"Nita, what do you*  NEED ?"
I HATE it when someone asks me that question!

"Nita, What do you need?"


NEED: “require”… “want”… “necessitate”


"What do you need right now. You don't have to do this in isolation."
"What do you need right now? I am not afraid of the little girl."
"What do you need right now? If you need something I am here to listen."
"If you don't think you are safe, then what do you need from me or others or yourself?"

Why does it matter what I "NEED"? Why do you ask me when you are not going to be able to grant that/those "NEED(S)"?

Is my Survivor Fairy Godmother asking you for a list of Nita's NEEDS so she can come wave her magic wand, sing, bippity, boppity, boo...and I'll become an unf@#ked kid?
Well, why didn't you say so!


Here's my list for the Godmother:
I NEED to be 'unf@#ked'. I NEED the voices in my head to stop. I NEEDED my evil father not to touch me. I NEED the flashbacks to stop. I NEED my body not to hurt. I NEED the fear to stop. I NEED for you to be here for me NOW like you WERE then. I NEEDED to be loved by my parents. I NEED someone to teach me what love really is. I NEED someone to show me that trust really does exist in this world. I NEED you to help me at night when I am suicidal and dissociative. I NEED you to be available after 10pm, when the hell started, you know, like you used to be...back when you actually cared about what I NEEDED. I NEED the little girl to stop whining and crying. I NEED to not have physical symptoms that relate to then. I NEED the nightmares to stop. I NEED the constant headaches to stop. I NEED my crohn’s to not be in a constant flare up. I NEED to stop having recurrent UTIs. I NEED the ****** Angry Girl to stop hurting me. I NEED to sleep. I NEED to want to live before I die.
I NEED you to hear me.


What? There is NO Survivor Fairy Godmother? NO magic wand?
I'm shocked! NOT!

I'm guessing that's why she never showed up then, either...I prefer to think that rather than her never answering my cries of: Please make him stop hurting me!

I NEED you to STOP asking me what I NEED  Since we both know that those NEEDS will NEVER be my reality, and that it is actually more painful to ask for what you NEED and not get that need met, then it is to keep your NEEDS to yourself. At least that's true for me.


So...unless you have a survivor registry where I can resister for the aforementioned NEEDS, or, perhaps a survivor merit system where I can earn credits to 'buy' the above NEEDS (I'm not afraid of hard work)...then STOP ASKING ME WHAT I NEED!


Because we both know it does not matter what I NEED!


Can't undo what's already been done. We both know that.


What Nita "NEEDS" right now is a bottle of ***** and some cranberry juice…THAT is a NEED I can meet right now!
A TOAST!

Here's to: **UNMET NEEDS

Yes..I picked her precious flower
Gave me head in the shower...
Ate her ***** for an hour
Nice and wet..Sweet and sour
I must've been tasty
Not a drop did she waste me
Looking at her face see
Made me *** all crazy
Then we started playing
No words you know what I'm saying
My actions got her spraying
Whips..chains..all my tools out laying
Feeling like a champ number one
Passion within burns hotter than the Sun
Candle wax down your ***** it run
Slap that **** you've been Scorpio stung
Unf I don't want to hurt you
Like a machine find every way to work you
Is that the spot?
It doesn't hurt too
Take my time..discover your mysteries
When I pull out umm all becomes history
When not inside I'm feeling the misery
At one when we *** holding you blissfully...

too much of this,
not enough of that.
too much focus
on what you lack.
face what you fear,
don’t turn your back.
be still,
when enemies attack.
-
this is a new era.
maybe if you knew better,
you would do better.
-
it’s all the same.
be careful of the things you say
& what you entertain.
perception makes the sane,
seemingly insane.
a quiet storm,
before it turns into a hurricane.
rarely see a rainbow in the sky
after the rain.
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it makes you think.
when you connect the dots,
you’ll find that you’re the missing link.
make your next move in a silence
or your ship will surely sink.
true elevation is my destiny
& i am at the brink.




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