Infanticide,
More honorable these days than patricide;
And no one sees the irony.
Convince me why
I should care for your life?
And do it without words

i am too
prone to neuroticism
indecision
and using others
for gratification
at this point
i curb them
if i can

i am ready to move on
and let
bygones be bygones
is it abandonment you want
or are afraid of
i honestly ask
is me leaving
what you want
i don't know
i know nothing
just friends?
it's constant communication
which i love
and anger can't stand
if it's on your end
so straighten your twisted wires
and listen to me talk
ad nauseam
are you okay?
no
i'll just ignore it

i am sorry
i'm not mature enough
to appreciate your situation
and you are too immature
to get out of it
both still kids,
who feel too strongly,
with longing

i am so lonely

cronies spit on meritocracy
hucksters love the aristocracy
and grifters don't care
so long as things go their way
another check, another day
if you got them greenbacks
you get a say
otherwise, zip your lips
and walk away

bloodshot eyes
and tell me why
when you cough and they well
it's the only time you cry

Quicker to bite the barrel,
Than pull the trigger.
The weight of life,
Sharper than the edge of a knife
But still lighter than the hammer.
The call of night, of ill light;
The difference between
Hellish damnation, and heavenly ascension.

Things unraveling, with no reason.
Hurt people, Hurt people;
Should I let this heart atrophy?
Or let misanthropy and apathy consume it?
Any naive notion disabused
Like love
Advantage, to you
All used

"Malodorous," Said from one with a stench.
And the bath was drawn
But the water was reflective,
So they chose only to stink
Rather than sink.
Their sin was antisense

i want this to stop

trying to break out
of this **** class
these tiny pigeon holes
I keep getting stuck in
I can get ****** in
to things I shouldn't
and when I look at my life
I ask myself
what to do with it

want to leave
let me breathe
but i don't
it's contradicting,
it just won't,
for sure
the cure
this flickering
spark, in my soul

into the cistern of your soul
casting petty judgements
not of a proper mind,
I think you're fine

Better men have fallen before,
By word alone. Take these
Phrases in utter that matter not
To action, what man can judge
He who does, when he does nothing?
Mark the words of youth still young.
Tell me, when I have aged,
Have my thoughts & views really changed?
Have I any measurable way, what would the depth gauge read?
On the core of my character - my values & beliefs?
Field the breadth of life, would there be anything left in me deep?
Will there only be cold hard surface,
With nothing underneath?

Pixilated war,
And out in the real fields
Insurgents rally against
Tin men and robotic dogs.
Death from above,
Artillery & first-person drones.
I sip an energy drink
In 60° AC Fahrenheit weather,
I don't stop to think
As to if orders deserve questions
And whether I would be satisfied with answers.
They don't have drafts,
We have programs & apps
To pilot steel fellas.
Suppress, eliminate, rescue,
Some of them even punch up the graphics.
Last week, I traipsed through
The inhospitable Arabian Desert,
Many decades ago rendered entirely uninhabitable,
To help diplomats involved in a helicopter crash.
The day after that,
I was in the snowy north
Fighting red droids.
And soon after,
On an island in the Pacific
Defending from adversarial users.
I must have died 10,000 times.
And from what I hear on the news
We make advances only to be set back,
And vice versa,
But it's been seventeen good years
Going back & forth.
I don't know if I can recall what we're fighting over.

he was much
like those before him
precarious of the future
loatheful of the present
and closing his eyes off to the past
but disconnection renders naught
and one might need to prime the mind
for deep and tender thought

put me on my knees
you know what I need
extinguish the air,  take my breath
and never an answer to any plead
salty streams, and crimson bleed
what do they mean?
when the happiest I can seem to aspire for
that hapless sleep
forgone relief
called death

I think I may
Have, I
Can Believe, I see.
I can
Be like you, if I
Alter my thinking

Might have
Just have,
Ought
To had done;
If you
Choose to be,
You can be
Anyone.

By god people, be anyone just
Do something, be
Someone;
Do something.

greased up
the batteries ready to loose
the bullets waiting to shoot
the jet plane fueled up
awaiting for use
the good men and women
in command
assured of their success
owed to the cunning of their plan
devious as they are
it's all worked so far
from europe, to asia, and sedan
is their nature insidious
or are funds more important than any one man?

you've nowhere to run
the thing you so hungrily sought
those lofty ideals that lead to this outcome
will be stabbed at
reverse engineered and understood
till they are gone

how does your judgement supercede your predecessors
do you profess to understand the pulleys
the intricate inner-workings
the mechanist and puller of the levers
better?

do you understand the precedent this sets
do you care
if it fractures the nation
and opens the door
to absolving older legislation
so short-sighted
it is thunder
singing lightning
a storm brewing
to shadow progress
and bring on devastation

does it come out wrong for you
it comes out wrong for me
but i try to take the time
to mend what i say
into what i mean
but you never did
so i stopped
and let it all jet
out long

Every word spoken
I can treasure like a token
But what price do you put to it
Are they Benjamins
Or do you toss me only Lincolns?

what if i were the deciding factor
between someone being helped or passed over
my conscience wouldn't allow it
i don't think it's my pride
cause i sure could use some help
i just won't be the one to take it from another

when the sun dwindles
I'm left with a hollow feeling
what's in healing
when I still hurt

moments from tonight
will be burned into my mind
hot iron brands on skin
and I don't know
how to feel alright
water filling the lungs in
what good would talking do
and walking is no use
stuck like a pin
I just want everyone to be alright
to be happy and have enough
battles you can't win

its funny, how little love there is there
despite their protesting
you're a source of a amusement;
its a pleasurable kind of pain
that leaves you wanting and drained
but pleasure and pain
all the same

Vanity, take your measurements -
Tailor me a suit to cover all character.
Take all discretion, only
As to whether I'm dressed pleasant
And wear a guise that's hygienic.
It's all very copacetic,
A couple of sweet words
More akin to syrup than cane;
Unnatural and fake.

Eyes wide, shut
Carnal knowledge of my fatal attraction.
The thoughts, graphic.
American beauty, in the mood for love,
Match point,
Jig, all up.

you're troubled
and i feel for you
and it pains to me to no end
there's no hope here to mend
so i'll just detach myself again
i'm merely something to keep your interest
in your boredom
is your life dull.
what sickness tooks this relationship, deformed from contortion
deprived of any soul

I may teach, but you must learn.
I learn, but not because I am
The Teacher.
Rather, because I am always willing to
Be a student.

Cannot speak as to what the future holds
yet still untold
but today, my fingers freeze
hands shake from the cold
and my back aches
begging to break
under each new load
good god they weren't lying
when they said
life is like
a long and winding road

you may not be
but i am giving up
cashing in
it's all been so much
i can't breathe
enough is enough
heavy
like scent of
rot

When thoughts coalesce with feeling,
Do not let intensity take you. Though,
Don't let the thought and feeling fleet-
Sit and temper it, in
The furnace of the heart &
The forge of the mind.
Until hardened resolve springs,
With method & motive derived.

Snow ablaze:
What, that is desire.
No fairer sight, than to gaze
Through rosey red shades-
But risk being burned alight,
By arrogance and ignorance,
These frictionless fires.
Like night calls to day,
Egress, say my name.
Empty, hollow flame;
Bleeding quagmire.
As if a game to play,
The one to laugh last takes all;
Omission recusing the liar.

Do bullys ever tire?
How is it
Some are men, but still just boys?
Truly, their fathers failed them
And mothers weened each too long.
Vice versa?
In the motive of their choices
It oftentimes reflects the outcome;
Failure they do not understand,
Sometimes mistaken for a resolution
And not just the consequences of their actions.

all is fair
is the quote shared
in love, and in war
but I ask
when they don the mask
how do you tell
heaven from hell
martyrs from a *****

tell me how
the thought alone
ain't killin' me right now
I guess I'm just glad I know
that life, up or down
is twenty times better
above ground

scrolling
past things that mean nothing
and do nothing
in the ways and means
of entertainment or pleasure
or even interest
and all food is gruel
tasteless, mealy gruel
i have meaning
i know myself
i know what i'm working toward
but what good does that do
for bills
for positions still out of my reach
simply by merit, or connection
competent, and true to a fault
smart?
i can't figure anyone else out though

you can't fix me
i wouldn't want you to anyway
being with you
spending time together
that's what i want
i wonder
about all the things you do
and how you fill your time
god i'm pathetic

elsewhere
serenity rules me
and joy, like the tides of the sea
wash over me
continuously, rolling
into magnificent crescendos
of bright beautiful light,
colors endowed to me,
elsewhere

An irrational person, in my position
Put through the things I have been,
Might harbor hate or resentment
For the fairer ***.
Thankfully,  I have a better mindset,
And only hate you all

It's so hard sometimes
To let go of someone
You never had

And then there's the instances
Those that you love are done
To tear down all you've built that's bad

Light fixtures can only short so much
Waning little more when you're no longer interested
Awnings leak so many liters, before they let through
Bottom feeders will take even the crumb

Eagles soar
Over broken day
And the cities are rubble
The fields are gray
Babes cry, mothers sway
The men have gone away
Rifles in their hands, boots on their feet
Off to some far flung land, in squads and fleets
In land, over sea, and through the air
At attention, every back and every tiny hair
For the coming tide
To wash you under

i love the hard women
and soft men
who've let themselves fill rolls
supposedly not intended for them

The type to go
To die, "before his time."
If there is such a thing.
Sunglasses inside,
Though I'm trailed in shade
And trapped within,
Nights that rule day.

Sleep like a pillow, no one there

In my heart, in my head

exactly
just like that
spot on

it was a spark
awaiting ignition
to blaze a flame

it was all out rebellion
strikes of interdiction
streaked across the nation

kesey, el chapo, canucks
a veritable shark tank
this northern continent
land of social deterioration