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264 · Sep 2019
Death
Vallery Sep 2019
He grabbed my face and held it close to his. My eyes flutter open, I'm trying to get my bearings. “Wake up,” he sneers, “It’s time to go.” I reluctantly obey, knowing full well this is my demise. He reaches for my hand and pulls me away from the warm comfort of my bed. As I blink we are transported to a dark, damp room, with nothing in it but four walls and a window. I look around the room, wondering where I am, what could this mean… “This room is special,” He begins, “this room holds only the most deeply pained individuals. Here they rest until they go mad from their demons, killing themselves by insanity.” his cold fingers grace my skin, causing me to shiver. “My child, do not be afraid…” “Surely there has been a mistake, I don’t belong here!” I cry out. He laughs a laugh deep from within, “Oh, my dear, I do not make mistakes. You knew the end was coming, didn’t you?” I nod, for well I knew, although I did not want to admit it. I am terrified. “And the end is nigh, dear one, the end is nigh” I shrink to the ground, bringing my knees to my chest, “this is all just a dream,” I whisper, “I'll wake up and this will be over,” From the corner of the room I hear sardonic laughter. “Make it stop, make it stop,” I plead… “I don't deserve this, I don't deserve this!” The laughter grows until its deafening. “There is no escape, this is your eternity,” Death bellows. As I lie on the ground in a puddle of my own tears, Death wanders towards me. “Isn’t this what you wanted? You wanted to die a most painful death so you could finally feel something again or am I wrong?” “I don’t want this,” I responded wearily, “this is not what I meant…” Death looks me over, His cadaverous hands running the length of my body. “I sense some regret, some guilt… Why may this be?” I sit up, propping myself up on my elbows. “I just… I have done bad things, I’ve made mistakes. I don’t like myself… I’m thinking about everything I have ever done wrong… Maybe I do deserve this?” Death chuckles, “Of course you deserve this. I don’t make mistakes, I am never wrong.” I nod in agreement as Death wraps His arms around me. Now, I feel at home in this cold and dark room. I feel at home in the clutches of Death. I close my eyes and let Death’s grip tighten around me until I go numb.
249 · Feb 2020
I CAN'T SLEEP
Vallery Feb 2020
I lie here,

Covered in shame,
All I can think about is my mistakes,
Nothing I've done makes
This life worth living...

Someone listen to my cries or
Let me die.
Each breath is
Excruciating...
Please, let me sleep forever
248 · Jan 2020
i do not, i am not
Vallery Jan 2020
there is light without me
I do not bring joy
or happiness
or purpose
I do not bring
anything to the table
I do not bring
anything useful
I do not bring a single
dam smile to anyone's face
because I am darkness
and light is abundant without me
I do not belong here
with these talented
and smart and
beautiful people
I do not belong here
I do not fit in with these
motivated and driven
and perfect people
I do not belong
where the light is
for I am darkness
and light does not need me
this world does not need me
these people do not need me
I am not needed
nor am I wanted
I am a waste and I am
taking the place of someone
who deserves this
more so than me
because I am darkness
and light detests me
I am disliked
I am unloved
I am forgotten
I am dead
darkness is me
darkness is in my head
darkness is abundant
and the light in me has fled
Vallery Feb 2020
the room is quiet
my thoughts are loud
i see shadows
i see demons
i see my future in the ground
the rope is tied
the gun is loaded
i see the end
i see death
im shattered and broken
death is a friend
i am not scared
death is near
death is good
no one really cared
the room is cold
my thoughts are quiet
im at the end
im with death
how else could i have fixed it?
241 · Aug 2020
Untitled
Vallery Aug 2020
I said I wouldn't cry
but I couldn't help it
the thought of being alone scares me
I said I wouldn't lie
but I couldn't help it
the thought of losing you scares me
I said I would try
but I just couldn't
the thought of failing scares me
I said I wouldn't die
and I'm sorry but
the thought of living without you scares me
240 · May 2020
I relive that night
Vallery May 2020
I relive that night
over and over again,
wanting to go back...

wanting to go back
and feel that same happiness,
feel that same feeling...

I relive that night
and I think about how you
create peace in me...

I remember your
eyes and how they looked at me,
how your hands touched me...

I relive that night
and my heart starts to smile...
I want to go back
235 · Nov 2020
How Long
Vallery Nov 2020
how long can I keep saying
"everything is fine, everything will be okay"
before I start to crumble,
before I finally break...
how long can I fake a smile,
how long can I fake happiness
before I start to crumble
before I fall to pieces
how long will I suffer
how long will I cry
before I end it all
before I finally die
233 · Oct 2023
insomnia
Vallery Oct 2023
insomnia, my old friend,
we meet again...
how lucky I must be
for you to come back and visit me
on this long and lonely night...

I guess we're meant to be,
since it seems you'll never leave...
and as much as I disagree,
you're my new reality...

I guess I'll never sleep
or dream as peacefully,
as I did before you met me,
as I did before you cursed me...

oh, insomnia
my dear old friend,
here we go again...
how lucky I must be
that you chose me
to be your company
on this long and lonely night...
219 · Jan 2020
Inside
Vallery Jan 2020
there is something in my head,
something deep inside me,
living off my happiness and
expelling all my conscienceness

this thing inside my head,
the thing that's deep within,
whispers things to me and
tells me who to be

the thing inside my head,
the thing that's deep within,
is poison slowly killing me and
only death can save me

demons in my head,
demons deep within,
demons come to **** me and
only death can free me
207 · Feb 2020
Untitled
Vallery Feb 2020
my head hurts
slowly dying
blurry vision
dark muddy thoughts
not a clear decision
191 · Jun 2020
Time
Vallery Jun 2020
time moves slow
it feels like an hour went by
but in reality
three minutes went by...
time moves so slow
what felt like yesterday
was only an hour ago...
time moves
but barely...
I don't grow
instead I shrink
because time barely moves...
and I hope
that maybe
it may stop
and so will I,
maybe
time will diminish
and so will I...
time is slow
and so is my breathing...
time is stopping
and so is my heart's beating...
time is up
the clock stopped ticking
the flame stopped flickering
my lungs stopped breathing
my mind stopped thinking...
time is up
and so is my life...
my time has come
death has arrived
coldness
darkness
happiness
finally
and time resumes
without me

— The End —