there's a gap
inside of me
that couldn't be filled

I went
walking down every streets
watching people's footsteps
trying to find
which rhythm
that I could dance to
without tripping down

I watch
the purple sky before sunrise
and the orange glimmer before nightfall
trying to understand
which moment
that I could amend myself
at least for a smile

but no matter how far
this feet has brought me
no matter how much
time has been wasted

this tiring journey
has never succeed
in finding
the right piece
to fill the gap.

Maybe I should give up?
Maybe I should stop?
Maybe I should let go?
Or maybe its just a small hiccup?

I see things I worry about,
Or at least I think I should,
But who knows what will happen
Anything could.

So do I sit here and worry?
Sit here in fear?
Or get over it?
letting the chance of pain draw near.

Of course I'm afraid,
Who wouldn't be?
he thought of losing a loved one
It doesn't frighten only me.

So I guess I should figure it out,
one way or the other,
But I hope my fears are wrong,
Because I don't want to lose another...

Pain.*
Everywhere.*
In my head,
And in my heart.
Exploding against my consciousness,
It ***** the energy out of me,
As I sob and cry,
As I draw out my knife,
Prepared to die.
I would do anything,
Just to end my pain.
This misery,
This torture,
It kills me,
Inside and out.
It's time to end,
The pain I hid well.
So I'm going back home,
Back home to hell.

There are wars that still go on
Battles not yet over.
And though you may not see,
Everyday gets colder

Fighting all these demons
I buried deep inside
Yearning to escape me,
Forcing me to hide

No one really knows
The thoughts that fill my head
Because I choose not to show them,
I put a fake smile on instead.

My friends all think they know me
But none of them  really do
So I turn to pen and paper
In hopes it will get me through

I'm weary and I'm tired
From all the fighting done.
When all I want to do is just
Stop, get up and run.

But still my war goes on
My battle is not yet over.
And you probably may not see it
My everyday gets colder

-V

I'm tired of feeling, bring back the
      numbness.
I'm fine, I promise.
Where do I put all these feelings when
     they overload my brain?
I've become one of those roadside
     ditches meant to catch the overflow
     of rain, except I'm flooded over.
I'm not okay.
I know how to seize control again
     though, with a stroke here and a
     stroke there.
I'm fine, I swear.
Don't worry baby, I've got this nifty
     little way of coping,
     it makes it all better.
I'm fine.  I'm fine.
I'm not okay.