I'm the next act on stage.
Good.
It's about ******* time all that needed to be said
Finds a way to get out.

So here's the thing:
I've made mistakes
I've ****** up a lot, and I'm willing to admit that
Because every ******, I learn from it
Unfortunately sometimes it takes more than once.

So my first big ******:
I made love.
18 years old, questioning everything
ANGRY for the first time in my life
Really truly ANGRY
and REBELLIOUS
Like I've never been before.
So angry at a God that presumed
To ask everything of me and give nothing back
Who took and took and took and took
And let others take from me, from others
Especially women, a long long time ago
And maybe they were stupid
And maybe they were awful people
And maybe they deserved it but they were STILL PEOPLE
Still women
Still girls like me
Scared and lonely
Hungry for an outlet for all of the ****** passion
And anger DEAR GOD SUCH ANGER
That had built up inside.

So I was mad
And I felt alone
Except for one thing
Him
He who I now look back on and wonder what
My rational brain could have seen
In a hundred thousand eons of pain and suffering and loneliness
What it could have seen in a rat
In a **** like him
But he wasn't that bad
I'm just angry

We made love
We loved each other
And I had anger
So we made love.
As if loving each other made it alright
Because what they never tell you in Sunday school
What they never really get across with all the
"Shou shalt not's" and "Don't touch that's"
About chastity
What they do tell you is don't do it
But they never ******* tell you why
Because it isn't going to last.
It really just isn't
Even though you think it will
Put that stupidity aside and see for JUST A SECOND
It won't.
Just assume it wont.
And you'll be with someone else
And they'll be hurt
They will actually be ******* SHATTERED
That you didn't save anything special for them
That you have nothing to give them that you didn't first give to someone else.

So yeah, I left.
I'm usually the one that leaves.
Out of 10's or 20's of loves
I'm the one that usually loses it first
Except for twice...
Nah... Nah now it's thrice.
And I loved again
And left
And I loved again
And left.
And at one point I felt sorry for what I did
But nah, that was an illusion
Brought on by the tears he wept when I told him
I had nothing left to give only to him.

Then I met another Him
And I told him early because
I was SO SICK AND ******* TIRED
Of having to hide what I had done
Pretending to feel guilty about making love
To a little **** who I loved once
But no, he wasn't that bad
He didn't know any better
I'm the ****. I am.

So I told him
And he got scared
But then he came back...
Oh my god he came back, I thought he would leave.
And he held me tighter
And he loved me more
And he forgave me
He moved on
He trusted me
But back up a little.

And breathe.

His name was Hunter.
And when I met him, I was dating the guy I thought I would change for
And a week later I left.
And I immediately got googly-eyed over Hunter
But also someone else.
His name was Collin.
Collin got to me first, because,
Crazy thing
He seemed more mature
And like he could handle it better if I didn't want to be attached yet
So I told him I didn't want anything serious
And we made out.

And then I started falling more for Hunter
Because Collin was a one-upper.
And Hunter was sweet and interesting
Intelligent in speech
On our first date
We discussed Neitzche in a ****** local burger joint
And he was beautiful
In my life I don't think I will ever find Adonis in the flesh again
And eventually, after trying very hard
I got him to kiss me
God how he kisses is like tasting wine
And has the same affect on my mind
And excites my body beyond what I've felt before
And that lasted the whole time I was with him
It still hasn't gone away
To this day if he kissed me
I think my cells would fly apart with joy

Now here's where my shittiness comes back in
And makes everything confusing
So I was making out with Collin one night
And Hunter the next
And I told them both
I ******* TOLD HIM
"We are not dating."
I said that.
Exactly that.
Meaning there is NO commitment
NO expectations
YOU can do whatever you want with whoever
AND SO CAN I

Eventually Hunter persuaded me to be his girl.
So I basically just started ignoring Collin
Stopped making out
Stopped hanging out
Stopped talking pretty much
So I could be with just the one I had COMMITTED myself to.
And we were happy.
Until I told him.

Then he was hurt.
He felt betrayed
Even though I ******* TOLD HIM
WE ARE NOT DATING
During that time
He felt he had claim on me during that time
Just because he had kissed me
He said "I wish you had told me how little a kiss means to you
I would never have ******* kissed you."
And I got ANGRY
And then you know what?

I said I'm sorry
I said you're right
I said "I put his feelings before yours, that was wrong, and it will never happen again."
I should've never done that.
I didn't do anything wrong.
And I gave him power over me
That no one should ever have.

We spent the last month or two
In despairing bliss
Knowing that at the end of the college semester
Which had been so short
He would go home to Georgia
And I would return to the mountains
And I had played the long-distance game before
And would not do it again

I should have just taken what I could get

So the last day, we helped each other pack
We cried
So much
Into each other's shirts and shoulders
Hearts breaking but hopeful
For a promise
I promised him
AND THIS IS THE ONLY THING I PROMISED
That at the end of the summer
We would both be available
So that we could try again
THAT'S IT

So I cried my way home
And he took his plane
And we Skyped until 2 his time every night
After about another month
The usual sadness and loneliness hit
Being home is bad for me
I lose sense of up and down
As I feel my wheels spinning on the ice
In the freezing summer between springs
I missed him
So much that I felt empty
I ached and hungered and died every day
Though it was nice to see my old friends again
But the worst thing happened
I remembered that I like flirting
And I had already ****** up once

Why not do it again?
Three more times?

For two months I didn't make love
I ******
Mindlessly
Cuddled for a bit with a friend
Then he'd admit he liked me
I'd tell him I wasn't going to date this summer
And he'd get hard
And he'd get insistent
"We can just be friends with benefits"
He'd say
He genuinely liked me
They always did
One even said he loved me
I had no such emotion for them
I just wanted to not feel so alone

So we'd cuddle, talk, kiss, ****,
And I'd go home every time still empty
Still cold
Still alone
And sad
And guilty
And for two months I wandered around in that hell
Wondering why it wasn't getting any warmer
Wondering how the **** I was still alone
With all these men that wanted me so bad
And every night as I fell asleep I thought about Hunter
Oh God... I could never tell him
No, he would never understand

And he didn't.
When I finally told him
Not because it was any of his ******* business
BECAUSE IT WASN'T
We were not dating
There was no commitment
No promises except that I'd be there in the end
We kept admitting love for one another
Which was a mistake in retrospect
But he had no right to feel such claim on me

The worst part was that he had asked me over the summer
And I had lied and justified
And gotten angry
SO ******* ANGRY at him
Every time he got suspicious
HE HAD NO ******* RIGHT
And I got angry
Because I was guilty
Especially because it wasn't helping
And all I wanted was him

So I told him
Not because he had a right to know
But because I finally trusted him enough
And wanted no secrets between us
Wanted one SINGLE ******* PERSON
Who I could show my whole self to
Tell everything to
Just one
And I wanted it to be him
And he was angry

And oh god for days he was angry
And every night he made me cry
Because I told him to let it out
That it might help
So he called me *****
He called me ****
He called me cheater
He told me that nothing meant anything to me
That nothing was special to me
Nothing physical would ever be special or worth anything from me
But... But I still don't understand
Honesty
That was important to me
That was everything to me
And I had given it to him
I don't understand
Why he walked all over it
Why

That
That's enough
I can't talk about this anymore right now
Ask me again another day
Just not right now

Alright I guess I should anyway

So the last month of summer
I was with no one
I spent every night Skyping him
Every night either crying in the hurt of his angry words
Or singing my love and praises for him
And when he went on a trip and couldn't call me
I took pictures and screenshots every night
To show him I wasn't out again
I was at home
Safe
Alone
Waiting for him

A month it went on like that
Until it was finally one week before school
I drove down to the college, picked him up
He greeted me at the door and I lept into his arms
And he held me and we cried
And there was love
And I felt complete
And I could finally breathe again
And the gasps wracked my body with pleasure and pain

I took him and we spent a week of heaven
In my home in the mountain
He met my family
And they all loved him
And we talked
Once in a while there would be a sad moment
But he said he'd try
He said he loved me
And I had hope...

Why didn't he try?
He left me when we got back to school
Why didn't he stay
I don't understand
I've tried so hard
I've mended fences with God
Hoping he can help me
But it's taking time
And it doesn't mean anything to Hunter
Why?
I told him all of the truth
All of it
And laid myself at his feet
Just asking that when he was done abusing me
Done being angry
Done with his vengeance
That he would love me
And keep me
And stay
But he left
I don't understand
I tried. So hard.

And I can't let go of him
How can I?
I invested my whole self in the warm and golden dream
Of lying in his arms at night
I changed myself to be what he wanted
I changed my mind to match his
What more could I do?

Don't I deserve forgiveness?
Haven't I earned just one last chance?

Collin is still four.
If you haven  read any of our poems,
In my collection "Son",
You would know that Collin is my little ghost baby.

Collin is four,
And my absolute pride and joy.
Tiny ghost hands,
And a tiny heart beat.
I kind of like,
How he isn't going to grow any bigger.
We moved yet again, this September.
To another state completely.

Collin doesn't mind.
He quite likes Rhode Island.
He likes the train station
And the little ghost girl who lives there.
He now wants a sister,
Of course.

But she's only three,
And I didn't just find Collin,
He chose me.
I just wouldn't know how to go about it.
So we'll see.

Dear Life,

Get out of my life. I don't like you; I’m scared of you. I'm not scared of death; I’m scared of life.  I can't look at myself in the mirror without getting goose bumps; I can’t water a plant without screaming. I don't know why I'm afraid of life, I just am.

But maybe it has something to do with my mother; she hated death, so I decided to revolt against her by hating life.

Another thing I should mention is that I don't like school, because most learning has something to do with living. In case you're wondering, I don't like writing, and I’m terrible at it. So don't expect any Shakespeare, coming from me.  “Why are you writing this?” you ask.  Well, I'll tell you.

It was about a year ago, that I started going to talk to this weird    psychiatrist that my mother wanted me to see. So we talked and we talked, and I was not having fun because I hated talking.  The psychiatrist said that I should write about my phobia, to get all my anger out. I thought,” what a bunch of nonsense,” but I did it. Here I am now writing to you. I ‘m afraid you’re never going to write back and that’s fine with me. But if you do, I’m afraid of what you’ll tell me, anyway.  I’m scared that you’ll call me a coward for being afraid of something   that I’ve lived with all these years.



Signed,

       Collin.



  Dear Collin,

I received your letter a while ago and I have been contemplating your phobia for 2 years. For what you wrote was powerful.



You’re not a coward and I won’t scold you. I have a phobia of death. Everyone has a phobia of something or other. Your phobia is not unusual but just so few people these days care to express themselves.  You’re one of the first people to have written to me.  You’re not a coward; you’re talking to your fear, something that takes lots of courage.



There is no reason to be afraid of me. Why are you afraid of me? I don’t think your mother is the real reason. I think you’re just too scared to go out in the real world and breathe the living air. You’re not afraid of life, you’re afraid of what is in life. You’re not afraid of me, you’re afraid of the lives I create and what is inside of them.

Your mother cares about you. She wants you to conquer your fear. You can do it, simply enjoy what’s around you, and don’t be afraid. Because, beneath your fear is hatred and you have no choice but to love.

You can do it , Collin, I know you can.



Signed,

Life

Waste Not True Be
Beautiful Life
Spring From the Rotten Flesh

Seeds Thrown Away
Each One Perfect
Fruit of The Compost
Child
Great Strides
Are Made By Ghes
Who Art Thou?
That Rewrites the Word
By Circumstance
From Free?
Art Thou Free Choice
Given
By Wisdoms Homecoming
We Are Seen
Family of Selves
Throughout The Now
Eternity
Caves Doorway
New Mu Be

Through
The Caghedral
Of Roughen
Loughan's  Blessings
Filled With Nothingness
Light Divine
By Each
Was Life Sprung
Lifting
Our Paris Played Sure
Pain Was But A Virtue
Of Tge Accusation
Came
For To Bless Us
Was Our Crown Made Ure
One Word Ire
That is The Ore
Of Life
One
Onw
Onwards Wford
Ours  is Given Forwatd naught
It's Been  bee as it May
I've Already Been
This Path is Known
I feel It
It's Carriynh me  crow is Hidden  Magic
Many is Me  She My N
N is Majic Magic Magic Magic Magic Magic
K is Chance chance chance chance chance
Choice Choice Choice Choice Choice
Collin CollinCollin Coliin Omire Omeir
One or one ire moire moire moire OMIRE
Omire O Meir.  O'Mire
Omire Where art Thou ?
Cry for You
Cry
Whole
Where Who Where Who My Black Irishman
where
Wisdom
Www Home Wisom
Come Back
Get Me
snakes Sre Gird
Snakes are Ireland
Snakes R Ire
Ire ire ire ire harp
Harp harp harp harp harp harp harp harp
Harp is Me harp is Golden Golden Golden golden golden golden Golden Golden can Play Can Play play Mu Mu mumy my words area
Mu My Mu Mu s mall words
My Name Is George
She King I King  Muse
I King Collin Harpgolden Harp
I King
I King K King K Queen
Golden Harp
King Threads Song Song Sonf song
Threads
Listen
Threads Listen
Song Spiral
Threads listen Collin King Is Song
Jenny
Is
Song
Snakes like song
Call song call song call sing call song call sing
Ask Question Ask
None is Bad
None
Many that don't bro
Belief is true
God is Goodsnakes R Good


Harp Harp
Harp is me Harp is Thread Harp

We've got ourselves into quite a nice daily routine.
My little ghost boy and I.
Collin wakes me up in the morning with his squirming
He is only four, so you can imagine how early that is.
He eats some cheerios and an apple.
I got to my classes for the day and work,
And Collin plays with his fore mentioned friend, Jordan.
I make Collin something for lunch,
And we practice reading and writing.
We watch some Arthur or Dragon Tales
We run some errands
He has some ghost pasta or vegetarian hot dogs,
Or anything really, for dinner.
And we tell stories till it's time for him to go to bed,
And time for me to write my essays
And do my calculus.
And then I hold my sleeping ghost baby
And rock him back and forth
So that my life doesn't feel so useless.

Collin was not very kind today.
He beat up another little ghost boy, he told me.
This one didn't die in the fire,
This one was in a car accident,
And he was named Bobby.
Collin didn't play nice,
And he is now in time out.
He made a candle fall off my bookshelf because of it.
I am tired of your **** today Collin.
Behave.

Today Collin disappeared.
He was not around when I woke up,
He was not around when I got back from picking up my car,
He was not around when I got home from running errands.
I would have called the police,
If there was any such thing as a Casper Alert.
Oh, what a horrid thing to lose a little ghost boy.
Who can help you?
He finally came back at dinner time,
Only because I had made mac n cheese.
He had gone to the park all ******* day long.
Collin is only four,
This is unacceptable.
He had me running ragged.
He is not allowed to go out for three weeks now.
And he is not leaving my sight for those three weeks.
Especially since we are moving Monday.
I have to pack his ghost clothes,
And his little translucent ghost toys.
Dear god, Collin,
You scared me.

I remember reading
Martin Luther King, Jr's
Letter from Birmingham Jail
Beecher Stowe's Uncle Tom
Mark Twain's Huck Finn
DuBois' Souls of Black Folk,
Adichie's The Thing Around Your Neck,
Sherman Alexie's Part-time Indian tale....
For the first time

The words of Chief Joseph
Sitting Bull
Tecumseh
James Welch
and Alexie Sherman
And others of indigenous kind
Linger like arrows in my mind.

Of course, there's
Gilgamesh's forlorn quest for Enkidu;
Osiris, Amun, Ra, and Seth,
Homer's  Illiad and  Odyssey,
And Virgil's Roman treatment -
(For whom the gods destroy
We all must learn bereavement).

I remember reading
Milton's Paradises (lost and found)
And Dante's Infernal quest for Heaven
Through the bowels of Hell with Virgil's spritely guide
And up the Devil's staircase with Beatrice by his side.
John's Revelation of Times' End;
And LaHaye's money-making Left Behind,
Collin's Hunger Games and Dashner's Maze Running
Apocalypses enough to chill my mind.

I have surveyed Dead Presidents
Washington,
Jefferson,
Lincoln
Both Roosevelts, Ted and Frank,
And Reagan
And smatterings of others...
Then hopped the bookish pond to read
Sir Winston and some others,
Not the least of whom is Gandhi G,
Taught by the Queen to free his brothers.

I have studied
Moses
Job
David
Ruth
Esther
Isaiah
Jeremiah
The Disciples
Paul
and James
(Ironically,
Since Jesus is the "Word,"
Through men He penned).

British poets's thoughts,
Tale tellers long-dead
Have found their way
Into my head:
Beowulf and Chaucer
Old moral plays
Shelley and Keats
Cavalier Poets
Scott and Brownings
Burns and (not) Allen
Spenser and Shakespeare
Dylan and Tolkien
Lewis and Auden
And so many more
That I leave on the floor

Western Americana I have loved
Hemingway and Steinbeck, all worth the time,
Mari Sandoz' Old Jules, and
Rolvaag's Giants in the Earth,
Keroac went on the road, while
Joseph Kinsey Howard showed us the West
Lewis & Clark in journals scribed
Their journey west and back again

I can't forget psychology
And so I will digress
Or Sigmund's accusation stays
That I have but suppressed:
Ellis, Freud, and Eric Berne,
Pavlov, Skinner, Thorndike, Watson,
Wundt, and Wm James, Piaget and Chomsky
Then Vygotsky and Bandura put a social spin
on cognitive psychology, and Everybody's in.
Diverging and Converging, psychic students, all
Could never make transaction
'Til Rogers tried to make some peace
But Ellis wouldn't have 'im.

And then, of course,
The lighter stuff,
The popcorn of the mind:
Clancy, Rankin, Carole Keene
L'Amour  and Will James
Stephen King and Poe,
Cruz Smith and Leon Uris,
Grisham, Deaver, Cornwall,
Asimov, Bradbury and Herbert,
Carroll and Baum...

The list goes on and on, and will, I'm sure, expand beyond capacity.

There's a little boy named Collin,
Who lives just outside my head.
He asked me to share our secret.
And that secret is, he's dead.

He lives in my peripheral vision,
And vacations in my dreams.
Sometimes he's very sad,
But he's not as lonely as he seems.

He tells me stories of his other mom,
Her name, in fact, was Kim,
She loved him very much you see,
But she could not save him.

Collin burnt up one day,
When a bad man bombed a church,
He cries when I sing him hymns,
He tells me that it hurts.

I let him cry on my lap,
And I tell him about that moon,
And in my dreams, if he wanted,
He could go there very soon.

We stayed there for three days,
And we ate all the moon cheese,
But when it was time to go home,
Collin wasn't pleased.

We have a summer home there now.

Life can be painless
Provided there is sufficient
Peacefulness

For a dozen or so rituals
To be repeated simply
Endlessly

Your genius does not fail you
It allows you to understand the
Truth of the situation;
Which makes you--at times--
more tragic than ever

And your genius,
like all geniuses
Suffers periodic fits
of monumental
naïveté
Hi-**

Listen:
Where is Grace
When milk and blood
Are about to be added
To the composition of the
Stinking ping-pong
***** being manufactured
In Grand Rapids?

Schizophrenia
The sound and appearance
Of the word fascinates

It sounds and looks to me
Like a human being
Sneezing in a blizzard of
Soapflakes

This much we know:
You made yourself hideously
Uncomfortable by not narrowing
Your attention to details
Of life that were immediately
Important

And by refusing to believe what
Your neighbors believed
Hi-**

Let your imagination continue
To be the flywheel on the
Ramshackle machinery of the truth.

But not the ‘awful’ truth

The ‘beauty’ in truth

Because we are a part
Of a system that is very
Restless,
With people tearing around
All the time

Every so often,
somebody stops to put up
A monument

Ours is a country where
Everybody is expected to
Pay his own bills for
Everything,
And one of the most
Expensive things a person
Can do is get sick

Grace:
Because if we stay here
We’ll do one of two things
(or both!)

Build a Commune

Or do like Collin Heise did:
Make the main thing that we
do be this:
Move seventy-eight
Thousand pounds of olives
To Tulsa, Oklahoma

Even if we can’t
Improve the quality of our surroundings
We’ll do our best to make our
Insides beautiful instead

Piebald Roadtrip-writing, baby
Hi-**

You are the turtle
able to live anywhere
even under water for short periods

With your home on your back

A particular comfort in
Realizing that it so often feels
There is no order in the
World around us

That we must adapt ourselves to
The requirements of
Chaos instead

Remember:
We are healthy
Only to the extent that
Our ideas are
Humane

To you
To me
To ourselves
To We

You made me believe in love, in her power and her grace. I freely gave you what I had and you threw it in my face. I didn't think it could be true but you had me at hello, I devoted myself completely to you, I loved you more than you could know. ***** chewed it up and ate it, spat it right there on the ground. And there at your filthy feet my heart and soul I found. You're a demon, you're a serpant, you're a lying, two-faced troll and what's coming for you is big and bad and it wants your blackened soul. I'd say run your heart out but I know there's nothing there, you're just the Devil in a skirt and heels, pure evil with great hair.

Ti ** mai detto che io sono un pollone completo per una storia d'amore ?Probabilmente capito che fuori già



.ma io amo sentire come fuori di tutte le persone del mondo .due persone è capitato di trovare l'altro - e quando finisce in un matrimonio bello come questo.mi rivolgo in poltiglia .Catturato da Heather Pipino Fotografia questa storia d'amore ha un finale molto felice.Vedere ancora di più qui .
Condividi questa splendida galleria ColorsSeasonsFallSettingsHotelStylesTraditional Elegance

Da Heather Pipino Fotografia. "Quattro anni fa non avrei maiè èe credevoè ñessere qui in piedi con una ragazza che camminava in un negozio di caffè che indossa un cappello Dodgers .ditutte le cose . abbiamo aspettato quasi due mesi prima che ci incontrassimo a vicenda . Dopo che tutti i testi .e-mail e telefonate abbiamo tenuto il nostro respiro e ha preso un salto .e abbiamo imparato nella vita.che tutto ciò che serve è venti secondi di coraggio folle afare qualcosa di grande accadere. "

Quelle parole erano solo una porzione di dolce voti Sam 'a Lindsey .ma danno una buona sbirciatina per i bellissimi cuori e amore stimolante che Sam e condividere Lindsey .Sono entrambi persone così gentili e genuini e la loro vita e l'amore riflettere sul fatto che in ogni modo.E 'doesnè èimporta quanto tempo siè èe li noti .Sam e abiti da sposa corti Lindsey sono il tipo di persone che ti accolgono con un caloroso abbraccio e lascerà piena di gioia .Essi vi invitano nel loro mondo e ti fanno abiti da sposa on line sentire come seè èe stati amici per anni .E ' questo amore che essi hanno per l'altro e per le persone intorno a loro che hanno fatto il loro giorno di nozze così incredibile .In una bella giornata in California.presso la Estancia Resort a La Jolla .amici e parenti si sono riuniti per sostenere e amare questa coppia che aveva toccato ciascuna delle loro vite .E 'stata una giornata piena di lacrime di gioia .il romanticismo .l'amore e la bellezza .e Sam e Lindsey meritato ogni singolo istante.

Da Bride.How ci siamo incontrati : Le nostre mamme lavorano insieme in una scuola nella Bay Area .Una volta che la sua mamma ha imparato che vivevo a San Diego .ha pensato che sarebbe stata una buona idea per me di mostrare il suo figlio in giro come gli era stato appena assunto lì .Lei e mi aveva viaggiato a Parigi circa sette anni fa con mia mamma e un altro insegnante .Mi ricordo che lei mi dice allora che avevo bisogno di incontrare suo figlio ma eravamo entrambi risalenti altre persone al momento .Ero titubante a incontrarlo fino a quando ** fatto un po ' di Facebook stalking.voglio dire .la ricerca .Mi fu colpito in primo click.The prima richiesta di amicizia è stata inviata e tanti.tanti .( molti) messaggi e fino a tarda notte dopo.i messaggi si rivolse a testi e testi voltai per le telefonate .Questo è durato per un certo periodo come i sentimenti si erano formate veloce e siamo stati nervosi e ansiosi di incontrarsi other.Finally un incontro è stato fissato al Coffee Bean a Carlsbad .Eravamo lì per quattro ore e quasi chiudiamo il posto in fondo .Il giorno dopo.unè edata irstèè stata impostata e il resto è storia !

Il nostro matrimonio ha avuto luogo a La Jolla .in California presso l' Estancia Hotel.Abbiamo scelto questa posizione perché è rilassato eleganza .giardini mozzafiato .ed è vicino a dove viviamo .Perché ci siamo incontrati e viviamo qui a San Diego e volevamo festeggiare il nostro amore qui .La maggior parte dei nostri ospiti di nozze erano da fuori città .abbiamo voluto l' atmosfera di essere caldo.accogliente.e una volta tutti vorremmo amare .

I colori erano nero.bianco e verde e il tema era classica .semplice eleganza.Volevamo la sede per parlare di se stesso in modo non volevo fiori eccessivamente fatto .ma felci semplicemente dichiarati e fiori bianchi .Isari Floral Studio ha fatto un lavoro incredibile catturare la nostra visione .

Volevamo il matrimonio per avere tocchi di tutti noi in tutto.Abbiamo parcheggiato la nostra hot rod (1932 Ford Roadster ) nel modo di entrata dell'hotel.Mio padre aveva una splendida "Just Married " segno gessato per noi.così abbiamo potuto avere un scappare con stile !Il nostro cane (leggi : nostro figlio ) . Non poteva essere sulla proprietà .purtroppo .così abbiamo avuto una foto incorniciata di lui fatta con un cartello appeso al collo che diceva : " Sono contento che tu sia qui a festeggiare con i miei genitori prega di godere il cagnolinoborse da me . Woof .Lux " .Su quel tavolo .avevamo sacchetti di biscotti monogramma di Michele Coulon Dessertier .Per il nostro libro degli ospiti .abbiamo lavorato con un graphic designer per fare quello di un manifesto sorta di nostra sede .Ora abbiamo questa grande opera d'arte.con parole gentili di tutti appendere in casa nostra .Sulle pareti della Sala Grande .avevo il nostro invito fatto saltare in aria e sparsi sui muri nelle loro cornici .Tutti questi tocchi davvero reso il giorno così memorabile .

nostro incredibile team di venditori e la nostra famiglia e gli amici sono ciò che veramente ha reso questa giornata il giorno più speciale della nostra vita finora.Siamo così fortunati ad aver avuto un bel matrimonio tale .Sono entusiasta di essere sposata con Sam per il resto della nostra vita !Fotografia

: Heather Pepin Fotografia | dell'artista: Aqua Vivus Productions | Event Design : Sherry Glommen | Pianificazione : Swann Soirees | Floral Design : Isari Flower Studio | Floral Design : Isari Flower Studio | Cake : la zia della sposa | Inviti : Smitten Onpaper | Cerimonia Luogo : Estancia La Jolla | Banco Luogo : Estancia La abiti da sposa on line Jolla | Bridesmaids Dresses : Nordstrom | capelli: Jessica / Michelle - Koda Salon | Calligraphy : Brown Fox Calligrafia | Abbigliamento da Groomsmen : Nero risvolto | officiante : Cerimonie Per Bethel | pipistrelli pergroomsmen : Louisville Slugger | vestito nuziale : Tara Keely | sposa / damigella d'onore Abiti : Abbastanza Plum zucchero | Cookies : Michele Coulon Dessertier | Guest Book Graphic Designer : Designs J Gal | Musica live / DJ : Collin Elliot -Ancora Ascolto Productions | Trucco : FioreBeauty | Photobooth : Photobooth mobileHayley Paige e Jim Hjelm occasioni sono membri della nostra Look Book .Per ulteriori informazioni su come vengono scelti i membri .fare clic qui .Fiore Bellezza .Isari Fiore Studio + Design Event .Plum Piuttosto Zucchero.JLM Couture .Inc. e Mobile Photo Booth sono membri del nostro Little Black Book .Scopri come i membri sono scelti visitando la nostra pagina delle FAQ .Fiore di bellezza VIEW PORTFOLIO Isari Fiore Studio vedi portfolio Plum graziosa Zucchero vedi portfolio JLM Couture Wedding Gown Bouti ... vedi portfolio Mobile Photo Booth VIEW
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The reason I haven't written a lot about Collin lately,
Is not because I have been having trouble connecting with him.
Or seeing him.
You see, I've been very self centered, and very alienated.
I think I have been trough a few tragedies this year,
And due to my inability to processes events that might hurt me,
And my ability to bury emotionally challenging memories,
I have internally wallowed for about the past 11 months.
The last month, in particular,
Has been quite bad.
Collin is my ghost baby,
And I love him with all my heart,
I still feed him,
And read to him,
And let him play with candles,
And tuck him into bed with me.
I am a **** good mother to that little ghost boy,
Especially considering I'm not a ghost myself.
But it's just been me and him.
No one else.
And we had our Christmas late at night,
And he is still learning to read,
And I still give him lots of love and kisses.
I just haven't felt the need to share any of it. Any of us.

Collin has developed a new love for salads.
I could not be more pleased.
He does have to cover them in cheese,
But ghosts can't really become obese...
So I will take what I can get.
There is another ghost boy in our building.
His name is Jordan,
He is five and he has lived here for two years.
They play together when I'm busy.
Jordan is very tough,
So I have been teaching Collin to hold his own.
No one will push my baby around.
He's too special for that.

As I was walking down the road
I could smeel the sweet grass: freshly mowed

I saw the sun setting in the distance
The blood-red glow seemed proof of its resistance

The colors: red, orange, yellow, and gold
All melted away so that night could unfold

I felt the air collin all around me
And saw the lightening bugs in front of the tree

I could hear the water running down the creek
past the quiant house that was so antique

The glowing light from its windows
Beckoned me forward from the shadows

Collin had a bit of a melt down a few minutes ago
He is in time out now.
You can't just spill juice on the floor, Collin.
No ghost tricks without my permission.
Four year olds are the biggest handfuls.
I am ignoring his constant attempts to get my attention.
Ugh
Parenting.

Call me weird or twisted
but I like myself some nasty *******
toss them around like im cleaning dishes
they are all easy fishes in a barrel
I roll em around till they call me collin ferrel
im a skinny lil *******
I can hog tie a girl without a lasso
firemans carry into my den
Where i treat em like a rooster to a hen.
spank there *** and say that was fun
do it again?

It's three am
I hear him whisper
"Mommy, I'm scared."
Now 40% of my bed is taken up by a snoring ghost baby.
Goodnight Collin.

I’m not mad at you for falling out of love
Just for letting it hurt her in such a vicious way
Like your dad did to you before you got away
You almost felt wanted and then he gave up on you
If it hurt you so bad, then whys that what you do
What really is missed up is how you took advantage
I just can’t understand how you let that happened
I know the sound of your laugh, the tear streaked cheeks and red eyes
I knew the sounds you make when you really start to cry
Told me once, all your secrets, all your hurts and reasons why
Created a new safe place, you were my true best friend
I thought I knew you, thought you couldn't just blend
You truly cared about those you thought could love
You were my star that was sent from above
Transforming you began to change
You locked yourself away, began to forget my name
Put me down, and hide away
You never talked, or cried in front of me
I know life became hard, especially four you
I just thought it could never **** the fight inside of you
I am not mad at Collin because he is a nice guy
Just mad at you, for never thinking why
What really hurts to me, is I miss you every day
I miss my red head smile that always wants to play
The laughter that I use to know
The freckled happiness
I just can’t seem to find her
In the shades of grey and ****** mess

Loving you unconditionally
That’s where I like to be

I’ve had the ride of my life with you
You made sure I always pulled through

You made the hard times better
And if I was cold, you’d cover me with your sweater

You made the bad seem good
Said it’s like a man always should

You made me laugh when I was down
Even when I felt fat trying on a beautiful gown

You make my heart soar
As if we could dance forever on life’s floor

Collin, you’ve made me the girl I’ve always wanted to be
Collin dear, you’ve went and made me feel pretty

I love you.

How quiet it must have been
for you, Michael Collins...
How calm it must have seemed
for you, Michael Collins...
How tranquil you must have felt
up there alone
with no one on the radio,
except for you, Michael Collins...

Doing something no one had done
with no one around to see
because you were in a place no one had been
with no way to share what you saw
because even radios fail that far away from home.
But not you, Michael Collins...

How dark was it in there
with not even the sun to guide your way?
How still was the air
with not even the wind to make a sound?

How many times did you ask yourself,
Michael Collins,
if you would ever see home again?
How many times did you think to yourself,
Michael Collins,
that you might not ever again
see the faces you remember?

On that clearest night,
did the stars not seem brighter than before?
Upon coming into the sun again,
did you,
Michael Collins,
not feel lighter than before?

It must have been strangely startling
to have been startled by that strange crackle
coming from the radio.
For another human voice to sound so foreign
yours must have been a lie.

How did it feel leaving that void,
Michael Collins,
and crashing back into existence?
How soon did it feel,
to you, Michael Collins,
that your feet were back on the ground?

I imagine you must miss that silence.
...
I imagine you must
from time to time
walk far far away
and look at the stars.

I would ask you one question if I could,
Michael Collin,
on the clearest night
when you look up into that darkness
have the stars ever been brighter than before?

I'll miss the laughs
And all the smiles.
I'll miss the jokes
But all awhile
I know I must go.

I'll miss the hellos
The I'll see you...Fridays...?
I'll miss the hugs
And the soon to be parties.
But I must go.

I'll miss casual Sundays
Claire's dances and Collin's jokes
I'll miss Jessica's laugh
Tami's hugs and James' voices.
But I'll be going soon.

I found a family I didn't know I needed.
A family of weirdos, jokers, and kind hearts.
I found people who understand and care deeply
I found a place for a fresh start.
But I must go.

I go on to big things
Huge changes and excitement.
I move on now, but now
I've lost some of the enjoyment.
I'm leaving more than one family.

the hurt, hurts so well

It was a Thursday morning,
when a boy, so young and full of life,
fell victim to his own mind.
It's truly a tragedy that his best friend went over to skip school with him,
only to find him lifeless.
Teenagers, parents, friends, and family all became united once more to overcome the sad emptiness they felt from their loss.
Something so unpredictable. I can only hope that he had the time of his life. And I wish he could've realized that it's never too late.
RIP Collin.
1.15.15

*Such a tragedy that you believed it wouldn't get better. So sad that you will no longer be here to add life and excitement to others' day.

Sonnet.

C'est mon avis qu'en route on s'expose à la pluie,
Au vent, à la poussière, et qu'on peut, le matin,
S'éveiller chiffonnée avec un mauvais teint,
Et qu'à la longue, en poste, un tête-à-tête ennuie.

C'est mon avis qu'au monde il n'est pire folie
Que d'embarquer l'amour pour un pays lointain.
Quoi qu'en dise Héloïse ou madame Collin.
Dans un miroir d'auberge on n'est jamais jolie.

C'est mon avis qu'en somme un bas blanc bien tiré,
Sur une robe blanche un beau ruban moiré,
Et des ongles bien nets, sont le bonheur suprême.

Que dites-vous, madame, à ce raisonnement ?
Un point, à ce sujet, m'étonne seulement ;
C'est qu'on n'a pas le temps d'y penser quand on aime.