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Karijinbba Jul 2018
I STILL EXIST- I STILL EXIST
My pen writes
I still Exist

and an empty feeling engulfs me
I am painting a purple tree
I tell my family counselor
That the paint reminds me
Of arsenic Greek cheese dust
That a human predator
two faced fiancee
placed on my green salad in 1976
He said he would teach me how Greeks killed with love at sea
Then kindly offered
To bring
breakfast and lunch
for me in bed
(Ladden with poison)
While I ate it he danced Zorba the Greek!
His jealous raicist medeas mistresses knew his past crimes
I didn't I was very naive
his superstitious ignorant parents twelve people  asked him to Get rid of me baby and all

Overdosed with pitocin for a cow
giving birth was a torture
then blood thinners
were added to slowly
end my life
A hate crime because I a sub human born in Mexico not Greece
The poisons caused
a chest malformation of my daughter requiring surgery
later in life was mis-diagnosed
as pectus scavatum
but I knew better it was
attempted ******
a chilling secret I was so ashamed to reveal

I did escape my kids and me
we survived  the memory
of my true love's loving ways
In America saved me from certain death there I was 75 lbs
When I escaped Hell
Greece
But salads gave me
Nausea through the years
I could never recall why

Painting gets my mind
Off painful memories
resurficing examining my life understanding me and others

I have many regrets unwittingly
my loving innermost feelings
remained trapped inside
and I lost my true love
in my dead calm silence of pain
Foolish online Ink
One involuntary bad deed
In Veracruz
Two SAD songs

My shrink says I have a beautiful
Soul a relentles spirit
That I managed to do better then
Most despite hellish adversity
A childhood marred with
heartbreak a trail of
Graves tree stumps
Coffin and treassures
Spirit breath of life and death
  
My hybrid race was secret
Poverty lack of Rhogam
My father the Apocalyto
Hero killed by MEX Feds
Who stole my Land
We are indigenous
Purhepecha tribe
The enemy of the Aztecs
So me my father's little queen of the forest his STAR could
Fly high and zoar
He was the love of my life
My dad David

A few days of effexor RX can bring about amnesia to block old kidnapping memories of turture resurficing unsolicited
Effexor to stop tears
regulating serotonin disrupted
After a car accident with traumatic head injury concoussion brain swelling so much that falling asleep for three months was impossible

MD prescribed just a trial
few warp eight mind bending Effexsors serotonin reuptakers
For only fifteen days
Half of thirty seven mg
Tears stopped immediatly a calmnesss
self assured old me demeanor
re-emerged I remember the arsenic and blood thiner injections the faces of sadistic jealous women but it didn't hurt

But soon my heart began to speed up so fast I could hear it beating in my ears at lowest dose

so the higher dose was not allowed.
Side effects if used longer than six months could make the
face to twich! who needs that!

So therapy ended slowly redusing small to smallest dosages for fifteen days
treatment ended
Don't like messing with my brain

Today I enjoy simple pleasures
echos born like me in
In the atlantic mystery

family time my lifetime best
best lover best Mother
nest friend to me myself
Remembering those few
Souls
Who deared greatly
their wisdom and foresigh to bet
On my future my light myself!
my father's little
Queen of the forest tribute to
My Once Upon A Time
True love his love songs
His poems quickening me
Awaking me
He was the love
Of my life my true love JPC/RC

He showed me he loved me
But he never could "tell me"
He loved me all my fault
Thinking back not ever
any other man told me
he loved me one or two boys wanted something from me freely given or taken by force from me
I didn't want them at all
No person growing up
Ever
Told me they loved me and most showed me my life didn't matter
many of my civil rights were violated throughout my life by thugs hainas had more charm
Only my father David San chez
and later my adoptive Mother mommy dearest told me once she loved me showed me she cared.
My children tell me and show me
They love me
Sometimes they hate me too
sadly they are under the spell of deadly sterile drug user enemies who assassinate my character lie and slander me to my grown daughters and I have now become estranged until they figure all out on their own so they learn to fight woolves in sheeps clothing and understand treason
and ungratefulness towards their own mother
There was only one man I loved
The MOST on this whole wide world
His ink scripted love remained the good intermigled with evil
Forever a part of me
My Lord Shiva my first teacher
My sage my guru
My Lancelott
Me  first love my last love
my tree of life he was
The only man I ever loved
and lost
Looking back
I thank G** King Jesus
King Arthur
And few other men who
Traveled in and out my door
Only one had my lock's key
I am glad you came along
I sing this last song
In memory of all the good
The bad and very bad
The few nefarious vipers I kissed
I forgive you all forgive you me for NOT
Understanding you
For loving those fellowmen
Who didn't know how to love me back
I wave my last
Good bye
I
Will
In your light and my own
Pray for you and me

As for the love of my life
"You are like a prayer
In church to God"
"I remembet you,
as someone something
VERY DEAR and precious"
You were the Best
You touched my STAR
And my starry skies sparkle
With your light remember me
in the same light my love
Look me up with your telescope
When you watch the stars
From your sun roof
In your bedroom

Find my Aries Constelation
For there is
My home
Without
You
I've taken with me a piece
Of Veracruz
A Mothers Day surprise
at the Hilton
raised in your arms on a warm June at a  bar
Where i felt like a bride
your bride

I almost asked you then and there to throw a big party
for you and me
But the monastery's dead silence
Growing up isolated
Silenced the spontaniety
Of thought you required of me
yet again!You regressed me you
tried in so many ways for me to
tell you  "I love you I am sorry
I'll marry you!"
All over again
I adored you remember this
Always.
Look me up with your telescope I AM
in The Aries Constelation I am Aprils daisy Aries diamond a
Yelow Self Existing Star says the Tzolkin Star Seed
Galactic seed always flowering....Enter me
Yours Always.
~~~~~~~
Revised 11-29th-2018
Excerpt from my memoir
auto biography
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
Luca Abate Feb 2015
Let the blood from your forehead
Trickle down your face
So you can witness
The Thinners Of The Herd

© Luca Abate
Dedicated to Code Orange
GaryFairy Mar 2022
Dr Khan: I need to do lab tests on you before I can prescribe your meds
Me: But they are not narcotic, they are blood pressure and blood thinners etc
Dr Khan: it don't matter, I need to check your levels
Me: I feel fine though
Dr Khan: you have to, or I will get in trouble,and I'm not going to lose my license
Me: you can get into trouble?
Me: **** it, I don't need them
Dr Khan: but you will die if you stop taking the meds
Me: Then prescribe the meds
Dr Khan: I can't
Me: Killer!


Over a year later, my health seems better than ever. I went from things getting worse, to things getting better without the drugs and doctor
This is true
B Jun 2014
I hate the smell of cigarette smoke
because I could smell it
when I lay crying, lingerie garter shattered,
stocking ripped at the 50's seam, red wrists aching
He said he wouldn't do it again
but he wanted to **** his hate into me
I'd slam the bathroom door
and only come out when I could retreat to the safety of his Mother
Every night I'd stare at the ceiling
wishing his heart valve would fail, or he'd accidentally
overdose on his prescribed blood thinners and
I'd be lucky enough to awake to his corpse
Part 1 of an ongoing poetry series about a really terrible relationship.
Martin Narrod Apr 2014
Martin Narrod [Chicago] to Adam Holzrichter [San Francisco, via NYC]*
June 26 2005
Guild Printers Press
122 Bedford
Brooklyn NY, 11211*

I peeled back the polyurethane bandage that wrapped together my two toes where I had dug them into the armoire once again last night. It's a raggedy old mess of green goop like your brother had when he returned from Sicily. Those posters and solipsisms of war, how could we forget, right?

The scene here is really frantic. There's a whole room knotted up with tea heads, loaded up on benzos, looking for green doves or any of the MDMA that came through Fulton Market last week. Mr. Popular is revealing any details, though I expect he'll want more than his own hands throwing around his dining room furniture. I count three days since I heard them through the wall, but I did go out yesterday for a brief walk to buy an 18-pack of ******, just in case I decide to come off the drink for a bit, I do have a blood disease you know that right?

Noon

It was about a month ago, I was at April's house, and I had woken up on the couch, standing up I felt a bit dizzy and realizing I hadn't had a drink of anything for about 12 hours I pulled a Red Stripe from the fridge. I shucked the cap off and put down nearly half of it, it was that cool Jamaica that rocked me man. As I was headed back to the couch I could tell something wasn't right, and that's when it all goes blank- they told me I had suffered a grand mal seizure, sister, brother, and April standing over me with Ouakimbo there too. He gave me those sterile gray straight eyes and a thousand yard stare. Then he popped right up and grabbed my wrist and held it. They put me on a cornucopia of blood thinners and muscle relaxers, it's grand, just ******* grand. I make a fist and my toes wiggle, blink my eyes and my tongue comes out. There is nothing truer than this humanness I now am enjoying. 2 days more they say it'll be before I can go back to the pen and our flat. Geoff just had a baby I read in a post I saw today that Ashley brought in, but i tell you. If you don't bring me a dollar slice from Jack's on Metropolitan you ain't gonna have any of this.

9:00p.m.

First it's cool down the back of the spine, like my bones have unhinged themselves and are resorting their positions to suit a more comfortable order of things. But I repeat, I REPEAT with all SERIOUSNESS. DO NOT TAKE ANY HALLUCINAGINS UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES - Perhaps I have not explained myself too clearly - Guy is at the ice- the onlyu hope now is some morphine. In dealing with these underwear midettttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt­ttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt­ttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt­ttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt­tttttttiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii­iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii­iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii­iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiotttt       vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv­vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv­vcccccccccccccc.
John F McCullagh Apr 2018
My brother related a strange dream that he had:
It took place in a bar; he was there with our Dad.
they both ordered a Guinness, in the mood for a stout.
They both were committed  to enjoy their night out
The barkeep then asked if they'd be running a tab.
Jim reached in his pocket, he paid for his drink  and Dad's.
" I don't think we will."" Just the one now" He said,
"For I'm on blood thinners and my Dad here is dead."
Dad has been gone for 37 years and my brother seldom picks up a tab but under these circumstances I believe he would. I'm only miffed that he didn''t see  fit to invite me.
In the tub
I'm bleeding.
My wrist is still open
And it won't stop if I keep submerging it in water.
I think that's what I want.

If I have less blood,
The NyQuil hits harder
If the blood thinners do their job
I won't clot
And I will die asleep.

That's the dream
Isn't it.
jenny linsel Jan 2017
Each and every day, Lizzie opens up a can,
Of tasty Salmon cat food for her beloved tabby Dan,
She's lived alone since Harry died, a victim of world war two,
Neighbours live at either side, but she's no idea who,

She remembers in the olden days, when people cared for one another,
Her many years, devoted carer for her father then her mother,
Her memory is not the same, a symptom of old age,
Each day in her past is just another page,

Everyday she takes her pills, the doctor says they'll cure her ills,
Red are for her heart and blood thinners they are green,
Complicated names but who knows what they mean?
Balsam for her chest, pink cream for her itch,
If someone made a pill for loneliness, they would be very rich,

A shadow on the window, a knock upon the door,
Dan's curled up on Lizzie's knee, but jumps down to the floor,
Cautiously she peeks out through the yellowed lace curtain,
She thinks she spies a relative, but she cannot be certain,
The chain is on the door, the door it is ajar,
Maybe it's a nephew visiting from afar?

“Hello there, can we come in to talk about your faith”?
She tells them “I’m an atheist” then slams the door with haste
Lizzie is alone in a world where no-one cares,
She's clutching several bottles as she makes her way upstairs
She walks into the bedroom, Dan is curled up on her bed,
Then lines up all her pills and gently shakes her head

She looks down at her wrinkled hands, and remembers them as in her youth,
Each line on her face tells a story, only she can see the truth,
As she looks in her full-length mirror, she's dismayed that her figure has gone,
Once an English rose, Oh where has the time gone?

She hears a sudden noise and Dan jumps down and hides
“Harry is waiting for you”, a soothing voice confides,
Lizzie feels at peace and she begins to smile
She brushes through her silver locks in their old familiar style

She reclines upon the bed ,all she can do is wait
She thinks of her true love Harry as he waits at Heaven's Gate
Will he still be debonair with sparkling eyes of blue?
The only man she'd ever loved, to whom she'd never said “I do”,

The wait was short and there he was, St Peter at his side,
Lizzie felt at peace and very gently sighed
Harry took her hand and through the gates they went
Lizzie was now free of a life of discontent

Her story has a moral, time is not ours to waste
Live life to the full because time can never be retraced.
Apricot kernels is the cure for cancer? Au contraire! Apricot kernels abound in hydrocyanic acid! Hydrocyanic acid in its industrial form is prussic acid (a druggist prudently refused to sell prussic acid to Lizzy Borden); prussic acid as a fumigation agent against typhus it was commercially marketed as Zyklon B and used in concentration camps throughout Europe during the second world war. Incidentally, apricot kernels cure sickle cell anemia; apricot kernels moderate blood pressure. AND polystyrene, commercially marketed as Styrofoam, is known as ****** & ****** B when sprayed on the hapless citizens of Vietnam, Laos, Thailand, Japan, Iraq, Afghanistan  & Cambodia.

✪✪✪ ALL Facebook cancer sites are pity parties. People are beat down by a disease that afflicted 3% of the American citizenry in A.D. 1900 to a projected 50% by year 2020. A fact that few people know: a cancer patient who dies from an opportunistic infection during immunologically-suppressive chemico-/radio-/cryo-ablative "therapies" is statistically a cancer-treatment success story. Currently cardiovascular disease & cancer alternate as #1 & #2 in regards to leading causes of death. Unsurprisingly, folks who succumb to heart attacks, aneurysms & strokes had cancer while those who died of cancer were cardiac patients taking prescribed blood thinners & statins. It's a mad dash to the grave between these 2 diseases of malnutrition.

— The End —