Hahaha
Quincy Valero, once again on crutches
He always manages to do this to himself
This time he was in his required exercise class and dislocated his knee
I just laugh at this

When we were younger he got roaring drunk and began doing an inebriated salsa
"SALSA KING!"
We all chanted
All of a sudden one leg wen one way and one the other way
He screamed in pain
It was a  hairline fracture

Another time he had a lovers quarrel with this girl he was seeing
They fought all the time
Like all the time
And one night in a furious rage
Quincy punched a wall and fractured his hand

A few weeks later I had a pool party
And Quincy had to wrap his damaged hand in a plastic bag and hold it at a 90 degree angle the whole time

He takes all these injuries to heart
He's the kind of guy who has always got to be moving
He's always gyrating, talking, laughing
And when he's even the tiniest bit immobile or disabled
He goes into a short period of depression and self pity

It's just funny to me because just when I think he'll be okay
Some how he manages to just get himself hurt
The clutz haha
Even now, I'm talking to him
He hurt his thumb the other night at a party he threw two days ago

LONG LIVE THE SALSA KING!

Don't fall for me
Don't fall in love with me
When you love me
you also love my
mishaps
flaws
mistakes
demons
I will over-analyze you
and every word you say
and every move you make
You'll see that I'm a mess
and majority of the time
I don't know what the hell is
going on
I'm a clutz and trip over my own
two feet
I'm needy and I'll often ask you if you seriously do
love me
My emotions are so big and wide that I have enough to go
around for everyone who doesn't give a ****
but if you decide to fall in love with me
regardless of all this
I'll write you poems so sweet
that they'll sound like melodies
I'll love you like the sun loves the moon
I'll care for you in a way that is so gentle and delicate
I will always be there
I'll be your rock
I'll love all the things you swear you hate about yourself
I'll make constellations out of your freckles
and a new galaxy will be found in your eyes
I'll find beauty in your flaws
and you'll wonder why you never loved yourself
in the way that
I love you

"What's that from?"
Oh, I um, fell...

"You fell?"
Ya, you know me
Such a clutz

"And you happened to fall,
On something hand shaped?"
Ya. What a coincidence right?

Inhaling loudly, she is mindful and content. She stands in the center of the skyscraper building, swamped by the tick of high heels and chatter. She is hesitant and anxious, but composed. A number of scenarios go through her head, as a mass of bodies walk past her small frame. She goes for it, and walks confidently toward him. She clutches onto her files and folders. He sees her now, he smiles. The small interaction makes her stumble, and her hands let loose, papers floating through the air and swiftly skimming the floor of the office building. He helps her gather the papers, and they both stand tall, inches away from each other. “I’m such a clumsy, I mean I’m such a clutz.” He laughs, she laughs.

My life is a joke.
I'm the person on stage,
Making a fool of myself,
And people are laughing,
And enjoying it.
The only problem is,
I'm not doing it on purpose.
I'm just that much of a fool,
A clutz,
That my life is a joke,
Meant for others entertainment.

I'm a clutz .
I'm a hopeless romantic that has seen to many Disney movies with the belief that every princess needs that prince.
But in truth ever since I met you that idea that image has changed for me.
You never been the type to look for that prince to save you from the top of the tower you saved yourself.
You never been the type to believe in fairy tales
You never been the type to really like the cute little puppy love moments but after a while I saw it's grown on you.
My jokes.
My ideas.
My dreams.
My goals.
My puppy love little nicknacks .
I would be lying to you if I told you I'm calm no I'm not calm.
Never met someone like you.
Never never really felt these feelings like I have for you.
I'm trying my best to push aside the jokes and the cheesy corny jokes because just like every joke being used over and over looses its touch.
Just like a flower it's a delicate balance.
From not watering the flower it dies but. Also when you water it over its limit. It's a balance and little by little I'm learning those fundamentals.
I don't know what the future holds.
I don't know what runs through your mind at times.
But I would love to take my time.
Who knows maybe will both find something valuable inside of us.
But one thing for sure I can say.
I love you.
Simple as that.

“Eww who let her out of her cage?”
“She’s fatter in real life. LOL”
“That makeup makes her look like a clown.”
“Go die in a hole. Nobody wants you.”
“Go **** yourself already!”
“Wow hahaha you’re really stupid.”
“You’re 13? 13 hundred pounds, maybe.”
“Clutz.”
“Idiot:”
“You’re worthless. You’re not a good singer, a good dancer, or even good at math. All you do is read.”
“Jump off a bridge, do us all a favor.”
“*****.”
“Go to hell.”
“You must hate yourself.”
“You’re pathetic.”
“Look, she’s crying! Hahaha”
“You’re ugly as ****.”
“Who’s ever gonna want you?”
“Oh, you’re crying? P-A-T-H-E-T-I-C!”
“She attempted suicide….ehh, she deserved it.”
“You’re such a failure. You couldn’t even **** yourself right.”
And you wonder why I’m depressed
You wonder why I don’t eat
You wonder why I cut
*You wonder why I wanna die

I may be your clutz
But you're my *******.

When I die I do not want people to remember me as kind or caring or nice. I want people to remember me as I was, I want them to say, "that clutz tripped over everything and spilled something at least twice a day." I want people to say, "we would laugh till our stomachs hurt and our eyes were filled with tears." I want people to know me, and not just generalize who I was. I want people to remember me in a way that they can say, "She impacted my life." I don't want anything fancy, no posthumous festations, but I do want people to celebrate my life by remembering me for who I was and not who they wanted me to be.

you say i'm not a burden
but i see you don't want my company
don't tell me not to feel insecure
when you obviously wanna leave
i feel too uncomfortable
to stand here as you wish to be
somewhere else with somebody else
that you enjoy more than me
i get it i do
just dont make it worse
your ****** expression
contradicts your words
i feel unwanted
so why shouldn't i desert
your body language is enough
to tell me to hit the curb
but you swear that its fine
for me to hang around
finally you convince me
i ignore my doubts
sending good vibes
and trying to fit in with your crowd
still all i feel is invisible
and always get left out
what did i expect
not a welcome parade
i just thought since you promised
i wouldn't have to be afraid
but as soon as i came in
you wandered away
and relief pours over your body
after you lose my face
in the group of people
that all hate my guts
they think i'm emotional
and see you're my crutch
they laugh at me as i fall over myself
and say what a clutz
i guess i deserve it
since i trusted you so much
still it stings and it burns
they laugh as i weep
you watch and do nothing
either in agreeance or because you're weak
i should've just not showed up
or let you make me believe
that you actually wanted my friendship
when you just felt pity

I really didn’t want to make this.
And really don’t feel like saying this

In fact the only reason I can say this is because my music drowns out reality and I can pretend that I’m far away in a fantasy

The whole time I wrote this it hurt me.
I don’t know why it did and still does a bit, it just.. does and it just… is
In fact, that’s exactly how it is.

I’m not saying I have depression, I’m just I’m sad, was, will be... sad
I don’t get up in the morning, I lie there until I have to be dragged out of bed, kicking abd screaming

It’s strange. I used to describe it as being dead,
but sometimes I felt so much it killed me

I’ve always been like this, since I was a kid I didn’t want to do anything
Didn’t care about anyone
lay in my room for hours, days, weeks and now years,
crying myself to sleep every second night and not sleeping every other

Because of how I feel I’ve done so many stupid things
that I shouldn’t have done.
Things that hurt me, killed me
and some of those around me…
Because of how I feel I’ve gotten myself involved with so many bad people that
hurt me
and
hurt you.

I told my parents that I cut my hands and arms
and in response to their disbelief
I simply asked how they had not noticed. I was crying, however my cry was hidden behind thousands of layers of irony, self deprecation and sarcasm
A little pain behind each
I’m ok
I feel fine
I'm Good thanks and you

My sisters gone, studying overseas, I never see her, never talk to her
I’m still here and…
I’m not sure I want to be...

My parents don’t know how to deal with me,
You look so mopey, just smile.
Change your mindset and just try.
That’s... that’s just not how it works.
So I just told them that I’m fine now and I’m happy and I don’t do the things I used to.
I still do and… I’m not.

Everytime I forgot something somewhere I was reminded of how much of an idiot I am
How dumb could I possibly be
“Oh you clutz, you fool, you *******”
Always late for class,
always forgetting your stuff.

Now, I know my poem isn’t anything special, no rhyme no structure but that's how I feel
Unstructured
Unstable
Falling apart

I only realised how bad I was this weekend.
I asked someone one question with no context, yes or no.
They said yes, and so I went and did something, maybe trivial to you, but something I would never have done otherwise.

I realised that I can be happy, that people love me, no… that I can love people, and I love those people regardless if they love me back or not.
And still...

It’ll still take time. Right now I’m pretty down but I’ll get better and so will you.

I know it’s easy to brush it off.
Laugh at it and make fun of it, but it’s real and it hurts you, kills you…
I’m glad I learned this in time.
Thank you.

Well...
at least that’s what I told everybody before I went home
To cut myself and cry
They needed some cheesy saying to make it acceptable
They needed a happy ending
Or at least a bitter sweet message

I feel ****