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Mateuš Conrad Jul 2022
precursor - title correlation
body -

mind of:

C                oh

    oh                      Ri

n'ah.   (half an hour fiddling with a 502 bad
gateway; traffic these days! jeez!)

I.

it don't know what's more frustrating for the reasons that it's so good... i can't choose... it's a close call... either listening to Red Hot Chilli Peppers' B-sides from By The Way... ugh! why didn't they release that as a double album! Stadium Arcadium was not that good as a double-album... all the prior albums are MAGIC... literally... for ****'s sake: GOLDMINE is literally just that... there's that... i can't concentrate on making my own translation of Ovid... i'm yet to scribble down the translation i have... i can't even drink my whiskey properly... the other frustrating focus? watching Armand Duplantis break his own world record of 6.21metres... the ****** has still at least 10cm in him! a record that will have to stand-still for the next 20+ years... i'll be dead before this record is broken... Сергій Бубка best be sleeping... i'm listening to the music, reliving the end of the World Athletics and trying to heel-myself-in-the-buttocks: better get a move on boy... hmm! "trying"... i'm actually heeling myself in the buttocks: no time to wait... one can wait for a bus... one cannot for one's own incentive... ol' Lizzy is coming up the mountain... she's coming with the proper closure of the 20th century... however many popes she outlived... however many prime ministers and american presidents... come on Lizzie... just one more year... i'm actually dying to spend money with whittle Charlie printed on the notes... my fingers are itching... but **** me... music so good By The Way should have been a double-album... no! Stadium Arcadium was not the salvagable double-album worth session... i'm getting "schizophrenic" vibes... i know that poetry is not an entertaining medium: it's a complacent self-congratulatory, thereupeutic load of *******... it's obnixious when staged: the exasperated art of speaking with speed... today i realised that i much prefer drinking to having ***... i like the preservation of my brain with a hard-on of itchy fingers than any actual ******* hard-ons... the knife opening oysters or plucking out the eyes of deer... best the eyes be gauged out... than having deer stare into car lights... hybrid confusions of static, motivated to move... frozen in a make-shift imitation of root and clay and copper: bam! one more statue down...

II.

it's no wonder why i'm not looking for a girlfriend, it's no longer bewildering why i'm not looking for a wife, at best i'm looking out for that ancient custom of Roman emperors: to become a foster father, a surrogate - i'm yet to find a match-up... i almost did, but she undermined my chances by undermining her own seriousness in such affairs... but clarity does come... as much as i might be a surrogate father to her son or daughter: i wouldn't be faithful to her... i would steal the night and run away into a brothel... but there's something else... the whole dynamic of publishing has changed... the whole idea of a library has also changed... i own more valuable books in my private collection than the public library of Romford... which is me peering at the dire straits of what the public is fed... i know why i don't aspire for pair-bonding... perhaps man so levelled aspired toward the imitation of birds a long time ago... perhaps swans are truly noble creatures: for one hears of widow and widower swans... perhaps parrots: born from those monstrous beasts that were the dinosaurs can imitate our talk... all that's this reality within the confines of "perhaps": nonetheless, it's all true... but perhaps being the mammal that i am... i moved from a community of chimpanzees into a solo-ride of imitation-bear... perhaps i only entertain the opposite *** on the encounter of ***... i couldn't land a conversation with a woman outside the constrictive-framework of work, so much so: i would abhor the mindset of men that go on dates with women: buy them food and then EXPECT... i leave that ******* out in my interactions... pay-up-front for what you're about to receive otherwise don't play cat while the woman plays mouse... or rather... a rat in cat's clothing: the woman therefore becoming a rat-trap... mind you: i can't think of a more terrible idea than the modern version of: eat first, **** later... at the old ****** proverb states: a hungry ****** is angry... a filled ****** is lazy... god forbid i ever become tempted by those dating sites... i'm currently looking for the original Latin text of Ovid's the Amores book 2 poem 6... why? what i have in my hand... and what i'm finding... it's like what Robert Pinsky remarked about once: TRANSLATIONS differ so much from one translator to another...

they have done it... UEFA are mad... just to get my
accreditation for the women's Euros final
at Wembley they're asking me to bring my passport
with me... so is Wembley the JFK of Florida
          space-shuttle launch? Houston? am i leaving
the country?
                but the girls have done it...
funny: some other people are still complaining:
IT'S TOO WHITE!
   there's not enough diversity in the team...
          that's me also planning to go and live
in Kenya and become a model for toilet paper...
i'm sure i could replace that known Koala bear /
golden retriever or perhaps i could go there
and model for soap adverts...
it just so happened that racial tensions (only football
could create them) rose up for a little:
just one night the day England lost to Italy
on penalty shootouts... because... 3 black guys
were playing a rigged roulette...
            then again? me? and the African heat?
fat chance...

find me the original Elegy VI: the death of Corinna's
pet parrot...
oh man... and her name was Polly...
i sat up late last night trying to find something
interest on the television...
bam! thank you ma'am...
                       kurt cobain: montage of heck...
sort of reminded me of...
                           a SCANNER DARKLY...
                           mind you: i sometimes do enjoy
a one-man show... or at least two...
there was this brilliant show in the West End...
Stones in his Pockets...
       two actors... sharing the roles of...
                  about 15 people each...
but it was back in circa 2001...
so... maybe it was Louis Dempsey
                                                        & Sean Sloan...
mind you... i'd still love to see Samuel Beckett's
             NOT I...

Jack Trades says: i'm about to a heap
of hay of hate...
                                i'm everywhere sometimes...
if it's not music, then its visual arts,
then it's philosophy, then fine literature...
then something "oriental" in thinking...
then its coupling my fetish for Deutsche as:
father to the English zunge...
then it's back east to rummage in some Katakana...

i know why i'm single, Roger Moore remained
a bachelor until his death...
  courteous: as ever as forever always...
i'd be a terrible match-up... i've given pair-bonding
a chance: i can't bemoan why X is not Y...
the sort of men that pair-bond are claustrophilic...
they love the company of a mate...
each time i was ever in a "relationship" i already
had one foot dangling: tapping an imaginary
drum set...
recently i discovered the B-side of the Red Hot Chilli
Peppers... so for me it's a version
of keeping the 20th century alive with
the "dichotomy" of the Rolling Stones vs.
the Beatles... i'm more... R.H.C.P.'s A-sides
of R.H.C.P.'s B-sides?
                                        i'm busy...
                i'm always busy... i don't want to relax...
i want a Turkish barber to suggest that
i need  hot-towel and an arm massage after
my beard is trimmed and... i'm still going to state:
getting a Turk to trim my beard is a close
contender to oral *** from a Turkish *******...

but try finding me that original Latin of Ovid's...
ah! found it! let's see if i can compete with
my own translation... the one i originally read
and the one i found finding the original Latin
were so disparaging...

**** yes! well... there was Ted Hughes writing
about the Crow... poor ******...
should have killed himself: might have competed
with his terribly-wonderful wife of a poet...
i give her that: what noose?
best head in an oven...
and you want a shovel with that?
but this is Ovid... "complaining" about
the death of his lover's parrot...
immediately i jumped to conclusions:
not enough crackers...

(A) the Original:

Psittacus, Eois imitatrix ales ab Indis,
    occidit—exequias ite frequenter, aves!
ite, piae volucres, et plangite pectora pinnis
    et rigido teneras ungue notate genas;
horrida pro maestis lanietur pluma capillis,
    pro longa resonent carmina vestra tuba!
quod scelus Ismarii quereris, Philomela, tyranni,
    expleta est annis ista querela suis;
alitis in rarae miserum devertere funus—
    magna, sed antiqua est causa doloris Itys.
Omnes, quae liquido libratis in aere cursus,
    tu tamen ante alios, turtur amice, dole!
plena fuit vobis omni concordia vita,
    et stetit ad finem longa tenaxque fides.
quod fuit Argolico iuvenis Phoceus Orestae,
    hoc tibi, dum licuit, psittace, turtur erat.
Quid tamen ista fides, quid rari forma coloris,
    quid vox mutandis ingeniosa sonis,
quid iuvat, ut datus es, nostrae placuisse puellae?—
    infelix, avium gloria, nempe iaces!
tu poteras fragiles pinnis hebetare zmaragdos
    tincta gerens rubro Punica rostra croco.
non fuit in terris vocum simulantior ales—
    reddebas blaeso tam bene verba sono!
Raptus es invidia—non tu fera bella movebas;
    garrulus et placidae pacis amator eras.
ecce, coturnices inter sua proelia vivunt;
    forsitan et fiunt inde frequenter ****.
plenus eras minimo, nec prae sermonis amore
    in multos poteras ora vacare cibos.
nux erat esca tibi, causaeque papavera somni,
    pellebatque sitim simplicis umor aquae.
vivit edax vultur ducensque per aera gyros
    miluus et pluviae graculus auctor aquae;
vivit et armiferae cornix invisa Minervae—
    illa quidem saeclis vix moritura novem;
occidit illa loquax humanae vocis imago,
    psittacus, extremo munus ab orbe datum!
optima prima fere manibus rapiuntur avaris;
    inplentur numeris deteriora suis.
tristia Phylacidae Thersites funera vidit,
    iamque cinis vivis fratribus Hector erat.
Quid referam timidae pro te pia vota puellae—
    vota procelloso per mare rapta Noto?
septima lux venit non exhibitura sequentem,
    et stabat vacuo iam tibi Parca colo.
nec tamen ignavo stupuerunt verba palato;
    clamavit moriens lingua: 'Corinna, vale!'
Colle sub Elysio nigra nemus ilice frondet,
    udaque perpetuo gramine terra viret.
siqua fides dubiis, volucrum locus ille piarum
    dicitur, obscenae quo prohibentur aves.
illic innocui late pascuntur olores
    et vivax phoenix, unica semper avis;
explicat ipsa suas ales Iunonia pinnas,
    oscula dat cupido blanda columba mari.
psittacus has inter nemorali sede receptus
    convertit volucres in sua verba pias.
Ossa tegit tumulus—tumulus pro corpore magnus—
    quo lapis exiguus par sibi carmen habet:
"colligor ex ipso dominae placuisse sepulcro;
    ora fuere mihi plus ave docta loqui".

mein gott... in English it reads so smoothly reading
it while listening to Red Hot Chilli Peppers'
B-sides... quixoticelixer...
teatra jam (short)... and then thinking about it...
through to and through Going Li coupled
with trouble in the pub (instrumental version)...

i will never own a car...
              mind you: i already secretely own a house...
if i keep appeasing my mother and my father:
when reality kicks in and they're dead and i'm
project solo... it's not like i'm waiting for the day...
they are hoarders of shoes and screws...
literally... no metaphor...
  on my own: i will have to recycle so much ****
before i will put the house on the market...
and? i never pledged any allegiance to Essex...
England... i have: pledged an allegiance
to the English tongue...
                 but if not the Shetland Islands...
north... "god" send me north! even as far as
Greenland!
                i'm not willing to die in a place where
villages are flaring up in a July heat...

i can't bemoan what i honestly couldn't keep...
i sometimes get mad at my father for being
so submissive to my mother...
i sometimes get so mad at my mother for only
being able to talk about her chronic pains:
i'm alligned with my grandmother
who once said: she's just like your paternal
great-grandmother... every itch and scratch...
it's like writing with chalk on a blackboard...
hey presto! ruptures of the Grand Canyon...
that ******* bollocking of: ooh! ah!
           me? i don't understand people with tattoos...
me? i collect scars...
these two fading ones on my face are a disappointment...
i thought something more pronounced
could be kept from that bicycle-crach Francis Bacon
esque imitation of painting:
   the sort of painting where you can still revel
in brush-strokes being visible...
   because it's not rigid: Renaissance form painting...

now: i can sort of imagine what men couple up...
those who fear being alone...
those not interested in art...
those mostly interested in sport... but not all sport...
just some sports...
sports that they support "passing their lineage"
with according to the cult of football teams...
not all-sports... i.e. not an interest in fencing...
swimming... certainly guys who thought:
wow! tennis is great to watch!
   but squash is so much more fun to play!
cycling... well... if you love cycling per se:
watching other people cycle is a bit: BOO-RING...
what sort of other men get married?
probably those not interested in risque ***
with prostitutes...
ones interested in making money for a woman
to spend...
me? i'm not interested in money...
                       in terms of money:
i'm more likely to spend £30 on a book than
think about a dinner date...
                      
is that...   ??? i'm not even going to ask myself
that question that begins with a buzz-word
and the letters Mmmm... miso...
                             well... what is a boy to do...
figure out what to do with his spare time...
               i don't mind cleaning the house:
who ever said that it's the duty of a woman to keep
the house clean? i like living in a household in order...
i love cooking: it's like chemistry 2.0...
                      give me a bag of Indian spices and i'll
cook up a perfect storm of a curry...
but then again: i'm not work-shy when it comes
to using heavy-duty tools akin to the KANGO...
which... i later found out was a Japanese word for
Chinese in general... or the other way round...
i'd hate to be one of those Phil Collins types of
forgetting how many hands i have
by changing gloves like i might be an octopus...

and when it comes to children?
eh... it's enough for a boy in a buggy in a supermarket
pointing his finger at me as i walk past
making that chimpanzee face of OOH at me...
or a fist-bump with some teenagers at the London
Stadium... that's enough... i'm happy to play
the "secret uncle" role...
while women remain women: as fickle as the wind...
i've learned to live with that reality...
i scratch my beard and pretend that i'm playing
a violin...

plus, i'm a terrible drinker... i'm a loving-drunk...
i'm drunk right now...
if a litre of whiskey per night satisfies
my libido shortages i'm happy:
it implies i can write... i stop drinking and start
*******: alles goot...
                           today i was visited by a wasp...
i was visited by a bee before...
oh man... it was heart-breaking...
he was dying... i had to help him...
   i poured some honey onto the pave-,
and moved him towards the puddle...
he stuck his mighty Gene Simmons sucker out
and started to perform an OD on sugar...
i was glad... watching him die from a sugar-overdose...
it was: rather pleasant to watch...

TERROR! mix JAINISM with TAOISM
and fuse that in an European mind...
               but i'll still eat meat...
                        it's a parody of what's to be expected:
i prefer life with the possibilities of change...
with... curiosities of: extensive ulterior
possibilities that run counter to estblished norms
of expectations of a RIGID MIND...
i water: i flow...
      i fire: i dance...
i air: i whirl...
i earth: i rumble...
i lightning: i blink...
hey presto! the five elements!

in another language close to my heart:
since i was born with it...
the pronoun disappears:
ja woda: płyne
ja ogien: tańcze...
   ja powietrze: kręce się (odd)
ja ziemia: trzęse się (also "odd")
ja grzmot: mrygam

there are languages in existence where pronouns
hide... to be honest...
in ******? the pronouns are rarely used...
oh mein gott... when they're used in a sentence:
esp. the I... it's like... wow! i just found
a "nugget of gold"!
seriously... that how my mother-tongue
is structured: on English is the current
prounoun-circus available to watch...
i'm siding with the Somali pirates having
a giggle... playing blackjack with either Greeks
or some other Africans...

there are languages in English that cannot: will not,
succumb to the current Marxist onslight
happening in this tongue...
not because these languages will not:
they CANNOT...
mind you... it's such an intellectual low-bar
of achievement... but since it's piggy-pop...
it must be slaughtered on an individual level
before this DISEASE is allowed to spread...
thank heavens that English is only my second
language... how that allows me to bypass
buying into any sort of propaganda...
   my lingua Ingelese... my tongue for spreading
ideas...
    oh: and thank **** i' expressing in a medium
desecrated by the same people pushing these
sordid ideas... post-humous fame! 'ere i come!
obviously! who's in it for the "real" and immediate
if one isn't... fabricating a pickling of a shark
in plastic.... who? who?! woof!
   a-woooooo"

            my heart has shrunk and hardened to
the size and hardness of a pebble...
    i wish i could entertain cosy nights with a woman
watching some pointless movie about
the stereotypes of love... then again: no...
i'd rather not...
drinking alone: who the hell said i was alone?
i sometimes "hallucinate" someone crying:
of late... i'm like: this isn't Aud Lang Syne...
this isn't Shakespear...
then again i love the idea that my true readers
are yet to be born...
i'm happy, happy-bear-alone...
                       a Maine **** is sleeping in my
bed... i'll join him come the right hour...
but he's not looking at me... he's looking above me...
only yesterday i started to paparazzi
a wasp that flew into my bedroom...
          what the **** do i have above me?
please say letters... i will not do alright with a halo...
i'm not going to join that
archangel one minute... saint the next...
clip my ******* wings for a get-through-easy
card: no!
          
it became finalized today... i'm literally tired
of ***... i'm tired of *** when it's equivalent to not...
being tired of eating food... drinking water...
it's unnecessarily-necessary... *** as golf...
per say...
                2 months of delay in payment...
i'm thinking about rekindling my affair with that mountain
bike... i have to forget the streets...
i need the woods again... but for that i need new tires...
oh... hell... i no longer have anything
to prove in the brothel... blah blah whatever...
threesomes look great: LOOk...
like a block of cheddar looks great...
when shredded...
and then melting...
perhaps in pornographic flicks...
but in reality? the changing of condoms
from one mouth to another...
from one ****** to another...
                          
what?! peiple are having unprotected ***?
vermin ****?!
   **** me... well... at least i'm obnoxiously savvy
in that regard...
no no... it's too disappointing...
you have to split your attention up...
there's nothing good about a *******...
why? because, usually... of the two girls...
there's one you really want to be a screwdriver to...
while the other is just being a, *******...
a ******* bandwagon... leftovers...
a pair of **** you get to imitate ****** with...
it's a bit like:
coupling an elephant with a giraffe...
but i want to ride the elephant!
but i want to stroke the giraffe's neck!
but  i want to pretend the elephants's tusk...
no! not tusk! TRUNK....
that rectangular bit of ******* you shovel
your clothes in when travelling...
TRUNK... or a TRAMPOLINE!
no... not the bouncy layer...
TRUNK... sneeze! trambone! jazz! ******* Miles Daisies!
Davis!  trumpet *******!
no... don't get me started on the sax...

then again: i want a rhino's horn! ram-jam...
Black Betty Bam B'eh Lam!

- oh no... i moved along... R.H.C.P.'s: thanks for the t-shirt...
Big Bukowski style:
i hate the eagles... run through the jungle...
run Forrest! whun!
WHUN!
  and that's me... hardly a LAMNTIA of the Beatniks
tripping... me? enough whiskey
and the right song... and i'm grooving beside
an imaginary drum-kit...
in that: once upon a time...
when men grew their hair long...
they were the barbarians knocking
on the gates of Rome... rather than being
the implosion of Rome within with
all of Rome's degeneracy of transgender gimmicks...

mind you: i've given it some thought...
i broke it down toward the following schematic:

anonymous audience, commenting,
video making blah blah...
****** "schematic": if you can call it that...
mind you: the VAR in WIETNAM
had the best soundtrack...
just saying: hey! her?! hey! don't shoot
the messanger!
i'd rather work the Fulham opening night
with the new stand: Thames-side being opened
than attend Wembley for a Westwood...
Westworld... Westlife concert,
i'm all up for handling those Scousers:
northern monkeys?
southern fairies...
let's just call them for what they are...
northern TOURISTS...

but the dynamic of publishing has changed:
i already know the criterium first...
women and children first...
THIRST beccause water matters...
i'm thirsty too... one litre of whiskey and
i'm still typing like a machine...
i'll box my liver and kidneys
as long as i keep my brain and eyes happy...

but it's just a different dynamic...
the internet experience...
i know a lot of people miss it...
i can't force people to read my bollocking-riddles...
ergo? i don't stagnate into celebrating it
or therefore advertising it...
i'm either read or i'm STAUB...
   dust...
                
i can't! i'm only making something available...
i can't force people out of their democratic "wedlock"...
you like it? great! you don't? great!
but the psychology of those video creators that
mind how many views they receive and
how many comments they: likewise receive...
"false hits" with the number of hits of viewership?

me? i'm not bothered... i've been watching
the female Euro finals...
i was almost scared... what if the female England team
don't make it to the finals?!
me? i'm gearing up...
any rowdy hooligans up to speed?!
as much as i hate women not trying toi compete
in sports that are sexually-exclusive...
there's this... THIS... i watch the games because
the Colleseum is burning...
i'm only watching the fire...
    and i'm watching the women i'd love to ****...
this never would have happened if watching
tennis...

    the crisp biting attache of a sharpshooter
WONG sort of mixer-mix-up with a whiskey
and a pepssi...
me... reaching for a second glass
with one already filled like: *******... RAINMAN...

keep your horses!
i'm gearing up to a translation!
wait, the, ****, up! keep it cool in Doob-Lyn!
oh no... you don't get to tell me
i use too many vowels without me showing
you... you mishandled the vowel-to-consonant
dynamic... Doob-Lyn is Dublin: tow me...
no: not to me? tow me... now you're dragging me
along the snail-trail...

the disparaging translations:

(B) the A. S. Kline translation

Parrot, the mimic, the winged one from India’s Orient,
is dead – Go, birds, in a flock and follow him to the grave!
Go, pious feathered ones, beat your ******* with your wings
and mark your delicate cheeks with hard talons:
tear out your shaggy plumage, instead of hair, n mourning:
sound out your songs with long piping!
Philomela , mourning the crime of the Thracian tyrant,
the years of your mourning are complete:
divert your lament to the death of a rare bird –
Itys is a great but ancient reason for grief.
All who balance in flight in the flowing air,
and you, above others, his friend the turtle-dove, grieve!
All your lives you were in perfect concord,
and held firm in your faithfulness to the end.
What the youth from Phocis was to Orestes of Argos,
while she could be, Parrot, turtle-dove was to you.
What worth now your loyalty, your rare form and colour,
the clever way you altered the sound of your voice,
what joy in the pleasure given you by our mistress? –
Unhappy one, glory of birds, you’re certainly dead!
You could dim emeralds matched to your fragile feathers,
wearing a beak dyed scarlet spotted with saffron.
No bird on earth could better copy a voice –
or reply so well with words in a lisping tone!
You were snatched by Envy – you who never made war:
you were garrulous and a lover of gentle peace.
Behold, quails live fighting amongst themselves:
perhaps that’s why they frequently reach old age.
Your food was little, compared with your love of talking
you could never free your beak much for eating.
Nuts were his diet, and poppy-seed made him sleep,
and he drove away thirst with simple draughts of water.
Gluttonous vultures may live and kites, tracing spirals
in air, and jackdaws, informants of rain to come:
and the raven detested by armed Minerva lives too –
he whose strength can last out nine generations:
but that loquacious mimic of the human voice,
Parrot, the gift from the end of the earth, is dead
The best are always taken first by greedy hands:
the worse make up a full span of years.
Thersites saw Protesilaus’s sad funeral,
and Hector was ashes while his brothers lived.
Why recall the pious prayers of my frightened girl for you –
prayers that a stormy south wind blew out to sea?
The seventh dawn came with nothing there beyond,
and Fate held an empty spool of thread for you.
Yet still the words from his listless beak astonished:
dying his tongue cried: ‘Corinna, farewell!’
A grove of dark holm oaks leafs beneath an Elysian *****,
the damp earth green with everlasting grass.
If you can believe it, they say there’s a place there
for pious birds, from which ominous ones are barred.
There innocuous swans browse far and wide
and the phoenix lives there, unique immortal bird:
There Juno’s peacock displays his tail-feathers,
and the dove lovingly bills and coos.
Parrot gaining a place among those trees
translates the pious birds in his own words.
A tumulus holds his bones – a tumulus fitting his size –
whose little stone carries lines appropriate for him:
‘His grave holds one who pleased his mistress:
his speech to me was cleverer than other birds’.

(C) the  P. Green translation

parrot, that feathered mimic from India's dawlands,
is dead. come flocking, birds, to his funeral:
come, all you godfearing airborne creatures,
beat ******* with wings,
   mourn, claw your polls, tear out soft feathers
(your hair), and pipe high your sad lament.
Philomela, nightingale, the ancient crimes of Tereus
which you lament is long past -
    divert your grief to the obsequies of a rare and modern
bird: poor Itylus' case was tragic, but antique.
all wind-borne voyagers through the clear empyrean
lament now, and above all his friend the turtle-dove
they lived in complete agreement,
    their bond of faith held firm to the end.
what Pylades was to Orestes or Argos, that Parrot,
turtle-dove was to you - while fate allowed.
yet of no avail your devotion, your rare and beautiful
plumage,
your adaptable mimic's voice;
    not even the care that my darling lavished on you -
poor Polly, paragon of birdhood, is dead.
so gree his feathers, they dimmed the cut emerald;
scarlet his beak, with saffron spots.
no bird on earth could copy a voice more closely
or sound so articulate.
fate, jealous, removed him - that unaggressive creature,
that talktative devotee of peace,
with his tiny appetite , whose love of conversation
left him little leisure for food,
who lived on a diet of nuts, used poppy-seed to encourage
sound sleep: kept his thirst at bay with nothing but water.
quails spend their whole life fighting -
maybe that's how they reach a ripe old age.
carnivorous vultures, kites gyring high in the heavens,
weather-wise jackdaws, prophets of rain to come,
are all long-lived - while Minerva's bête noire, the raven,
can outlast nine generations. yet Parrot is dead,
that loquacious parody of human utterance,, that bonanza
from the eastern edge of the world,
greedy death almost always pickss off the best ones early -
it's the third-raters who reach a ripe old age.
Thersites attended the funeral of Protesilaus;
Hector was ashes while his brothers still lived.
what point is recalling the desperate prayers my sweetheart
uttered?
some stormy sirocco blew them out to sea.
six days he survived, and then, at dawn on the seventh,
his thread of destiny ran out.
yet somehow, though dying, he could still find utterance,
and the last words he ever spoke were: 'Corinna, farewell!'
beneath a hill in Elyium, where dark ilex clussters
and the moist earth is for ever green,
there exists - or so i have heard - the pious fowls' heaven
(all ill-omened predators barred).
harmless swaans roam after foot there, there dwells
the phoenix, that long-lived, ever-solitary bird;
there Juno's peacock spreads out his splendid fantail
amid the billing and cooing of amorous doves;
and there, in this woodland haven, the feathered faithful
welcome Parrot, flock round to hear him talk.
his bones lie buried under a parrot-sized tumulus
with a tiny headstone bearing these words:
r.i.p. Polly: this tribute from his loving mistress:
articulate beyond a common bird

the thought of LEMONS or perhaps
the IDEA of lemon...
then again: i can't refrain from
ORANGES and LIMES...
and the shy-sunlight of autumn
and the blooming of apples...
and operas...
             "someone"...
                              what pretty pies of
unfuckable wonders await...

divert your grief to the obsequeies of a rare and modern
bird: poor Itylus' case was tragic, but antique
(antiquated?).
all wind-borne voyagers through tge clear empyrean
lament nowm abd above all
his friend the turtle-dove, they lived in complete
agreement
   their bond of faith held firm to the end.
what Pylades was to Orestes of Argos, that, Parrot,
turtle-dove was to you - while Fate allowed,

i'm not even going to bother with a "bananna C"...
i woke up wild-awake with ideas...
brimming with Tao...
"non-doing" id est: point PROVEN
or rather point SERVED?!

Russia and China are clashing...
or rather sparring...
they're having their civilization-state
agenda being put in place...
while there's a "culture-war" in the "west"...
right... James Bond...
so we're refrrering to nation-stattes
as post-nationhood...
  "states"...
                    precursors to the globalist agenda
of fake space exploration via the ******* telescope...
if Russia and China are civivilasation-states...
then... whatever culture "war" is investing in:
or rather: digressing into... impliies
the FSA (federal states of america)
             is a culture-state...
                                                ­                 no?

personally? i don't like the current h'American culture...
it's absolute *******...
no! i'm not going to translate any more of Ovid...
i already read the better translation...
i found out only two minites ago that
i prefer drinking to having ***...
and keeping an eye on cats is just as rewarding
as rearing children: if you allow yourself
to give them a personality...

           so Russia is a civilisation-state...
while America is a culture-state...
                    well... no wonder...
                                            America is the zenith
that could be: but doesn't have to be
preserved...
the culture-state-of-the-sand-*******...
i wish: the Arabs clocked in lucky...
sitting on so much raw ill of oil...
bounce bounce libido bounce bounce...

hmm... "inner monologue"... i had that "thing"
once... i kost it... turning psychotic...
then again: within the confines of having
an internal monologue? i was passive...
       i was a passive agent...
                         upon losing it: having my soul
evaporate: becoming an "N.P.C."...
i became an active agent...
i opened my eyes a second time...

           i think my inner monolpogue became blocked
by:
został wyciszony... bo zaczoł być cykliczny,
tzn. nie po prostej:
       wymarł według koncepcji
sprawiedliwości...

even i know: the gods uttered the words:
shut the **** up! we know you're right!
but we're playing roulette!
shut the ******! we're playing cards!
shut up!
wait! wait your turn!
**** me, given the prowess at attaing
a concept of the differential of space comparing
time... i.e. speed... i'll be karma-happy
once i die...

i'm not translating the rest of that Ovid...
a girl's parraot died... great!
now i'm thinking about:
a bicyckle is a terrible idea... to ride...
on the roads towards St. Paul's... i think i might
require a horse!
i need a horse! bring me a hood, a hoof,
an apple and a toothbrush!
the last place i'm thinking about moving
to is California...
   and thank no god for that...
just the people who already live there.

III.

i sooner discovered the rare B-sides of Red Hot Chilli
Peppers than having realised... oh right...
they release two albums after By the Way...
i completely forgot about those two...
               guess i'm not as big a fan as i thought i was...
Go Robot... it's not oh so wo terrible now, or anymore...
oh woah woe... what a whale to ride into the night...

sometimes it just happens, a sort of blend of an Ezrra Pound
and a Charles Olson moment, poem, moment-poem...
it stretches for three days and you just don't want
to finish it... you kept repeating yourself writing seemingly
aimlessly with no focus...
at this point writing becomes theraputic...
by the simple act of writing: not theraputic regarding
what you're writing about: memories of frustration and
complications having finished Thomas Mann's Dr. Faustus...
unlike those joyous frustrations with Samuel Beckett's
Watt...
                  and on the third day "he" finished painting
four metal chairs a new colour of copperhead...
a copperneck painting chairs copperhead...
to me the colour of copper is more appealing than
that of gold...

if i still had that inner-monologue people speak of
i wouldn't be writing this,
that inner-monologue fantasy i once was a proud owner
of: i.e. the closest "thing" to the idea of soul
was also filled with so many doubts...
i simply don't care what the supposed benefits
of it were... that whole no-inner-monologue ergo
one's an NPC (non-playable character)...
    i remember that that when my first psychotic episode
slammed me on a rampage i started to see DIFFERENTLY...
it was as if a veil was lifted from my eyes...
if i didn't write terrible poetry back then...
i most certainly wrote very little...
             the inner-monologue doubts... a plethora of them...
no? psychosis = the osmosis of soul...
   the body has remained... the devils said:
but these idle hands and this idle intellect have to stay...
we'll pass on the message with your soul
as it leaves your body...
call it whatever you want:
   res vanus or the silence of the "mind"...
that's how you become more of an active agent...
it might be called writing but i call it digging...
a tunnel toward some variaton of: marrying Hades
with Tartarus...
                after all... Venus is the daughter of titans...
and she's the only Titan among the Olympian gods:
such is her perfection... almost on par with
   the patron of philosophers that's Sacred Sophia:
who entertains the foolishness of elder men
without being able to tell them apart from boys...

IV. if i were to translate Amores II. XI

would i be willing to add a D in the translation sequence?
i don't think so
there's no need... i like comparing the two i already
made available...
i just wanted to stress how unbelievable Latin is...
compared to the modern tongue, for example English...
how compact it is!
- and course, i prefer the second translation...
     it... exfoliates!
                     this is the point for me where i truly appreciate
Ovid to be on par with Horace...

side by side walking through the zenith-nadir of
man...

   i'm finally come across a sequence of events that
make me unwilling to stop typing: perhaps if i get
drunk enough and stumble on my first typo
perhaps a series of typos would end my ambition...

do i think men in the west are living
in a land of libido-insomnia? i think they are...
whoever said that watching one type of pornogrphy
soon spirals out of control and men start
scouting for more extreme *******:
hello outlier A! hello outlier B!
where's outlier C? oh... he's coming...
at a time when women are supposed to be these
sexually liberated creatures while men
are either STAGS with harems or limp biscuit *****...
thank god i managed to catch the train
of having the ***** of walking into a newsagent
and buying a pornographic magazine to ******* to...
stashed about six in a folder behind
the radiator in the bathroom at 21B Beehive Lane,
Gants Hill...
                         mind you: i started prematurely...
8?
     i switch off with western ****** antics:
people are either having too much ***: ergo the kinks
or not enough of it...
outlier in the middle: when it's too hot
i leave the insects to do their lineage pride...
cooler temperatures: *** like rubbing sand-paper
on a ****** paint-job...

                         makeshift boney **** of the hand...
well: at least ******* makes me more interested in
the **** than **** ***...
but i did the opposite... i need to keep a sack-of-sanity
atop my head...
beside adoring the Katakana...
i very much adore Japanese tamed sexuality...
     グラビア アイドル (gurabia aidoru)...
back in the day when the English tabloid newspaper
the Sun had a page 3 girl...
back to basics... a show of *******...
    a show of cleavage... perhaps even the breast
like the eye... the sclera of the rounded breast...
the darkened skin at the iris and then the pupil
as the ******...
  floral patterns of the *******...
                  back to basics...
                           a photograph of a naked woman
and all the imagination at work: what wouldn't
i want to do with her?

well... if you begin pleasing yourself while concentrating
on the kiss between Venus and Cupid
in one of Bronzino's beauties of paint-strokes...
you're hardly going to go down a rabbit-hole
of "hide and hide": wihtout seeking it out...
people and thier kinks...
while a minority: dodo-project sexuality of
homosexuality is celebrated: garnerded unto the guise
of "pride": i can't stomach shame...
but hey: look at me! i'm about to parade my sexuality
like and ******* latex-clad gimp readied
for being given ***-favour-orders...

outlandish! god-forgiving god-fearing...
  hardly every god-loving...
           a settling in of a blue that's not the sky
but a melancholy... i'm finally willing to end this
"diatribe"... to start afresh... again and again...
like mixing: Dreams of a Samurai with
Hans Zimmer's spectres in the fog...

                      my ***: going back to figuring out
the premature adventures into ***...
one boy passing on the secrets of *******
to another while sharing a bath:
the cruel curiosity of the circumcision:
in a secular environment: without the kippah
or the niqab: the submission of the women...
i will not give up the "sheath" to my "sword"...
i will keep my teeth with my twirling tongue...
if ever an improvement on the aesthetics?
clipping the ears of Dobberman dogs...
banning clipping the clipping of their tails...
but still: the preserved atrocity of male circumcision...
i could agree...
once a woman is devoted to her man...
a circumcision like putting on a wedding ring...
noble swans... oh noble swans...

a melancholy that's sort of azure...
amass enough water and you will see blue...
amass "too little": freeze it...
a paleness somewhat grey...
but then the icebergs roaming that are
the Cistercians...
            all i need right now is for some lonely
dog to start barking into the night...
or the cackling "laughter" of a fox...
    
    but all those sexless lives...
            "lucky" me for taming my consumption down...
where would i be without it?
i didn't ask for a *******...
i wa offered it... i will never forget how she clamoured
for the opportunity...
she couldn't stomach being rejected twice...
she just had to clamour like a crab in a crab bucket...
even if she thought she thought she succeeded:
she was the spare wheel...
what i've learned... i prefer one-on-one interactions...
but i gave in...
   it would have never worked out:
not like it "works out" in pornographic flicks...
the sharing of saliva and other juices...
we're responsible adults...
unlike in the pornographic flicks...
          two women: one man...
the changing of condoms...
                           i had to think quick:
there's only one way i will not be undermined...
snuggling up to the one i really wanted
to spend an hour with...
                       kissing neck and cheek...
while she did a hand-job...
   the other just sat there sort of idle...
                          until i figured out... those *******
could be of some use...

- i couldn't pull off a Jesus look...
long hair and a beard is not my "thing"...
even with a sly undercut...
i chose the better option.... short hair, a beard, yes,
but a "fu manchu": an elongated love-spot...
competing with the length of the beard...
i really "don't understand" why i have no memory
of my chin and neck...
it's like there was never the idea of using
water as a mirror... perhaps poor Xerxes lashed
at the Aegean for hiding his reflection
when he had one of those Narcisstic moments
of anguish: he forgot how he looked like...
but then the sides of the moustasche also drooping:
elongated... that work much better than
a beard and long hair...
it's so unfashionable these days...
i don't get why men think beards and long hair
"work"....

then again i never figured out why Khadira
wanted to have unprotected ***...
  how she insisted that it was just plain o.k.
for me to ******* into her...
how i snapped and dived in into her pandamonium
of multiples springs of irritated ****...
all slobbering with oyster-tongue
and knose...
                               all that informed me...

companionship? what a rare commodity...
it's enough to have a mother to know
how a woman's company can quickly sour
the already sweet grapes...
one word: tell a man he's LAZY...
while he's just tired of being pushed and shoved...
if a mother can do that to a son?
what could a wife do?
                          and i'm come across curiosities of
men who waged wars with their mothers...
at the Tyson Fury boxing match...
i was trying to calm the **** down a guy
who was having a panic attack after being
"abandoned" by his mother...
who bought the tickets... and drinks...
i squeezed him hard... told him: but i'm here for free!
nay! i'm here and getting paid for it!
blah blah...
               i hate seeing panic attacks in men...
it makes me either feel like
more than a man or less of a man...
it makes me think of the men prior
with shell-shocks... or women exploiting
the challenges of p.t.s.d.

                                    i've seen so many people fake
a mental illness... i've spoken at length
to them... how easily open up to their own struggles...
while i'm left alone with whatever ones
i have...
                   maybe because my "mental health issues"
have morphed into philosophical caviats
implies that i'm immune to outright sharing
the details... and boring people to death...
so i listen...
        i listen...
                            in one ear out the other...

i remember days in high school when we would love
to change the subject, create a game:
SLAP-BALL... imitation of Tsar Peter III prior
to tennis... an imitation court... with a fence between us...
or just playing BLACKJACK...
cards... that was big... we understood that ignoring
women was best done with / by playing cards...
at one point: i remember it to this day...
Samuel Richards grabbed Ian Goodman's neck
and pinned him to the floor...
we tried to intervene...
i don't know whether it was about the actual
game of cards or whether it was about
Sam bailing out... he was about to move to France...
and ****** off from pur in-group...
started playing basketball with the black-boys...
forgot he was supposedly the "PUNK" in the school...
i remember skateboarding with him...
he actually stole his mother's credit card and bought
a skateboard for me...
but his ******* MOHICAN was ****...
it didn't entertain the entire length of his skull
meeting his spine...
but we did walk back from Romford
toward Ilford this one night...
underage drinking... singing Backstreet Boys songs...

ha ha...
         time is a museum of melancholy...
while space is a museum of furthering whatever is left
of leftover potential...

i'm so despondent about this life having to end...
today i cycled up to the traffic lights
on my ******... ******?! £125 viking road bike... say the word
****** one more time... what was i facing?
a solitary man in an Aston Martin...
behind him? some solitary guy in a Porsche...
right... "alphas"...
i'm on my bicycle... but these two guys
in those choicest of motor-examples?
that's the thing with "competing" in life rather than
sport...
     i like my bicycle... i love my bicycle...
i am yet to wash away the blood from my head
from the crash...
i don't have a broken leg: i just have an outgrowth of bone
on my shin where my bone should have cracked:
i love milk...

competing with these men... **** me...
i was thinking about the Porsche guy...
nice game... but it's not playing cards...
i taart myself up: compete...
what do i get? i get a Porsche...
     but then ahead of me there's this guy
in an Aston Martin: mate! i'm ******!
oh blue blue Hue... the Aston Martin looked like
the bomb that is already was...
the Porsche? the Porsche looked like
a ******* Ford Mondeo by comparison...
Civic Extra... if that's even a car...
i was sort of happy to by cycling...
i figured... well: i'm not using my legs...
to walk... i'm peddling...

ever heard the expression "push-bike"?
i heard that only recently... what a werid coupling
of words... a motorcycle is distinguished from
a a bicycle by the term: "push-bike"
this half-brain-dead coworker...
what the **** am i pushing?!
it's just as weird as calling it a peddling-bicycle, no?
eh?
but what am i pushing? a bicycle is a bicycle
a turtle is a turtle... i still have to figure out
what's being pushed...
what comes first? the donkey, the carrot, or the stick?!

mawn the lawn: sieve the sand...
mawn the lawn: sieve the sand...
keep nurturing the spacing between numbers
but also keep lost track of the alphebticaal
queue...
never the type to rehash a refurbishment
of SPAWN...

           i simply don't want this day-dream to end...
around me people cowering into sleep...
i'm left in limbo...
            between consetllations and the scythe
of the moon... dearest: moooooon...
i'm itching to break the silence with a howl...
but first: the thirst of a dog barking...
i hear a dog barking i'll start to howl!

aren't we simply becoming the same
tired people of old?
              more impetus...
more gravity! more fire! more tides!
more the quaking of the earth!
more whirlwinds! more! more!
one Pompeii is not enough!

                       almost one litre of whiskey
into the session and i'm sober-tense...
i'm starting to think that entertaining
hell is not a bad "gimmick"...
                  there's the imaginary hell-crowd
and there' some also doubly-imaginary
crowd of people that yet to be bound to imitation-migration
focus...
           next time you ask me:
i'd rather be eating ice: crunching on
ice than drinking water...
i want to burn my tongue...
licking ice...l i want to burn my tongue
licking ice: but first i want to be dipping
it in coridnader-cumin-chilli-turmeric mix-up
of spiders...

i want to first bruise my knees before
i lick them clean...
i want the strict juices of: not tomatoes?
red is red: ergo blood is blood...
vulture ****...
there's an open window:
there's an evaporating night too...

best refrain: 6 by 6s refrain on 9s...
since? there's plenty of 0s / oopses...
by this "flesh and blood"...
i heave this sand and timer
like: i was sadly woken up with
an inheritance of salt...
boiling blue bloods and boiling gravy...
a smile that reads: clenched teeth...
a smile so awkward that
it make^ a parrot think twice about
imitating human speech.

^a notable typo, i think i might require an editor
(insert a snigger); two alternatives:
1. it might make a parrot think twice,
2. a smile so awkward that it makes a parrot think twince...
all depending on the tense.
Rose Wilder Oct 2012
Forget his name
Forget his face
Forget his kiss
His warm embrace
Forget tge love once knew
Remember he has someone new
Forget him when they paly your song
Remember when you cried all night long
Forget how close you once were
Remember he has chosen her
Forget how you memorized his walk
Forget the way you used to talk
Forget the things he used to say
Rememeber he has gone away
Forget his kuagh frget his grin
Forget the dimples on his chin
Ftget the way
Bluejay Nov 2014
I have given up everything I ever had
to see you happy- just a smile, a single kiss?
I gave you tge best you've ever had
And you passed me up for someone
worse than this...

You only ever broke me, tore me down,
All I ever tried was to build you up
now we're too deep Love will have to drown.
take my sanity, take my heart
Once again I'm going down.

We were such a beautiful perfection
once before, what happened to us dear?
Was I not the missing pieces you needed
or are you simple blind
to the love surrounding you here?

You onlu ever broke me, tore me down
all I have ever tried was to build you up
now we're too deep Love will have to drown
take my sanity, take my heart
Once again I'm going down.

I thought that I could swim
if not I always thought you'd save ne
yet again i was wrong cause
you chise to walk away
to leace Happiness.

What a beautiful letdown
all I ever needed
another beautiful letdown...

You only ever broke me tore me down
all I ever tried was to build you up
now we're too deep Love will have to drown
take my sanity take my heart
Once again I'm going down

Just let me drown
just let me drown
just leave me going down
thanks for another

beautiful letdown...
written for a friends band. The bands name: Another beautiful letdown

meant to be lyrics...
Her silence
Pierces tge ear drums
And makes introspective
equal easy
To predict her levee overflow
Is an art form
That many mouths water for
One must possess her
Body and soul
To truly empathise
With her
Tsunami
KathleenAMaloney Sep 2016
Waste Not True Be
Beautiful Life
Spring From the Rotten Flesh

Seeds Thrown Away
Each One Perfect
Fruit of The Compost
Child
Great Strides
Are Made By Ghes
Who Art Thou?
That Rewrites the Word
By Circumstance
From Free?
Art Thou Free Choice
Given
By Wisdoms Homecoming
We Are Seen
Family of Selves
Throughout The Now
Eternity
Caves Doorway
New Mu Be

Through
The Caghedral
Of Roughen
Loughan's  Blessings
Filled With Nothingness
Light Divine
By Each
Was Life Sprung
Lifting
Our Paris Played Sure
Pain Was But A Virtue
Of Tge Accusation
Came
For To Bless Us
Was Our Crown Made Ure
One Word Ire
That is The Ore
Of Life
One
Onw
Onwards Wford
Ours  is Given Forwatd naught
It's Been  bee as it May
I've Already Been
This Path is Known
I feel It
It's Carriynh me  crow is Hidden  Magic
Many is Me  She My N
N is Majic Magic Magic Magic Magic Magic
K is Chance chance chance chance chance
Choice Choice Choice Choice Choice
Collin CollinCollin Coliin Omire Omeir
One or one ire moire moire moire OMIRE
Omire O Meir.  O'Mire
Omire Where art Thou ?
Cry for You
Cry
Whole
Where Who Where Who My Black Irishman
where
Wisdom
Www Home Wisom
Come Back
Get Me
snakes Sre Gird
Snakes are Ireland
Snakes R Ire
Ire ire ire ire harp
Harp harp harp harp harp harp harp harp
Harp is Me harp is Golden Golden Golden golden golden golden Golden Golden can Play Can Play play Mu Mu mumy my words area
Mu My Mu Mu s mall words
My Name Is George
She King I King  Muse
I King Collin Harpgolden Harp
I King
I King K King K Queen
Golden Harp
King Threads Song Song Sonf song
Threads
Listen
Threads Listen
Song Spiral
Threads listen Collin King Is Song
Jenny
Is
Song
Snakes like song
Call song call song call sing call song call sing
Ask Question Ask
None is Bad
None
Many that don't bro
Belief is true
God is Goodsnakes R Good


Harp Harp
Harp is me Harp is Thread Harp
Steffanie Jul 2013
11:11
Make a wish, my love
Time binds us but it does not make us.
Consumes us.
All things
Are
Relative
To that
Tick tock
Ding
Of the clock.
Such is life
Such is us.
Allow it to shape us
Lift us
Bring us
Back
Push us
Forward
Bittersweet
Tick tock.
Traveling backwards only in memories
And dreams
Moving forward always
Never ending
You cannot choose it's course
Though
Your destination to the past is yours for tge choosing.
Allow this time
To clear
Your mind
Fill it
Only
With the
Present.
Nothing more.
What choice have we?ticktock
That time is lost.
The time
Is NOW.
WISHES
DREAMS
LUST
So much to say in such restrained time.
Man made
Ever present
Tick tock.
Loud and
Noisy
Fluid and
Graceful
Steady
Tick Tock.
Leave it
There
Be here
You
Me
Sheets and flesh.
We have
Such
Little
Time
Tick Tock
Rue the day and leave it behind.
A forgotten hole.
Gone
Forever.
We are now
Sweet Night
Tick Tock.
11:11
Wish
11:12
Sleep.
Breathe me in.
The present.
The love.
Tick Tock
Ding.
Title          : SHE'S BEAUTY
                        TO MY EYES
Poet          : Phyll
Genre       : Love/hurt/decision
P/Sw no. : 293
Year          : 2018


SHE'S BEAUTY TO MY EYES
      As Authored By Phyll


Babe,
I searched for meaning of love in your teary eyes,
I looked for peace in your laughter,
Dug for pleasure in your centre,
Your words burned flames of passion in my innocent soul,

As your tender nails did my back,
But they didn't reach deep enough,
I didn't know what i exactly needed from you.
But with you,
And besides you,
I Phyll felt closer to getting it.

After a long loving season,
Things began to change,
From lasting to Lusting.
I never cared cause all i saw was you babe.

Now I've lost all touch,
My a million calls unrecieved,
Plans unfulfiled,
Messages unreplied to,
Blue ticks decorating my app...
Really babe!
Do you really have to be this way?

I Phyll i feel incomplete,
With my eyes wet,
Tears threatening to spill,
I Phyll for ages had longed for US,
But not i feel It's a pass.

Once my heart which was full,
Now it's considered wreaked.
Just cause you left without saying goodbye.

For once lady,
Please allow me...
Allow me to question you and your crocodile tears.
Do you think of me as devil who lacks mercy?
Do you see me so cruel and unforgiving?
Do you think I'd run you over for what you did to my heart?

If only you knew...
The love!
How much i loved you,
You'd be right here with me.
If only you knew...
The power!
Tge power i did put wgen i found you torn apart with a heart crushed into powder you'd do me right.
If only you knew...
The strength!
The amount of streng i did invest in US even when everyone else was against US succeeding and having a brighter future ahead with two lovely kids you'd appreciate my efforts.

If only you knew the impact...
That you have over me!
I'd run to you even if you betrayed me a million times.
I'd melt in your arms even without an apology coming from you.

Not for your beauty,
Buuuu...
I said but,
Because it's you;
The real you,
The inner you.


Not only do i Phyll feel my body,
But i feel my soul too fell in love with you.
If only you could come back..
To mend my broken beyond repair heart;
That is.


But its too late for that!
You an sob all you want?
Remember the famous saying;
What you do to others...
Haha ...

So sorry lady.

One promise I've made to Phyll;
my love,
I mean LOVE .
Yes the same one,
The true love i had for you,
It will never come back to you.

I'Ve left you behind,
Just like i do to my shade.
Not cause i hate it nor you,
But cause you're of no value.
I deserve real in my reality,
Just as i love in my love life.

You were beauty to my
Eyes,
But not anymore.
So
Bye,

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
COPYRIGHT BY PHYLL
phyllspojenarts@gmail.com
*(C)2018.
Beauty dwells deep inside.
Ariel Taverner Dec 2013
You know what i hate the most
Well not really
Its impossible to know what you hate the most
But anyway
What i hate the most is that i cant be crazy
I cant use the 'back door' as tge joker describes it
I have on countless occasions imagined myself freaking out
Storming through the house breaking things
Grabbing my mothers wallet
And leaving the house
Surviving off the streets
And my mothers credit card
I have imagined
That i would get involved in drugs and alcohol
Start hanging with the wrong crowd
Doing anything for the next dose
I have imagined immersing myself in a world of lust
Constanyly searching for ***
The newest *****
And then doin anything to enhance the experience
I have imagined myself having a mental breakdown
Becoming crazy
Doing things that can onky be excused by madness
Being given a straight jacket
Being forcefed pills
Living in a padded cell unable to **** myself
Coz even if i starve myself they will make sure i survive
I have imagined cutting myself
Living in a world of private torment
Until the pain becomes too much
Then i spend three weeks writing my suicide note
Because my emotions are so hard to peg
Coz i have spent my entire life hiding and running away from them
And so far i have succeded
And then i get the rope
Get the suit and spend three days 'gracefully defiling' it as my last piece of art
Then i burn it all because im too scared to do it
Then i restart
I have imagined that i sseek solace in violence
In crime

Stealing small things
Getting angrier and angrier
Ubtil i **** someone
Then spend my life in prison
I have imagined that i become a famous writer
Feeling empty and lonely
Fi ding the woman i love and wishing i hadnt
Because i end up killing myself and hurting her
I have imagined tgat i stop ****
Become a nobel peace prize winner
Become famous
Then die without the right woman
I have imagined that i am a gamous singer
But end up killing myself coz the fame is too much
And the attention drives me over the edge
I have imaginex that i go to sleep and not wake up
To go peacefully
Coz thats wgat i ****
Peace
I have imagined that my family throws me out and i fend for myself
I work hard
Survive by washing cars
Or working a petrol pump
I have imagined that my whole family dies
Then i choke up coz i love them so much i cqnt continue with this ******* illusion
And i  the end i cant do it all
In the end im just a ******* little boy with depression
In the end i want to cut but am so scared that i cry myself to sleep
In the end im a little boy that refuses to take medication
Because tgat is his way of defying this disease
In the end im a boy that says things like 'this is my way of defying the disease' but actually im just so scared
In the end i lie fo myself to make it better
In the end i know im lying but i still do it
In the end i still believe .it And i wish this was the end but its not
Coz ill probably die
Married to a woman i love
But never being able to do what i love
Because I care about other people so much I would give them anything for them to be happy
Ruthie Sep 2014
I write slightly intoxicated.
Maybe it's from tge *****.
Or maybe it's from you r kisses.
Or the way you felt on that rooftop.
All I now is I've not felt like this for a long while.
And you seem to know everything I could need.
Kissing you makes me high.
Touching you gets me drunk.
You touching me.
Holding me.
Well that's almost enought to make me passs out.
What am was I saying,
Oh, yeah
You make me feel really quite special.
Intoxicated
And it's not just hte ***** talking.
Ariel Taverner Dec 2015
I sit outside here alone
The chilly air suspendes around me
The smell of wetness resonates boldly from the rain some twentt minutes ago
I wear my white formal shirt wrinkled and undone at the top and bottom as well as my black formal pants that protects my legs from the cold
It's dark....
Lights in the distance remind me of the isolation which beats in time to my heart
My fumbling hands reach for tge carton and I remove one
Placing it in between my lips, the taste making me anxious for what is to come
A scrape and a fizzle then a sudden yet small blaze of light erupts as the damp matches are lit
The frenzy of letting the flame touch the lip before the dampness kills it
The matche's flame burns out, ending its bright career
But not before it ignites the cigarette and leaves the tobacco smoldering like miniature embers
I inhale.... tasting the smoke and exhale, watching in awe at how the smoke lazily twists and curls in the air
I enjoy the taste of it in my mouth
I don't allow it to go further than my mouth simply enjoying the flavour
I finish one, staring at it as the sliver of doubt creeps in....
Better light another to make sure
I repeat the process but this time I inhale deeply on the first drag, allowing the bitter smoke to enter my lungs
Yup...There it is: the disgust
I sit in the dark like some kind of thief smoking a *** just for the sake of smoking it
I do what my friend taught me
I inhale deeply and take a big drag into my mouth and sharply breath it into my lungs
It stings......
It burns......
And I wait...wait for the- Ahh! There it is. The lightheadedness.
The only immediate effect I feel from smoking
It hits me harder than my freight train of insecurities
Here I'm sitting...
Outside in the dark as if I was a common criminal
My legs are on the table in front of me spread like a cheap *****'s
And in a way I'm allowing my insecurities to **** me as if I'm the cheap *****
I start to taste the disgustingness of the bile-bitter smoke in my mouth
The pretty patterns of smoke no longer making it worth it
I close my eyes and the dizziness causes me to feel like I'm on a boat in a sea somewhere about to drown
I'm never had seasickness but the nausea cripples me
I open my eyes and look at the half burnt stub I hold between my fingers like some posh *******
It smolders and despite the hate I feel towards its ugliness I love the beauty of the smoke
I realize how disgusting I am
How the smoke in my hand tastes like cud
How my below average body screams for attention
How the oily pimples on my chest swear at me each time I look in the mirror
I am disgusting
And so is this smoke
I close my eyes again and I feel like I'm falling forward
Towards the darkness within me
The darkness I kept locked away for so long
I plummet and right before the abyss I open my eyes and look at the now dead *** in my hand....

Maybe I need a new brand...
I still smell the smoke on my fingers.
Ariel Taverner Apr 2014
She is like my ecstacy

I talk to her and I love it

I get so high

On her comments

On her poems

On her words

On the way she says tge words

She releases all the tension

All the pain

But like all

Good

Drugs

There is a down side

After I take my dose

I need more

I need more of my pure rapture

That's what I'm calling this drug

The rapture of the orange princess
YoungGentleman17 Feb 2014
As I look into the clouds
I can see the rain
The clouds are you and the rain is your pain
The harder tbey fall the worser she feels
She's just another person searching for real
She's a girl who's very kinded
With a mind that's open-minded
As I look into the sun
I can sense the heat
Never seen a girl so hot
That ll she'll  melt me from my head to feet
Lady your unique
Your something like a flower
With a personality so bright I ll give you half my power
As I look into the water
I can see your feelings go deep
Your living your dreams like theres no use for sleep
Now as I see you
So mystery and blue
So shy and cute
Guts try there luck your mute
Around me you show pride
And nobody knows tge feelings we have inside
S Smoothie Jan 2018
Heated tongues had no temperance to spare

Betrayal is a fickle master cloaked in innocence

Eyes held truths with no regards to context

Illusions were never more real that when piercing
The heart left to bleed pounding desperately on the floor
Under the foot of merciless pain

How do you explain the inexplicable?

Some things just end while others start

The resoning was perfectly logical
But ****** if anyone could see it

Off they went onto seperate trajectories
Only to find tge truth revealed in 20 years of wastedness

Because faith seemed a too bigger thing
To hold through this broken prism

It was only when they travelled around it in oposite motions
They could see they belonged together

Far too late,  as other sattlites they collected were now in the way

And faith seemed once again bigger to hope for

And not a thing was learnt.
Hmmmn. ..
I climb out of the hole the dug for me.
I open my eyes to tge harsh light of the new world.
I pat my body feeling if I am alive.
WAIT... whats this the ***** of fat on my chest are gone.
I feel something where they should be.
A scar.
They dug my grave for I was born in the wrong body and I try so hard to fix it.
I used to bind my chest everyday it hurt so much.
Just words that come to mind that filled my head and created a story.
andrew juma Aug 2016
My heart beats to the rhythm,
It dances like a butterfly,
In tge glimmering glory of His love
Which flows like a waterfall from above

Oceans way from home,
My destination lost in the hazy horizons,
Engulfed in loneliness I still find peace,
My mountain of hope and belief still stands

The beat of His love makes my heart dance
A song of hope even in blues
I feel revivified like drenched leaves
After a midsummer rain

And I forget all the pain
I soar and dive like ocean tides
In the golden sunrise
When He commands dark storms to be still

Nothing can bring me down
To His name only I bow
He's the stringer of this song called life
The pianist who makes my heart to dance
Demarsa Walpool Jan 2019
I haven't been writing
I've been tying together loose ends.
Broke apart from some people
Realizing tge UnTrue friends.
Escaping those paths
On a mission to win.
There's no other option, but to get it in.
Win Win Win is what i encourage my team.
Tgen agaian it gets so lonely at the top is what it seems.
Ran across a beautiful name today.
Ashari Ty. What do you think?
If getting to know you is wrong.
I apologize for my thinking.
Mohd Arshad Jun 2019
Wife isn't a dream

She is the tge source of everything that future unfolds
Anna-Marie Rose May 2019
Somewhere in this world is the
Reason ..
I get mind ****** If I had no skills
He wouldn't still be with me
I'm sure of it ..
Selfish to think
I was really that important

Actualy quite the opposite
My tongue is just the Reason to
Pretends he cares

I'm just a waste if time
He says he doesn't deserve me


Maybe I am just a battle ship
Waiting to sink
Over speak and over. Think
Pitiful to think I was better then
Her .. He whorshiped the ground she walked on .. I will never stand a chance
She will always rule the shadows of my relationship
Taunting hiim


He could have her but got stuck with. Me
Im so bitter to say things
lashing out of anger
But I feel as if I'm just tge second choice cuz he couldn't have her
He dumped me for her December 22 2018
Md Iqbal Hossen Apr 2018
Life! it is worthless
Until it works for others.
It starts like a mornig dew
And meets some cruel time of short living
It knows,tge time is too short to live
Although he boasts, and feel proud for his glory.
Its mission most often fails to come into action
It burns, stumbles, sometime casts away.
Glory is the goal of life.
Don't run after that.
Life! it is very short like the morning dew
Nurish it up so that all can see you
life, death, duration
Name     : Truth About Love
Poet        : Phyll
Genre     : Love/true relationship
P/SwNo : 257
Year        : 2018

( Content:- it's all about  tge four letters  which hold a very deep meaning; L.O.V.E.  And creates a very huge in one's life when combined with two other word before and after it; I L.O.V.E YOU.
So Read,learn,comment and share with others,Enjoy)



TRUTH ABOUT TRUE LOVE
        Authored by Phyll


Yes it is true,evident and a very clear fact that everyone wants the perfect love story;forget the Romeo-Juliet story we read.

So,

I'm writing to tell you that
not all love stories are without heartache.

In fact,
those imperfect relationships are the best ones.
I mean T H E   B E S T
For;
We laugh,
We fight!
We make the future bright,
We advance our height...
As we create STRONGER bond.

Yeees,
Everyone wants the movie;
Perfect love story!
No heartbreak,
No fighting,
No tears,
Nor hurtful words out of anger.

But,
We just tend to ignore and forget that it's impossible and unreal.
Not only is it unrealistic,
It's way too much than we can expect.

Currently,
No one puts any importance on fights in a relationship anymore. But In real life,
They are a crucial factor.

As lovers,
Fighting and hurting one another help us to realize how strong our bond is with that particular person.

In a genuine relationship,
Anything that we overcome together as a couple only makes the relationship stronger when you're truly in love with each other.

So now,
why don't you reconsider arguing now and then.
It doesn't matter what the cause of argument will be for it can be a minor thing or major.

Hahaha...
You'll express your innermost...
I mean your anger.
Towards each other,
And when no solution is acquired;
Consider a sweet,tight and rare hug to be the solution to the war.
Everyone wants a smooth relationship but they don't pay attention to the fact that disagreement also mske bonds strong. Enjoy my piece and learn.
raquel Mar 2018
maYbe its tje gin takking
the winE pumpsd in mu viens
tge jäger churnss my stomacj
anf my slurreDd wprds spill

im seeimg doiuble
ovrr saturatoin
sutmblin g over my oWn feet
amd yet yoy still hAnd me another drimk

but its tOoo nuch to resisT
your love imtoxicates me
ove r ans over agaim
whY must yiu be so addictibe ¿
. . .
Nhlekeleza Dec 2017
But why can't you see that I am me and not the enemy?
How could I know that being me fills you with envy?
I didn't think that I could possibly be your role model
Wish you should see that we are living in a world of plans and scandals

A mere demographic can be the epitome of character and superiority
Why you are being mean at me I understand not entirely
How could I know that my presence and being put you under pressure?
How could I know that my lifestyle is tge highest degree that you long to measure?
- Why are you being scornful towards me?
- When I would never turn such an eye towards thee

- Didn't you know that I only meant to be a friend to you?
- Couldn't you see that I wished upon the moon for you and me so we could see value?

- Why are you being so hateful towards me?
- Don't you know that my soul breathes and my heart beats and my mind dreams?
- Why are you being hostile towards me leaving me melancholy?

- Until you leave to be the real you and notice the reality of me, you will realise that I haven't been phoney.

[A poem about bad and good friendship]
IrishDraughtGirl Jul 2013
Flu
My body aches all over.
They told me to stay home,
But I refused.
The hospital walls glared at me,
As I strained to see my book.
Inside, the hurricane had formed.
Carsickness.
That's it.
That's all it is.
Read your book, it's all fine.
Drive down the freeway awhile.
The pounding wouldn't stop.
A tornado changing the pressure
In my skull.
It's alright,
Go train the horse.
Work him into a leathery sweat,
Until he starts foaming at the mouth.
A new breakthrough at the cost of...
Heat sickness, right?
It's only the sun...
Swing one leg then both,
Drop to the ground.
Fall in the mud.
Get back up to a...
Sprained knee. From the fall.
Right?!
Right?!
Lightning strikes,
Pain everywhere.
Thunder pounding in my head.
Use the rain to care for the horse.
Horse is fine,
Hooves clean,
Wait..  Did I clean them?
Yeah, just heat.
Exhaustion.
Fall asleep cleaning the saddle.
I've been up since four...
His surgery went well...
Piano time.
Check temperature.
100.7.
I can do it.
Random fevers...
They happen
Right?!
Am I right?!
It's all fine!  
Playing "Memory",
Pick a new song
For the competition.
Which one?
Right, a few months away.
Great.
Not sick,
Not sick,
FALL on the couch,
Forgot my water.
Grab the counter to
Counter the dizziness.
Trip anyways.
Cats hungry.
Feed cat.
Drop in bed,
I need a shower
To wash the heat exhaustion away.
Right?!
Right?!
RIGHT?!
11:30 pm.
102 fever.
Meds stop working.
Brain slows down.
TV blurry.
Sentences
Not
Making sen-
It's hot under the covers,
But frigid outside.
Why?  
Barely move  arm to write a poem.
It won't be the last....  Right?
No.
No.
No.
Not the last.
So many words left to write,
So little sanity left to lose...
Don't pukkder.
Cannt seaw tge lewuvoard.
Eyes dimmimg...
Sleep?
No.
Not yet.
Fight first.
I do not have the flu.
Cough, cough, cough,
Head pound,
Sneeze,
Throat of sandpaper,
Text,
No.
No flu.
No flu.
No flu.
Not me.
I don't get sick.
So much to do,
So little time...
For rest.
No.
Not flu.
Not me.
Sorry for a bit of a rant, 102 fever hurts....  Advice: poetry helps with recovery. Goodnight ya'll.
Ruslan Oct 31
**** boy it's back you can sleep to a go,
You made picture you underdog.
Came wake cool it's o you all bi back,
You conse sleep it's the boys and the girls.

Oldandayul turgan zaman,
It's long to you are it's skull.
Tatar bulgan it's a solon,
Altotogether come back it's you.

Go mather ***** it's this a boy,
You understand in Tatarlar.
Language Tatar Altyn Urda,
It's Tamerlan it's this the me.

I'm old of skull go to tge rate,
I'm go to me my of you skin.
Going to boy old to all me,
Maiden in Russia olof you dead.

Kisses me ****** olgan zaman,
It's this Zaman in english the time.
Time it's zaman akhyr bulgan,
Akhyr it's letter go zamanda.

Hundred a letter nineteen sixteen,
Old you Tatar turgan zaman.
It's this a time colong to me,
Mi to the break you go to rate.

Ol tuyalgan it's this tatar,
Thank you my bebe olof to me.
You go the sleep old you can see,
Go to the boy wake up to go.

It's of you dead it's me a long,
You go me fix and washin go.
Oldan it's rate in tomorrow biggin,
That of you spring go to the boy.

You understand it's you go to the boy.

— The End —