"rodden" poems
How do I say goodbye to someone as loved as you
Where do I begin to convince myself it's all going to be alright without you
It seems darker now without your presence in this old world
It's like I've lost my guiding light to see because
You were always so content to let me shine
while walking a step behind
You gave so much praise and glory
When you were the one with all the strength
Never one to complain
You were my hero and everything I'd like to be
Like the song you were the wind beneath my wings
Your kindness never went unnoticed
I've kept it all here in my heart where it will remain
And I want you to know that I wouldn't be the person I am today
if it hadn't been for your loving ways
You are the reason I know what true love feels like
Because I know you loved me truly and unconditionally
Always my supporter lifting me up so high
You were my defender who fought for and believed in me like no one else
ever has
Because of you I got to witness genuine kindness in it's purest form
You were never far from my thoughts
And now you're always there when I close my eyes
You tucked me in so many times with bedtime stories
always making me feel right at home
So now I'm tucking you in and I know you are at home where you are
Nothing I could ever say or do would be enough to honor the person you were
The most gentle soul I've ever known
The best person in this whole wide world
Everyone says you were blessed to live a long life and I know you were content
But I'm the blessed one because I got to make memories with you
I got to laugh with you and cry with you
Sitting at the kitchen table we talked about any and everything
You never made me feel that I was silly or wrong
You just let me be myself completely
We got to see each others true colors shine through
And I always admired how beautiful your's were
In this old world without any color
You were a wildflower
© Ashley Rodden. All rights reserved
Feb 25, 2014
Feb 25, 2014 at 2:27 PM UTC
I just don't get it.
I don't quite understand.
If you love me and I love you.
Why can't that be enough in the end?
I can't help but feel like I'm being compared to your ex life.
It's like you already have it figured out in your own mind.
Your biggest thing in the beginning of us was hope.
Sounds like now you're letting life get in the way of that.
I guess I always knew that it couldn't stay how it was in the beginning of us.
It never does.
But, I just thought maybe if I held you tight enough you would finally see that
I love you even in spite of me.
Because I still remember our first kiss and I still get chills at the touch of your hand.
I still get excited to see you and I love waking up next to you in bed.
I haven't lost my passion for you not even a little bit.
You still intrigue me and turn me on.
I know what it's like to be scared and have doubt consume you.
I've experienced both in this relationship a time or two.
But, I've never doubted my feelings for you.
And I've never been scared of you.
I don't know how I'll ever make you see that being loved by you is more than enough for me.
I don't care about the world because you have set me free.
I believe in you and me.
So we can't just give up when things get tough.
I'll never try to keep you if this isn't where you want to be.
But I will try for you and hopefully then you will see that I love you.
Beyond reason and I'll love you beyond all time.
I don't give up on the things or people I love.
It's just not in me you see.
Because I believe love will always find a way.
No matter what has happened.
No matter what comes to be.
I can be okay with that as long as you're here with me.
Because you are my king and I the jewel in your crown.
One doesn't shine without the other.
We have tested theories and proven ourselves wrong a million times.
I don't know what it's going to take for you to not be scared and just love me.
For me it took a lot of courage and time.
I don't know what you need from me to make you feel okay or convince you that I am here to stay.
I won't abandon you I've told you that from the start.
I won't give up on you or stop trying to mend your broken heart.
Agape, Eros, Philia, Storge, take your pick.
It doesn't matter how you say it, because it's all the same in the end.
© Ashley Rodden. All rights reserved
Feb 26, 2014
Feb 26, 2014 at 2:12 PM UTC
80 proof
Clear and distilled
Your label is terrible
With a mocking bird that I slowly peel
Made of mostly water and ethanol
A taste of bitterness and nothing at all
You take my breath away as one sip after another I swallow
I chase every drink
I'm trying to drown myself as I slowly sink
I'm starting off slow but soon you quicken my pace
I want to just forget and let my thoughts be erased
It's way to heavy this burden I carry
Way too much for only me to handle
So I let you burn and sting
Until hopefully I won't feel a thing
I'm craving numbness from everything in my mind
Take me to any other place in time
I want you to take a firm hold and float me over
Just let me spin as you pull me under
Make it all hazy so I don't feel so crazy
You and a cigarette right now my only friends
The only thing making me feel somewhat good again
So it's just you and me with some brisk ice tea and
cigarette smoke blowing in the cold night breeze
But are you really my friends or just a couple foes?
The only thing I got right now
And yet I still feel so alone
I just want to feel nothing at all
Torn right down the middle
Sitting dead center of this worn out saddle
Baring down so I don't hit the ground
It hurts now but I know it's going to hurt worse in the end
There's no soft place for me to land
And the physical pain doesn't scare me at all
It's the emotional part that is taking it's toll
I can't feel my mouth or find my voice
But inside I'm screaming out so loud
My eyes start to sting and my ears start to ring
I'm dizzy and the ambiance around me feels so fuzzy
My mind is dealing but my thoughts are reeling out of control
Why can't I just make a decision
Responsibility is killing my way of living
I don't want this
It hurts too much
And I'm slowly loosing touch
This is all too real and I don't know how I'm suppose to feel
I wish this life would cut me some slack or make me a deal
I'm sad and mad all at the same time
I can't make sense of the thoughts in my mind
I can't keep a grip on my emotions or self
And I'm running out of time to figure this out
Do I keep you or let you go?
Reality is really taking it's toll
And I don't know how much more strength I have left
I'm just ready to find myself some rest
So I'll drink you in and not spit you out
But it's hard to keep any faith when all I have are doubts?
How do I remain centered and tied down?
I can't do this any longer
So I'll let you take over and pull me under,
I'll let you drown me as I give up all my self control
And remain with all these questions but answers still unknown...
You know what...?
I just realized that...
You haven't helped me figure out anything at all!
© Ashley Rodden. All rights reserved
Jan 15, 2014
Jan 15, 2014 at 2:18 PM UTC
Come to see him
when you have no right to
Come play daddy for a day
does that make you feel good?
Run and tell your friends
that you're a father
because you like the title
Put on a happy face and smile from ear to ear
Talk like you know him
for everyone to hear
Talk like you have always been there for him
Hold him as if he would recognize your touch
Watch him through your lieing glazed eyes
and hug him way too much
Kiss him and tell him how much you care
Tell him you love him before you disappear
Turn your back and walk away like he never meant a thing
Tell him your his daddy
when he don't even know your name
I see you swell with pride when you call him your's
when you play with him like you're the one he adores
You're the definition of fake
You're a lie and nothing more
and your son knows not who you are
So tell him that you miss him
And that you'll see him soon
Lie to him again and again
Make empty promises
that will never come true
Laugh at all the silly things you watch him do
Act like your something big
Like your doing something good
Does it make you feel like more of a man?
Does this feel good to you?
Hug me before you leave and tell me that you're sorry
Hold me like you really care and
Tell me you still love me
but don't dare look me in the eye
Because you know I'll be able to see nothing but true lies
You're a drug addict
A lowlife in it's truest form
So go back to your shameful life with your *****
light it up and take another hit
Let it burn and try to let yourself forget
Wallow in your self pity
and hang your head real low
Cry until you drown yourself because
You won't see us anymore
The damage you have done can never be erased
So live with the few memories you have of him
that are burnt inside your head
then close your eyes and sleep with your pride and regret
You have made this bed and in it you will have to lye
Waste yourself away to nothing
as you slowly dissipate
You are nothing to him
and you're nothing to me
so overdose on us as you take your final hit!
Copyright © 2013 by Ashley Rodden
Dec 2, 2013
Dec 2, 2013 at 3:15 PM UTC
You and I have something
And it's either all or nothing
I had my defenses
When it came to your intentions
But I'm not the one who broke you
And you're not the one I should fear
You thought you lost me somewhere
But I was never really there
I want to break free
And I can feel you falling
Calling to me
So won't you tempt to be all that I need?
We've got to move darling
We don't need to fallout
From all the past that's between us
But I'm not holding on anymore
All the lies aren't enough to keep us here
Let's move on baby
And let love save us
You hide your smile behind a God given face
But I know you're so much more
And that's all I need to see
You're the only one I ever believed in
The answer that could never be found
The moment I decided to let you in
Now you're banging on my door again
The end of fear is where we begin
If we decide to let love in
You're wishing for me to find my way
And I'm holding on for all you need
You take your chances
While I'm taking time playing my games
You can't control a soul
There's nothing we can do about
The things we have to do without
But the only way to feel again
Is to let each other completely in
You're like a soldier seeking shelter
From all the madness that you've seen
But don't lose your faith
Don't let us slip away
You're still the only song I sing
I'm still the shelter that you need
I'll be kind
If you'll be faithful
You be sweet
And I'll be grateful
Just come be my best friend
Feel my heart beating within
All my secrets bared
I love you so don't be scared
I'm still right here
And I'm not going anywhere
© Ashley Rodden. All rights reserved
Mar 21, 2014
Mar 21, 2014 at 11:23 PM UTC
Every hard thing that happens to a soft heart
leaves a callus
Every mean thing a heart hears leaves a ringing echo
Every stone that's thrown leaves shattered pieces
Every beating leaves a bruise
Every hailstorm it endures leaves dents
Every wreck leaves a place in need of a fix
Every tear leaves a place to sew a new stitch
Every lie it's told leaves it with a doubt
Every scream leaves it a little more deaf
Every bite leaves it starving
(for kindness)
Every tear drop makes it sink a little deeper
Every drought leaves an unquenchable thirst
Every time a heart is left starving it turns into a glutton
(for punishment)
Every heart that gets cut is left with a deeper scar than before
Every time a heart is pierced by a dagger
it puts on a little more armor
When a heart is left to bleed it
learns to apply pressure
A heart that gets shot learns to become a gangster
Every stab slices, stings, and burns
Every hit leaves a gaping hole too big to ever fill
Every time a tender heart trusts a lie
It becomes timid and learns to fly
(away)
Whenever a sweet heart gets tainted
it becomes bitter
(sour even)
When a hopeful heart's dreams don't come true
it becomes jaded
When a loving heart witnesses hate
It becomes scared with terror
When a heart gets broken it
learns to heal
But becomes misunderstood
When a heart gets cornered it rolls over
or lashes out in defense
When a heart has been used it
stops being so giving
When a heart becomes wounded
It decides to lay down or stay in the fight
When a heart is shackled and tortured
it cries out in pain
When a heart is abandoned
it becomes self sufficient as it stands in the rain
A lonely heart becomes depressed
and learns to self medicate
When a heart becomes an addict
it learns to deal
When a heart is ravaged it
looses its passion
And when love is lost within a heart
It becomes just another body part
(that can't be fixed)
© Ashley Rodden. All rights reserved
Dec 16, 2013
Dec 16, 2013 at 3:45 PM UTC
I know that face
That chiseled,
Rugged,
August,
Attractive face.
I know those eyes
Those deep,
Alluring,
Chestnut-colored,
Playful,
Romantic eyes.
I know those lips
Those full,
Inviting,
Indulgent,
Kissable,
Sensual,
Warm lips.
I know that smile
That genuine,
Broad,
****
Friendly,
Gorgeous,
Delightful,
Charming smile.
I know that voice
That intoxicating,
Soothing,
Gentle,
Silvering,
Admirable,
Enticing,
Witty,
Smoky voice.
I know that skin
That olive colored,
Tough,
Smooth,
Hot,
Touchable skin.
I know that body
That masculine,
Appealing,
Divine,
Fine,
Magnificent,
Ravishing,
Hard body.
I know those hands
Those strong,
Pleasing,
Gentle,
Captivating
Protecting,
Hard working hands.
I know that mind
That imaginative,
Creative,
Fun,
Beautiful,
Intelligent,
Always thinking mind.
I know that heart
That heroic,
Passionate,
True,
Faithful,
Strong,
Undying heart,
That loves mine
© Ashley Rodden. All rights reserved
Apr 3, 2014
Apr 3, 2014 at 1:51 PM UTC
I just want to talk to you
and hear your voice speak
I just want to be with you
and lay in your arms so deep
I want to scream
I want to cut
I just want to stop
wanting you so much
I don't want to miss you
I don't want to care
I don't want to keep reliving your stare
I don't want to see you
Or wonder where you are
I didn't want things to go this far
I don't want to worry
Or try to keep you near
I don't want to love you
But inevitably I do
I don't want my heart to break
But it's breaking over you
I didn't ask for this
Or even really try
I didn't need a man
Or a new start
I just wanted to be miserable
and left alone here in the dark
I wanted to not fall into
what I have so many times before
Why can't I just hate you
as I do all your kind
Why do I want to run to you
when there's a chance I'll be left behind?
What's this spell you have put me under?
with your captivating charms?
Why do I dream of you and long to be where you are?
Why am I so stupid?
Why am I so blind?
You're only going to hurt me....
It's just a matter of time.
Copyright © 2013 by Ashley Rodden
Nov 11, 2013
Nov 11, 2013 at 12:02 PM UTC
What's this aching in my bones
this pounding in my brain
this voice whispering in my ear
this awful burden I bare with so much strain
What's this torture in my soul
this burning in my veins
this relenting loneliness and pain
this confusion in my head
What's this trembling in my body
this vulnerability on my lips
this desperation I can't come to grips
these shaking hands and weak *** knees
What's this feeling inside of me
this hole I can't fill
this darkness I cannot peel
my mind is racing and my heart is too
this feels like depression that I am slipping into
What's this bitterness I feel towards men
how do I overcome this deli-ma I am in
how do i open up and let my feelings show
how am I suppose to love again with this heart that is not whole
What's this anger dwelling deep in me
how do I rid myself of this disease
what will it take to put the past behind
what must I do to just let you go this time
What's this sinking feeling deep in my gut
this burning sensation like being freshly cut
why must I continually gasp to breathe
because of this tsunami wave crashing down upon me?!
Copyright © 2013 by Ashley Rodden
Nov 8, 2013
Nov 8, 2013 at 2:36 PM UTC
From: Daniel Rodden
This notice is from Daniel Rodden who is currently residing in Garfield jail. This is an informational email to let you know of the different options available for communication with Daniel Rodden. Several services offered by the jail:
InmateCanteen.com
The following options are available at Inmate Canteen.
Deposit Funds
Purchase Phone Cards
Buy Canteen
Video Visitation*
E-mail an Inmate*
Mar 13, 2016
Mar 13, 2016 at 11:08 AM UTC
I miss you tonight
the same way I did last night
Your voice
Your laugh
The jokes we tell
I just miss you
and I can't help but wonder... Do you miss me too?
I had a long day
And I don't even know if yours was ok
I don't know why you haven't called me at work
I go out of my way to be with you
and sometimes it feels I don't get the same in return
I'm kind of upset right now
I know I shouldn't be
I was just hoping you would come stay the night with me
I didn't want to get to this point
The point of no return
But obviously I have so now I don't want to get burned
Little things hurt me
And I'm sure you don't understand
Just like I don't get what it's like to be a man
I try to see things from your point of view
Why don't you do the same for me too?
I don't like to be disappointed with the things that you do
I don't like being down and confused
I just want to talk, I want to talk to you
But sometimes I don't know how
So I lock it all up and don't make a sound
I've tried to be numb
and not feel a thing
I try to ignore all the little things that sting
Sometimes I guess my emotions just take over
I don't try to rag on you
Or make you feel bad
I just don't always know how to make you understand
I don't know how to be ok with certain things
I just want you here not in my dreams
Maybe I'm selfish and don't want to share
I don't want to lose you
But scared to death I will
I don't really know what I'm trying to say
I probably won't even send this
So it don't matter anyway....
Copyright © 2013 by Ashley Rodden
Nov 8, 2013
Nov 8, 2013 at 10:33 PM UTC
I want to be your fantasy, your reality,
And everything between
I want you to see me in your sweetest dreams
I want you to feel me in everything your hands touch
I want the taste of me to never leave your lips
I want to be the world to you, I just want it all
I want to be the eyes that get to look deep inside your soul
I want to be your deepest kiss
The answer to your every wish
I want you to never ever let me go
I want to be hidden inside your heart
I just want to be everywhere you are
I want you to hold me too tight
I want you to make everything alright
I want to be loved too much by you
I just want you to need me
Like I need you.
© Ashley Rodden. All rights reserved
Mar 18, 2014
Mar 18, 2014 at 1:21 PM UTC
You try and tear me down
but your words don't even matter
All they are is a bunch of jibber jabber
We are the ones who you discarded
That's okay because within me is where this all started
You treat me like I'm dirt
when I'm the one who gave birth
I brought into the world a little human being
all you did was shoot a little ***** up inside of me
I'm making all the sacrifices and
You ain't giving up ****
I have no freedom
You still come and go as you please
I go to work
I make ends meet
I have no life except for the one that we made
You gave that up and I'm the one who stayed
So you want to try and run me down?!
To you I will never bow!
I'm still lying in the bed that we made together
And I'll be cleaning up the mess from here on after
I've done it all
Our son is okay
And it's all thanks to me
You have no part in this little boys life
Your only purpose is to try and cause pain and strife
You're missing out
I'm here for it all
I get the ****** diapers and pick him up when he falls
I get his first smile and the light in his eyes
all you get is severed ties
I get the bumps and bruises
the giggles and sighs
While you're out getting on your high
I see the adoration and love in his eyes
I'm here wiping away all the tears when he cries
I get his affection and kisses too
And you're getting what's been coming to you
So you want to issue idle threats
and talk a big game
I know it's all ******** you never follow through
with anything that you say
You think being a parent is a convenience
well maybe you should get a clue
Everything that's being done is all because of you
So go ahead and blame everyone you see
because it's nobodies fault but your very own
that you're not the man you outta be
You think you're angry
well how do you think I feel
I'm the one here on a daily basis having to deal
My life is harder than it ever should of been
I don't even know if I can ever love again
These emotions that within me dwell
are like a broken bone they ache and swell
You think you're a father
Honey, you don't know a thing
You're just a baby daddy
Who doesn't have a name.
Copyright © 2013 by Ashley Rodden
Nov 11, 2013
Nov 11, 2013 at 5:17 PM UTC
You think no one sees this
Well I think it's time you knew the truth
All the diamonds have left your bones,
You're all flesh and no feelings so why don't you just
Throw it to the wolves!
You spit words like you're someone else.
I once was stuck in the promise you made but now,
I'm tapping out.
You chewed me up and spit me out and
the same mistakes are waiting on you to be made now.
You get what you feel, and what you wish to be,
And you paint yourself in a picture so perfectly,
As you deny the kind of person you really are.
You can't live sarcastic sincerity,
So keep sharpening your guilt temporarily,
And realize that,
I gave you everything and you threw it all away!
.
Love like a cancer, still you begged me to stay.
So kneel to pray,
Live life on your knees as you embrace your own disease.
Stop to breathe as you start to choke, and let your life begin.
It will just keep you on your knees begging for more!
You probably thought I wouldn't get this far
You thought I would never escape
You don't know how hard I've fought to survive
Waking up alone when I was left to die.
All these roads I've walked,
All these tears I've bled,
I am the dirt you once walked on and
I maybe a sinner,
But I'm not your *****
So let me tell you something baby,
I know you love me for everything you hate me for
I'm the one you need and fear the most.
All the judgments you placed on me
Was a reflection of your own self discovery.
So maybe next time before you start casting stones,
You should crawl out of the shadows of the dark unknown,
And take a look in the mirror and try to see the truth in your own face.
I hate the way you dominated and violated me
I hate the way you looked when you would lie to me!
I don't know how we got here,
But now there's no way out!
I will never thank you for all this rage that within you dwelt.
You tore me apart and now you're feeding on my rotten heart!
You were the perfect disease
For the beast living within me!
You were the misery I used to crave!
A faithful enemy holding a sharp stave.
Nothing good has come of knowing you,
So now...
You're going to shut up and know that this life is mine to live alone!
I no longer live to uphold you!
Maybe once I was blind but,
Through your rage I could never be saved,
All you did was embrace my decay,
So shut your mouth and listen to the words I say!
I am nothing of yours
You no longer own me,
And I can't hear you anymore!
© Ashley Rodden. All rights reserved
Jan 22, 2014
Jan 22, 2014 at 5:21 PM UTC
Anger, bitterness, sadness, and regret
What strong emotions these are to be felt.
What horrible things for someone to feel.
Makes me picture the colors blue and black
Makes me think of bruises and tears.
Loss, lonliness, confusion and hurt.
I want to just make them all go away
I want to make your heart stop bleeding
I want to stop your mind from aching
I want to dry your falling tears and make the world a better place for you to be in.
Lies, deceit, pain, and termoil
These make up the world now days
Everyone hurts everyone without a second thought
No one cares they are evil and selfish.
Sin, loss, darkness, and sorrow
What sad things
What lonely things
What frightening and dark things
How do I go on living with these
How do I not perish into the night.
Money, *** ***** and drugs
Thats what you do to cope
That's what you long for
It's an unquenchable thirst that can't be slaked
Alternates the way you think.
Abuse, neglect, hurtful words, and agony
The yelling and screaming
The hitting and beating
I know these aches
I have felt these things.
I detest them so much
What agonizing pains.
Stupidity, hatred, carelessness, and shame.
What things to feel
What heavy burdens to bear
What thoughtless things
What hurtful things
How does one live with these things
What a better place this world may be without all these things in it
They will eat you alive and swallow you whole
Make you black and cold
Bitter and scaved
I know about all these things
I have felt all these things....
© Ashley Rodden. All rights reserved
Nov 20, 2013
Nov 20, 2013 at 3:26 PM UTC
Doin' a little drinkin' tonight
Doin' a little thinkin' tonight
Smokin' a cig as I sit here and dig inside my head for thoughts of positivity.
Doin' a little soul searchin' tonight
Doin' a little liein' to myself tonight
Tippin' a bottle up and feelin' it burn all the way down to my core.
Doin' a little hurtin' tonight
Doin' a little cryin' tonight
Enhaling smoke and ingesting nicotine with each drag I take.
Fightin' a little battle tonight
Screamin' inside my head tonight
My body is weary my soul distressed and tore.
Doin' a little forgettin' tonight
Doin' a little rememberin' tonight
With each sip I take it feels like such a contradiction of my feelings.
Feelin' a little lost tonight
Feelin' a little tipsy tonight
With each enhale and exhale the more confused I get.
Feelin' a little uncertain tonight
Feelin' a little bitter tonight
How much more of this can I take?
Holdin' on tonight for dear life
Lettin' go tonight for heaven's sake
Every beat of my heart proves I still must endure this life and these feelings.
Wantin' to talk to you tonight
Wantin' to hold you tight tonight
When I feel the cool night breeze on my cheek I snap out of thoughts and back to reality.
Wantin' to run away tonight
Wantin' to stand still tonight
Every star I count is just a wish that won't come true.
Bein' alone tonight
Bein' sad tonight
So I'm gonna try and drink all these thoughts, feelings, and frustrations away tonight.
Author Notes
this is a typical night for me lately....
© Ashley Rodden. All rights reserved
Nov 20, 2013
Nov 20, 2013 at 3:25 PM UTC
When you put me in front of everyone or anything
I will promise you love everlasting
But something will always feel like it's missing
When I give you the cold shoulder
And my mood swings drive you crazy
You will soon discover that I am not perfect
That my heart was aborted before it got to be reborn
I know my imperfections will harm you reflection when you look in the mirror of your own mind
But I'll ****** you so you will stay my knight in shining armor
And you will make me your bride
So it will be til death do us part
Playing poker only to find I'll be holding more than your heart
I'll be a reminder of what's behind you
No matter how your mind spins it there I'll be
We will fight to stay alive
But in the end our time will be spent trying to make amends
for things we could of done better
And I'll remain by your side
But only because there's no where left for me to hide
I'll give til there's nothing left
And you will take just like all the rest
I will suffocate you with my wants and needs
And in the end that's what will make you leave
I'll try and entice you to stay
But the intrigue won't be enough to keep you from walking away
You will crave my touch as you lie down at night
But you will feel so much spite
I'll become a mere illusion in your mind
I'll haunt your dreams until you unravel and bust at the seams
And the truth will come to you in waves of sheer perfection
And regret will be your first reaction
In the end we will end up perplexed and alone
We will be filled with bitterness, sadness, and hurt
Our souls will ache and starve
For our soulmate that is gone
With broken hearts we will barely survive
Our lust never slaked, alone
We will hunger and thirst for a love
That could never exist.
© Ashley Rodden. All rights reserved
Dec 29, 2013
Dec 29, 2013 at 3:37 PM UTC
You speak of love as if you've never known a true lover,
But you were my best friend
How could I have known any better?
I know you got a lot of pain that was born inside you,
But instead of growing stronger
You let it divide you
How could you be so careless with my heart?
Piece by piece my world was torn apart,
And now my hope has nothing to revolve itself around
Didn't you know I was always yours to touch and to keep...?
I loved you from the moment of our first kiss
So the rest should of been history
You were always trying to save me
Never knowing you were the only thing that could
in the end really hurt me
Now you see me whenever you close your eyes
And maybe one day you'll understand why,
Love comes slow but goes so fast
When you're staring at the ceiling in the dark
With the same old empty feelings in your heart,
Maybe you will understand why everything you touch seems to die
Dreams will come slow but go so fast
And you will realize that true love is the only thing that lasts,
You will see me in your sleep, never again to hold or to keep
Because you let your hope in me go....
© Ashley Rodden. All rights reserved
Jan 10, 2014
Jan 10, 2014 at 9:05 PM UTC
More beautiful than a beauty queen
Prettier than an ocean scene
As iridescent as a flower blooming in the spring
As vibrant as the sun
and smarter than some
Beautiful like the heart inside your chest
I don't even compare to all the rest
Aphrodites ain't got **** on me
Like a blushing bride on her wedding day
More beautiful than a 68 Nova Super sport
Like a model of some sort
Gorgeous as a diamond engagement ring
or a caged bird that will still sing
Pretty as poetry
Cooler than flowetry
I must be the bomb diggity yo
Like a tattoo under your skin
I'll always be there for everyone to observe and admire
As beautiful as leaves changing colors in the fall
So beautiful that I must be without a single flaw
They say things are beautiful if you love them
that must be why I don't see my own beauty at all...
© Ashley Rodden. All rights reserved
Jan 8, 2014
Jan 8, 2014 at 11:13 AM UTC
I let you in, close enough to hurt me
Knowing you could but hoping you would never.
I dropped my guard,
Took my finger off the trigger,
Let myself be completely vulnerable,
Made my love accessible to you only,
Trusted whole hardheartedly,
Believed every word you said,
Just for you to lie,
And break your promise in the end...
© Ashley Rodden. All rights reserved
Mar 14, 2014
Mar 14, 2014 at 2:42 PM UTC
I am a contortionist
I twist and turn to become what you want
I am a puppet
On a string
I dance to your music
A caged bird
who sings on command
A show girl
that performs for you nightly
Think maybe i'm jaded slightly
I'm a porcelain doll
who sits upon your shelf of life
collecting dust and if you were to take me down to play
I may just break
I'm starting to crack under all this pressure
I'm liked a buried treasure
that everyone seeks but never finds
But if someone did I would surely shine
Copyright © 2013 by Ashley Rodden
Nov 29, 2013
Nov 29, 2013 at 11:07 PM UTC
How bitter I feel sometimes
It consumes me when it takes a hold
I struggle with this all the time
I'm bitter that you didn't stay
Bitter that I can't let go
I hate what you have done to me
I despise your voice and your phony disguise
I detest your personality
It's the ********* one I've ever seen and
Your attitude ***** even worse
You're just so **** mean!
I'm bitter that I can't even talk to you,
Because all you do is lie
I loath your innate ability to always make me cry
I would love to just break your stupid jaw!
I can't stand how raw you are!
Why did we ever have to meet?
You are definitely my biggest and worse mistake
And that's something I'll always kick my own *** for
I wear the pain and shame like a mask to the ball
I'm jealous of the innocent so
I've tried it all from
cheap *** to *******
Anything to try and disguise this pain.
God, what's it going to take to let this bitterness go?!
If all this pain would just dissipate
maybe I'd quit crying all these black tears
But they just keep falling down one at a time
And my heart feels so serrate
I hate how you can still get to me somewhere deep inside
It's amazing I still have any tears left to cry,
But I can't give into this darkness that consumes me.
I won't let you win!
I will not accept this defeat,
And because of that I will never let anyone really know me again.
© Ashley Rodden. All rights reserved
Jan 2, 2014
Jan 2, 2014 at 4:05 PM UTC
I don't know what true love is and perhaps I never will,
All because I let you take from me everything I had to give.
I trusted you just to get ****** in the ***
I gave you my all
Heart, body, and soul,
And in doing that it has left me with this empty, relentless hole.
I no longer feel.
I have no tears left to cry.
I don't even have the innate ability any longer to try.
I've been defeated time after time.
Having my heart stolen with no one but me paying
for that crime.
I've begged and pleaded on my knees,
And still you asked more of me!
I've lost me in all this for sure so tell me
Now does anyone have the cure?!
I give and give,
So you take and take,
Which has left me feeling like I must be the fake...
I've done the time for the wrongs that I tried to make right,
And in doing so I'm left with nothing but awful spite.
My life with you was spent caged and tied,
Beaten and stripped of all my dignity and pride.
I had to live a lie just to be able to coincide with you in my life.
I've spent so many nights awake and aching,
Carrying my baggage of the goods you left damaged.
Defeated with nothing but my white flag waving,
And everyone of my hopes suddenly fading.
I have been dominated and violated to the fullest extent!
How could you be so bent?!
I hurt so bad inside and out as I lay in bed with my thoughts screaming out.
Intimidated and threatened until now I'm paranoid.
Seems like everyone's out to get me,
And for what I just don't know...
Because I have nothing to offer anyone, anymore.
Been taken for granted by everyone I know,
Yet I still possess this kindness of sorts.
What you did hasn't left me malicious or mean,
I just no longer believe in my own dreams.
Nightmares on the other hand I understand completely.
I know they are real because they can take a hold of me.
They wretchedly embrace me as they pull me down.
This is nothing but sheer agony all the time!
My scars I keep concealed like my heart with a shield,
As this pain in my soul can never be healed.
My eyes will never tell,
And the nothingness in my touch you will not be felt,
Because I'm the star actress in your stupid little show!
Just tell me what you want and I can be that for you.
But every time I look at myself in the mirror I will see no lies,
Just shame at what I've let happen to this once sweet heart of mine.
I could of made a good wife and mother someday,
But now that will remain nothing but a vague memory.
You spent all that was given,
And even though there's nothing left of me somehow I'm still living,
Dealing with all this affliction in my self reflection.
You are a thorn that has buried yourself so deep inside of me
that from it I will never escape and be free....
© Ashley Rodden. All rights reserved
Jan 25, 2014
Jan 25, 2014 at 11:45 PM UTC
My body aches to be in your arms
My face longs to feel your hands touch
My mouth anxiously awaits your lips
My ears contently listen for your soft whispers
My eyes get lost in your's
My hands can't wait to touch your body
My hair lies in wait of your fingers to run through it
My hips stand restlessly anticipating your strong grip
My neck moans for your kiss
My tongue longs to embrace your's
My legs become weak
My feet ready to run
My soul cries out for yours
My head is confused by your ways
And yet my heart is very hesitant...
© Ashley Rodden. All rights reserved
Feb 5, 2014
Feb 5, 2014 at 2:38 PM UTC
No makeup
Not a stitch of clothing on
Stripped down to nothing at all
Hair a mess
Teeth not brushed
Cheeks slightly flushed
Baring me
Naked as can be
Hiding nothing
All my flaws you can clearly see
Every scar
All my shame
Every bruise
Every chalice
Laugh lines
Stretch marks and all
Bare naked
Ready to fall
Embarrassed
Slightly awkward
Feeling out of place
No where to hide from your face
Exposed
Wanting to explode
Then you look at me
And all my imperfections are gone.
© Ashley Rodden. All rights reserved
Jan 23, 2014
Jan 23, 2014 at 1:50 PM UTC