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Under the surface

  Of the deep blue rapids

My arms spread out and my head disappears underneath

Soaking my whole world

And its in those few moments

that all my troubles dissolves

I become light as a feather.
Stress free
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Solely afflicted by my own mind.
Your perfect Little girl is left wondering how to survive
This broken arrow that now penetrates my heart.
My delicate emotions are ludicrous.
I sit back and peek over to you several times,
Memorizing lengths of time and recollections of everything I have come to cherish.
My cheeks stained with newly fallen tears.
All the explosion of loud noise that burst from my lips 💋
(Confusion and fog in my head!* Hazard Signsand Caution red lights 💡 only in my brain!). Oh, what to do?
I just want you!
[all the time I showed my fondness for you and return
You show me, you are not to be trusted with my heart ❤️
Where I go to be happy
Exists inside your heart and
Yes indeed it's a place I love, your love brings out all the extraordinary strengths we have together.
Your hands in mine 💋 my lips on yours
Our friendship has been through great struggles,
Even in a storm
My love for you grows with every moment of the day.
Everytime we snuggle up to go to sleep,
Your smiles will always be a way to my happines as it grows.
Confiding in one another under the stars
You are here to help me be okay.

No matter how nerdy your jokes are, they still make me giggle until I almost *** myself. I cramp from laughing so hard I can't breathe!
Love being a ****** it makes me unique, I do not care if they call me a freak.
I enjoy conquering these struggles under my feet.
Demonstrating to one another that we are smart enough to speak on matters of the mind and our ability to think.
Stand up for whatever you believe because that's our rights as Americans,
We are allowed to walk different syncs
Unsure of what is to come in our future. All I do know is how profound my love for you has become.

I do recognize we are only human, I have to allow you make any *****-ups needed so as to learn and grow.
My sweet friend as well as lover, I honestly believe that my inclination for you will only grow as time goes on.

The good and mighty Lord has a plan. So I pray with my heart and soul that he sows the path that we will be astonished with.
For Dougie
There are only so many things a person can ask themselves before,
Coming to the conclusions of self-awareness and arriving into the car the called adulthood.

And honestly, the only thing I felt was a need
In dire of change.
Im in need of self-evaluation.


6yrs is not a long time. but to me, it was a century too long.
I was like why did it take so long to realize this.
To start the process of following through with the steps in the right direction to begin the new path towards becoming the person I wanted to be.

I am exactly who I should have been.
Exactly what I thought I should be!
IF I hadn't gone through all these Terrible struggles
I would never have gotten to the point of self-awareness and the nagging need to change who I had become.

I am extremely proud to say Im happy to be me and be alive to acknowledge the I not happy continuing down the same road, I have been traveling the past 6 years.
One mistake does not mean I have stayed an addict, Im gonna stand up and gave myself a hand
Truly thankful to my lord and savior!  If not for him who has molded me, shape me into the woman I am today. I've gone through some horrible things that no  woman should have to deal with but if it wasn't for those experiences;
I tell you now I probably would not be the woman I am today but the strength I have now and the heart I have and the morals and values have I would not be who I am if it wasn't for all that ******* I had to go through.

Have discovered who I want to be and I have started a path 2 make sure that I get to where I need to be so that I can be so secure and be happy in my own skin living my own independent life and no one can be expected to do this without self-awareness and the ability to want to change the life Experiences in the dramatic drastic. obstacles I have faced.
I went down a self- destructive path, my downward spiral doesn't have to be the end of my story nope.
Cuz that is just the end of that chapter and Im closing one door and looking for the options of what other desirable doors
Are in front of me.

That's an inspiring story,
Hope you're ready to watch because Im going in head first
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