Am I sick?
I think I need some help or a swift kick in the *** perhaps
Maybe I need meds
Maybe I need to be committed
Perhaps i'm just depleted
I'm damaged
I'm broken
I've been used, abused, and so misunderstood
I'm stupid
Such a dumb girl
With such a broken soul
No tears to cry or place to call my own
I am alone or at least that's how I feel
No one gets it or cares to even try
So why do I?
I am dead
My insides are black and rotten
My heart is like stone
My spirit does not shine
There is no light in my eyes
No spark in my soul
Just a dark lonely hole
I am empty, hollow
so tired am I
I'm weary and cannot find rest
I am heavy like the heart in my chest
I am a nothing, a nobody
going no where in this place called life
A failure
A good for nothing mom
I have no patience
I have no time
No purpose or cause
Nothing I believe in
Nothing I strive for more than to escape
I want out of this hell I've made for me
Cold
Bitter and made of stone
I have nothing more to give
My bones feel so brittle as if one big squeeze
would cause them to disintegrate into ashes
Every angry, cruel word spoken cuts me a little deeper
Promises made and words not kept
have made me so numb to anything anyone could ever say
No dreams for me anymore
Nothing to hope for
My blood sometimes boils with anger
I get hot all over
So much pent up aggression inside me
If I were to ball up my fist and punch something it would explode
Glum is a good word to describe how I feel
Tattered and torn
Why was I ever born?
What is my lot in this life?
What purpose am I to serve
Wasted days
Wasted nights
******* feelings
Stupid *** pride
I have nothing
I am nothing
If I could find a dark hole I could just crawl into
I would stay there forever and die there too
Why are people so bad to each other?
Why do we hurt each other so?
I'm tired of feeling confused
Unable to make decisions
Sick of the consequences
Tired of being walked on
Sick and tired of being lied too
So exhausted from being confused
I don't know what everyone wants
or what I want too
Trying to please everyone is getting so old
Always put myself last
Yet you call me selfish
what *******
how asinine
What am I suppose to do?
How am I suppose to feel?
What does everyone want from me?
I'm stretched so thin
I'm about to unravel
I'm always riding the fence
Get drunk and cut is about to be my only option
Run away and never look back
Leave everything I've ever known
I'm so unsure all the time
It's almost as if I'm paranoid
Always watching my back
scared all the time
When will this all go away?
I don't know how much more I can take
I'm about to burst into a million pieces
My chest is tight
My lungs about to explode
It's like I'm always trying to escape myself
It's like I'm drowning
I want out of my mind
I don't want to think
The more I do the faster I sink
I want to scream and let it all out
I want to have faith and never doubt
Will someone please save me,
I'm begging you to!
Don't let me slip back into this dark abyss
I don't want to feel like this anymore
Please won't somebody rescue me?!
Please save me from myself!
Don't let me die like this

Copyright © 2013 by Ashley Rodden