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Jun 9 · 42
I am of my father
Lily Barrett Jun 9
I am of my mother
Tired hands shake
When the days are long
Letting others take
If I'm not strong
Unable to truly hate
Shoulders that carry
Insurmountable weight

I am of my father
Stubborn, obstinate
A ridiculous bother
Against any threat
A mind that curdles
When it is bored
And a heart that hides
When it is adored

I cannot leave
And run far away
From the me I perceive
The price I must pay
To be human is steep
More than my sum
Yet it's all I’ve become
In this body I keep
LHB 6/8/23 revised 6/26/23
Jun 3 · 54
Handle with Care
Lily Barrett Jun 3
Who told you
To handle me
Like a carpenter handles a saw?
I am made of glass
and I swear
If you love me
I will break.
I will shatter
into a million tiny pieces
and never be the same.
Repaired things are only weaker
never stronger
and I, my friend,
have been loved
too many times.
LHB 6/3/2023
Apr 2021 · 96
Bad Days
Lily Barrett Apr 2021
I’m ok, I swear it.
(I’m lying.)
Don’t look at me like that.
(I know you’re seeing through this.)
Yes, that’s my real smile and no (*******) I don’t want to talk about it.
(Because you don’t want to hear it.)
There’s nothing to talk about!! I’m doing just fine.
(I’m really not.)
I don’t look sad this is my normal face.
(I just spent 20 minutes crying in the shower.)
Can you just leave me alone?
(Please don’t. I don’t want to be alone.)
No, you don’t need to stay, thank you though.
(Insist on it, please mean it.)
Okay, see you tomorrow!
(Maybe not.)
Just written to describe the bad days.
Dec 2020 · 120
Unfocused and Lazy
Lily Barrett Dec 2020
Unfocused and lazy
Tired and vision hazy
Somehow they never see
Who you could be
You’re too strong
You’ve waited too long

Now all you do
Is just to get through
You cant seem to think
And thoughts always sink
Into the black of your mind
Harder and harder to find

Caffeine running fast
The high doesn’t last
Slowly slowing down
Just starting to drown
Lily Barrett Sep 2020
Waiting for the drugs to kick in
Waiting for them to knock me out
Winning the battle is all its about

Demons that destroy and wreck
Beat me to the bone
And wring my neck

I want to be free
I want to be left alone
I beg and I plead
Yet here I am,
Still me

So I take the pills
I think I need
A battle that many of us, unfortunately, go through all day long.
Apr 2020 · 101
(not) Okay
Lily Barrett Apr 2020
I’m not okay
Maybe this time
It's okay to say
I’m not doing well
But none of you
Could ever tell
I’m dying inside
It would be better
If I just cried
Losing control
My tears blurring
Taking their toll
I’m not alone
But my eyes are
Hardened like stone
I’m not angry
Only sorry
That I am me
Feb 2020 · 98
Forget Her
Lily Barrett Feb 2020
You cry into the night
Your eyes so puffy, you can no longer see
Clutching your pillow with all your might
But it's not who you want it to be
Closing your eyes and imagining with all you’ve got
That she’s still really there
And hasn’t left you and forgot
That she said she would care
You’re so mad it's consuming
But the sorrow is your undoing
For anger doesn’t bring tears
Except when the sadness appears
Let’s cry and cry and shout
And just get it all really out
Maybe it’ll feel a bit better
When you can just
forget her
written for a friend
Feb 2020 · 92
Death and War
Lily Barrett Feb 2020
Who wins in a fight
Death or War
Who would make it into the light
Who would fall to the floor

Would Death with his scythe
Carve War into pieces
Would he scream and writhe
As the fighting ceases

Would War with his ire
Crush Death in his hands
And dance around his pyre
As victorious War stands

Would Death live without War
Would War live without Death
Or would they simply be
No more
I saw a prompt that said asked: "Who would win in a fight; death or war?" I think that one cannot live without the other. What do you think?
Feb 2020 · 96
You Haven't Listened
Lily Barrett Feb 2020
We cry silent tears
We mourn forgotten years
We search for a reason
Wanting only to run away
You haven’t listened

We scream into the abyss
Until we learn that what we miss
Will never truly belong
In a world we dream of and long
You haven’t listened

We break boundaries
We conquer the seven seas
Just waiting to be found
Yet without a sound
You haven’t listened
I'm honestly not too sure what I was getting at with this one...
Feb 2020 · 76
Too Sober
Lily Barrett Feb 2020
Been too sober
For way too long
Wonder if another
Would be so wrong

Just another taste
Another tiny sip
Just enough to linger
On my lip

Set me totally free
Send me flying
And please God
Forgive me for trying

I’ve been too sober
For way too long
I don’t think
I can be strong
Jan 2020 · 119
Lily Barrett Jan 2020
I’ve been told I have walls,
That aren’t too easy to break,
They’ve been up for so long,
That my smile is entirely fake.
They’re made of unshed tears and a broken soul,
Of emotions that have taken their costly toll.
Tear them down if you feel you must,
But it takes too much to gain my trust
Strip me down to every pebble and stone,
Shatter me like a mirror and break me to the bone,
But don’t you see you’ve already lost,
For even my walls have a cost.
LHB 2020
Jan 2020 · 67
Losing Me
Lily Barrett Jan 2020
I’m not making sense anymore
Overdramatic and overdone
But no I never won’t run
Dropping parts of me
All over the floor and ground
Yet falling tears don’t make a sound
Careless and out of place
The look of my own face
Staring into my eyes
Suddenly I despise
More than just me
I hate the thing that shows me
double negatives are fun...
Jan 2020 · 89
Lily Barrett Jan 2020
You tell everyone you’re ok
But you hide in the dark
Buried beneath insecurity and doubt
Fearing the next day’s spark

You have a smile
But its never really real
Because you stopped feeling
And it stopped hurting after a while

You can feel your heart beating
But after so long
It doesn’t seem to be doing its job
After every beat failing and restarting

You can't believe this is living
But this is all it will ever be
Shaking and cracking with every breath
You simply want to stop being
Jan 2020 · 73
Lily Barrett Jan 2020
The universe
Has me
And I must
Dec 2019 · 162
This isn't a poem
Lily Barrett Dec 2019
This isn’t a poem
So don’t expect anything more
Than me ranting about how
My head, eyes, and heart are sore

This isn’t a poem
I’m telling you it definitely is not
Yet why do I feel like writing
Is like undoing a knot

This isn’t a poem
No, I promise that I don’t lie
And that my tongue
Doesn’t feel like it's tied

This isn’t a poem
That’s not what its meant to be
Rather it's just simply
A rhyming expression of me
Dec 2019 · 494
Left With a Broken Heart
Lily Barrett Dec 2019
Waking up to nothing
But there was once something
You can feel it
It was there and now it's not
What was it you wonder
As the dark pulls you under
What did I miss
And what did I lose
That made my heart bruise
You wander in and out
Of yourself and other things
And you don’t know
Where exactly to go
You had a purpose
you know that for sure
But why suddenly
Is it there no more
Someone grabbed you
And pulled you apart
And now you’re left
With a broken heart
Nov 2019 · 95
We Will Love Forever
Lily Barrett Nov 2019
Help me get up
Give me a hand
Never let me go
So here I can stand
Darling, we will live forever

Hold my heart
It’s now yours
You only can make it start
Darling, we will last forever

Look into my eyes
Really look
You can see past my guise
Darling, together
We will love forever
Sep 2019 · 348
Can you see
Lily Barrett Sep 2019
Can you see the way she holds herself in
The way she won’t let anyone in
Can you see through that fake smile
And her face cracking like tile
Can you not see she needs a hand
To get up and stand
Can you see her eyes losing light
Like a lantern on a dark night
And can you not see
That maybe she needs more
Than just to be
Aug 2019 · 293
Only So Much Time
Lily Barrett Aug 2019
I could write of lovers
With hands intertwined
I could write of foes
With guns primed
Of people running the streets
No idea of why or what for
Of people next to empty seats
Sitting and hoping for more
They only have so many years
They only have so many days
Suddenly all the tears
And the empty “always”
Doesn’t matter anymore
For your time is long gone
And life eventually
Will not go on
Aug 2019 · 144
Lily Barrett Aug 2019
It's an exorcism
It's a release
I release my demons
Screaming into the night
And in the darkness
They're finally out of sight
at least for now...
Apr 2019 · 175
No One Wants Us
Lily Barrett Apr 2019
No one wants me
No one cares about you
No one wants to be
Like me and you

No one wants to hug me
No one wants to hold you
No one wants to see
The mess of me and you

No one loves me
No one ever loved you
No one hears our plea
To be loved too
Apr 2019 · 99
We are the living
Lily Barrett Apr 2019
We are the tired
We wake every morning
With eyes dropping and limbs heavy
Dragging ourselves out of bed
Wondering if we’ll fall asleep at our desks again

We are the weak
We have been beaten down
And told to not get back up
We don’t speak because we are scared
Of being told “no” for the hundredth time

We are the lonely
Our hands are always cold
Our arms long for someone to hold
All we want is someone to love
And someone to love us back

We are the depressed
We enjoy rainy days
We smile with sad eyes
And we don’t seem to enjoy much anymore

We are the damaged
We fix our wounds with false smiles  
And laughs that don’t reach our eyes
And we wonder if we’ll ever feel whole again

We are the living
Simply just being
Mar 2019 · 108
Long year
Lily Barrett Mar 2019
It’s been a long day my friend,
The hours blend together,
And it never seems to end.

It’s been a long week my brother,
Every piece has fallen,
Just dropping, one after the other.

It’s been a long month my sister,
Thoughts caught in a blender,
Carried away by a twister.

It’s been a long year my lover,
Rain dripping, drizzling, dropping,
And without you, no cover.
I could've sworn I already posted this one but I realized I hadn't...
Feb 2019 · 236
The End
Lily Barrett Feb 2019
I think I can make it
The end is almost here
Im already there I can feel it
The finish line becoming clearer
My life isn’t finished
And neither am I
Dreams extinguished
I must say goodbye
I think I can escape
This endless cycle of death
That keeps rewinding like a tape
As I keep
B    r      e       a        t           h
I'm particularly proud of the end.... :)
Feb 2019 · 120
To Be Loved
Lily Barrett Feb 2019
I want to be loved so bad
That romance movies make me sad
I want someone to kiss me on the forehead
And someone to tuck me into bed

Someone to be there when I’m upset
Someone to help me forget
And instead make me laugh and smile
Someone to think that I’m worthwhile
To let me snuggle in their lap
And take a four hour long nap

I want someone to hold me
When I’m so scared I can’t see
When I’m so exhausted and can’t walk
And all day listen to me talk
I just
Would love to have someone love me
just a tad lovesick...
Feb 2019 · 355
Demons need names
Lily Barrett Feb 2019
Facing your fears
That cause all your tears
Will only end it all
If those fears have a name to call
Think on it for a few:
Do the things that scare you
Have a name?
I think that
Demons need names too
Jan 2019 · 120
To Be a Writer
Lily Barrett Jan 2019
I think that
To write
You have to feel
You have to dig down deep
And tear open your heart
Pull out all of the emotions
That you’ve buried for so long
Then bleed, bleed onto the paper
Your inner turmoil scrawled in blood
Bleed yourself dry of all emotion
Claw it out of your chest
And onto paper
In the hopes that somebody
Maybe just somebody
Has felt like you too
Writing means something slightly different for everyone but I think of it as a cleansing of sorts
Jan 2019 · 102
Lily Barrett Jan 2019
The best source of warmth
Comes from feet intertwined
And pairs of legs crossed
It comes from two hearts
Beating as one
It comes from the closeness
And the breath of another
The best source of warmth
Comes from arms holding
And eyes gazing
It comes from a body
That is not your own
But belongs to the person
Who now holds you
Close to their heart
not my normal style but I think it works :)
Jan 2019 · 142
The Author
Lily Barrett Jan 2019
The author reached into her book
And over her characters she took
She attached strings to the humans
Led them to their happiness or ruin
Controlled who they became
And made not one the same

She painted trees with her eyes
And created mountains and skies
She let the scenes drip from her fingers
Onto the pages as her influence lingers
She slowly created worlds and wars
Fabricated houses and hidden doors

She plunged into her story without a thought
And the rest of reality she forgot
She painted with her mind body and soul
A masterpiece of her own control

From her tale and made up lands
She slowly removed her hands
and the author came back to the world
To recreate her story already once told
Jan 2019 · 377
Lily Barrett Jan 2019
I was having a bad day
So like balloons in the sky
I let all the bad go
Saying goodbye
They’ll come back I know
Just hopefully not today
Lily Barrett Jan 2019
If I let myself think
I feel myself begin to sink
For one second
I feel my demons beckon
“Come on down,” They’ll say
“We can play all day
It’s fun down here
And there is no fear.”
If I let them into my mind
The world is left behind
And shrouded over
As the demons take over
If I let myself think
I might just sink
And let the demons come in;
Let them wear me thin
Maybe I’ll kick them out
But then I’m in doubt
Of whether it’s worth it
To fight and leave myself split
Between the good and the bad
Between the happy and the sad
So they might just stay
Until I decide to push them away
And if I let myself think
Further into my demons I’ll sink
Jan 2019 · 104
No Matter
Lily Barrett Jan 2019
No matter what you
Or what you say
It’s going to hurt anyway

No matter what you think
Or what you believe
We all have to grieve

No matter how much you beg
Or how long you plead
You will eventually bleed

No matter what you stop
Or what you try to prevent
You will be discontent

No matter how it ends
Or how it begins
Everyone else always wins
Does it not seem like the world only goes well for everyone but yourself? It can get frustrating even if it's not true...
Jan 2019 · 7.6k
Heart and Mind
Lily Barrett Jan 2019
“You have to move, get up.”
“I don’t want to.”
“This is sad you need to get over yourself.”
“I’m broken, and I don’t think I can be fixed.”
“Then fake it. Get up and put on a smile.”
“It hurts too much; I just want to cry.”
“No crying! It’s not worth it.”
“But I just can’t let go…”
“You have to move on. It’s the only way.”
“Please, all I want is five minutes to let it all out.”
“You’re pathetic. Fine. Five minutes.”
“Thank you,” said the heart.
“You’re welcome,” said the mind.
And the heart and mind cried together.
Just for five minutes.
LHB 2019
Jan 2019 · 88
Who I am
Lily Barrett Jan 2019
I’m a writer
I’m a fighter
I’m not a crier

I’m a dreamer
I’m a reader
I’m a fairy tale believer

I’m clever
I rarely say never
I want to be better
just a little part of me
Jan 2019 · 203
Lily Barrett Jan 2019
Pretend it all away
Believe only the good things will stay
Try not to think about it at all
Instead lock it behind a wall
Use a chain and a lock
And of it never talk

Pretend it all away
Then the days won’t be so grey
Everything is okay, everything is good
Everything is as it should
Don’t let it in
And keep it hidden within

Pretend it all away
And create a new way
To go about life’s travels
As the story slowly unravels
What has been seen
Is all caught in the in-between

Live to the last day
And pretend it all away
fake it until you make it...
Dec 2018 · 117
Lily Barrett Dec 2018
there's a hole
in my heart
and I think it might
just tear me apart
Dec 2018 · 186
Lily Barrett Dec 2018
Puddles big and small
A thunder call
To come pouring down
On a small little town
I think encapsulating rain in a few lines doesn't do it justice, but I love the simplicity.
Dec 2018 · 93
One by One
Lily Barrett Dec 2018
Count your dreams
One by one
As they turn into streams
One by one
Catch them if you can
One by one
If only you ran
Count your thoughts
One by one
Calling the shots
One by one
Show them you should
One by one
If only you could
Count your emotions
One by one
Go through the motions
One by one
If only they stayed
One by one
If only they didn’t fade
Count your words
One by one
And cut all the cords
One by one
That tie you down
One by one
As we
Dec 2018 · 338
Ending With a Knife
Lily Barrett Dec 2018
As you turn each page
Each one yellowed with age
They tell a story of a life
That ended with a knife
Not a happy story
Maybe slightly gory
Maybe a little sad
Maybe happy, just a tad
You turn each page
Each more yellowed with age
Your eyes full of wonder
As the story puts you under
Some sort of mystical dream
Where nothing is what it should seem
But all turns to bad
All happy turns to sad
As you turn to the last page
Yellowed with age
You see a life full of struggle and strife
Ending with a knife
Dec 2018 · 91
Cared Too Much
Lily Barrett Dec 2018
She cared too much
About how they thought of her
And how she looked
She cared too much
About finding “the right one”
She cared too much
About having the right friends
And the right pair of shoes
She looked in the mirror
And realized she hated herself
Hated what she had become
She said, “***** it,”
And the girl that cared too much
No longer cared at all
Dec 2018 · 82
The no-sleep disease
Lily Barrett Dec 2018
She’s so tired
She can barely open her eyes
But she has to,
She has to make it through.
Her head droops,
All she wants to do is sleep
But for her grades’ sake,
She has to stay awake.
Movements sluggish
And she reeks of no sleep
But she has to keep moving
For her deadlines will not.
Dec 2018 · 195
Do YOU Believe?
Lily Barrett Dec 2018
Do you believe in magic
In the good and the tragic?
Do you believe in all that can be
More than just what you see?
Do you believe in heaven
And the lucky number seven?
Do you believe you would be right
To believe in a future that’s bright?
Do you believe in your ability
To be the best you can be?
Do you believe in the world
And all the stories you’ve been told?
Do you believe?
I think beliefs are sometimes what keep us hanging on
Dec 2018 · 89
Writing with the rain
Lily Barrett Dec 2018
Drip, drip, drip
Words fall onto a page
As the clouds start to drizzle
And thunder rolls overhead
Drop, drop, drop
Go the words on the page
As the storm picks up
And the sky turns a darker gray
Splat, splat, splat
Faster the words come
The rain pounds and the wind gusts
As thoughts and feelings roll in
With thunder and rain
Plop, plop, plop
Words scribbled on a page
Written with a new ferocity
As lightning strikes the ground
The right word finally found
Suddenly the rain stops
As the writer is finally through
I love rain and I love writing so I thought, "why not combine the two?"
Dec 2018 · 80
Lily Barrett Dec 2018
Keep your thoughts inside
Pretend you have nothing to hide
You have to appear strong
Show them they’re all wrong
That you’re worth something
That you’re not made of nothing
Shove it all away
Even if the feelings stay
They can’t see who you really are
Broken down and not up to par
You can’t appear weak
Your life cannot look bleak
You will be happy
Your world is not ******
It’s all good put on a smile
Just pretending all the while
You need to make it through the day
They won’t see you any other way
So you fake it all day long
Hoping no one figures out what you’ve been doing all along
You’re slowly sinking and not rising
And each day devising
How to hide
In an effort to keep it all inside
Dec 2018 · 74
Long Year
Lily Barrett Dec 2018
It’s been a long day my friend,
The hours blend together,
And it never seems to end.
It’s been a long week my brother,
Every piece has fallen,
Just dropping, one after the other.
It’s been a long month my sister,
Thoughts caught in a blender,
Carried away by a twister.
It’s been a long year my lover,
Rain dripping, drizzling, dropping,
And without you, no cover.
Dec 2018 · 95
The World is Flat
Lily Barrett Dec 2018
Ever since my birth
I’ve been gripping the edge of the earth
The scientists aren’t right
The world isn’t round
Making not a sound
I’ve been hanging on with all my might
Nov 2018 · 85
All Day Long
Lily Barrett Nov 2018
All day long
People walk
With their heads down
Because in their phones
Is where their faces belong
All day long
No one talks
No one glances up
No one smiles
Where did we go wrong?
look up every once in a while. you never know what you will see.
Nov 2018 · 120
Letting the demons win
Lily Barrett Nov 2018
Sitting, staring at a screen,
What the hell does it all mean?
Can I sort through this mess?
And oh, let me express
How I truly feel
No more, no more, it’s a deal
Gone to another land
End of the day at hand
And as much as I like to dream,
I want to let out a SCREAM
I feel so done and
I believe the demons have won
Nov 2018 · 117
somebody stole me
Lily Barrett Nov 2018
somebody stole me
I feel so empty
yet somehow
so free
what if you didn't have to be you for a day?
Lily Barrett Nov 2018
Night gives way to dawn
as the earth heaves
a mighty yawn
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