how long can I keep saying
"everything is fine, everything will be okay"
before I start to crumble,
before I finally break...
how long can I fake a smile,
how long can I fake happiness
before I start to crumble
before I fall to pieces
how long will I suffer
how long will I cry
before I end it all
before I finally die

he loves me...
he says beautiful words
he tells beautiful stories
he looks at me with adoration,
or
at least
it seems that way...
he loves me not...
he doesn't always remember me
he doesn't always acknowledge me
he doesn't always keep his promises
yet
it seems like
he loves me...
because his bright smile shines when he sees me
because his eyes shimmer when he sees me
because he told me he loves me
but
words
don't mean anything
right?
he loves me not...
because he hurt me
because he scarred me
because he told me he hates me
yet
words
don't mean anything
right?

there is something in my head,
something deep inside me,
living off my happiness and
expelling all my conscienceness

this thing inside my head,
the thing that's deep within,
whispers things to me and
tells me who to be

the thing inside my head,
the thing that's deep within,
is poison slowly killing me and
only death can save me

demons in my head,
demons deep within,
demons come to **** me and
only death can free me

Together we stand around the fire,
the warmth from the flames fuels my anger...

and that's okay,
it's cathartic.

I feed the flames to watch them grow and rise high above me.
I can feel the warmth devour my skin...

and it's okay,
it's cathartic.

and as the fire flickers and wanders,
I begin to wonder...

if all these memories really must go?
maybe I'll set them ablaze until only ash remains...

but how would He feel?

but I begin to wonder as the fire flickers and wanders...

if all this love really must go...
maybe I'll let my shattered heart melt...

but how would He feel?

and as the fire flickers and wanders,
I begin to wonder how this empty and adverse lover must burn...

as the flames flicker and glow,
inviting and enticing...

He would say no...

so into the fire I go.

as I feel the warmth on my skin,
I can begin to smile...

as I burn alone, leaving my memories and my heart break behind...

the flames begin to die, and my life is reduced to ashes...

it is cathartic.

but not for Him.

I'm like a penny,

just a small worthless penny.

you wouldn't pick up a ***** penny off the street-

so why would you help me up off my feet?

and just like a penny-

you'll say "oh, keep it, it's just a penny,"

and you'll forget about it, you probably won't need it,

because a penny lost means nothing to you...

and just like a penny, so I must mean nothing to you.


but even the gathered pennies could amount to something.

but me?
i'm just one penny
and i can't amount to much.


I'm just one penny,

and when you see me as that little penny

and you say "oh get over it, it's not a big deal".


then you play heads or tails and life and death are at stake

and I am that penny
who is tails up and buried six feet under ground;
forgotten.
overlooked.
ignored.
worthless.