Fat people have no heads.
They end at the shoulders,
they are clipped off at the neck.
Never talk to fat people.
You may talk to an expert,
to a dietitian or a doctor
but never to a real live fat person
because fat people have no heads.

Use the word Epidemic
at least once, especially
if children are involved.
Children are always involved,
so use the word Epidemic
at least once. Fat children
still have heads, usually;
only fat adults must be
d e c a p i t a t e d.

Because he still has his head
you may talk to a fat child,
especially if you offer him
a box of chicken nuggets.
Entice him to say Alarming Things
with a box of chicken nuggets.

After the word Epidemic
segue from concerned anchorwoman
to stock footage of fat headless girl
browsing the racks at J.C. Penny’s.
Segue to fat headless mom
walking with her fat headless son
on a sidewalk populated by
fat headless pedestrians.
Voice-over Alarming Things
about fat headless people
not getting enough exercise
and segue to fat headless man
stuffing his fingers into a box
of McDonald’s french fries.
Fat people eat only McDonald’s
french fries and we will be right
back with more on this story
after a word from our sponsors.

Cue McDonald’s theme song.
Pretty people Golden Arches
laughing with their heads
as they eat McDonald’s french fries
with their heads
and never gain a pound.

you see i saw the dietitian this morning and i have to avoid foods

that are high in saturated fats, like low fat milk and low fat cheese

and sardines and tangarines and i have to lay low of coca cola

as well as snowdrops marshmallow chocolate, and i need to

really look after myself, in a way to make my cholesterol low

i can’t have hot chips except for oven fries, low in saturated fats

i can have gravox but it has to low in saturated fat not like fatrty gravy

i am having steak and broccoli and cauliflower tonight,

and i am grilling the steak

i bought some nuts for afternoon tea and i forgot to get the yoghurt

but i can have a tangerine for morning tea and a few nuts as well, dudes

next wednesday at the poetry slam, i am going treat myself to a coke or two

and get back into my meal plan after that is over

you see athena is going to work towards me not getting hungry between meals

but it might not work, seeing i am used to eating too much

you see i still have spurs in my foot, but athena is working towards making my feet comfortable

ya see dudes, i am going to try and make this work, i know i like coke as a cosmic drink

and it may improve the source of my life, but if i work to cutting down on coke

i might lower my cholesterol and i might feel better

you see i don’t want to go in the psych ward again, cause that is where the crazy people are

and i am not crazy, last time i was there i was a artist and writer and i performed

concerts to improve the quality of the inmates life

ya see, i like coke but i might need to cut back, so i can lower my cholesterol

and not make the dietitian say, there isn’t much point you coming here

and i think i will feel better, and think about the stories i want to write

but i don’t want to go to the nuthouse, because they are all delusional

so, dudes, i white roll with low fat cheese and sardine and tomato for lunch

i nibbled on nuts in the afternoon and for dinner i had steak and broccoli and cauliflower

and for tonights snack i will have a tangerine,

and i will try to do this every day, no cream buns for now, no coke for now

my mum will help me with some of the ingredients for what i am going to eat

sardines are good, and so is tuna and salmon

i want to save money, so if i cut back, not give up, just cut back on coke junk food etc

i will feel healthy, and if i feel angry i will write it out of me

like yummy srcummy cream buns and fruit and nut chocolates yuuuuuummmmmmmy

but athena is going to work to lower my cholesterol and make me feel better

because i feel like the forces of evil are trying to get me to do what i used to do, in 1989-90

and i still hear voices of people saying i am SHY I AM SHY, i can tell you one thing, I AM NOT SHY

i don’t want to get fought of killed and i want athena to help me from dying of high cholesterol

you see i don’t believe in fasting, and i want athena to heal my body, with each of my medications

you see i know i ran off my fat and then i became fat again, but then when i was running

i obseesed so much with it, i kept yelling at my schizophrenic voices, so running was really working

but in hindsight, i still want to walk, and hopefully i can get back into running again without the voices

so, come on guys, please help athena to bring my cholesterol down, ok