I love how
when you sleep
all your problems disappear
for just a little while
but my problem is
trying to go to sleep
with all of my thoughts
screaming at me
to stay awake

Depths concealed behind
the drapes of Impossibility,
Treasure chests locked up under
the restrictions of Vision

Travel a location none other than
the Ocean,
To unveil the beauty of wild Secrecy

Drift into the limbo dimension,
Of baby blue instead of white

Letting fate evenutally take control
To carry into to a Bottomless pit

A pit where only Darkness resides
Bred by the colors of all light,
A simple absurd nature

the flag of my country is rippling in perfect rythym with the sounds of this place i love to call my home <3 the sky is covered in clouds; the sun's nothing but a faded glow (24 dec 09)
fading in & out of rational thought; awareness is strong but wavering. theres so much weighted on my brain, a light but steady pressure.. (31 oct 10)
dimensions of colored fragments reflectiong off of every shard of light in every molecule of every single thing.. (8 nov 10)
disillusionment has become reality, while mere reality has become illusion.. break the mold, fight for your freedom to love! (8 nov 10)
the seed of evil is planted in every living creature; whether or not it is watered is a choice (21 nov 10)
once independent, now codependent on you.. when you're not around i dont know what to do (8 dec 10)
losing fruition; fading to gray.. nothing to grasp but a dull reality. don't even recognize myself anymore. emotionless (1 dec 10)
the times i'd most like to take an eraser to my brain, i find there are already marks engraved too deep (31 dec 10)
reverting back from end to beginning.. lets see how this one pans out (20 feb 11)
synchronized breathing; drifting into unconciousness, enveloped by thoughts.. dreams become reality while reality fades to grey (11 mar 11)
as time goes on, familiar faces blend into this sea of blank stares and empty hearts (8 apr 11)
like the glass which holds the world beyond the mirror, the veil of my world is about to shatter and be exposed (27 dec 11)

Stay up late, pushing past exhaustion into perfection of perception.
Understanding of self is essential for this existential extollment.
Extollment? I meant extinguishment. Can't convey if I'm projecting.
Stream of conciousness leads to extreme unconciousness.
Writing without pushing, thinking, or stopping. Only feeling.
Or am I knowing more than I'm feeling? Do I even know what I feel?
No knowing noes the feeling of thoughts fought back, you know.
Liar.
I don't know if noing frees the feelings pushed back from focused thought.
Was that even a sentence? Know!
Do freed thoughts flee? Where to? How so? What then?
No.

Lavander sweet, butterfly breezes
Love in the dusty yellow sunshine
Mason jars filled to the brim with liquid amber and honey
Fragrant daffodils, flourishing tall as trees
And
Darling panseys and daisys
Who dance like suthern bells
Bees take flight and the nights are filled with wonderlust
and longing
Starlight grazing the slightest lullaby
As is grows like thunder
And threatens to tear the unconciousness from your eyes

I don't want to fall asleep becuase I know you'll be in my nightmares

Your touch.
Your voice.
Your sly smile.

The way you always take "No"
to mean "Yes."

I fight the unconciousness my body craves to save my mind from the vicious terror that is the memory of you*


(d.d.b)

I make art
With the thousand mysteries
Of my deepest feelings

I perform art
With the unconciousness
In the emptiness

Art from heart,
The purest urge
To free your soul
From every dip
Of the harassing reality

Art is what?
The purest need
To express the deep
Everlasting eternity.

Lying awake,
In my safe, warm bed,
Aching to surrender,
To sleep,
But fighting to stay,
Awake, thinking,
For thought, by far,
Is a sweeter indulgence,
Than the comfort,
Of unconciousness

Tears slip down,
Below the rims,
Of my red eyes,
Tears like shards of glass,
The fragments scrape,
Revealing crimson through ivory,
Acid tears,
Burning my cheeks,
The same as ever before,
As I drift into unconciousness

You’re wondering where I am,
Cuz I’m no longer around,
You try to understand,
Why you never saw the signs,
You say you were once there yourself,
But the fear for me is nowhere here,
Do you even care?

I try to smile,
To laugh,
To work,
But the pain inside is trembling me up in deep
I’m nauseous and want to go hide,
Never to be found,
Alone and at peace,
Forever in my sleep

I don’t want to deal with all the dozen things around,
I want to be able to fly,
Far up in the sky,
Where beauty is all I see and fresh air all I breathe
My air somehow have gotten polluted,
It’s so polluted it suffocates me to the core

The pain was always present,
From a young me untill now,
There have been breaks along the way,
But when it hits,
It hits me bad.
All the memories from the past keep knocking on my brain,
It’s like I struggle with glimpses of exruciating pain,
Memories that never fade, but forgotten in my conciousness
And I can’t unlock my unconciousness

Everything is coming back,
Everything and everyone tears me up inside,
Agony,
And most of it bottles up from my insides
The insides I can’t reach
But that forever holds me captive
I am dead while breathing,
And breathing while I’m dead

Nobody understands,
And I know that is a cliché,
But nobody does because I don’t even,
My life was filled with emotional terror,
The trauma stays with me through my tears,
The anxiety trembles my lips as I can’t seem to see clear
It’s foggy all around
And my feet won’t touch the ground

My emotions are numb,
It’s like I can’t feel
The only thing I feel is my pain that’s so real
It’s vivid and raw,
And nothing can compare
Who do I love if I love one at all?
They say you can’t love someone, before you love yourself,
I guess that’s true,
Cuz I never loved myself at all

It feels like I’m about to *****,
And the devil’s on my door,
I’m ready to take off,
Nothing left for me here no more

I tell my friend to stay strong,
Then I walk off a cliff,
I take a hit off my ****,
As I'm vertically adrift,
People ask me what's wrong,
But my stiff upper lip,
Sings a certain type of song,
That goes something like this:

I am okay,
I'm not in pain,
I don't feel like I'm slowly going insane.
I'm not in love with a girl that won't dare say my name.
I'm not ugly and disgusting and full of shame,
And contemplate suicide every single day,
Avoiding all people, the straight and the gay,
Because of my ******* an-xie-ty,
So stop asking me questions and leave me be.

I'll wander around on these empty streets,
Making use of my mind, my music, and these beats.

Going to a place that's fairly secure,
Ongoing suffering so I wish I were,
In front of a car that happened to swerve,
Nicely triggering all of my nerves,
Guess in the end that's what I deserved.

Thank you for trying,
Over my dead body.

Flying off a roof and then I'm landing,
Under a car that's death demanding,
Crushed and unconciousness ever expanding,
Killed off cause that's what Satan was planning,
In the kingdom of God where they were busy banning,
Nuns not ******* while Peyton Manning,
Grabs Bradys *****, not a sin but enchanting.

**** me please,
I'll beg and I'll plead,
Lie down here with me,
Lost, but I'm free.

My time is gone,
You must live on,
Say that you're strong,
Each of you belong,
Life isn't long,
For this is my song.

you're there every time I slip
arms cushioning my every fall
you know practically everything about me
I get a goofy grin every time you call
your voice sings me to sweet unconciousness
your poetic language making me blush
your opinions made me reconsider my own
talking with you gives me a satisfactory rush
you encourage me to take chances
force me to receive what I deserve
you always make me feel like a lottery winner
showing me the happiness that I once were
yet you never get enough credit
you tend to give and never get
you give me love time and time again
yet love for you is something I can't accept

When I'm observing people,
or their drunken conversations,
overgrown egos and unconciousness
one thing
comes up to my mind - WAKE UP!

I like to think she was the right person for me
Night and day, she was the only girl I could ever see
From endless stares to her vibrant smiles
The thought of her felt so right
Though in the mix, fights and undeniable strong debates
She was still the perfect girl, the girl of my dreams
I like to think that I was the one that tames her, the one that makes her happy
But in my unconciousness, I was just holding her back.
To have thought that we were both right for each other was just a mere fantasy
Something I couldn't seem to gobble up until now in this very scene
We were both in toxicity
Yes, she was right, but not for me.