My heart’s in lockdown and
I can’t break free,
I wish I could feel something,
Wish I could be me.

I feel like I’m running in circles,
Striving for emotion,
When all I feel is numb
And sick of my devotion

To the voices in my head
Who keep telling me to quit,
“Why not just give up now,
There’s no way to fix it!”

But I know there’s something there,
In the deepest part of me,
Something that still wants to learn,
Love and move and breathe.

So I will spend some time today,
And love that part of me,
And lock down all the saddened parts and
Start to break free.

If I allowed myself to feel
everything I feel
even only for a moment
I don’t believe
even metal chains
could restrain me
Each time forsaken,
each heart of mine
you’ve broken
It fills me with a rage
that I hope
you will never see
Each prolonged look
into my eyes
accompanied by
the twist of your knife
leaves me paralyzed with fear
for which I can only cry
I am left to hate this shell
you’ve broken,
living in a hell
unspoken
I scream instead
and yet
my cries are never heard
With your deaf ears
extended
you blindly see all
the bridges mended
yet you never saved
the child drowning
in the car underneath
I must find the error
within myself
while you perpetuate
my grief and wonder
when I will ever change.

I'm fine.
So don't question why
tears are filling my eyes.
I'm stressed
to do my best.
I must confess,
I'm a mess.
All this work in front of me,
the work,
it hurts my mind.
So don't wonder why
I will sit here and lie.
If you ask if I'm okay
just know I'll say
the same thing every time.

I'm fine......

You have a certain magnetism
I can't define it
I see your north and it's pointing
at my direction

I have never been this close to
falling in and out of love
within days
my heart is a stranger

I write songs to lull me to sleep
I envy the words that keep me sane
Hearing your heart beating to my voice
was all I wanted
not until yesterday

I have never been this close to you
not until yesterday you are all I want
I have never been this close to
falling in and out of love
within days

my heart is a stranger
my head is in a daze
it's raining while you're away
it's raining every day