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stillhuman Feb 2021
Love hurts
And that's an understatement
Cause it hurts when i worry
It hurts when i care
When i can't see you smile

I can't see you smile

I haven't in a while
It hurts to not see you smile
stillhuman Feb 2021
In your big warm hands
and in the smell of cigarettes
and that cologne you wear
that clings to the nice suits
that seldom touch your skin

I find that here
there is only safety
and the crushing guilt
that has always forced
my head down
and my shoulders to curve
on myself to hide
just how many scars
are visible on my face
-I find it gone,
suppressed,
blinded,
by your light
and your warmth
and I forget
its taste in my words
and its shameful existence
in my core
And I only care to be
embraced and devote myself
to you
Maybe you didn't put the sun in the sky but we could enjoy it together while it lasts
stillhuman Feb 2021
Spring opens up
something more
than the sunlight
through my heavy curtains
It creates new life
where there used to be ash

And that's what we do
getting rid of the old
to welcome the new

And we make do,
with every intake of breath
just for our lungs to have felt
more than rusty and dusty
old anxieties and panic and hurt
and to feel the new air
we grant ourselves

Because life doesn't end in winter
'cause humans persist
against the cold sharp glass of pain
just to see with their eyes
all the goodness and the warmth
and the happiness and the people
that we love and embrace with our souls
reconnecting and recognizing
ourselves in them
stillhuman Jan 2021
It burns
My chest
My eyes
My face
With shame

The tears
Were meant to heal
But instead they broke,
Caused me to choke

It was meant to be fine
Shouldn'tve dismissed the signs
Signs of you not being mine
And having me in your mind

Doesn't matter each way
Dismissed my feelings in the ashtray
Put them all where
They won't see another day

I miss companiable hugs
Instead of mental drugs

I don't need no rush
No guilt or shame
For loving who you are
And hating you the same
It kind of feels like eternity when I'm with you
stillhuman Jan 2021
My eyes sting.
Today is one of those days
where my voice trembles
my hands are sweaty
and cold
and while I stay quiet
my mind is yelling at me,
the sound of static
makes it hard to answer
people's questions
and I tumble on my words
heavy step by heavy step
in this conversation
and a voice says
"You're pathetic".
It sounds familiar
It is mine afterall,
but it's not angry
It's sad
humiliated
tired
and for some reason
scared.
stillhuman Jan 2021
I love life
in all its uglyness
and all its beauty
I love people
so complex
and imperfect
and true
I love the world
with all that it has to offer
all that we've created
And Nature
for always being there
for feeling like home
I love
And love
And love
And one day I'm sure
I'll even love myself
It's just a feeling I can't explain. That one that takes your breath away for a second and you're smiling so much but your eyes want to cry because you're just so happy you get to be alive
stillhuman Jan 2021
Today I hate you.
My blood boils thinking
of all the times you burnt me
with your words
your indifference
your disrespect
My hands get cold
with nervousness waiting
for a fight to break out
My eyes water
with shame
Because I remember
how you don't take responsability
how you put the blame on me
how we have always argued
how you demean my worth and feelings
how you shaped my reactions
my instincts
my image
to something I never wanted to be.
So, today I hate you.
Today I can't bring myself to forget.
We have nothing left to do
but wait for tomorrow.
I guess love is more complicated than just "yes" or "no".
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