Break me .
i dare you to try.
i want to shatter.
i want the pain.
let the sun shine no more.
let the rain pour on my wounds.
like a crumbling cookie.
pull me to pieces.
leave me.broken -unfix-able -worn-out .
because i want the taunts.
i want your words to hurt.
humiliation- disrespect me over and over.
give me something that's.
going to hurt like hell.
like a knife in my heart.
twist the knife until I cry out for more.
give me something.
that's going to make me wish.
that i wasn't alive.
try to break all my walls down .
see if you even leave a dent .
im over caring.compassion.protection .
im so over games.i want the worst you got.
don't hold back now. break me .make me stronger.
let me experience all that you've got
like a whirlwind -hurricane-tornado.
do the damage make it a hit and run if you want .
then leave me.to struggle on my own
leave me to pick my the pieces.
but make it spontaneous.
because i don't want to know its coming.
i don't want to safeguard myself .or shield my heart.
let the full impact hit me like a car.
let your words spill over me like a river.
my villains don't wear outrageous costumes & fly through the sky..

He would file the edges of glasses down
Whenever one would chip
And I would find them,
Rough rimmed
Ragged edges ground
And always where my lips would rest.

I don’t know why it annoyed me so.
Perhaps because I hated the imperfection so badly
But the dishes too, he began to glue those
When broken and that was too much.

Cup handles superglued and breaking just
As I lifted the hot liquid for a sip
Lead crystal port decanters with the
Elegant stoppers mended
And sitting cockeyed on top
Daring me to lift it and then
Only to break over and over
And him,
trying to fix it
again and again and again.

I found myself deliberately smashing things
Down when chipped, or flawed
Throwing them on anything hard.
The backyard patio became my favorite
Breaking point.
I couldn’t stop.
although I cut my feet and knees
While creeping through the yard
barefoot
Weeping.

I hid the adhesive.  

Just so he couldn’t try to mend things one
More
time.

I severed the cord on the grinding wheel
And found myself examining anything
fragile with a keen eye=
Sometimes a magnifying glass.
Searching for any imperfection that might prove
A flaw capable of breaking.

And in the end
it seemed to me

That nothing,
nothing could leave this house
Until finally,
eternally,
unfix ably broken
or crushed into pieces.

I've always been the one who gets what i want but never what I need
Underwater with my sunken ship and drunken crew of sailors, silenced beneath the waves
Here on the sand, I wait for you
Swimming through the wreckage and all of my unfix-able mistakes
Just wanna hear those sweet words and watch you give in, drown in my sea
Re-define love on the horizon for all the watching world to be jealous of
Tell me you'll stay forever, wash my body of these sins
Sail to me, love me like I love the sea

He picks at the scabs he put on himself
The scabs that were caused by something shiny and small
I got it from art class. Isn't that crazy? I got something from art class to put permanent art on myself…. My own skin.
He makes empty promises and lies to his loved ones
“I'm clean!!”
“I promise it won't happen again”
“Its been 3 months since I cut!”
Lies. their all lies, empty promises
He watches the blood appear as the blade goes across his wrist
The wrist he once drew on with markers
the wrist that is now covered in scars..
now something you cant unfix

Society has a way of incriminating
blocking phases to known expectactions
Just because you don’t get attention
doesn’t mean that you are a shallow being

Never try to change your uniqueness
or fit in with what is superficial
just because you can’t gain the scores
doesn’t mean that you cannot be popular

Never question your lonely hearted self
or unfix your oneness and imperfections
Just because you are an instigator
doesn’t mean that you are a **** loser

Society has a way of discriminating
Cascading one to a caskets of scenes
Just because you are single and alone
doesn’t mean that you are unattractive

Beauty is a blessing and a curse
For both you and I

Whenever I see you utilising your curse
I can only sit and comply

I can become so distracted by your blessing
That I can't unfix my eyes

When I see your entire blessing
I feel the need to have you in my life

Beauty is a curse to me
It is my weakness

It takes over everything within me
Then all I see is your evoking bliss

It is a catalyst to my thoughts and actions,
But negatively effects my loyalty

Then my actions lead to insanity

hold you like a wake
hold you like a funeral
rolling in your sleep, mourning on your part
good night tonight, kiss you good
bad night as well

wake up, bad knight
back to screaming, wrong or right
break a switch, unfix
get your fix, learn your tricks
i wish magic could fix us too

instead i crack open a ringing nightmare
dragging me in ear and hair


hold me like a martyr hold me everywhere
fold me like i'm dying for you
   don't you see i'm dying with you?

but good times never last

run my mouth, break my cast
run my secrets, like i ask
bathwater never tasted or felt so blue
i'm going crazy! because of you!

i hate to love! i hate you too!
hold you, feel you, learn you, heavy
i'm going heavy
drowning in rain, drowning
in lightness

darkness without option for brightness
hug me till i'm good and dead
till i forget what's now in my head

and i wish you would come for me! like i come for you!
like i do for you! like i am to you! but i'm nothing to you!
and you're nothing to me! and you're dead to me! and i'm dead to me!

and no one is ever sorry! everyone is always swearing to be clean
you're not clean! there's blood on me, there's blood on you
past is past but future's gone too
and i'm sorry about this although not specifically about you
i've gone into myself
as refuge now

We were two objects of no value flowing down a river.
We bumped into each other and the experience was jarring but unlike anything either of us could explain in words that fit on the two dimensional space in our minds.
That was okay, I didn't need to say anything and neither did you.
So that's how it was.
Two objects of no value that clung to each other and flow down a river and for a long while it seemed we would never need to find the words to explain how we felt.
Then that storm came and the waters of the tributary flooded the land between rivers and we were washed around with all the debris.
Before I could come to an understanding of these events the river had become unfamiliar and large and wild and I was afraid.
I turned to you to say something but couldn't think of the words.
As I struggled in the waves and searched for the words I noticed we had been separated just a moment before and you were clinging to a branch that had floated too close.
As the river flowed ever forward we grew further and further apart.
As I looked around in my panic the river seemed to never end in any direction.
I thought we may float so far apart that I would never see you again.
I had been looking silently in the direction you floated for so long that, were I too unfix my gaze I would become hopelessly lost.
You, or the dot you had become, were my horizon. all I could see.
Too scared to look away from the comfort of your memory, I gave up.
Motionless, I was on shore. I had been for some time.
I stood up, because it was only then I realized I had feet, which is something of value, and it was as if a third dimension unfolded before me.
I walked out of a river, lost and alone and in awe of this wonderful world which had just been uncovered. Free.
I sometimes think about those days when I was subject to the current of a river and how you made it bearable. Now that I am out of the water and with two feet, stand confidently on land, I wonder,

would I have felt the same about you if we bumped into each other here.