I'm so far inside myself
Starting to feel like someone else
Getting lost in the dreams
Of the girl in mirror
That I can no longer see
She's beginning to scare me
And it seems like my mind
Is her favorite flavor of coffee
She drinks up my thoughts
And gets a rush of energy
All I can feel for her is envy
Yet, she's supposed to be inspiring
And me? I'm practically dying
Just waiting for the mood to strike
Finding the right music to surround me
It's tiring and
I've been living life so patiently
Feeling like
It's starting to get to me
Breaking the mirror inside my eyes
Does nothing
Neither does smoking out my mind
She just seems to soak it all in
Breathing in the fumes of my coffee
Giving me nothing but an empty space
And my face
Is just her face, minus the evil grin
I can't even begin
My muse is addicted
Trying to get her on the mend
Find the fix she needs
So this beginning
Doesn't start with the end

Will you watch me as I soar,
Stare into space as I disappear?
Will you love my memory,
After I'm no longer here?
Will you sketch an image into time,
And frame it on your wall?
When I finally fade away,
Will you catch me as I fall?
Is it too much to ask,
For you to float by my side?
Can you never let me go,
And if you fail, will you still try?
Can you take me higher,
Than just an endless journey?
Can you take me higher,
Than what you've already done for me?

In the middle of a dead field
Nowhere to be
Yellow mountains and narrow dirt roads
Surround me
Thoughts of you keep me moving
I'd follow you with bare feet
Across California until my hands find yours again
You are the half that completes me.
Free to make a choice
Free to give my heart away
No matter how far you go,
To you I will always find a way.

I feel my brain has disconnected from my body.
Every scentence I say, I regret. I am my
Worst
Critic.

I'm watching my life through
A window, my fingers balled up
Against the glass as I watch
Minuted hours and days pass.

I wish I could slip back into my
Body, but my hands feel like
I'm wearing gloves all the time.

Is this depression?

I sleep for 13 hours straight
Then don't sleep for almost 24.
My body is lost without my mind.

Is this depression?

I **** down cigarettes
Every **** day.
I hardly eat.
I can't remember my last meal.

Is this depression?

I cut myself to see if I could feel it.
I cannot feel it.
But its summer, and its ugly.
I don't like the way it heals.
I just like the way it bleeds.

Is this depression?

Pain is a cloud of fog that's constantly following me, shadowing over my existence and the rain is steady pouring faster with each strike to my heart and every rumble in my soul.

Love is the shelter protecting me from the storm of heartaches that keep building and raging through the nights and with his arms around me, I'm in the safest place I know.

i don't really know how to say this.
but i really want to sleep with you.
sleep with you like wait until you least expect it
and kiss you like a gunshot
quick but everlasting
i want to wrap my legs around you
and learn every inch of you in that way that i've wanted to
for so log
i want to tangle my fingers in your hair
and breathe kisses down your neck
i want to watch you come undone
and feel your heart beat return to normal

and i don't really know how to say this
but i really want to sleep with you.
sleep with you like run up the stairs
and flop down on your bed
i want to lay my head on your chest
and let a wave of sleep crash over us
until i wake up with your arms around me
and your raspy voice in my ear

so i don't really know how to say this,
but i really want to sleep with you.
i don't love you or anything
but i really want to sleep with you.

When I was young my mother told me a story of a woman who was eaten by the earth. She was hanging her wash to dry, and was swallowed by a sinkhole. Now that I’m older I’m not sure if it was true, but I think I know the feeling.

There I was,
wearing the earth
strapped to my back
worrying
about the enormity
of it all
the infinitesimally
small

And there you were,
back pressed to grass
connecting the dots.

Those days, when the ache stuffed away under the laughs and small talk, smiles and cheerful chatter, starts to surface and you beg for it to go away, but that tightening in your throat seems to get stronger..constricting your breathing..sending your mind into a whirlwind and everything around you feels shaky.
Those days..
I know you can relate, if you couldn't, that first paragraph wouldn't have swallowed you whole when you read it.
Your heart feels so worn thin, that any small daily mishap brings you to tears.
Crying it out, until your emptied of the lull of life's pains, letting the salt just pour from your eyes and gush..let it well and burst as many times as need be..fall into the emotion until you force your heart to heal.
Pray...utter those words as if it were your last chance at taking another breath..drown out the forceful negativity that seems to devour you whole..allowing the love to suture you back together again and even though broken, so beautifully stitched and woven from purposeful pain and sleepless nights..paths that seemed to have no end and lives seemingly torn apart.
There's truth to the statement: Time heals all wounds.
After every eruption of the heart and continuous attempts to piece it back together..
The heart is formed again, just taking another shape .