I Will Never Write My Obituary

I bleed before the world
in many different ways,
by rocks and knives
and paper cuts,
sometimes it is blue
sometimes it is red,
every time it feels real,
because it really is.
I bleed before the world,
cutting myself open
that it may read the entrails
through what my poetry says.
But this (upon reflection) is not
what will be written of me
after I have died
and it only concerns me now
while I am still alive.

James E. Roethlein copyright 2020

To this day,
your name
still hurts my tongue
but I still say it anyway.
Sometimes I like to
hear my soul
gently tear itself
apart.

I see you. The real you.
And I think it’s brave and beautiful the way you love despite all the ways life tried to destroy you

Two men were drafted for war.
One turned to the other and said,
"I find it odd that we leave our own family
To keep each other's families safe."

The man turned to him and said,
"I'll make a deal with you.
If you fight to protect my family,
Then I will die protecting yours."

Not the prettiest girl in town,
The smartest or most charming,
But she had what the boys all wanted
And she did not say “no”

Her Birthday was a day past mine
Our mothers were good friends
We celebrated on those days together
I learned we could not double date

Her boyfriend’s friends assumed that I
Would lay me down like she did
But I was saving that for later
“No” was the only word I knew.

The arguments were never fun.
The pill did not exist back then
And boys detested wearing “rubbers”
My fear was equaled by resolve

Our ties gave way with our diplomas
And I set out to find my star
She settled in to create babies
Birthday cards our only contact

The one who finally married her
Was not her baby’s father
She thanked him for his kindness
By giving him three more

They stuck it out through thick and thin
And thin it was most often
She stayed by him and him by her
And so the world moved on for years

One day I heard that she had died
Cancer at an early age
As one last time she laid her down
And slipped into eternal rest

I wonder how our lives would be
Had I said yes while she said no
ljm

Let your mind slip for tonight
forget who and where we are,
alter the wrongs to make them right
return to the sky each faded star.
We could succeed in changing time
turn a foe to trusted friend,
is it even really a crime
to repair what was never meant to bend?

Even when the sun forgets to rise
you’ll be there lighting up the skies,
hypnotized by the galaxy in your eyes.
And if the world can no longer turn
you’ll see that the fire continues to burn,
and learn that there’s no need for concern.
You’ll know you’re irreplaceable.

This is just part of who we are,
we couldn’t escape it if we tried,
and even when you’re so very far
you still know I’m by your side.
It’ll be like this forever,
no matter what we do,
things change just like the weather
but never me and you.

Even when the sun forgets to rise
you’ll be there lighting up the skies,
it’s both beautiful and tragic how fast time flies.
And if the world can no longer turn
you’ll see that the fire continues to burn,
you were worth the wait and necessary to earn,
you should know, you’re irreplaceable.

And I carefully watch the constellations,
that take form within her deep eyes.
A million blank pages of declarations,
impossible for me to ever summarize.
I measure love from ground to mars,
and how I’ve never felt so complete,
but it spans all across the stars,
the same space where our souls meet.

Even when the sun forgets to rise
you’ll be there lighting up the skies,
you’re the one exception to every rule, none applies.
And if the world can no longer turn
you’ll see that the fire continues to burn,
you’re all I want, I long for and yearn,
you’ve always been irreplaceable.