I look in the mirror
What do I see?
Wrinkly woman
Staring strait back at me
Her eyes have bags
She hasent slept in weeks
Her hair all white
White as snow
Her eyes wide like a child's first hope
She looks at me
Puts her and on the mirror
"Dadda?" She asks
" no I'm not your father"
"Dadda?"
" I don't know where he is.."
"Dadda?!" She starts to freak out
" I'm not your father!"
"Dadda!!"
"I DONT KNOW WHERE HE IS! I DONT KNOW WHERE HE WENT! HE LEFT US OK! HE LEFT us.."
She turns her head and looks at me
"Why?" She asks
I tell her" I don't know!"
She points to the watch on her wrist
"He only gives you those so you can count down the minuts to see him! It's not worth it! Every year it's longer and longer, and soon he will walk right out of your life!"
"Dadda is suppost to come! I want to play!"
I look at her, reach out and touch her hair
"The only game our father plays is hide and go seek except we give up looking and waiting for him"
"But I've been waiting since I was three!"
" and now your eighty! Don't you see? Go get sleep or find some friends! You will find other love, it's just as good."
"Don't lie to me!" She demands in a deep voice. Her eyes full of hate!
"No don't do that! You don't deserve all that hate !"
" nothing is as good as a fathers love! Not a date, a true boyfriend NOTHING!"
"How do you know ? We have never had a fathers love!"
" but you see it around you. Then you give up and try boy love."
"Don't say that!"
"You know it's true the only reason you date boys is to find some love for you! You seek attention and kisses and hugs! So you feel someone truly cares and loves! Your pathetic trying to wait! Pretending to love him every holiday ! "
"SHUT UP SHUT UP!!" I say and punch the mirror
"Why don't you make me! You pathetic slime You can't enjoy Christmas *** he's gone mine !"
I stood up and stare her in the eyes. "No one owns me or tells me what to do!"
"Oh I'm so scared!"
"Yes yes you are ! Your scared of never being enough! Your scared that if your not pretty! You'll die and he won't give a ****! Your scared that you will loose him! Your scared no one will care! Well guess what buddyriend and family that care !"
"Why don't you sleep it off? And wait for him to care?"
"IM DONE SLEEPING AND WAITING FOR HIM !" I reach in and grab her by the throught. "AND IM DONE LISTENING TO YOU!"
I turn her neck till the mirror shatters
The glass breaks
my hand blead
I sit and cry like nothing mattered
I look at one of the pieces on the ground in front of me. It's a little girl only about age 3.
"Thank you" she says and curtsys and disinagrates away.
I sit and cry. Tears of joy
Nothing is more blissful then freedom
Even more then a boy.

I’m forgotten
I’m rotten
I’m the beginning of a new empire with no queen
I’m broken

A king spoken of with words just enough to drown with,
Such phrases upraise but such make a person realize
It’s enough soaked
It’s enough to stop living a throne
Not marked for his achievements

For I, well we were thought to be the best
The unsinkable ship they said,
An unexpected tragedy brought to light
When they called us the titanic
Boarding from the land of love,
With the sea ahead so calm but deadly as it was,

Love was made for us not to fear
But to fight together
And conquer all problems that appear,

Until an iceberg as cold as her took us down
To the frozen heart of the sea killing all within and around,
Witnessing it all with our eyes as it blead tears of hurt,




As how could we survive but witness death with our eyes?
How could we survive but witness death with our eyes?
As I could bear no more letting the frozen seas take over me but my heart,
As it stood for her love and no one else

A selfish beast dumb enough to believe that their love was real
Cause she left, when it was time to fight,
Left when the time was right,
Left when it was time to test our love
But no love was shown just the selfish excuse in life,
When it gets hard you move on to the next stage
That would eventually pull you back

For you are a snake killing with venom
Until poisoning yourself and tasting your own medicine to death
A heal the troubled would believe to be true,,,

I wouldn’t call myself a princess
I know that because
I cut my foot when my glass slippers shattered
I blead all over the shards then tied wire around them
So those stained glass pieces would let you see the world
Through rose colored glasses
Because I woke up one morning to you cutting off my long golden hair
You said it was because every time you tossed in your sleep
You’d get tangled and tug it and you didn’t want to ever hurt me
Never realizing that hair was the only way I could reach you
Because I lost my voice and my legs loving you
My throat raw from yelling and legs too seasick to walk away
But you said you liked it better that way
It was easier for you to kiss a mouth that didn’t move
And touch a body that always stayed
So, no, I’m not a princess
But we are kind of in a fairy tale
Our story was a lie whispered to children at night
It was a dragon guarding nothing
It was the result of spells and potions
It was a silent mirror
It was just some made up mythical fairy’s tale

You look with those cold cold eyes
Deep into my soul of black
Black hair
Black eyes
Black nails
Nails that blead from teeth
Teeth that bite the hand
Your hand that touches me until I'm
Sad
                  Sad
                                   ­   Sad
And very, very alone in a coldness that spreads
Spreads like my hair
As I drown in this abyss of fear
Fear of death
Fear of life
Fear of emptiness
Fear of me
Fear of you

You.

Scare.

Me.

I run in my dreams
to a place of endless sea
and picture myself sailing the ocean
with you by my side
I see the waves collide the side of the ship
and see you bite your lip
and then you ******* a little kiss
and you seem like a angle
as I watch your air blow in the wind
even in my dreams I miss your ***...
I try to remember what it's like to hear you telling me you love me
but I didnt retain ****
when I was with you
I was always so horrible at containing memories
they usaully pass by
like a passerby in a train car.
Scar tissue forms on my heart from each time its blead to touch you again
and I go back to my dreams to catch bits and peices of you...
but I'm not afraid of what was maybe ment to be
I do now that no matter what
those dreams can never be set free.

Do you remember all the drunken phone calls you would supply me with on countless three am mornings? Stumbling and fumbling on your words while you tried to tell me how horrible she was to you and all the little digs she had taken that day. Do you remember convincing me of her "sickness" because no sane person could ever dare touch your body and not fall madly in love with it. Do you remember the power you probably felt as you realized i was buying every lie you were selling to me? Because I remember the day I actually met your so called sick lover and how I looked down upon her because of the things I thought she had done to you. And the time that I wandered into that little coffee shop you both work at only to find her there and not you. And the conversation I had with her that night which blead into the next nine months and counting. And how surprised I was to find that the heart I was once convinced of being black is actually thriving. And the time that I realized that you weren't lying about the relationship being toxic but the cancer wasn't coming from her hands. And how mad I got that you spread rumors of abuse and torture that never truly existed. But see the ironic thing is after all that time the girl you claimed to be ill, your own personal patient, doesnt even hate you for the placebo you've been injecting into everyone and you know why? Because after all this time she was the doctor and you were the one needing medical attention.

why am i so numb all the lies can't reach me any more I'm so lost that i don't want to be found i can't hear what your saying because I'm blocking out everyone and the sound goes in one ear out the other and it dose not matter any way cause theres nothing left to say I'm too far gone for any one to help me so stop talking and listen for sound of my pain because I'm insane its ok don't be afraid of me just hold me one last time so i can be actually fine i hate myself but you love me its crazy what world we live in we are so different yes so alike its just a sick memory i have you hate me yet you love me its ****** up and i know I'm going to hell so **** it i want everyone to hate me I'm so sick of pity i don't want you to love me hate me and be safe you i do love you but I'm the grenade in your hand that your hesitating to throw so you just let go and I'm gone so don't feel pain I'm not coming back not now not ever again just let me fall i don't want you to feel pain you know i will put a bullet in my brain for you but you still just use me and no love is shed but my blood has been blead i now I'm going to cut deeper than before down the road and i won't come back maybe then you will miss me you never even try to kiss me you just throw mental torment my way as wicked as you are you beautiful to me but all you see in me is something you can take and take till I'm all used up and more and more pain i receive i gone no more me I'm out of **** to be taken so go find someone else you can use

Many lives lived
Twin flames came back possibly to experience hell?
We met in this gambling hell.
Notification of its awakening
11:11 of its number from its wishing well.
Time like a death bell.
Memories lost but feelings like magick spells.
Love that cuts both sides, blead and farewell
Mirrors and attributes ran from its self.
Exhausted hoping for us to be saved and well
Other things are not said but you can figure it out very well.
The cycle repeats like a spiraling hell
Six and nine in a hotel
Twin flames seeks justice like an alarm bell.
Painful feelings of anguish but i treated them well.
Water is required to fix this lake of hell
Fertilize a cell with its ***** cell.
Everything  felt from a mother cell.
Life in an egg shell that rings the door bell.

Would he dare to walk a mile in my shoes... To put his feet in cinder's slippers... marry a handsome prince...who turns out to be just a simple Jafar...
With blind devotion... i let the glass shards of those tight slippers
slice open my heels till I blead...
I thought having dignity  meant pursing my lips tightly... and let my pride alone silence the cry...
Would I allow my mind be an hourderve... to be tasted as mental yeast... with a side of bitter shame....
Would I be the servant and the cook, the tutor, cab driver, the warrior, the lover the ***** of an unfurnished abode....To be thanked by insults and be called out names...
to be the one that he always blames... I felt the sweat of his fist
without being bruised nor hit...
Would I find Alice... call her a fool.
Does she know, there is no wonderland.
If you live to the vow and play by the rule
what about God, his promised land,
does this hourglassed desert
ever feel the touch of his hand.
Will I taste frosted manna
if i run far away.
Or would I challenge the bully
and have it my way.
Does my dream ever leave the blues,
would he look in my eyes
would he dare
walk a mile in my shoes....
... Alexander Grey

"usa is us a"



a society of a little bit of

                           this and that

                                     is usa and usa is us a

   demonic jewel thief

                         of evil intent

                                                  or

   money bags buys

                                   the big blue world

                     on sale cheap

                              cuzz we manipulated

     the price             and made it              cheap

                      by knocking out

          the competition

                                       without worry bout

                    collateral damage

                                              the dead don't blead

                or

                                  birthplace of the compassionate

    rich !

                                     promised

                        miracle of capitalism

                                                                ­on its way

           though not here

                                                                ­      yet

   just gotta have faith

                                      baby

                                                     just gotta have faith

                                       really                        

          you can hear one

                                              breathin

                      just lean close and

                                                        listen

Valid Love Plea
My love your unique brand of allure takes me on
To heavenly places to take me to an eternal spring
A glimpse of your  sweet smile radiates like dawn
It gives strength to love chain and to love string

Soak my thirsty lips to bring me to real taste of life
Make me companion on the hard path to but lead
Be genrous to save my heart to blead with love knife
This kind gesture will save me indeed to just lead

Accept my love with open heart and be more sincere  
To give more solace and satisfaction to be happy to see
Don't be the victim of rivals and foes my beloved ,dear
Heart to heart communication remains only valid plea

Colonel Muhammad Khalid Khan
Copyright June 2020 Love Remains