you always asked me
why i sleep so much
but the truth is i don't
get more than a few
hours of sleep
i lay awake all night
waiting for someone
to notice i'm alone and
i'm scared and i can't
seem to find a reason
to live
i wanted you to notice
i was dropping hints
i was leaving clues
i was waiting

Im sick

I have been
for a long time
My stomach
Has never felt right

My mind
has never settled
My nerves
Always jumbled

In sore heaps
My bones lie dry
Beneath a tarp
Of scarred skin

Maybe sick is
the wrong word

Im wrong

Everything about me
Falls into the wrong place
Nothing matches up
On my disorganized face

Im physically uncomfortable
In my own skin
I want to rip it off
And regrow it again

Maybe the problem
Is in who ive made myself
Maybe i dislike
What ive portraited to everyone else

So maybe i should try
And take apart my mind
And regrow my very being
From my center. From inside.

The monsters no longer live under my bed
They've made their home inside my head

They scream and shout through the night
When I'm alone and out of sight

They scratch and tear at my skin
It's not a battle I'm sure I'll win

I need them out or I'll go insane
They just can't get out of my brain

I'm losing my head
I wish that they has just stayed under the bed

They whisper things I don't want to hear
They tell me that my end is near

But oh my darling can't you see
That now the only monster here is me

He and she;
they were love if they were anything.
High school sweethearts; but no typical thing.
You see; he loved her with every fiber of his being,
he loved her with such a passion you couldn't imagine.
He'd bear the weight of the world for her,
and wouldn't waiver even when his feet began to sink into the stars.
But you see;
she, she had walls and bars.
She wanted to love him;
because she saw the light in his eyes,
illuminating his very being.
Bright but blinding, was what he wasn't seeing.
Then He and she soon became three.
She was lost  in an onslaught of stress;
One night she decided to confess:
"I'm not sure if this is real; if this is me.
I need time away, time to be free."
With a sigh and a kiss;
he took the boy and let her be.
When he returned; she was there, her soul was free...
from the body left hanging in the willow tree.

I won't allow you
To question me
On old, broken mirrors
And old, shattered dreams
I won't let you see me
Based solely
On what the world did to me
Through the eyes of self-pity
So to answer your questions
Yes, I'm doing just fine
With all that has happened
I found a way to survive
Not by myself though,
I can't stand here and lie
I had some extra help
Something divine

the train tracks are empty. I don't know how often one comes. I'd like to say that I've been holding myself together with twine and bits of soil and concrete. I'm barefoot and I've found an array of glass bottles littered over the edges of the track.
All I need is a little warmth which is odd considering it's in the middle of summer and the scorching rays are burning my skin. Everything else seems illegible compared to your eyes and nothing looks real anymore.
I want you to know that when a train comes barreling through these tracks, I will face it with as much faith as I can bear.
I once promised you that I would try and I am trying but I can't cough out the words lodged in my throat because, I think, I've kept them there for too long now. I did promise you that I would try but does it really matter all that much now?
I can hear the train coming - this looks like a nice spot to settle.
I'm sorry I'm not strong enough to do this on my own. I'm sorry that I'm not strong enough to look past the lost tenderness that used to grace your eyes.
It's ridiculous really, because I haven't met you yet and there's still an ache in my chestfrom when you left.
I don't know how to do this without you. I don't know how to use the memories of your lack of existence to help myself move from this spot.
I can see the lights approaching.
Please understand. Please understand that I had to do this. Please understand that I had to do this for the sake of my sanity and I can't imagine moving away from these train tracks just to wake up tomorrow to remember that I do not know what it feels like to have loved and be loved by the ghost of you.
Please, I beg of you, forgive me for my past transgressions and forgive me for not being able to quell the pain of never knowing you.
I can hear it now. I can hear the pistons and the rumble of the tracks.
I'll take my leave.
And maybe, if I'm lucky, you'll never realize I was here in the first place.

I'm
Sick
Inside &
I
Guess
I
Don't
Really
Mind

Like the sound of a chorus
My cries
You can hear the sound of my sighs
Rise
As you grip my thighs
My chest falls right into you
I tried
But it was no use
This insatiable hunger
Like the tightening of a noose
My lust unbearably true
To say that I do
Not wish for your touch
Lies
It's the end of my life
Your eyes, they shine
When they look in mine.
I crave for your kisses
And this raging fire inside
Burns hotter than the sun
To say that I am done
With you
Untrue
This is it
Addicted to the high
Of my sweet, sweet
Demise.