Dreamer do not worry
I am outside your door
keep yourself safe in darkness
until I come,
until I knock,
until I breach the doorway.

Cold touch, intrusive
the unforgiving nature
of human monsters
with appointment
a need born from convenience
numb from disconnection.

They deny you exist
yet I see you
through a glass darkly
still angelic in your design
This is not my choice
It is theirs.
Your body immaterial
It is theirs that matters.

Dissemble all
until only the soul remains
upset the altar
a child no more
puddled in yourself.

Take my hand,
You miracle
Darling spirit
I will return you home
let us journey to a sacred place.

Do not look back
as mother moves down the hall
where smiles are like cardboard
You, at such an age
have accomplished so much already
you have outgrown them all
as ignorance stays the same
and words echo against the wall---
Please come back again.

Have you forgiven me
I ask aloud
as I hold the knife
unlike you
it shines
just like you
it becomes personal
an object which will never apologize

It holds my gaze
and I hold my breath
it seeks to deepen our relationship
as it cuts once
then twice

I'll bleed you from me
I think privately
all that is love is
has a liquid flow
shaded red
as I extinguish me
with no friendly place
to rest my head.

A glint of scope
crosshairs,
then a life is gone
send me home
I miss my momma
and everything that is my home
you gave me a gun
taught me to hate
I tried to soldier on
but a bullet can't wait.

Not my soul
that I rip aside
not my form
nor bleeding hide
not my fault I was born
the two parents
I thought were mine
brought me to this world
and left me behind.

I'm reaching for my happy thoughts
But I'm only grabbing air
looking for that life time
with no one else to share
the more I start to wonder
the more I really care
how I was never here
and I was not all there.

Not promised life
yet take from it
assigned to a station
and not far to get
all ponderance is infinite
as human I remain
seeking joy
and clarity of life
beyond my early stain.

Fallen leaves
remind me of you
memories lost
descended and deep
free from a shady host
then collected in piles
returned to sleep
shown in colors
that stretch for miles.

What if the moon keeps rising
from ceiling to sky
will I try to stand up
despite it pushing me down
or give up
without further a try?

Courage is reaching
beyond the brokenness
to grasp something of great importance
that lies
just outside of understanding
and ignoring
the sharp bite of failure
choosing instead to hold it
with broken fingers bleeding,
all---
     the---
          more---
                   tightly.
Knowing,
that the true reward
was the struggle
the experience;
Amen.

Many times, I have fallen
Despite the sun
Too many, I surmise
Despite the rain
With each new breath
I am reborn
With each new day
I still remain.

The weight of thought falls on me
as life understands its gravity
such a small room I think
but such a big world I tell
which leaves me to wonder
as I stand upon the chair
are ghosts haunted by regret as well?
then by taking the rope
and pulling it taunt
I then decide
I'm not so sure
but time will soon tell.

Let us join hands
and signal the deity
with prayer, with bonfire
omnipresent being
the forever seerer
sadly, dispite all else
even with all our efforts
the universe still doesn't care we're here.

Do not misunderstand me
I am not in love
with your beauty
it is your brand
of ugly that interests me.

In my youth
the trees sung to me
their arms reached out kindly;
those giants who shaded me
from the brightness of the world
enabled me to later return
in the entrenched skin of a man
and at breaking day,
repay them harshly.

As the rusted teeth of the saw
bit deep into their bodies
I marveled at how their backs leaned
as they peered into final sky,
seeing only unfeeling blue
and not the caring green heads of neighbor.

My aged hands ached
from the effort and rotted task
of misdeed
and all too late,
did I remember that past smile
as arboretum became mausoleum;
now my gums bled freely
from my own hand's past neglect,
as I struggle to remind myself
that I was once born from the same soil.

This world is an ugly place
when it has shown its terrible face
after heaven's fall
I've heard the call
and I'll never go back again.

Just whisper my name
and it breaks across your lips
tongue in cheek
with a smile as fake as your soul.

Such elegant table manners
the lioness has shown again
as she wipes her ****** mouth
on the white cloth.

I suppose
to you
I've become
something of a joke
so pardon me
if my punchline is showing
avert your eyes.

When our eyes open for the first time
there is a reason we do not speak
no words to express
nor feelings explain
more of difference
but more of the same
yet the only truth
that is known by waking
this world that I see
I accept
I feel
will soon become the death of me.

Out of all the millions
it was me who reached the end
the walls were breached
and a person
yet to be, curled up dreaming.

Do not feel unworthy
and this reason alone will resonate
you fought against millions
never asking for conception
and here now you stand.

An army of white
filled with personality
pushing past
surging, searching in purpose
making the threat my existence.

At this stage there are only impulses, programming that breed
moving onward in the labyrinth
not truly knowing
but blindly going
against potential brethren.

Give me a spoon
cut me loose
we shall see
what holds more weight
my stature---
or my resolve.

Hey
I just wanted to say hello
I saw you sitting there
lost in a far off look
and wondered---
what was on your mind.

Hello,
fellow human
I tried once to connect with you
and failed to get your attention
once that electronic gaze met your own
You didn't notice my eyes or smile.

This commute is hard
No. Not the bus, or the train
The distance between us all
That keeps growing
The warning signs are all there
We're falling behind.

We don't see nature anymore
Content to replace it with our own
Habits pile up then consume us.

How much more can I own
Until I care
I can't carry it with me
when I'm called home one last time
what will be our legacy
Our children or our possessions

The monster of things
brought out the man in me
the boy that emerged as a man
from the trappings to be
and with all that I know now
it becomes a home I can never again see

Let my words burn and catch fire
to better reach you in the high tower
propel callous thinking to new heights
in order to teach the biased few.

Do not roughly misconstrue
the sacred meaning of life
since it is meant to be this
and not made wholly out of that.

We were born in a broke down palace
where purpose is disagreement
and forgiveness in all its charm
has become worth less than a fraction.

Four walls of a home
without architect
***** sides of a prison
with no shape of escape.

At first I resist
only after lengthy initiation
do I break upon the tiles
and finally accept the drywall.

Rage turns into mumbled mantra
shelter me, protect me
so I never know my true age.

In time---
you will become both:
my greatest strength and weakness
until my body leans the same way as you
broken planks of wood,
plaster covered with human sheen
As sacrilegious as a sweat stain---
against a polished gold frame.

My voice...
will fade from lack of use.

As one timid word becomes two
two forms a dependent relationship
that gives birth to premature three
and the shape of unhealthy four---
crafts the walls,
and erodes the decrepit foundation
of what I am now.

These horrible grinning things
Some how---
they know me.

They come closer to invade my space
without warning
with loaded handshake and contagious kiss

I have no camouflage
I'm a bird caked statue
I'm a deer paralyzed in the headlights.

Maybe---
like my gently rotting teeth
if I ignore them
eventually, they'll go away.

A waltz begins
and I bow low
to some unseen partner.

The wind picks up the music
and our bodies spin and twirl;
as the branches of the trees
snap its fingers in time.

The canopy of the heavens open above us
stars streak across the landscape
to highlight our forms,
and celebrate our silhouettes
as we glide past.

There is goodness inside
somewhere---
I know this to be true
my horns can hold up a halo,
and the light shines evenly on me too.

Urges can be suppressed
just as sins can be forgiven;
priests can be measured
like condemned sinners,
when hands are finally opened
and stained palms are turned upward.

Bless this life
Bless this mess
Give me distractions
So I'll forget the rest.

The bruises that adorn your skin
tell me why you don't let me in
that stare tells me what you've seen
from the perspective of a human being
although you avoided my gaze
and ignored my greeting too
the brokenness of me
reaches out for the brokenness in you.

Take me out to the middle
where the stillness always lies
out to the deep dark calm
and nothing answers back
bend my knees
bow my head
wait for revelation
sins as numerous as bubbles surface
and turn the water black.

I'm here
I shout
I am the one who made it
Out of millions
I stand singularly
Born from a mother and father
Determined to embrace
And now witness my presence
See my face.

Forever Vows:

I promise,
that I will keep loving you

until---
I hate you once again.

There's a joy
that resounds
in my soul that rings
a halo around Saturn
that blinds all when it is reflected.

I reach for it
the treasure
long since hidden
something I thought gone
Mourned when it was left behind

When I dig down
it shines
catches my eye again
it becomes the tableau
that gives me peace of mind

I know that
dawn comes
night holds a chill
as I remain steadfast in feeling
I understand I'll make it
No---
I KNOW that I will.

Nostalgia is what anchors me
gentle reminders of a more simple life
where the minutes drifted through
and I couldn't process time.
Now, I am overwhelmed
when youth has sheltered me
and blessings were so easily overlooked.

I was a son
born without protective shield
given a borrowed name
and no confidence to yield.

For years I loathed my own skin
no kind word did I find
your attention turned to someone else
and your eyes became blind.

I wish I could hate you
with your earthly presence gone
it is cavernous inside me now
between evening shade and dawn.

I still hold that fear
that buried thorn I didn't see
afraid that the product of you
might become the whole of me.

The day God became angry
His finger came down
narrowed and pointed at me
then separated the ground.

My lungs were pushed in
I struggled just to breathe
and after that avalanche
I have no choice--- I believe.

What more could you
possibly take from me?

I whispered into the darkness
and shivered as it answered back

Your years
it yawned oddly

loved ones
it grinned madly

and happiness
it laughed dryly

I shuddered and drew back
at hearing its replies
suddenly my world
turned black.

I hurled a freshly lit match
and saw its form ablaze

I finally found my own voice
and yelled
seeking to make the woods
come alive
with my own spark of madness.

I think---
I like---
you better
when you don't breathe.

Sitting at the table
across from me
phone in hand
more technology than human.

Leaving me
to feel enough for two
as I place my white napkin
over your face and walk away.

I am dead

Or perhaps---
I am not dead enough

Remember me once,
if memory is kind,
your small song bird.

Chorused stories that I once happily sung for you

Filling a house which made it a home

With my echoes of voice
that heightened ceilings, and breached the walls

And you answered back, encouraged me, with silence.

Your form merged into rigid countenance, face hidden behind the folded others.

 

My song--- was it enough to provide me with your love

Tell me please because I cannot hear you

Soil has no speakers, only the quiet ones with distilled tongues

And life shall be its only witness

 

Truly my hidden pain was your sordid gain

Has my late dowry increased your love for me

Dusty dollars of faded ghosts that once carried with them, morality

Sadly, there was never enough time, never enough to hold for ourselves

So the time has come for your voice

I’m so afraid of the darkness, my bed is hard and cold, where are all the comforts I once knew

I ask you please, begin--- there can be no shame when I am your only audience

Do not fail, the reach is too great in some other way

Sing me a song father, sing me back to sleep.

Rose,
what creature
of creation are you?
the pale silent canvas
that invites artist's touch
starving talent
that wants for stale bread
a still life waiting for purpose
or become the unfinished landscape
as sadness paints your face
eternity shrouded in layers
in a blue period of self-discovery.

Agent,
you've been made
lost and disavowed
all those villains
with each and every agenda
that ever boasted loud
who sought to end you
and plotted to overtake
through and through
attempted to conquer,
****, break, and harm
fell prey to your presence
and could not assassinate your charm.

James,
no more
to be shaken or stirred
a mortal man
replaced by God's eternal number.

Bond,
even now as the clock hands stretch
and reach past eleven
they will never catch you
you've done your job well
you have disappeared forever
so rest in peace---
007.

The shovel bites shallow
as the dirt flies
and after a few cuts more
the earth yields its vein
the metal flashes again
with its angry face
and I know
I'll carve out a place
somewhere, deeper still
until nothing of this world remains.

The woods are my asylum
I'm surrounded by my screams
the animals all know my secrets
because they guard my echoed dreams.

I'm bruised
I'm broken
tired
outspoken
looking for a purpose
wondering what my worth is
angry
confused
and so afraid to lose
everything I've gained
until nothing else remains.

As the monarch advanced
And drifted toward the sea
I sat on the dune observing
And selfishly thought---
"What about me?"

With wings that rode the wind
This creature who ignored
All warning
And needful sign
Weathered blast of ocean's spray
All witnesses deaf as I implored

Born of a trusting nature
Which pained me entirely
To the silent masses I say
As a person, as an organism---
To finally admit aloud
That I am not okay.