She was trying, so desperately,
To outrun the quiet loneliness of the world.
She held vendettas against the sinister silences that haunt goodbyes,
Against the fading shades of love,
Against the quietness in a voice that speaks to a desertion of love; a death.
(The monsters of her heart).
However, there is a certain bravery in her desperation for life.
To escape the oceans of regret,

To escape a certain brokenness.
For bravery lies in her conviction to live,
To find an irrevocable truth in another,
To deceive the shadows of longing.
In the face of undeniable malice and grandure.
In the fear of feeling nothing at all.
For in the end,

When the silence is deafening,
With a weariness that electrocutes,
And a tiredness of the heart.
She wanted it all to have mattered.
-

*"Do you think I'm pretty?"
I think you're pretty."

What earthly good is the poet?
He spins webs of words just to show it.
It takes up his time,
Is no good for a dime,
He’ll just shuffle a thought and then blow it.

I shuffle through acres of poems
Trusting when I see good ones I’ll know ‘em.
Then finding a gem
That electrocutes whim
So, transfixed, my heart pounding,
From Facebook and tweeting,
I'll copy and save,
On my blog write a rave,
And in emails distribute and stow 'em.

Can somebody tell me what the **** is going on?
Of course not.
I thought we were doing so well.
Everything was on the mend.

What a lie.
False faith.
False hope.

Depression kills.
Mania revives, electrocutes, so depression may return, and work its art once again.
Cyclical execution.

I want to be saved now.
I’ve dealt with this long enough, haven’t I?
It hasn’t been graceful, I agree, but there is no grace to be had.
I want someone to hold me and to tell me they understand me, even if they don’t.
Is that too much to ask?

I wish I was ignorant enough to find religion.
Atheism leaves you with no stupid ideals to run to for a warped sense of salvation.

So what is happening?

when i cant sleep at night

colors come into my sight

and infiltrate my brain.

green, soft grass and anxiety

warm summer nights, i try to be

calm and relaxed but here i stay the cold spring

saint patrick’s day and waterfalls

pollen and flowers above all

irritate my weaknesses and i need to be blessed yet again

sweet hazel eyes and

cerulean nights

haunt my dreams until the morning is bright

yellow, kind bees and annoyance

city ****** above the celebration joyous

baby ducks and easter pair perfectly with early gunshots

i’m okay, i’m okay

spring and summer and what day

am i asleep am i awake

is this real or is this fake

yellow used to be calm

winnie the pooh had no qualms

but now it buzzes constantly in my head

a lifeless drone makes me wish i was dead

blue, rumbing ocean, shining sea

white-capped waves that bring pure glee

i used to crawl so eagerly

down to the water before my mom stopped me

she’d known i’d drown.calm currents could pull me down

falling rain feeds the riptides

as a kid i didn’t mind

but now i know the dangers that hide behind

the waters contain jellyfish lies

luminescent puffs so nice

but if you get to close!

well,

if looks could ****.

one wrong step in the deep blue

could end up killing you.

white, pure, clean, safe

a facade that really lets chafe

when the colors begin in my head i must make post-haste

because white thunders and shakes my brain

dry lightning snaps and electrocutes all sane

it hurts it stings it bends it breaks

what do i do what do i do

how to i breath how do i get through

i’m scared and lost and shivering and sorry

even though i’m getting hurt i can’t help but worry

i want to scream but the white fills my lungs

squeezing my chest and snatching my tongue

i’m scared

…red.

red is pain, love, marriage and divorce

red is *** put upon you by force

abuse, apologies, a shouted curse

poems read without a verse

…but red is apples, cider and tea

christmas and fall and halloween

warm sweaters and burning embers

brick fireplaces and donation centers

i’ve been sitting here for too long

maybe a slow burn isn’t so wrong.



i wake up to black.

a spine, a needle, a laptop cord

an entire sentence without one word

the reality i’ve come to know

has disappeared after come and go

i guess i’m okay with the way things are now

point A to point B without knowing how

as long as it isn’t other’s pain and only mine

this emptiness here—this is fine.

five o'clock shadow while scrawling angry words
on paper napkins and the whites of unpaid bills
tongued by strangers whose taste buds grasped
the glue sitting peeled beneath your fingers. heavy
to-do lists and fogged up glasses from shower
steam and overcooked, soggy angel hair.
you've always been a daydreamer but now i see
the architecture in your furrowed brow, you've built
a new line of skyscrapers in your brain that jut out
and **** and pollute this air. i can't quite read
the neon name that electrocutes you, but i
can see the tremor; hop-scotch kid turned
sour, with ****** knocked up knees. when
you daydream your gaze lifts you to
the power lines, so my knuckles crack
as your eyes slant south. i catch you staring at
the subway tracks, such sad depth inside your
bones. a chime goes off and bing - you're back -
spine up tall and spewing city lights. when you
spend your mornings in dust brushed cities
the sun begins to creep away. your eyes reflect
artificial light, hunched in eternal concrete clouds.

White noise screaming in my head
Like Venom I feel parts of myself splitting
Ear piercing screeching electrocutes my soul
I want to put my head through a wall
Down a bottle, maybe two
Anything I can to end this torture
My heart is desperately trying to speak to me
But my mind won't stop and listen
I need to feel my way through this
Connect with myself to move forward
But I'm locked inside and fear is the deadbolt
Sometimes I'd rather be dead than face it

Cold, as snow must it be;
for you to savor its taste.
All the tingle it gives
to your body, it electrocutes.
Naked, as a newborn;
in a glass, it is
for you to see
all the beauty there is.
Sip. Sip. Sip.
'til warmth is felt.
From your throat,
to your skin.
Gulp. Gulp. Gulp.
'til vanity is met.
With absurdity,
you lose rationality.
"Am I making any sense?"
From hazy to black.
Disoriented.
Weak.
****. ****. ****.
"Never again, will I
Let this consume me."
You uttered helplessly.
A dozen years,
not enough, yes.
With tears in their eyes,
cold as beer, you lay still.

I used to let the thunder scare me
creep under my skin and wrap around my bones
I let the lightning electrocute my soul
but I never let the rain fall upon my skin like your hands did

and now I spend stormy nights sitting in the rain
letting it run down my arms like you used to
hoping the thunder wraps around my bones
and praying the lighting electrocutes more than just my soul

Curse the Heavens and laugh when the sky electrocutes me - Immortal Technique

I know
You're there for me to hug at night

But when you fall to the floor
I wake up
and cry

I'm going crazy trying to find the light
Holding the same line
That electrocutes my mind

Down the rabbit hole
One last time

Instead of wonderland
I end up
In the nothingness
Of my head

I'm tired of seeking
The wrong things
That mess up my whole day

I sleep so ready for tomorrow
The morning comes
I feel like I'm repeating a cycle