below,
where children run and play.
Momma drinks to another day's sorrows, from a
     fingerprinted glass,
surrounded by the colored bottles from yesterday's
     celebration.
I quietly walk to the living room
where a suffering Jesus weeps silently upon the
     silver-flowered wallpapered wall,
I swear sometimess he speaks to me in a whisper,
telling me,
"Don't despair."
Arguing voices cursing the misfortunes of a drug deal
     gone bad.
Break! The silence outside my living room's door.
Dungeon gray....
Heavy as steel.....
Countless locks.....
A piercing scream echoes,
goes ignored,
then fades....
I sit alone upon our dusty brown couch,
as Momma rambles on senselessly in the other room,
an alcholics tune.
I stare once again to the suffering Jesus hanging hopelessly
     upon the wall,
as the night draws near and the light as dim as my
     dreams?
I whisper a tearful prayer for hope,
within this ghetto's
gloom.....
Shadow Paradox Sep 2014
~
Sitting on my rhinestone lotus pond floating around in my oceanic bedroom
The haunting begins its sinister buzzing with a silent ‘vroom’
Wooden door opening by itself
My jeweled heartbeat falls from a bone frame shelf

Demons hanging like poisoned vines from the painted ceiling sky
Gods then pours their breath inside my empty soul, drowning all insinuated lies
Butterfly piano keys fluttering their enchanted melodies
The notes dripping pearls of discarded lullabies into my hidden pleas

Lost dreams entangled in my seashell hair
As I sit cradling broken memories in my emerald iris, the ones I’ve forgotten to share
Dead skin peeling from my fingertips as I turn a dusty page in my notebook
Loose frays of secrets coming apart, falling away in my Underland outlook

I remember the day I recreated my being, as I drew Self into a mermaid rose
Piercing my revolving face with a jagged pen,
**** fairytales bleeding from my lips, a new world I chose
My dress of ivory seaweed has caught onto a sharp end
I sink into the onyx murky depths of my rhinestone lotus pond, wishing for a friend

Discarded
Bombarded

Licking death, seeing the dead
My attire drifts in the sulphide air, swirling with the essence of dread
I now leave my surreal sanctuary
As rhinestones melt, the pond drains, the lotus folds its metal origami

I’m back from the world I created
Back to reality where a sententious poet is constantly hated
Back to a butterfly wallpapered bedroom where hallucination spend
Yea I’m back, but not for long, not until inspiration comes and I swallow my pen
And into my notebook realm I will be back in my own world again…
~
This is an oldie when in yesteryears I was tangled in a nightmare of a fairytale~
Riley OKeefe Nov 2013
always the best ones 
fall away

like paint peeling off 
a hot, warped wall

what’s left are the ugly
 ones,
the 
wallpaper covered up in

winter’s cool glow.
Katie Jan 2019
yellow
                                                  used to be my favorite color
                                      i could live
                                                         within its warmth.

                                  but our kitchen was green:
                                 green and white
                                                      wallp­apered stripes.

                and those stripes
                                 weren't warm--
                                              they were filled
                                                                ­    with pain and hate.

      my mother
                               tired from the cold,
                           tore down
                             down!
                                          that ugly
                                                                ­    kitchen wallpaper.

                        clawing at the walls
                        she broke it
                                     into bits.

              yellow paint
                                       then filled the walls;
                                                         a promise of a change.

                                 but like all good things,
                             yellow too
                                                  seemed to fade.

                      my little kitchen,
                               are you why
                                      yellow
                ­                                      now brings
                                                                ­ me pain?
Caroline K Apr 2013
Gasp,
as her serpent body slides around
your torso, tighter.
She slithers down your throat,
and makes a home in your heart.
Introductions to
greed and gluttony
aren't needed,
you are old friends

turn away and don't acknowledge their presents

Lost
in the fingers of the forest
tangled,
in the darkness
Let the world provide the path.

Grab the darkness.
Pull on the blanket
dusted with sparkles.
Clothe yourself in her gowns.

Chanting,
in the backdrop
that paper is the only green
tangible.
Too much is,
impossible.

We are wallpapered
in green.
She spreads on leaf sheets,
And cleanses us with gold showers.

Fill your thirst
with her salty tears.
Cup your hands
and catch them,
they are here for you.
A letter,
addressed to the soil each time,
to remind us,
that we are not alone
but lonely.

She shares her sadness
Caused by the blindness
to her generosity.

Dive deeper,
As the venom voices
begin to drown out,
lost in the waves
of the tree trunks tracks.
Slip your body under the silence,
drown your lungs
let your ears fill,
don't panic
rest here.
DJ Thomas Jun 2010
I am back yet again
in Tripoli, reading
Arabic street signs and
on an evening look
to find that special fish
restaurant of old.

Al-Jameheriyyah
al-Arabeiyyah is and
has always been for me
the land of surprises in
this storied life.

Already, I have been
kidnapped into a long
adventure, taking me across
the Sahara into the rarest
of lands, filled with ponds
and fertile green beauty!

Today, I accompany
contacts from the fishing
fleet into the port.
On the far side of which,
below the British Embassy
is an old black submarine!?

My main contact is
handing me on board a
vessel, when he ages
slack and shakes.  
Then, I am pulled back
to be led away.

Hot and held firmly,
we don't waste words.
My jacketed guards walk me
briskly into the harbour,
towards a squat building.
Each alert and thinking - I,
that I'm in the arms of the
Libyan Secret Police,
as each jacket conceals
my confirmation!

On entering their blockhouse,
I am led and followed up the
stairs to confront a facing cell,
wallpapered entirely in
the heavy folding scissor-ed
steel closure of the Souq,
jewelled in locks!

The first jacket stoops to unlock
my cage. Likely, sharing my confidence
that once in, I'm here to stay -  I
drift slightly left. Thence, to roll
left, behind and around a second jacket,
to swiftly enter the office to my
rear.  A man stands, surprised!
Shaking hands, I greet him warmly.
I am asked to take a seat and
the audience at the door
to give explanation!

I am now the honoured guest
and have no intention of
leaving my seat!  Afraid,
the chairman and his shocked
staff are invited also.  Four
hours later my past involvement
in supplying the Libyan Tunisian
Fishing Cooperative with eighty
eight marine propulsion engines
is confirmed.

I leave them last, as
one might part from friends.

.
copyright©DJThomas@inbox.com 2010

Part of a past that might be told - my own saga...
Wednesday Feb 2016
Prepare for the ache, memorize the thin miles of blue green vein under your skin so you can chart the ebb and flow of potential bruises.
Victim. Masked girl, see how she flies. Falls. Dies.
Watch her make love letters in blue curls, blue dress, forget me nots, loves me yes.
Watch her play house, but never a mother. Watch her play brother, uncle.
Sundown. Sky grows darker with the grime of the underground. Cheap powder, high relief.
Glitter stills in the air, hanging on to dust motes. High jack.
Sometimes her knife slips. At noon, all doom. Darkened laughter. Because injustice. Because woman. Because even molten lava cools. Because razor blades. Because her seams are tailored, but not well. Hiding a secret, but never well. Because no door bell, no peep hole. Blind faith. Fate?
She played the death games with dangerous men and she didn't win. But oh, she didn't lose. Never lost. Just bit off more than she could chew. So she swallowed hard and waited for the hurt. The bleeding. Pain, she knows that old sting. Not quite a familiar friend but something nostalgic.
Watches the red blossom purple like her skin is spring.
The day has lost its luster. Lighting birthday candles, hoping one of these expired wishes will catch flame and spark. It's happened once before. The time she saw hell wallpapered in shades of peeling yellow.
Likes to play detective, fancies herself a good liar. Poker face of gloom.
No reason for polite, for stare, for hands shaking over hidden knowledge.
She is awaiting the burn. Summons strength. Face twisted into a smile pulled by string. Puppet, watch me dance. Show time. Red velvet knees and stained glass shadowed pages. Because ink dries faster than salt confessions.
Because uncle brother and mother are no longer child's play. Rosary choke-chains. Mary was never her savior, tell us, Pope: where was god? I know demon, I know devil. I know pomegranate and mother. I no longer play daughter, I graduated to something more. Silver screen harlot. She's got big, big dreams for a bedroom starlet.
Submerged in the toxicity of blue daytime. Remember when you wanted to make it big? Before your skin became scar and bandage, before you sacrificed body in hopes of keeping your soul?
Poor ******. Poor half-girl. Poor daydreamer, star wisher.
Burned alive, the headlines said. No one read the story, thought char and bone were enough. Didn't read the follow up, didn't read about the missing teeth after the third day. Can't be bothered with the Phoenix, didn't want to realize there is a creature empty enough to poke holes in her brain to let the sun in.
Some wanted fire. She bathed in kerosene. Carried matches behind her eyes.
Not slaughter, sacrifice.
They call her myth.
They call her live wire.
They call her contagious.
They check for symptoms.
They say her demise was a vaccine.
Lady Francis Jan 2014
It was all a scam!

Avonte knew that man!

Autistic children don't trust strangers
or run into their hands

This was an innocent child sacrificed
to put a multi million dollar program in place

They knew what they were doing
as they wallpapered the city with his face

A boys life was lost

He never had clue what he did wrong

Now the evil ones are lining  their pockets

And Avonte's dead and gone!
Kate Lion Jan 2013
So I planted a flower garden, just like I always wanted darling
And I’ve sat in it every day since
Talking myself up to the white roses and making them blush because they know that they aren’t really the company I’d like to be keeping
Not really, anyway
And I feel rather terrible about it because I speak as if I’ve wallpapered the world with my words
But it’s just my own skull and your thoughts, I suppose
And I think they see right through me
Oh, they can see all my thoughts, all right
And I wish I resembled sterling silver, fixing all my failings as I go- so none could ever know all those mistakes
No one can judge a piece of duct tape-

I planted a flower garden, just like I always wanted darling
And I’ve done my best not to peek over the courtyard walls
Just to see if you’re finally coming to greet me like a stranger
But I never let my eyes wander farther than the second cobblestoned row from the top
Just to be proud of my ability not to think on you
I shouldn’t feel quite so terrible about those white roses knowing ‘cause deep down, somewhere in that same place where my love for dancing and ketchup and all of those other terrible things are, I think white roses have finally taken root as well
But it- isn’t my fault
I don’t think
Oh, but now my memory is a continuous roll of clear scotch tape that I run my fingers over always, trying to find the beginning so I can break off the pieces so nothing blends and examine them more carefully to the end
But I can’t find that teeny, tiny ridge that will show me how this all began
Do you remember- can white roses turn brown?
-I thought not
Oh, you always knew what to say but never quite how to say it
I’d take your double-edged words and be grateful for them now
Just to know if my favorite color turned brown
If my favorite thing about me will never be found

So I planted a flower garden, just like I always wanted darling
And I water it whenever I think on three-fourths of my favorite things
They don’t know your name or the name of my love
Because I empty the bitter tears concerning those things in places I never visit anymore
-The idea of producing one-fourth sour-faced and wrinkly roses makes me squirm-
I wonder
If someone gave you the stem of a daisy could you dip it in ink and draw the face of your favorite anything
I thought not
I forgot (oh, see how I am forgetting things) that you don’t have any favorite things
Dash it all (to pieces)!
I doubt that I was ever your favorite, not to say I was the least favorite
But all of this is beginning to make more sense now, I think
But, back to the most important thing
The white roses
They’re lost in that place full of things I’ve learned to despise
Or perhaps just things I’ve lost a liking for
Oh, how I despise you
Is that why I can’t find you (or the white roses)
Anywhere
Out across the Northern sea
she sits serenely watching me as I sit watching her
two chairs,one space
and Skype lets me
look on her face.
So beautiful,
I'm full of glee
but she sits quietly watching me and sees in telescopic sight a man that might appeal and could he feel her heart beat tenderly?
somewhere across the Northern sea.

I felt the winds ride in her hair as the ocean carries me off,where we'll meet,and yes, her heart beats tenderly.
I'll be her picture on the wall,with colours bright so when she calls to me across the Northern sea,
I'll be in frame
Just wait and she will call my name.
This type of Skyping is no game for children or for lesser men.
When oceans rise and flow quite freely from her eyes
I shall sail across the sea to be wallpapered on her screen,compute the distance,data insistence regulates
and eventually terminates the nightly talk.
tonight I walk
tomorrow free
for we will skype again,
I see the Northern lights
she sees in telescopic sight this man
who waits upon the Southern shore
wanting more.

Oh internet
you'll not regret this meeting of the continents and quite content I sit and wait
until the data gate is opened up for me.
she sits and waits somewhere across
the Northern sea.
Gale L Mccoy Mar 2019
busy busy bee
now you like it
now you're running from-
what are you running from?
their standards wallpapered
over your raw skin
why do you wear it?
you've never liked
the color yellow
you know you can't
fly through water
busy busy bee
Tom McCone Oct 2013
at once, a world is deigned in
colour or some other life-like
artifice. with no need to find
fault in these motions, the
sky trails on, the clouds follow
in all and fragile suit. for
an instant all things are
composed.              
                all animacy
yields this wallpapered lounge;
the stacks of light, in sway.
and here, me, in
obsoletionary pose, in drought.
the entropic slow loss of
self-esteem, the ability to
retain memories, the light
burnt clean through these
papered walls.          
but i still brush my teeth,
still keep clean, still keep
hope bundled, tight, close:
a dream,      
     i'll never see.
a memory never        
             made reality.

common uncertainty, or
the unmaking of me.
I am made of absences.
Some o' that
Would look quite nice upon the walls within my flat.

With the mountains all around me
I sit in silence.
And I am free.

The valleys far below where I no longer go
Fade.
Underneath the overhanging rocks
I find the shade I need
Vestiges of a former greed.

I look towards and to the sky
A blue glass ceiling.
I wonder why it's so.
I think I'd like to go beyond and wander,yonder,far away.

Here up high there is no fear
Just solitude, which I have chosen.

One that came so long ago to play the game and could not know
The end was always near
Up high,there is no fear.

And my thought is nought against the mountain stone.
Alone,there is no fear.
But my mind would squander distant lands of which I've seen but few
Yet know the sky out there is also blue
And peopled just the same
As I, who came to play this game.
What difference then? I ask
That their task be so much greater than mine.
Another line within this platform game.

So mountains rise to poke fun at my skies
But then they crumble
Dusting off their dusty feet they also meet the man that dies
Alone and yet in company.
A stone in my eternity.

Some o' that
Would look quite nice upon the walls within my flat.
Wallpapered and looking clean
The astonishingly textural mountain scene.
Alas the pass which I went through is no longer there
So my vision of a loneliness,alone,
I cannot share.
I bear the cross and show the shame
A loser,loser in
The game.
regina Apr 2016
I. Midas

i like to look at your picture because it reminds me that you are just a man

your hands have handed me horseradish and hard liquor and you’re about as chatty as the women on the view but it's great because i'm totally into this view

and ohio was gray until out of the blue, you touched me and i turned to gold

---

II. Indianapolis

i want to rage so hard in this life

i want to be so exhausted from living that i don’t even have the urge to fight back on my death bed

and i’ll be too worn out to walk into heaven that the angels will have to carry me in

only to have peter push me through the drop door and i’ll plummet straight into purgatory

which i’m convinced is the state of indiana

where there’s inexplicable construction funded by taxes from the four people who live there

inconveniencing all the rest of us who are just passing through

peeing in your roadside wallpapered bathrooms and marveling at your cows of many colors

the loudest noise in indiana is probably me screaming

it’s like each telephone pole took two days off my life

but i lived it.  if driving through indiana meant giving life a chance, fine.  i found a vegan restaurant in indianapolis and i got lost in indianapolis and i hated the fact that i got overwhelmed in indianapolis

but god put it there.  so while the angels escort me towards the drop door, my legs will be too sore from LIVING my LIFE and i can turn around and look at peter and say have fun standing in the same place on your stupid pink cloud and before i know it i’ll land with a thud in a truck stop on I-70W surrounded by billboards advertising breakfasts and best westerns
In a quiet gully
In a shy valley
I eek out my life

Hour by hour
Washing with words
The pain I feel

Like an iodined cut
Across my throat

My eyes feel heavy,
And worried with sadness
Misted over

Scanning the patterns
In some old
Wallpapered room
Boxed full
Of empty memories
That I have built
For myself

As a haven for grief
A work in progress
Astor Dec 2015
messy hair
stragglers that float in the sunlit 7:47am air
cause trouble, **** subtle  
*** with cops and killers
bikini flowers windowsills
xanax lovers loom
ugly paisley wallpapered  motel room
making out in pharmacies
I want to leave because I cant breathe
idk
wordvango Jan 2016
my girlfriend wants me
to give her away at her wedding,
I learned Fortran and Cobol
right before IBM made the PC,
the week after I played 2, 11, 13, 20, 29, 38 on the lottery,
those numbers hit,
I sunk my life savings in Enron
the week the Feds raided,
my psychologist told me it's
all exterior, no such thing, she said ,
on her way home walked into the path of a bus,
thank god for my rabbit's foot in
my pocket, and the **** **** hanging around my neck,
and the four leaf clovers I wallpapered my living room with,
I mean , can it get worse?
Francie Lynch Oct 2020
Two ebon crows got drunk last night,
Pecked their way into a fight;
Feathers flew as they clawed and cawed,
Till the losing crow pulled a gun in spite.
The other bird flew off in fright,.
Returning with a murderous flock,
And circled the gunner, a fierce gamecock.
They fluttered and feathered in a spree,
Then flipped before two crows winged off.

They returned with hair from a dead man's chest,
And proposed the two should build their nest.

They fashioned tools from human fingers,
Framed the nest with human femurs;
Used two green eyes to glaze windows;
Make a two car garage from the nose.
Are these not two of the smartest crows.

Next they laid out the toes
As hinges to swing their doors closed.
Each crow brought back an ear,
To hang on hinges, front and rear.
They peeled off lips, once used to talk,
And paved a route as their sidewalk.
They  yanked out teeth like skilled SS,
To tile bathroom and kitchenette.
Lastly, they peeled back the skin,
And wallpapered their nest,
And lived within.

See what's achieved by two drunk crows,
Who settled their scores
After crow blows.
Matthew James Apr 2016
Rebuilding the home

After nearly a year trying, I moved house
The house was tired
It had dated
It had lost the sense of who it was
It had lost all its character
Too much time with someone not attending to its needs
And it, tired and unloved as it was,
Didn't provide much of a home
Frustrated by its loss of self

I started by pulling down the ceiling
Get the structure right first
Dust and debris fell,
I wore a mask to keep from breathing it all in
The dust toxic with a touch of asbestos
I wrapped it up in the carpet that smelled of an old mans dog and threw it out

This weekend I knocked down a wall.
There were sledgehammers, crowbars, chisels, saws, hammers, electricity, falling timber and plaster, screws and nails.
I didn't even get a scratch on me.
Tonight I picked up a cardboard box and got a paper cut and it hurt like hell.
Sod's law!

Breaking down all the bad parts of the house nearly broke me
Pulling out the guts of it
Taking away all the unloved furnishings
The trappings that were there to make it a home but actually just held it back
Searching for the hidden character underneath
Everything was ***** - a building site

Looking at the beams
Wondering "would they hold?"
I needed a break

Eventually it changed
It started with the fireplace
I smashed through all the fake brickwork
Stripped the plaster
Needle gunned the paint
And there was the character
Beautiful, strong stone mullions
Aged and flawed but beautiful

I pulled up carpets and sanded floorboards
Changed the bathroom for one more in keeping
Painted, varnished, wallpapered
Added in all the things that I loved
The good memories
The hobbies
My artwork
My children's photos and toys
Filling the house with fun

I took things that were broken and made them new
Changed their form
A garage door to a bed
A smelly sofa to a garden bench
Made the broken new and beautiful
Seeing them in a new light
Making amends with the past

Talked to the kids tonight about me dating. They were really interested and happy about it. Told them I don't want to date at the moment and Tom and Hazel both said "well, when you get your house finished Dad, girls will like that" They're so sweet. I properly love my kids

Just before Christmas, I got the carpet and the laminate down.
When the kids saw the house all done up they said this...
Hazel... I love our new house!
Tom... It's the best house in the world!
Jake... I think the reason it feels like home is because of all the work you've put into it Dad.

We're home now
Donna Sep 2018
This morning i watched
ITV 2 player , I'm
into a programme

with a few seasons
Have admit it's quite dark
But need to see the

ending hope it's a
happy ending , anyway
must crack on with my

day as today I'm
painting living room ceiling
It's going to be

white like a fluffy
summer cloud , so when it rains
the sun will still shine

The fire place will
be wallpapered to pretty
up new painted walls

My three dogs are so
lazy all lying next to
me covered in warm

blanket , must wake them
up now because today is
new day full of hopes

and new beginnings
I think we are all just like spring
butterflies , always

striving for happy
or just maybe contentment!
Or maybe will are

just like flowers here
on earth , waking each day to
all lovely simple

things in life , today
my youngest son went back to
school , o how time flys

by so quickly I
remember his first day at
nursery , he was so

shy so timid , now
a gentleman ready to
explore the big world

Tis these small moments
that I cherish that makes my
heart smile so happy
:)
gmb Jul 2018
there is blood here, all caked up in the sink drain and
washed clean off the walls.
i can tell from the marks my elders have left,
like cave paintings,
like murals,
like when children who don’t know any better splatter their finger paint kit all over daddy’s office walls but
what has been here cannot be wallpapered over.
i find comfort in the way that everyone’s hair smells the same here and i think, well, that’s just fine.
Ellie Belanger Feb 2017
The Great One strolled in,
Pleased as a fat slice of birthday cake,
In the mid afternoon heat and sweat
Of Low Georgia summer.
He kicked off his muddy boots
With the gusto of an aroused lumberjack
And took to the staircase as
A marathon runner takes to his first couple
Kilometers.

When he reached the hallway at the top
He hollered, "You've got ten seconds to be
****-*** naked, 'cause here I come!"
And he stripped himself of his plaid
And blue jeans,
Mud-hemmed socks and underwear,
And all his garments
descended half-way down the staircase
Before folding on top of one another neatly
As if gently placed there,
Rather than being flung at the zig
zagging carpet.
"It was the clothes' way of rebelling,"
No one, nobody said.
But most true things are left
Unsaid.

The Great One traipsed,
Yes, traipsed,
Down the short, blue-wallpapered hallway
And spun the shiny brass ****
Of his bedroom door, and pushed
Until It swung open,
And he said,
"Are you ready?"
And stared into the unlit bedroom,
The two north-facing windows open,
Short, floral pattern curtain his wife had
Sewn, flapping stupidly in a breeze that hadn't
Been breezing when he was outside,
Just fifteen minutes ago,
And the Great One saw that the bed was made,
Just a slab of gray polyester/cotton blend,
And his wife was not naked on that bed.
And the TV was off.
And the TV was always never off.

And the Great One stood very still
And felt the silence, and the stillness
Of the house around him,
How it seemed like a strange thing,
Against the rolling gray clouds and
Snapping wind.

He reached his right hand
To his right back pocket
And typed the four-digit alakazam
To get into his phone
and saw nothing new.
He rang his wife
But was transitioned to voicemail.
He sat on the edge of the bed.

Well.

the curtains flapped harder
Against themselves as he watched
The storm roll in.
And thought to himself,
A guilty child in an old body
prone to superstition,
"Shoulda cleaned my boots off,
'Fore I came in.
Shoulda cleaned 'em off.
She would have given me
Hell."

He let the rain come into the room,
It spattered against the soft yellow painted wall
And
The curtains simply shuddered,
Sodden as they were.

Well.

She sure had a knack of giving him hell.
The Great One changed his title back to David,
And stared out of the bedroom windows for a long time.
He woke up, without remembering falling asleep.
Caro May 2019
So many, many changes
In my lady palace, in my pink wallpapered hall,
You see, now I wish to know your middle initial.

You see, it's your chest hair that captivates me
On your face I ruminate
And it's your side eye sugar smile that slumbers on the suede side of my soul,
Especially when we found this new fold
a shape all knees and elbows
tucked up and out and in
a shape with my breast on your rib
and your thigh beneath my shin
all skin on skin
it's that love makin'
that a softer me would want to swim in.

Maybe I'm soft again
Maybe I should let myself lick you

"Let myself"? A world where soft desires reign?
Maybe it's not the initial I want to store away in my brain,
I actually just want to know your middle name.
saige Apr 2018
we met
tiptoeing down our hallway
the one wallpapered with photographs of
faces we never knew
but would rather not forget
i smiled at you, you nodded at me
pick guards shone through
the quiet house
i let you lead
the way out

a guitar a piece
a dozen strings between us
except, nothing was between us
not then, not when
we wailed our darkest hours
away
like alley cats at first
slinking past the back door,
how it swelled through the seasons
how you pried it with that chisel
while i kept watch
because it was late
and mama loved to
tap her foot along, but she never did
understand the needs of musicians,
how
every blue moon or so,
the starless skies called us home
to serenade them
and how homemade melodies
were maps to our
hedonisms

how we couldn't sleep until we
clung to those mahogany curves and
lullabied ourselves into dreams and beyond
and how sometimes,
playing solo in our lamplit rooms
was like scratching an inch from the itch
for, we were weaved in the same womb
raised to unravel without eachother
surely mothers understand this

so we
swung our barefeet
off the concrete stoop
as cashmere moonlight
rode on wisps of fog
spread and swept across the yard
that seemed endless barely yesterday
where the treehouse crumbled
a decade prior
where the shingles on the barn
caved in for the final time
where our beloved dog
returned to dust
where our childhoods died
the songs don't
songs played before we breathed
in the atmosphere
songs that will play once we leave it,
as well
they must

til morning,
my fingers followed yours
reverse order of our
younger days
your harmonies ellicited chills
made my voice quiver through the indigo around us
and my subconscious
time capsule of lyrics
made for no fretting, nothing but serenity

sincerity
soared beneath the pines on the
back porch
one more whispered tune
too deep for two fools like us, but
i strummed like dad, you sang like him
then, it was time to sneak in
before the dew warped
the cheap wood of our old
instruments

and,
before dawn broke
mama was awake
ear pressed against the back door
took us by surprise
those stars dripping from
her hazel eyes
that lady loved to listen
there was a particular rhythm
which blossomed all along
a trinity of heartbeats
synchronised a moment
and that, will always be my favorite
song
Meredith Ann Aug 2020
On slow summer afternoons,
I'd clime the crabapple tree next to my house,
as high as I could, book in hand,
and read until the bark bit my skin too deep.

On my sure decent,
I would conemplate the emotions I had searched for in those words,
enveloped in melancholic relief,
and would begin my online mascarade.

The reds, the blues, the greens, the yellows,
identifying my peers,
behind profiles of butterflies and knives,
with the most tragic of stories written in comic sans.

For hours,
sprawled on my Hawaiian quilt,
I'd type up entire lives,
Desperate to fill the void with meaning.

My pink walls were wallpapered,
collected cards and magazine posters,
reflecting the must of crisp airconditioning in an old house,
my feed dancing between hardwood and synthetic wool.

Those years my pastel room
watched my online pursuits
and shielded late-night adventures
bringing light to my gothic pursuits.

Sometimes I regret the lies I lived,
wishing I could find abandoned bonds without shame,
but then I remember the way it sustained me,
and how many feet down I would be without.
A reflection of my middle school summers,
perhaps the most honest of them all.
Tessa, I miss you.
fox Aug 27
i sit in a vague fugue as the flies buzz through the open window
they know death is near, blood seeping through the thin cotton of a school uniform. integrals curl up into manifolds as my vision blurs
i think of a rope around the neck, a bullet through the head, a clarity
from the yellow-wallpapered fluorescent hum
an eyelid twitches, mirroring the left leg. i push my knuckles against the edge of the desk. sharp metal bites a quick counter-subject to my mental funeral march.
i pick up my pen; the lecture wriggles back into the cerebellum with silver-tipped pincers and many many legs.
to deal with constant dissociation and chronic pain i handmade a cilice to wear. it is as dostoyevsky said; i only wanted to be worthy of my own suffering.

— The End —