I am of my mother
My tired hands shake
When the days are long
Letting others take
Even if I'm not strong
Unable to truly hate
Shoulders that carry
Insurmountable weight

I am of my father
Stubborn and obstinate
A ridiculous bother
Against a perceived threat
With a mind that curdles
When it is bored
And a heart that hides
When it is adored

Who told you
To handle me
Like a carpenter handles a saw?
I am made of glass
and I swear
If you love me
I will break.
I will shatter
into a million tiny pieces
and never be the same.
Repaired things are only weaker
never stronger
and I, my friend,
have been loved
too many times.

I’m ok, I swear it.
(I’m lying.)
Don’t look at me like that.
(I know you’re seeing through this.)
Yes, that’s my real smile and no (*******) I don’t want to talk about it.
(Because you don’t want to hear it.)
There’s nothing to talk about!! I’m doing just fine.
(I’m really not.)
I don’t look sad this is my normal face.
(I just spent 20 minutes crying in the shower.)
Can you just leave me alone?
(Please don’t. I don’t want to be alone.)
No, you don’t need to stay, thank you though.
(Insist on it, please mean it.)
Okay, see you tomorrow!
(Maybe not.)

Unfocused and lazy
Tired and vision hazy
Somehow they never see
Who you could be
You’re too strong
You’ve waited too long

Now all you do
Is just to get through
You cant seem to think
And thoughts always sink
Into the black of your mind
Harder and harder to find

Caffeine running fast
The high doesn’t last
Slowly slowing down
Just starting to drown

Waiting for the drugs to kick in
Waiting for them to knock me out
Winning the battle is all its about

Demons that destroy and wreck
Beat me to the bone
And wring my neck

I want to be free
I want to be left alone
I beg and I plead
Yet here I am,
Still me

So I take the pills
I think I need

I’m not okay
Maybe this time
It's okay to say
I’m not doing well
But none of you
Could ever tell
I’m dying inside
It would be better
If I just cried
Losing control
My tears blurring
Taking their toll
I’m not alone
But my eyes are
Hardened like stone
I’m not angry
Only sorry
That I am me