Our best night was the night my phone broke.
We had to message each other on Facebook
so we looked through each other's old pictures
and bragged about our relationship status to our friends.
That was the night I called you from the home phone
and I laughed when you told me you once ate human flesh
and I laughed harder when you said
you're supposed to be scared.
That was the night I sent you a poem I found online
and you replied with the most honest profession of love
I have ever heard without using the word love.
That was the night we stayed awake until 5am
even though you had to get up at 6.
I could've sworn I loved you.
I could've sworn you loved me, too.

Can't it always be this way
why do people change,
why does time move on.
we struggle against a current
that pulls our body one way,
but the soul another.
It pulls my hand from your grasp,
desperately struggling
to hold the precious memory
of a time long since past.

What if,
instead of shooting
people into space,
we grew our way there?
What if,
we built tree forts in trees,
so that we could plant trees
in the tree forts,
and when they grow,
build more forts
in those trees and
continue that process
while adding gardens
all along the way
along with more tree forts
for everyone to live in
and everything would be connected
to form a living structure
that continually grew around us
as we continually grew within it
and our atmosphere would
expand
to encompass an amount of space
that we could have never imagined,
and we would grow with the trees
stronger, sturdier, and healthier
rather than continually
contract
and thin by thickening the pollution
in the space within our atmosphere
as we die with the trees
weak, withered, and dis-eased?

The ocean caught fire the first time I laid eyes on you,
the world was perfect & wars didn't exist for that split second,
also people weren't superficial but instead loving & appreciative for what had been right in front of their eyes for so long.

I'm sorry it took me so long to notice you before,
I had been so caught up in my own little chaotic world that I had never before noticed that the ocean had caught fire long before I was ever born, long before I knew how repulsive the taste of saltwater in my mouth was, long before the curtains could draw themselves,
& even before songs used to be written because of pure joy & not the idealistic lifestyle of endless fame & mountains of money.

I'm only 18 years old but I swear to you my dear, i've loved you for centuries.

Ever since the big bang theory, the universe has known what pure love has looked like because you have always existed,
in the dark matter,
in the dying stars,
in the evolving cities inside the galaxies that won't even exist for another 10 billion years,
you were always there, being loved; unconditionally, unimaginably, substantially, overconfidently, loved.

& whether I fade off into a heaven-like nirvana, or reincarnate into all of the tears running down your face, or just rot in the ground for all of eternity;
always know that every star in the galaxy will always love you if I can't, & the sun will burn out to the thought of you, & every burden that I ever put on your shoulders (including myself) will always remember (& appreciate) you for breathing all the air inside of a gasp-less room & will always love you for that;
even in 10 billion years after the earth is dried out & the sun is on its death bed, the universe will still love you,
for everything,
every kiss you gave me,
every time you let me lay in your arms even though you hated me at the moment;
every "cheer up champ, you'll get over me sooner or later" line you said to me,
every single piece of advice you had given me for ways to love you better, ways to love you harder, ways to give myself to you without seeming vulnerable, & ways to kiss you without actually being in the same room as you.

The universe will always love you, & the same goes for me, I will always love you as well, even when a meteor destroys the tree house that we built together, or a heat wave so powerful wipes out the human species, or you decide one day that the way I look at you in the shower isn't as meaningful as it was 6 months ago; no matter the catasrophe, this aquarius constellation will always remember how happy you made it, & will always love you for that.

When all around are swords I cannot weep
Some Latin junk rebounds within my skull
Azure in day so bright until night falls
A slice of sky descends into the deep
And for what faith is left that humans keep?
Mercy divine cannot these questions lull
One stroke of blood henceforth sharp wits are dulled
Through knives alone no peace can e’er we reap
Still we must travel on without the light
And solace find with those who’re just as blind
Murders of crows may flock around us too
The wind from them lifting us up to flight
Between the ground and air we’ll move quite fine
We drop the weight of texts; I soar with you

you don't know someone
not truly
not even your best friend.
you think you do but you don't.
you think they tell you everything,
because you tell them everything,
but they don't.
you read the words of the poems they spew out at 3 am
and you're left wondering what brought about those words.
you want to hold them
and ask them about those words of
depression
anxiety
sadness
suicide
distrust
but you know they wont tell you.
you want to make sure they know you love them
and they are dear to you
but you don't know how.
today i learned i don't truly know my best friend
after reading her words
but how can i make her trust me enough to open up to me?
how can you know someone?