Roman B

Roman B Aug 2019

May this all start anew
Fresh and rested from a Summer of growth

What started a year ago broke me down
Followed by a Fall of fading feelings
A Winter that left me hollowed
Then Spring sprung me from a grave

I did it all alone
Finding who I am
Learning that my fears are weak
Harnessing my true ambition

To fly amongst the clouds, who recognize me
To see above the sun

I'll never forget my year alone
The bottles and the ***
The drugs and the books
The heartbeats in-between

This life is a painting
Only I know the true meaning
My intention with each stroke hidden
And one day it will be finished

Just like this poem

Rehabbing my mind, body and soul from my stay in, what could only be described as, my Upside Down. My fears don't control me anymore and my power comes from my ambition to achieve my goals. I'll love myself for loving where I am and where I have been. To the broken bottles and broken hearts, I am sorry. You'll always mean something to me. You'll all be a part of my painting.

#mistakes #new #power #feeling #myself #again

Roman B Aug 2019

Toxic Taste of Waste

Your taste is in my mouth
Burning the back of my throat
Like all the liquor I've been drowning myself in
We both didn't want each other

Each morning waking up with you was another headache
I would would spend the morning in the kitchen
Closer to the bottles
Further from you

It was all perfect at first
Two broken hearts finding something new
But here I am now
No longer broken, but annihilated

We connected so fast
But your connection was toxic
You needed me to save you
But you wanted me carry you

Instead of taking all your weight
I talked you through my heart
That ******* maze of misery
Showing you how to navigate the pain, the lonliness

You wanted validation for your mistakes
I kept hanging around
Wanting to see the improvement
It never showed

There was never a chance for us to blossom
Because my blossom already happened
And my roots were ripped out
You just finally put my in the trash

Now I can see what all this was
My attempts to reclaim some lost love
You were never right for me
I was never right for you

All that time was a waste
Nothing changed
I'm still drinking my heart into a darker hole
Watching blackness take my mind

Waiting for someone
Waiting for my heart to call me back
To the sandy shores of my memory
Where waves of emotion hit me

Each wave reminding me of a better time
This was only year one in a new place
Cheers to a new year with a little less suffering
And a little more love

A full year has gone by in a new city. Seen a lot, done a lot. Going to quit drinking so much and start taking care of myself more. A sober mind might make things better. idk, I'm feeling blue again.

#wasted #time #drinking #is #there #more

Roman B Mar 2019

Time Expedition

Two months back and I was broken open once again.
I was weak and hungry for it.
Ignorant to the warning signs in front of me.
The pain was instant and numbness settled in.

There were no tears for her,
none for me.
Months prior simply vanished,
and we didn't share a thing.

Attempted to break out of the loneliness that consumed,
only to be shuttered back in.

But in the absolute of dark,
light shines the brightest.

The adventures of the heart are the hardest to traverse and finish.

#time #heals #all

Roman B Sep 2018

Good Mud

Believe in love
When the stars aren't aligned
When the dreams aren't fulfilled

Believe in love
When there isn't a response
When the letters aren't sent

Believe in happiness
Yours
and Hers

Believe in a chance
That it can happen all over again
That we can walk in the mud
All over again

I'm not far, just let me know when you are close.

#mud #zeppelin #rain #day1

Roman B Sep 2018

Walk to Me

Sick leaves of yellow drop down to me
Slow with the life of a slug
I spoke to the trees my secrets and heart
Whispers of my emotions pulled my tears out from me
They groaned and swayed

Clouds tucked me in to the dense forest
I was cozy in the cold
Rain wash me clean and free
Freeing me of what I left behind in the car
That sad wet heap was no more

Trails of dirt and smiles pulled another step in
But I was gliding through
Beauty of face and bark picked me up
I was open to the world of wonder and glee
Who was going to be there next and say hello
Would I say it first this time?
Maybe

A day in the woods showed me the beauty in people and trees. The trees guided me onwards as I passed beautiful people who didn't know of what I felt, but smiled at me. I wouldn't mind saying hi and getting to know you.

#girls #trees #path #rain

Roman B Sep 2018

Impure Silence

I'm full
Devouring eons of blank air
Devoid of noise or sounds of speech
An all consuming force
Gorging
Digesting

But this has been poison
Sickening my mind
Breaking it down

Believing it with each bite
Hearing the calm nature of silence
Hearing it's preach of peace

I've written the silence with hatred and pain
****** hands holding a knife to the page
Gorging on my own pain

Reusing my suffering mind to escape
Immolating my thoughts with repetition
All in the silence of my mind
Not a soul hears me
Gorging on my own pain

I'm stuck in a moment, replaying it over and over. A scene from a dream that calls back to a moment where I spilled my soul into the ocean air. I write it again and again in the pages of my heart hoping that it wasn't a mistake.

#dreams #thepast

Roman B Sep 2018

Swimming

Walls fall and Fall set walls
Break

Waves break on our feet
I think of our time with foreign waters
The golden sunsets
Heat

Reverse
Fog and cool breeze

We stand together whispering
Held tight with intentions of warmth and ***
Lips full with breath of desires and passion

All I want is to dig into you and rip your soul free from your mind
But I'm frozen

I took a dive into the frozen lake of past seductions
I see the light above and the darkness below
Swallowing whole the sun

It's all gone, not a drop left. I just have my ears for myself and the whispers of past seductions and loose change

#eating #distracted #nothing #left