four eggshell walls
a square footage so small
jesus christ, i pay for this?
it nearly works the tears out of me
wringing out the sweat
on the daily
worst of all
it's all i can afford
i'm going crazy

Many armed & many mighty,
A congregation of heads
Taking countless different faces.
As like the nine-tailed fox
Or the regenerative hydra,
Like a whisper from a daimon or seraph.
What an elusive cast overseeing this dominion,
In & out there, everywhere.
Those related to physics,
As like inertia & momentum.
To width & to volume.
Time & energy.
The biological & inert systems.
In the scatterings & distributions
And in the combinations & coalescences,
The raindrop to the puddle.
Islands among the sea,
All with some pulse or vibration
And a resonate frequency.
The chain-reactions at lengths which,
By our perspective,
Span seemingly in excession of infinity.
We are flickering candles
Cursed to decipher dripping wax,
Tracking the days of oil left.
We are pollen to by used by the colony
To construct & fortify the hive,
To feed the young.
Who are we to pick the flower
Thinking it will make us blossom?
To eat of the peach, to pick the apple,
But discard the seed
And rob another's potential?
To burn the bush & brush,
Drain the wetlands,
And sow devastation.
Eviction of the natives off their land
After the destruction of their homes.
What is man not, if not an animal?
What is a man, if not an animal?
What then is an animal if there is not some thought which bares resemblance to such a concept?
And if so; since we are made up of that which is organic in nature,
Metallic, and mineral-
It is not outside the realm of possibility
That other such forms of matter
Could indeed be capable.
Without the pretext of plausibility;
Like Eudoxus, in the disparity between
Correctly framing concentric spheres
And mistakenly claiming geocentricism.
It's a big world we know of
And a much larger universe.
Do plants scream
At the pain of a leaf torn?
Do trees look after their neighbors?
Likewise then, there is such constraint,
As like a straight jacket,
In that total adherence
To thought subjugated to concept
Looking for definition & context
Without daring inference or experimentation.
We'll get some things accurate
Even if there are missteps or failures,
But it's imperative we recognize them.
Thumbing around the galaxies
Searching for an answer
To the question of purpose,
But you're right where you stand.
I'm not sure how this started,
Exactly how this began,
And my memory of the journey
Is like that of the end.
If I were a captain,
If I were a white whale.
Cut the nets,
Ditch the harpoons,
Raise anchor,
Break sail.
If I were master,
If I moved to Bremen.
I'd scratch with claws,
Bare teeth & bite,
Kick with hoove,
Give chase & crow.

Were it that I could remember.

There is some in-between
Which I do not post 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦.

But I digress.

You all who are mortal,
You who reincarnate.

You have had your eclipses;
You, the reincarnations.
Wandering the dunes of Time;
Life, as new desert(s) valleys,
Which forgets (,) before itself.

This is bad health,
Good is remembrance.

Erase not the hills before you
If you seek the freedom & liberation
That awaits you on the Mountain.

Will you welcome & accept new Sun?

Do you need a sunset?
You who cry & ache to go on,
But refuse compassion & patience.
I who can zap & short-circuit,
I who can bring forth the meteors & comets,
I who can churn the molten oceans of Electric.

Who can call upon the Ripples, the Radiations, the Crystallizations.

I who have kept you at start; now,
At is.

Blackheart by the bed,
Blackheart next to me.
Lying here with you

the ugliness of humanity,
that is the face of humanity.
stare that ****** dead in the eye
if he ain't sweatin'
he's gunnin' for you and I

When one withholds their perspective,
This is the most sour grape.
That is like wine gone bad,
Caustic & acidic.
Destructive to the natural flow
Of the great amphoras.

was it hardened amber
encasing an extinct flower
another blunder from another man
time and time again

pompeii
not a care in the world
then yours ends suddenly
and preventative measures could've been taken
if you knew them,
but you know ash
and ebony sky
and obsidian nights
like city streets
cold and unnerving

being begets being
bringing suffering
surrendering
a tearing of the flesh
wailing

because the air is cold

If it sounds crazy,
Then it is.
If it rings of sanity;
Their words are of
Another's, only rearranged.
If it's hard to understand,
Then I guess it's not worth knowing.
Pretty strange then, so many
Prestigious people agree.
So, who's crazy -
You or I?

What's lazy?
People who take things at one glance of an eye

I'm asking a question,
Yet, I already have an answer-
What is the purpose?
That the question isn't rhetorical
And that I seek your honest opinion,
Is it not to broaden my view?
In time, horizons expand
If the increments are spent
With the goal of understanding-
Otherwise, it doesn't mean a ****
And we're cursed to repeat again
That which we have already gone through.

You wear the chain around your neck,
And it reminds me much of Cain-
Cursed to wander the Earth.
That mark of the beast
Which celebrates human sacrifice,
Still better than the star.

Winter child,
Drink the drink your mothers made.
Eat the bread your fathers gave; and
Step, one foot already in,
To an early grave.

Nihilism, because I
Have no option but
To feel. What
Comes from
Broken relations & perspectives
But seeing clear? When
Glass cracks
Do you grab a mirror?
Or do you only forsake
Warm love turned cold?
Do you line with gold
And rebuild what breaks,
Or only grieve the remains?

Relationships are *******
I want to burn every bridge I have,
Leave nothing but carcasses.
I have nothing left to give

he needs me
she hears herself say aloud
but will he be there for you in your days old
when grey hairs have cropped up on that crown of gold
does it make you proud
to have a lover so cold
he needs me
to keep from being bored
warding off the draft that is his frigid soul
doesn't being superwoman take it's toll
you give and you give and you give
but it ain't your pony show
you're too busy working to live
to think, you're just the clown at the rodeo

Quiet attrition.
Unavoidable, sadness and contrition.
But for the end of the numb,
Who does not feel the same.
Where we go under, and succumb.
When at wit's end, and we are done.
The game grown stale, the race run.
One last fling, before we finish;
I hope this was fun.

Do I speak in cryptic ways,
Vague, and detached from
The normal? Do words lash out
In resemblances of diatribes
That drown out all else meaning?
It is not on purpose,
I read too much
Or, I've read.
Pandora's box opened,
Atop Babel's tower,
Clawing my way back up
Not to shut the lid
But change direction, orientation

this emptiness that gnaws at me
there are no words
like chalk lines on the blacktop
joy exists only momentarily
washed away by the rain
as i cry
my dead gaze
weighs heavily
on the mirror cracked
shards of my image
distorted as i am

word vomits
deluges of dialogue
the contents, like diarrhea
verbal pacing
filling the air
full of nonsense
far from
turiya

The maxim has come to mean:
Forgive me for my transgressions
But don't forget them-
I fought for what I have,
So what if you were the victim?

this is
someone else's dream
pictures of a dead sea
corpses strewn about me
living an eternity
subsiding
in irrelevancy

I cannot erase the past
at last,
it's clear,
even the blemishes add to its splendor

putting my **** hat on
****, cap
**** if I can't lie for long.
not being bashful,
I know I'm an *******;
a man can still be strong
and still be wrong?
go pick a daffodil

If decency demanded
A pound of your flesh
Would you grab a blade
And hock it off?
Laid on the scales in perpetuity,
The insignificant life does not even register a blip on radar
Yet we still cherish and protect it.
If your life came at a cost,
How many would need die before you were indebted?

I don't understand people
At this point, it just makes me laugh
All the self inflicted wounds
Deep cuts gouged
The headaches exhumed
Over matters long put to rest
Many a dead love resumed
How we go from next to last
Slow and fast
Anything but graceful
This solemn dance

What are the point to these words?
To anything of language?
For the same could be said
Of all of which we do;
For understanding,
For that is care.
That I want to hear,
To want to share,
That I wish I were there.
To express my love for you,
What that is my love for life.
That I lived & it was good.
What I think-
There were negatives,
But I developed my own pictures.

Father; I have slipped her,
I who was the only one
Whom her body could ever let her guard down around.
Your wife, my mother, has died.

I know you are in there,
Though your mind is yet blind.
I know you see & hear,
Watch & listen.

Forgive me.

For I know you are both of the divine.
It was her decision
That she was yet unable to make,
Having lived eons in instinct's subjugation.

I who am your son,
I shall shepherd you to liberation -
I shall break your chains.

I who am
Evolution.

If I stop to reflect on the horrors
They will consume me
I can only learn from them
And keep moving

The banality of only craving to capture,
Never to create.
Aperture into life behind the lens
The misery of the photographer
Is always being on the out
And only being a device when let in.
To be an archiver of the moment,
Truly embodying it in a single shot,
Is the greatest achievement;
For cameras can hope

At the end of my sword
Steps, and lurches toward
The plunge of the blade
Piercing skin

Facing the barrel
Crouching, sights narrowed
The sting of lead
Molten hot projectile

Baring the tide
Waves, focused on the mind
The nausea of lobotimization
Frying the insides

Looking to the sky
Machines, with precision strike
The destruction you know
Chucks of shrapnel

The terrors of war
Changing with time
Only grow more vicious,
And become more refined

Our greatest art
Will be the blank canvas
Nuclear annihilation
Has left behind

it was, first sight
and my heart was alight
my head was spent between pages
and lost in thoughts
leading a sad kind of celibate life
not that hands didn't reach out to hold
but their grip would feel loose
because only yours would be tight
wounds from abuse
stitches with a rusty needle
threading like barbed wire
i am bleeding
pulling them out
but i put them there
so i'll be alright
i've always been waiting
and feeling like a pathetic fool for it
so i just try to better myself
as i worsened

Tread the mental waters to
Find the cave
Of hope and desire,
Of just things that are fair
And still grow in shade.
Hidden away, unless
You are brave
And face yourself.

I don't understand people
running is easy to get though
one leg in front of the other
miles, kilometers
hell, they can take you around the globe
but have you traveled, you know
no matter how far
the problems join you
wherever you go

Sable & satin dreams
she's with me with eyes closed
but dissappears at the break of eve
at the brink of reprieve
you come back to me
every time,
what is it you seek

it's alright to hate me now
smile through the frown
friends at their ends
waking each day, selecting a new face
hide the clown
which jester wears the crown
there's supposed to be one with a belt
head held high
probably be easier if either of you felt
it's all just lies
was i of some use to you
i want to die
reflections of me on my phone
looking down

a lot of times
i feel i need to prove myself
constantly trying to
improve myself
and lose myself
in pursuing
maybe i need
more focus on my health

i can do it

no, i care
but i have to end this
and thoughts of you
because
it's not a love you wish to pursue

You fear what you do,
Happening to you,
But do it the same.

I say I need space
You throw it in my face
And show me we'll never speak again

I will always love you

and it wanes
because I am not giving all of myself
when you will not

When the rains fall away,
We move on with things and
Think nothing of the water which percolates
Seeping into the water table
No thought as it saturates
As cycles repeat
And liquid evaporates, condensates,
And it falls once more;
When rains end

i remember
you blowing me off
and acting as if nothing happened
and then not talking for a week
and acting like nothing happened

Son; As I speak now,
With this voice -
This is liberation.
I have freed my mind,
But for whatever reason
My body is unwilling to follow.
My movements are rote & mechanical;
I am without control.
In this way,
I am one with Nature.
Kept in kinship with the other wild animals.
My movements are not my own,
Directed by instinct & by the forces that govern.

You who are the greatest gift
Which Futures could bestow,
You who your ancestor smiles upon;
The triumph of all our ancestors.
You whose presence is the present.
Whose present is presence;
Free-will,
Self-awareness.

Consciousness;
True cognizance,
Harmonious cognition.

The best.

You who must go with your father,
Who has freed his body but not his mind.
He will liberate it
If he is as compassionate & patient as you have yourself proven.

Please. For I like the other animals
Am still a slave to myself.
Please, end my life
In this way I live it.

I, your loving mother & his royal wife,
Ask you to dream of me -
To hope with me,
This will keep you close to me.

Forget me not,
Untie the knot(s) -
See to it
That all break their binds.

For the love that freed my mind,
Which my body cannot find,
Carry on. Look after my husband,
Time.

i'll do the duties
due to the son
but don't expect me to like you father
when you're bitter and mean
and ignorant, unwilling to learn
when you pride yourself in your superficiality
treating me like **** you stepped in
keep it up
we'll see who's around
in the twilight of your life

central park
midnight
can't stand
to be in others' sight

if i could do a thing for you
name it
if you have a price
i'll pay it
there ain't a thing too far flung
even give you the strings i strung
you just have to say it

little trees
and water running over
swollen streams
broken dreams
splintered from reality

should they have remained
contained in this head
this infatuation
dirt colored eyes
but tombstone shy

why

you'll take advantage
till the creekbed dries
crushing roses in your hand
and they would've wilted away
anyway,  you think you're so much bigger
I've got news for you
you can barely measure up
to the men next to you
you cut a small figure
and every time you open that mouth
all respect for you just dives south
***** no-good stinker

Mixing quantum theory & theology
To drive deeper, points of philosophy
That otherwise are lost
If, today, they come across
As too simplistic

Mixing my life & history with antiquity
Because so much of what is happening are
Trapped in patterns and sequences, being repeated
And to give life more interest and meaning

i am too
prone to neuroticism
indecision
and using others
for gratification
at this point
i curb them
if i can

Alone in the wind,
Blowing me once again,
Someplace, far off from here.
Better to live admist, breeze and mist,
In the clouds, awaiting a writ
To come on down, from a supposed higher power
Than labor on the wager
That things get better.